Topical: Certain vs. FloSoIll - CERTAIN WINS 4-0

[Certain]

A verse of no more than 32 lines will be posted by Wednesday night.

The topic will be, "You are a rapper or musician getting ready for a concert."

Please post two voting links, @FloSoIll.

Here are mine:

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=52819
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=45310

[FloSoIll]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=53330

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=55041

Links^^

Good luck (TOPIC IS GETTIN READY/DOIN A SHOW)


______________________________

I wake up, blaze up, today's the day I tear the stage up
They'll raise up, crazed nuts, 20,000 goons about to pay up
They'll never play us..me an my team we sit on top of the charts
Shit I'm stopping they hearts every time I'm dropping my art
Im getting ready...the feelin of anxiety is setting in heavy
A couple perks N let the medicine keep me steady
Lets get this, head down the flight of stairs the wife is whippin me breakfast
This life is whippin me senseless, I can't eat so she getting defensive
This shit is getting relentless, show after show is really slowing me down
I'm barely showing a frown cuz everywhere I go I'm fucking known in this town
I get dressed then I hop in the whip head down the block for a bit
Hear my song thru the speakers shit I'm shocked it's a hit
Demons flock to the kid tellin me you should stop you should quit
But I'll admit the flow I emit is bringing in gwap for the kid
I'm ready, head to the venue n see the line for the show
It's my time here I go guess I gotta keep up this grind for the dough

FLO
FLO
FLo
Flo
flo

Groupies shouting my name I was never doubting my fame
But sometimes I feel the tension seeping out thru my brain
I'm walking inside bout to spark n get high, backstage practicing
Nerves strangling but still they shouldn't of let this rapper in
It's maddening, they ain't ready for what's about to be happening
It's baffling, how far some of these fans are traveling
Another show I'm tackling, now it's the flow I'm mastering
Ten minutes to go n the countdown is making me nervous
But this sensation is perfect, perspiration elevating to the surface
The frustrations never worth it but It's never breaking my purpose
Cuz I'ma come completely devastating and murk this!!
Inner beast awakened my circuit I feel the "charge" like I'm making a purchase
Approaching the door n get in my zone
Raid the open floor ......HOME

[Certain]

Green room inventory:
23 cigarette butts. 36 beer cans, withered and crushed.
3 Chips Ahoy packs, chunky. 1 unfinished Brass Monkey.
1 washed-up rock god, spilling his lunch.
And 1 teenage girl, face down in a river of blood.

Three hours earlier ...

"One more, bro!"
I place my nose squarely over the line and enter.
An inhale evacuates my sinus pressure.
Rise and breath. Rinse and repeat.
Quickly release. Tight fit in vintage-ripped jeans.
I want to show them a time, explosive design.
We, too, were children of music, its fuses corroding our minds.
She came with ... I don't know.
She is there, though. Looking on from the corner.
Looking on like a scarecrow. I quickly notice her hair's flow.
She dyes it blue, the gentle, cerulean sort
that seemed to express a moodiness or youthful extort.
I invite her over. Another beer can hits the wall, empty,
"We're all empty," she says, trying to sound deep, but instead
she's acting her age. Sixteen by the looks. Nineteen by the hopes.
She grabs a cookie. Crosses her legs. Bright sheen on her hose.
I smile back. My daughter's probably 15 now.
(Don't think about your daughter.)
What should I call her? "Babe" is dated. "Sexy" is trite.
"Honey" makes me sound like her father.
(Don't think about your daughter.)

Two hours later ...

Katherine says she's a senior at West High. Her friends call her Katie.
She's legal to smoke and ... thinks menthols are tasty.
She licks her lips. Grabs another cookie.
We're alone now, across the hall.
The rock star gets his own green room, with locks and all.
She's behind me. Runs her 18-year-old fingers through my chest hair.
Breasts bare. More action and less stare.
She flings herself on the couch. I kiss her lips, soft and humid
and the exact same shade of pink my daughter uses.

[Fig]

I get dressed then I hop in the whip head down the block for a bit
Hear my song thru the speakers shit I'm shocked it's a hit
Demons flock to the kid tellin me you should stop you should quit
But I'll admit the flow I emit is bringing in gwap for the kid

Alright flo, its obvious that you have a good sense of rhyming. I think the first half worked well in expressing the emotions of a.struggling artist, followed by his rise to fame. You create a slight.semblance of a disparaged home life but, it was only briefly touched on, which would be fine, but I feel you used that aspect to tie the whole piece together at the end, but it didn't work well, or it wasn't expanded upon enough. A little bland and expected, but good writing regardless.

She dyes it blue, the gentle, cerulean sort that seemed to express a moodiness or youthful extort. I invite her over. Another beer can hits the wall, empty, "We're all empty," she says, trying to sound deep, but instead she's acting her age. Sixteen by the looks. Nineteen by the hopes. She grabs a cookie. Crosses her legs. Bright sheen on her hose. I smile back. My daughter's probably 15 now. (Don't think about your daughter.) What should I call her? "Babe" is dated. "Sexy" is trite. "Honey" makes me sound like her father. (Don't think about your daughter.)

Certain decided to.write about a washed up artist, which makes sense since he's washed up himself. No lol. The whole thing about him going over in his head how to address the young girl was perfect The parantheticals made me laugh tbh, but I know you weren't aiming to be funny. It.worked, I'm just sick. Yeah. Green room inventory was a creative way of setting the tone from the start. That line that was all like.... I.don't know. Yeah I thought that line was weird. Didn't see its function. And explosive design seemed like a streeeeeeetch..but anyways

V/Certain

[Just Write]

I actually thought this was a good battle, flo you surprised me. I was really digging you style in the beggining, first four lines were great. I just got a little predictable and boring for me. I always am looking for that x-factor in a verse to make it stand out and i just wasnt feelin it here, still a decent verse though.

Certain, wtf was this bro lol. I enjoyed it either way. Technical wise this was flawless, and i enjoyed the story through-out. I just wish you would have made it longer.


Mvgt=certain

[Bender]

This was really cool, I usually shy away from topicals but awesome battle you guys. I think that Flo stuck to the topic really well but fell short on some of the imagery as his verse was a little bit more simple. Certain was off topic a little but I guess in hindsight it could be what his imaginary character does to get ready for a show, the strange daddy issues the guy seemed to have really brought it to life, I actually enjoyed this.

Katherine says she's a senior at West High. Her friends call her Katie.
She's legal to smoke and ... thinks menthols are tasty.

both really flowed nicely and were enjoyable but Certain made me really interested in his verse and I kind of wish it was longer so I could read more.

Vote-Certain

[PancakeBrah]

From my phone so it'll be brief

Flo had some good rhymes here and there, flow was steady throughout. Overall the approach was as basic a route you could go and the wording was off or unnatural in many places. Decent drop I suppose.

Certain opened really strong. His verse was more complex technically and from an approach stand point. Much more nuanced. Achieved a nice poignant feel, a glimpse into the lies and facade of such a person. Rhymes and flow both very crisp.

Cool little battle but one verse was topical 101 and the other was a grad course.

V-certain serpent

[Certain]

That's a 4-0 shutout. Good verse, @FloSoIll. You should join our topical league, which I run.

http://netcees.co/forumdisplay.php?f=181

[FloSoIll]

Ight ill check it out on laptop