Round One: Artifice vs. MMLP (ARTIFICE WINS 5-0)

[Adonis]

Season 6

Verses are due MONDAY 6/13 (ext. 6/14) at 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 6/16 at 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.



Topic: disce aut discede: Learn or Depart


@Artifice

@MMLP -zero votes last week

[Artifice]

as spoken languages rise a few try to visualize speaking
scribbling lines & dots into symbols soon provided with meaning
in time scribes script words to preserve the highest of teachings
text stretched into the future fusing groups of like-minded beings
soon schools blossomed & bloomed all across ancient Greece
thirst for knowledge ran wild while tribes fought to tame the beast
planted seeds & synapses rooted to bind systems with logic
gave birth to physical science & first described existence atomic
gatherings set in vocal arenas, most expressed philo-sophia
classes & sessions with student attention focused on teachers
at first it's hard to see glanced through this regal dominion
most views are clothed in strands of truth but spun & weaved with opinion
the Romans chose to follow suit, as did the Catholics after them
but religion bottled truths & intellectualism took a backward step
the passage of wisdom was still somewhat happening in it
but the church tried choking embers to let the passion extinguish
yet as the dark ages abated artists started painting sublime
the age of enlightenment reignited intelligent flames in minds
investigative methods developed giving more refinements
a second wave of scholars with knowledge built on the shoulders of giants
institutions slowly open doors, allowing access to college
giving the working class its first path toward the passage of knowledge
education extended... seen as an investment in youth
taught to be concerned with learning better imperfections of truth
study odes & epics of quarrels peppered with ethics & morals
assembled through centuries so plenty of these lessons were borrowed
history written by victors whose perceptions changed the plot
giving those enrolled a greco-roman, western molded train of thought
admittedly just one path to wisdom yet in having all its faults
it's where truth rings most as it echoes off of hallowed college halls
so stand at the door & read the latin words in the arch
& let them be your mantra, disce aut discede: Learn or Depart

[MMLP]

Welcomed into the family business from early in my teens.
Started out scraping the dishes and earning a small fee.
Really nervous in my speech with a rare condition
but on the surface I’d barely grimaced.
I was prepared to listen to the commands that were set.
Uncles took care of business looking angry and vexed
but always planning ahead astutely in the mist of their smoke.
Out in the back of the restaurant where I’m not permitted to go
Holding the most sickest of odours which I didn’t think to question
A restricted enclosure but I honestly didn’t check it
When elder siblings ventured, I’d start drawing conclusions,
with talk of a prison sentence and all sorts of wrongdoings.
I naturally brought up solutions once they’d asked what I’d say.
I thought I was moving up in the ranks of our trade
but having my say was only shaping things up.
They capped off my eighteenth when they strapped me with a gun
I was carried from the front and guided down the steps.
In a flash, my initiation had begun with a simple “time for our revenge”
and required to avenge a recent theft from some crooks.
But my anxiety would set in and I was desperate to run.
But the message was summed up in the gaze of their eyes
and their expectant looks. Right then i'd have to decide!
As I'm Battling right or wrong my mind was a wreck.
Although family ties were strong, their cries were intense.
Seeing them tied from the legs had spurred my nature,
the guys were defenseless as I turned the chamber.
I was urged but wavered wide because I hardly could look.
I had to learn to take a life and be tarred with their brush
or depart from my loved ones and just end it quick.
So I discarded their trust by refusing the extended clip.
With my last clenching grip, I had fired a shot with intent.
In truth, I could never miss whilst it was directed at my head.

[Razah]

MMLP, verse was okay. Rhyming was alright, the story was okay, and I kinda feel like the ending is a cop out.. Eh, just a decent verse man. Nothing too crazy about it, nothing really stood out, it was just aiiight.

Artifice, I guess your verse falls under the same category. Maybe it's the topics / twist done to the topics, but I'm not feeling this ish'. I mean technically, your mechanics are on point. But, it was kinda boring to read. I read like 80% and expected to give MMLP the win just if he was able to entertain me through his verse. But, I really wasn't. *shrugs.

Hard battle to vote on, not a big fan of MMLP's verse this time, and although I couldn't get through all of Artifice's, it was the 'better' or the two verses here.

vArtifice

[UnbornBuddha]

Artifice: The writing was solid. Albeit, since you angled in to a specific period, it would have been nice if you set the scene more, and added more detail to it. It felt more causative then anything. I understand you were trying to keep a grand scope to your premise, but the little things I find are what make such a vision more powerful. I also am not a fan of using the topic as the way to end a verse, it is a cheap way and unimaginative way to go about it.

MMLP: This verse kind of resonates with some of the shows I've been watching lately. It was okay, don't have much qualms with anything. But, also there was nothing that allured me either. Some of your verses have that quality. Also the flow wasn't as rapid fire as I've come to expect from a MMLP verse. And to be honest I wasn't a fan of the suicide death stroke. I was kind of expecting it, not that suicidal deaths cannot be portrayed strongly, I mean suicide itself is very powerful image already. But when it comes to depicting it, I find sometimes if one doesn't depict it in a certain way, then it becomes kind of cliche.

Vote: Artifice

[asylum]

MVGT Artifice for one reason : mechanics. Further explanation in upcoming mag.

[Frank]

Decent quarrel, gentleman.

Artifice, quite the lecture. Dug how the narrative was kind of like a PBS Special. You pushed your agenda rather nobly. Personally, I've seen the movie 300 and I'm somewhat up to date with empires of other eras. This time period you grounded your excerpt in, was, and is, always unfathomable and debatable. You had some strong opinions: And you sculpted a solid flow. You covered a lot of ground, and touched on vast concepts, Lots of surface value. Upon deeper analysis, you worked from a lofty viewpoint, avoiding anything specifics: vaguely proclaiming your bro science from a frat house roof top. Digging deeper, their's lot of arguments presented in your piece that are merely rehashing's of well known pompous propaganda and hoopla. So, while your school of thought is ambitious, it's not ivy league. Decent submission. Just bored me with all the pseudo.

MMLP, really was a shame you could not stick it out this season. As you may, or may not know, I, was the sole reason you kept getting put back into match ups. Asylum didn't agree, but I knew what was going to be best for you. You missed out on half a season of cultivation. Brilliant mag work though, truly memorable, from that regard. I had come up with the idea for a tag team topical week and we went ahead and paired us up to make a mockery of baron mynd. I had a great time collaborating with you. This verse, I'm just going to come right out and say - wasn't your best work. The better part of the latter half was stellar. The passage after "time for our revenge" was on point - Preciser then the shakier beginning where you didn't quite have a sense of what was transpiring, which was highlighted by, eg

I naturally brought up solutions once they’d asked what I’d say.
I thought I was moving up in the ranks of our trade
but having my say was only shaping things up.

Start your stories near the finale. First line, introduce the antagonist (gun)
Don't wait 15 lines. You have a knack for disguising your verses direction, which is riddlingly fascinating. You do a lot of foreshadowing, which is mysterious, just be more flat out and clear cut though.

First and foremost, bros, I wanted to acknowledge the kind regards from the both of you towards my verse. I am equally inspired.

Now on to the decision... Voted Artifice

Pardon my brevity, inevitably, Artifices season continues on it's historic pace. MMLP had an edge, that his closer couldn't capitalize on, and his introduction could never fully establish.

MVG2 Artifice

[sral]

Originally Posted by Frank

Start your stories near the finale.

I always tell him this is what I do. I have the ending in mind, and I start the verse the closest to the finale I can (but far enough away so the beginning gives little clue as to where the verse is going)

You should listen to what me and Frank say. There's a reason we've got the longevity in the game we both have.

[NYCSPITZ]

i thought MMLP verse was ok but i got bored halfway reading through and it felt like a chore to finish. Just not his best work imho like the animal captivity one was dope. Artifice kept my attention throughout and had some cool lines like regal dominion/weaved with opinion and the few lines after were the peak of the verse imo altogether better depth and mechanics this time imo

v artifice