the infinitesimal moment

Eŋg · 03-16-2018, 10:45 AM

right after you nail a verse, or come close, is pretty satisfying.

Elemental P · 03-16-2018, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eŋg

right after you nail a verse, or come close, is pretty satisfying.

Idk what this is. Is that u? How did u get that camera way the fuck up there, why's it so dark? Where's Kanedaaa?

ACTIVATE SELF · 03-16-2018, 01:56 PM

Your cadence, tempo and pacing were all on point. Your tone of voice was perfectly suited for ....uhmmm ... yeah...the spoken word like atmosphere you where in and going for. However, I think when it comes to truly embodying the words you speak you have to be more expressive with you emotions and add more dramatics to your performance in order for your audience to truly connect with the passion you set out to display. Because after a while the set becomes daunting and monotonous. Like listening to an audio book. Also, I don't think your verse had an underlying theme of unification. The fragmented imagery was beautiful. The random perspectives were insightful. But ultimately came across as the scattered jewels of a much larger, but seemingly hidden treasure chest. What this piece lacked in my opinion was relevance. What did it all add up to? What grounded the piece to anything tangible? It just seemed very free flowing and whimsical in overall meaning. With that said, I will listen again. I'm sure when I do things will become clearer. And I'll update my opinion based on the things that I uncover. However, I will say this, the writing in and of itself (independent of a topic) was exceptional and I commend you on going 5 minutes uncut and error free. A feat in its own right.

Eŋg · 03-18-2018, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elemental P

Idk what this is. Is that u? How did u get that camera way the fuck up there, why's it so dark? Where's Kanedaaa?

yes. i'm only an a slightly elevated stage. i think ambiance? shout outs for the akira reference.

@ACTIVATE SELF most of your criticisms i'm in perfect agreement with (and could explain why, for some of them, but won't) though some of your praise is excessive. much love all the same for the legit feedback.

Witty · 03-18-2018, 01:26 PM

I know we joke, but I honestly think this is an awesome thing you do, and you're very good at it.

Now back to normality...this is ok, I'd be better though.

03-16-2018, 01:56 PM	#3
ACTIVATE SELF Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2017 Posts: 732 Battle Record: 2-1 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 19584275	Your cadence, tempo and pacing were all on point. Your tone of voice was perfectly suited for ....uhmmm ... yeah...the spoken word like atmosphere you where in and going for. However, I think when it comes to truly embodying the words you speak you have to be more expressive with you emotions and add more dramatics to your performance in order for your audience to truly connect with the passion you set out to display. Because after a while the set becomes daunting and monotonous. Like listening to an audio book. Also, I don't think your verse had an underlying theme of unification. The fragmented imagery was beautiful. The random perspectives were insightful. But ultimately came across as the scattered jewels of a much larger, but seemingly hidden treasure chest. What this piece lacked in my opinion was relevance. What did it all add up to? What grounded the piece to anything tangible? It just seemed very free flowing and whimsical in overall meaning. With that said, I will listen again. I'm sure when I do things will become clearer. And I'll update my opinion based on the things that I uncover. However, I will say this, the writing in and of itself (independent of a topic) was exceptional and I commend you on going 5 minutes uncut and error free. A feat in its own right. Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 03-16-2018 at 01:59 PM.

03-18-2018, 01:26 PM	#5
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,794 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 82986458	I know we joke, but I honestly think this is an awesome thing you do, and you're very good at it. Now back to normality...this is ok, I'd be better though. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.