02-14-2015, 08:15 PM | #1 |
Steel Cut
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gotta break in the return of the lime with this
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02-14-2015, 08:40 PM | #2 |
SOBER
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Needs more multi's.
The first thing I noticed, and maybe this is just preference, but I definitely would've started off the piece with the "I'm not a photographer for two reasons" line, and then transition to the fact you took pictures today. I don't know. Grabs the reader, is kind of funny. I do like how you broke up each paragraph with one of the pictures you (presumably) took that day. It makes the piece feel like the reader's there, next to you, as you take a picture, talk, take a picture, talk, etc. I read too much into things like that, so maybe it wasn't your intent. But I dug it. I liked your first two paragraphs. They were cohesive and I enjoyed reading them. After then it became more broad. Which isn't bad. It became a more stream-of-conscious type deal once the third paragraph started. In the end, I got a really 'blog-like' feel to this piece. A bit more personal and self-involved (not in the negative connotation) than the other entries I've read from you. Kind of idle, this. A tiny bit scatter shot, with faintly seen through lines. Kind of an affirmation of your feelings and self in this setting in the end. I enjoyed reading it, and the thoughts were clear. Maybe I just expected a little more or something? My natural mode is to nitpick though. Thanks for the read.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
02-14-2015, 08:43 PM | #3 |
Lime Life
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i wish i had the self esteem to write things i think but my mind just calls me stupid and i make up stories about killers and stuff instead because easy.
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Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
02-14-2015, 08:45 PM | #4 | |
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Quote:
I respect your efforts with blogging and trying to get published.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
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02-14-2015, 09:01 PM | #5 | |
Steel Cut
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Quote:
@Witty those are cool stories, too. I'm no model to emulate, but ultimately I feel like if you're thinking those thoughts, someone else is too, and they would appreciate seeing it from someone else. In fact, that's the subject of an essay I'm working on called "It's Not Just You."
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02-14-2015, 10:24 PM | #6 |
nok Su kow
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Whoops
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" Last edited by Wise Wiggles; 02-14-2015 at 10:33 PM. |
02-14-2015, 10:24 PM | #7 |
nok Su kow
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"And the ritual goes: same window, different visual."
Good work though Oatsmeals. All I can say is, like everything; practice makes not even close to perfect, but we can pretend! Lol.
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" Last edited by Wise Wiggles; 02-14-2015 at 10:30 PM. |
02-14-2015, 11:41 PM | #8 |
Steel Cut
Join Date: May 2013
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those are dope, @Wise Wiggles. I don't have much of an interest to become skilled in photography, but I do enjoy snapping pictures from time to time. mostly of my dog
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