11-02-2018, 02:05 AM | #1 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Look...
Ayo,
Every nigga here have their optics missin' Seems they've lost the vision As this opposition is no competition, Instead of trollin' over my lyrics like fake proper bitches You should learn to write some then go & conquer with 'em Throw in the towel, or lean a little then kneel Before I continue to box on with that vasaline brow Or I will literally physically show you... The meanin' of how reality feels If you were havin' some doubts I can appease you fa reals But can you please me from now on? Nah, 'cause I lyrically know you & you've no ability No illness in skills, You tell online cats you play in MK to just "Log on & finish me!" 'Cause your consistently whipped In this game when your supposed to be winnin' see? Oh that's right, y'all can't. |
11-11-2018, 09:07 PM | #2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 269
Battle Record: 17-9
Champed - Art Of Writing League
- GWL Picture Challenge
Rep Power: 3944945 |
I was feelin' the first half, up until the vasaline brow line... after that I felt like the flow was harder to follow being totally honest.
I'm guessing this piece is talking about people and politics of the site, in terms of respect and frequency of activity by certain members. I get it. That being said, realize this site has people who've been doing this for a long ass time and their criticism can be helpful. the standout lines for me is the Throw in the towel, or lean a little then kneel Before I continue to box on with that vasaline brow You use the imagery well here, the phrasing gives a visual depiction of the struggle you're writing about. More lines like this sprinkled throughout a piece will make it read overall more solid. keep doing your thing. |
11-18-2018, 11:06 PM | #3 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Appreciate the looks bro, I'll get @ your shit after class yeah...
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