Mayhem Gardens: Welcome to the Projects (KaeoSeru & Vulgar Ft.ACcentuous)

[Kaeo Seru]

ACcentuous

It's a jungle out here, it's a clash of the titans
It's a war of words and everybody's fighting
When did it get so cold, What are we doing?
I'll fight tooth and nail just to prove that I'm Human


Kaeo Seru

Whoever said i was a beast, i apologize, they lied
The Umbrella corp. Fashioned these genetics of mine
Or so it would seem, being trapped in the hive
Has me prejudiciously attacking any action benign
My faction's inclined to be a threat to the mind
When words move you due to kinetic design
With the presence of mind aligned with this presence of mine
Defacing any presents you'll find, So Presently I'm
Searching for a place where pleasantries die
Where brain to brain combatants' flattery incessantly lie
Confessions rely upon the conviction of dying quotes
Scrying hopes of a lay man describing ghosts
Still chasing hip hop and depicting its isotopes
Wearing platemail in a storm addicted to lightning bolts
Eyeing throats to snatch i envision a lion's scope
As i engulf, with wrath, any victim that i approach
Your holiness revoked, i'm defining divine
Encroach reproach while im thriving beyond
Echoe my praises through the wire or vine
Or feel the savagery of brimstone, fire and rhyme
Rhyme...Is a hell of a drug The equivalent of
Fellas in love with the cocaine elephant hug
And still im a veteran of more than labotomies
Ignore the blue fur, im not a beast and that i am promising


Vulgar

The seaside cobras, with each iota of the Quaker’s brew
with so much mitochondria in our blood we can shed some to make a Cajun steak & stew
It’s make or break for the maker, pay your dues or play your deuce
in this grandiose chessboard of life us players move, every occasion is déjà vu
Steadily pacing to De La tunes, as clouds assume a deadly matrix through gray monsoons
we see chaotic colors, like the inherent vagueness of Trayvon truths
Don’t blame the spirits of darkness if the creatures of night have forsaken you
just consider that the bedlam at the shoreline of Eden is a blessing in that gape of blue
I speak in context, to sneak a peak of loch ness - defying death
A collective slap in the face of the iron chef whose communication is wireless
imagine the irrational imbalance through the pulsating rage in a lion’s chest
Orion wept, shoehorns blew forth, the empire slept
deception in the sign is read: never base your days off what Simon said
From undertaking ancient lake crusades to tame the nape of the hydra’s neck
I’ll say it plain, your fate is placed in a plane of a high duress
Ride the steppe, survival treks, just spend a week in the garden
every jungle is rendered peaceful, save for the secret evil compartments
You catch poison ivy out here, I fear that’ll the least of your problems
nothing is ever as black and white as it seems, even when approaching a Rorschach lane
Ignore the savage skin condition, left to soak in the corpse ***hes
we’re not complete monsters - I’m willing to pledge an oath to support that claim

It's a jungle out here, it's a clash of the titans
It's a war of words and everybody's fighting
When did it get so cold, What are we doing?
I'll fight tooth and nail just to prove that I'm Human

[Zen]

Kaeo Seru

Whoever said i was a beast, i apologize, they lied
The Umbrella corp. Fashioned these genetics of mine
Or so it would seem, being trapped in the hive
Has me prejudiciously attacking any action benign

dope way to start off the verse there.

Scrying hopes of a lay man describing ghosts
Still chasing hip hop and depicting its isotopes
Wearing platemail in a storm addicted to lightning bolts
Eyeing throats to snatch i envision a lion's scope
As i engulf, with wrath, any victim that i approach
^^Favorite section of your portion. Sick man.

Vulgar

It’s make or break for the maker, pay your dues or play your deuce
in this grandiose chessboard of life us players move, every occasion is déjà vu
Steadily pacing to De La tunes, as clouds assume a deadly matrix through gray monsoons
we see chaotic colors, like the inherent vagueness of Trayvon truths
Don’t blame the spirits of darkness if the creatures of night have forsaken you
^^Nicely worded bars to get your meaning across here. Dope.

I could honestly quote the rest of your piece. Very dope shit.

Both of you meshed together very well. You each have a similar style in my opinion and both of you showed just how dope you both are without overwhelming one another. Great collab fellas.

[veritas]

seru: dope. umbrella lined merked. I love you.

Vulgar

in this grandiose chessboard of life us players move, every occasion is déjà vu

would be great as a tatoo on my pectoral muscle.

[PancakeBrah]

Vulgar was better

[Geno]

Great piece.

[Nigma]

That was a delicious piece. Not going to quote from either as there were not many lines worth overlooking. Very enjoyable first read from you Kaeo. I love the way you formatted your multies throughout and the way they transitioned from one another. Your depiction of the general tone of this piece was nice. Good angle pulled off well. Gittity. Vulgar you sexed it up as well. One of my fav from you recently. Doing what you do best, loved it.

[Neighbor]

Before I leave feed on this, who is Kaeo Seru?

Hope it's not Legend, man.. that'd be some mindfuck shit

How the hell'd you find Accentuous, too?

[Fig]

This reminded me of an essay I read by Carl Sagan titled "The Abstractions of Beasts."

Kaeo was very concise in his verse. A lot of sharp multis carried that verse. Vulgar came with something insane though. Vulgars writing just appeals to me in a much more visceral way. I have an idea of what subject matter this piece covers, I'll hopefully get it when I revisit it. Thanks for this

[PancakeBrah]

Kaeo Seru

"Whoever said i was a beast, i apologize, they lied
The Umbrella corp. Fashioned these genetics of mine
Or so it would seem, being trapped in the hive
Has me prejudiciously attacking any action benign
My faction's inclined to be a threat to the mind
When words move you due to kinetic design
With the presence of mind aligned with this presence of mine"

A lot of give and take here. The first bar was well done. Second line in particular. I would have capitalized corp and dropped the period but that's tacky critique. 'Action benign' makes sense but is awkward language. I understand what you're saying but the rhyme is still forced to me. It's in keeping with what you want to say and is clear in it's message but no one would ever say it that way normally. Maybe. Faction's inclined is standard flex, decent. I really enjoyed the kinetic design line. The second best line of this portion next to umbrella corp. It says a lot in an economy of words while making sense with nothing being forced. Good. NO, GREAT! The last line of this portion was meh to me. I could never pinpoint an exact example if asked to but it seems like it's been done plenty before.

"Defacing any presents you'll find, So Presently I'm
Searching for a place where pleasantries die"

Dope. The grammar is off to me, but that's just stylistic difference of opinion. I'd replace find's comma with a period and uncapitalize searching and end die with a period. Again, a tacky critique. But this thought is great. Something real that cuts to the ever present problem of bullshit eloquently. Well done.

"Where brain to brain combatants' flattery incessantly lie
Confessions rely upon the conviction of dying quotes
Scrying hopes of a lay man describing ghosts
Still chasing hip hop and depicting its isotopes
Wearing platemail in a storm addicted to lightning bolts"

I'm not wont to be unprofessional in critique, but wow. This is the best section of your verse, and it's damn near flawless. The second line through the end of this section is pure creative analysis. The isotopes line isn't on the same intellectual plane as the others but it has great wording and rhythm. Dying quotes and lightning bolts lines were stellar.

"Eyeing throats to snatch i envision a lion's scope
As i engulf, with wrath, any victim that i approach
Your holiness revoked, i'm defining divine
Encroach reproach while im thriving beyond
Echoe my praises through the wire or vine
Or feel the savagery of brimstone, fire and rhyme"

Not as strong as the previous section. The first couplet is solid flex, moreso the first line. The second line is almost throwaway to me. Your use of consecutive rhyming words in the third and fourth line was choppy to me. I think that technique is among the hardest to pull off successfully. Maybe it's just the way I read open mics, but it's rarely well done to me. The thriving beyond/wire or vine portion was a weak spot. The last line was the best of the section. I enjoyed the use of language, going with brimstone straight into the comma with an explanation. Good line, mediocre section.

"Rhyme...Is a hell of a drug The equivalent of
Fellas in love with the cocaine elephant hug
And still im a veteran of more than labotomies
Ignore the blue fur, im not a beast and that i am promising "

'Fellas' is forced. Elephant hug, though, is great. Another original thought. The ending was good.

Overall this was a good piece of writing. I gave my previous feed at work, on my phone, and after only skimming each verse. Although I have a newfound respect for your verse I still stand by my original estimation. The difference is that I feel your verse is comparable to some of the best written open mics lately (although it was slightly uneven with lines I felt were rework-able). You definitely have the chops, but in comparison with Vulgar it isn't fair. It reminds me of the argument of Clapton vs. Hendrix. While Clapton is undoubtedly one of the best guitarists in the history of music, Hendrix played the instrument so completely differently and alien in comparison to anything before that the comparison isn't fair. Both are extremely talented, but one is not of a place or time. With just this verse to go off of I'd put you in the upper echelon of writers on this site. Your techniques at points throughout this verse went against what I enjoy in an open mic but I can respect talent when I see it. Thanks for the read.

Vulgar

"The seaside cobras, with each iota of the Quaker’s brew
with so much mitochondria in our blood we can shed some to make a Cajun steak & stew
It’s make or break for the maker, pay your dues or play your deuce
in this grandiose chessboard of life us players move, every occasion is déjà vu
Steadily pacing to De La tunes, as clouds assume a deadly matrix through gray monsoons
we see chaotic colors, like the inherent vagueness of Trayvon truths
Don’t blame the spirits of darkness if the creatures of night have forsaken you
just consider that the bedlam at the shoreline of Eden is a blessing in that gape of blue"

Ridiculous. I wish I could write something as elegant and surprising as the first couplet. There's not much room for analysis for those lines; they're pitch perfect text if such a thing exists. Moving onward, the colloquialism of play your deuce was well place, and the next line was obviously dope. The words 'gray monsoon' by almost any other writer aside from the elite is almost impossible not to be forced, but you couched it perfectly. The last couplet was nearly as high in quality as the first. The only faults I see are 'De La Tunes' and 'Trayvon Truths' which were just a touch forced in my reading. But they're strongly overshadowed.

"I speak in context, to sneak a peak of loch ness - defying death
A collective slap in the face of the iron chef whose communication is wireless"

I'm not going to pretend to understand the second line, although I'm sure it's apparent enough. But the first line prior to the 'defying death' break is great.

"imagine the irrational imbalance through the pulsating rage in a lion’s chest
Orion wept, shoehorns blew forth, the empire slept
deception in the sign is read: never base your days off what Simon said"

Flawless wording throughout this section. Great imagery; the last line was outstanding.

"From undertaking ancient lake crusades to tame the nape of the hydra’s neck
I’ll say it plain, your fate is placed in a plane of a high duress "

'Say it plain' was a great writing device. A blunt stroke among your usual ethereal wording an imagery. A nice analytical thought couched in imagery of the supernatural. Said something while being poetic.

"Ride the steppe, survival treks, just spend a week in the garden
every jungle is rendered peaceful, save for the secret evil compartments
You catch poison ivy out here, I fear that’ll the least of your problems
nothing is ever as black and white as it seems, even when approaching a Rorschach lane
Ignore the savage skin condition, left to soak in the corpse ***hes
we’re not complete monsters - I’m willing to pledge an oath to support that claim"

'Ride the steppe' was cool. As was 'just spend a week in the garden'. Imploring the reader to access their baser thought. That's how I read it. I'm probably wrong. But the language was great. I actually thought the last four lines were the weakest portion of your verse. Solid, but not as spectacular as I usually expect.

I've written this sentiment close to a dozen times for a few different writers but it's almost tiresome to feed your pieces. You are so adept and confident in your abilities that it's redundant to give praise. It's a conundrum; you and the elite writers on this site give me the best pieces to read but it's almost impossible to give unique and incisive feedback after the first couple pieces. I'll say this; I always know what to expect when I read your verses but I always leave surprised, if that makes sense. I understand the angle and voice you'll have before I read a verse of yours but the language and execution is so precise and unique that I almost always come away with something new to chew on. I know your ideology and your penchant for romanticism with extremely sharp rhymes and rhythm, but each new piece or read-through unearths another facet that I didn't have a grasp on. Excellent.


Thanks for the read. You work well as a collaboration, I look forward to more.

edit-

I didn't look for an over-arching theme in this feed, although now it's relatively obvious. Doesn't affect me critique; I rarely give a shit about a message or theme in responding to pieces, I'm almost exclusively interested in use of language and rhymes. But this wasn't overly dependent on the theme anyways.

[Vulgar]

Wow thanks for the breakdown, Cake. I enjoy and feel educated from your interpretations and summarizations of my style. Very accurate. I think you will continue to like what we put out.

Thanks to all others as well. @Neighbor, Kaeo is Legend. :) I have my methods of getting a hold of ACc every once in awhile too.

@Kaeo Seru, Neighbor is Malphunxion

[Plot]

I've feed this before tho, somewhere else

[Kaeo Seru]

Indeed. @Plot

and who is @Neighbor

[Kaeo Seru]

Indeed. @Plot

and who is @Neighbor

[Plot]

Malphunxion/Saber

[CopyPat]

Leg you got aol aim??

hit me up if u do. im pretty sure i read this on rf or old netcees? who knows.. its good, welcome back