03-08-2020, 11:32 AM | #1 |
Badgerdick
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GWL WK1: Witty vs Bodey [BODEY WINS]
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03-08-2020, 05:13 PM | #3 |
Lime Life
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Hi.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
03-08-2020, 10:52 PM | #4 |
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Hello
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03-13-2020, 02:31 PM | #5 |
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would i be able to get an extension to like 3am saturday? i have to close bar tonight and wont be home til around midnight
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03-13-2020, 04:29 PM | #6 |
Badgerdick
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NO.
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03-13-2020, 11:31 PM | #8 |
Lime Life
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Sure.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
03-14-2020, 02:14 AM | #9 |
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fourth period. bathroom stall.
nasty words etched upon each wall eyeliner starts to smudge, but i dont care fuck them all. i leave it there. who knows who else had seen it. they wont mean shit to me next year, so fuck em so be it *** adolescence is an ugly slimy monster with black eyes it's crept with me like a shadow and disappears at sunrise but i dont notice. i dont even think it's still there cuz i'm no longer that flat-chested ghostface slouched in her chair my pain has been cropped to feeds, please give me a big like full name with a plot, a dream, a couple faces from real life that crank of a slot machine is the same as a quick swipe i'm too cute, so block her. i'm the one you want, i'm hungry i'm about to win an Oscar for this garbage like a junkie i champed this validation game, i'm too skilled to scrimmage i claim to be the realest though i sport a filtered image salivatin for an empty "like", i need a fun type man instead of waking up and realizin they were one night Stans Snapchat just had sex with Facebook and got high off an Instagram i just wanted to show everyone how goddamn important i am and now i see old bullies with new family, standing happy with their groom i scroll their page to investigate, their last post was back in June their lives are probly too miserable to expose their fake ass truth as i sit inside a studio apartment, with just this screen to light the room |
03-16-2020, 12:35 AM | #10 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
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Opener is dope and sets the tone, simplistic but does what it needs to with internals. I like the *** as a break/time passes, nice detail.
Good start to the piece as a whole and the first 4 bars in the main verse paints a great picture and lets us get to know the main character. my pain has been cropped to feeds, please give me a big like full name with a plot, a dream, a couple faces from real life that crank of a slot machine is the same as a quick swipe ^This was especially dope to me. I haven't read anything by you in ages and I can tell you've upped your pen game since last time I read anything from you. (I won't count audios for this sort of style as they're vastly different but ye, this is defo some good shit.) i'm too cute, so block her. i'm the one you want, i'm hungry i'm about to win an Oscar for this garbage like a junkie ^Flow has been really good up until this point. I like the switch up in flow and style but it happened a bit too abrupt for me. I feel like an internal or two to connect with the previous bar somehow would have done wonders to help with the transition. It's a cool couplet but feel it stands out as a sore thumb as opposed to the rest of your verse which were smoother to me. lol @ one night Stans. Snapchat just had sex with Facebook and got high off an Instagram i just wanted to show everyone how goddamn important i am ^Word, some great commentary on social media right there. their lives are probly too miserable to expose their fake ass truth as i sit inside a studio apartment, with just this screen to light the room ^Great closure to wrap it up. Depression is a bitch and I can see how this piece and this sort of thinking have gotten into the minds of many. Specially if they feel a bit entitled from before, and seeing that others are moving on can be tough on some. Overall great solid piece, sucks that Witty didn't show. Solid drop overall, enjoyed the read. Good luck in upcoming battles.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o Last edited by Objective; 03-16-2020 at 12:40 AM. |
03-16-2020, 09:07 PM | #11 |
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Good stuff bodey.
And when I say good I mean, like, deep. This verse comes off as self-loathing to me. I don't know if that was your intention but that's how I read it. My only advice would be don't get pigeonholed into one kind of "voice". When Witty shows he's shown he has the ability to champ leagues. So it's unfortunate that he no-shows. |
03-16-2020, 11:38 PM | #12 |
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Thx guys. But don’t give it so much credit. It was very rushed, and the ideas weren’t fully developed but I wanted to get it posted in time so I pressed send on something I wasn’t really finished with. I too was looking forward to @Witty ‘s verse
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03-17-2020, 10:58 PM | #13 |
living
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really liked your take on it bodey. it was straight forward, well written and well fleshed enough to carry your idea without becoming stagnant. the beginning framed the larger portion effectively.
i do get that it may have been a bit rushed, but thats ok. thats the spirit of competition sometimes.
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03-18-2020, 12:24 AM | #14 |
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Good verse Bodey, not going to keep on saying what's been said don't want to get repetitive. I enjoyed it and also enjoyed what felt like a rollercoaster of a piece shifting between periods of confidence and self loathing and other emotions thought it painted a decent picture of modern adolescence.
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03-18-2020, 09:02 PM | #15 |
............
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This was nice...Like Objective said your opener was tight & really did set the tone, not tryna echo previous comments but it did...I think @ times you really don't give yourself enough credit, as you can definitely write...I know you say it was rushed & in places I see that, I rush everythin' & my shit don't turn out this good 99% of the time lol...Enjoyable read my friend.
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