Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Vault > Archives > AOWL Season XI > Season XI ARCHIVES

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-26-2022, 12:38 AM   #1
Frank
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



Champed
- NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10

Rep Power: 3853343
Frank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant future
Lightbulb XI WK 1: Adverse (0-0) vs. Quill (0-0) (QUILL WINS)



Season 11 XI


VERSES: Thursday, December, 1st, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 24 Hour Ext: Mod/Opponent Discretion

VOTES: Sunday, December, 4th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 3 Vote Requirement Enforced/Penalty

MAXIMUM: 48 Lines: 64 IF AGREED UPON!

Goodluck! @Adverse @Quill

TOPIC:
__________________
VETWORK

Last edited by Frank; 12-13-2022 at 06:52 AM.
Frank is offline  
Old 12-01-2022, 05:13 PM   #2
Quill
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 56




Rep Power: 0
Quill is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

I hit snooze on the alarm...Wasnt ready for the day to start..
Spent the night trying to ignore the cadence of my breaking heart
And reminding myself of how you couldn't stay
You looked so serene, sleeping just a foot away
You said you'd return..I wanted to believe it was true
But something deep inside told me Id spent my last evening with you
This somber sunlight was slipping through the slots in the blinds...
I didn't notice you wake as I wrestled the thoughts in mind
Your sleepy smile had me stumbling hard
Its a wonder I ever got your bags in the trunk of my car
The whole drive to the airport, you said I'd have to remember
It was just for a month you'd be back in December
So I put on a brave face, as I pulled along side the curb
I had so much to say but could not find the words
I unloaded your luggage, knowing I'd still be leaving with baggage
My spirit was bursting at the seams with the sadness
The warmth of your lips..I still remember the scent of you now
And the way that your hair swayed as you vanished into the crowd
The first week the calls were routine, I would jump for texts
But as the weeks passed, they seemed to come through less
The calls got shorter...As if mocking the distance
And I started feeling like I lost my existence
December came...but you didnt...
I struggled to adapt to life without you in it..
So much for all our plans for the future
You left my heart bandaged & sutured
But the wound was reopened when you started screening my calls
My life fell apart, everything seemed to dissolve
Now I spend most days parked by the fence with a view of the runway
Watching the planes take off and dreaming that one day
You get off one...Even though I know you won't.
Fact is, I still love you, but I know that you don't.
I know its irrational, I'm a man of the hard facts
But I still come every day and watch them land on the tarmac
Its been a year full of tears..swear its been really intense
Dropped you off at the terminal...its been killing me since
Quill is offline  
Old 12-04-2022, 10:57 PM   #3
Universe
Everything's Connected
 
Universe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Niagara Falls, Canada
Posts: 999
Battle Record: 19-8


Champed
- Guerrilla Writing League(2x)
- GWL Picture challenge(2x)
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 10178702
Universe has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant future
Default

Quill:

This was a surprisingly well done verse built on a touching narrative. I thought it was perfect for the topic, more grounded in reality than I would've done, but there is brilliance in simplicity sometimes... I found myself transported to the POV of the character, seeing all the planes come and go in one montage as the protagonist remembers all the days he waited for the love of his life to return... I could almost hear the soundtrack as it reached the crescendo lol. Very well done. Rhyme scheme was fairly simple and predictable yet effective and clean, and most importantly, easy to read and digest. Right up my alley. Sometimes epic isn't better and you proved it here.

Good to have you around.
__________________
..Passed the Present and Future..
Universe is offline  
Old 12-05-2022, 08:18 PM   #4
Frank
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



Champed
- NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10

Rep Power: 3853343
Frank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant future
Default




@Quill
WINS
__________________
VETWORK
Frank is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+