GWL WK1: Objective vs Exis [OBJECTIVE WINS]

[Diablo]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


GTL WK1: @Exis vs @Objective

30 lines max.
Check-in due Wednesday UK time. Verses due Friday.

Topic:

[Objective]

Let's make it a good one!

[Objective]

Crack cover for no soul,
optimize time spent makin coffee compiling worse nodes,
stackoverflow pro goals disguising source codes, sleep apnea more so with
time off converted to deadlines reached in ghost mode, fight me lowering crap
of nightly overtime laps writing borderline scams or scripts for ads,
being used by kids with dads phone misclicking that makes em cash.
Unless next gen's trooper-tough with tit for tat we'll lose a lot,
CEO's see a few videos thinkin' that we're superbots.

Shiiii... Ain't no one listing those evil casket features
where interns craft feeble masterpieces for promised wages,
n forced to make it through firms posed as an honest Craigslist.
Hunt for jobs from Boomer Gods thinkin' you don't work enough, truth is-
music stops with lucid thoughts of nuisance when overworked means useless.

In the night anger rises as I open projects before some lie is started,
gingivitis, early onset tendonitis yet I need to run, compile and part it.
Despite new tech these dudes expect it to be perfect, it's really silly stuff;
The theme "supreme" with slower specs, I'm skilled enough to invent solutions,
then see slips of lower checks to scrap the plan, but who's the man for conclusions?!
I'm feelin' up for fisticuffs!
To them we're losers, accuse n use us when testing fails
cus they went for cheapest option, y'all can read the rest in mails.
I'm settin sail with time to spare to prove it works, I'm heaven sent,
they go berserk: "JUST DO IT, JERK!", I go insane to pay the rent..

This day and age you wage a slave whom's friends fade away,
no hope for dates, we talked for days, now's too late anyway.
Novacain helps, weed to breathe and weaken shakes,
ritalin when thc is kickin' in and honor it with cocaine traits.
The guillotine's opposite of any working state to fit our morbid fate,
indeed it's greed that go wild when rates decay,
I pray you like your mobile games today.

[Exis]

Um is this a free topic or can I not see it?...

[sral]

https://pasteboard.co/IYgsfvq.jpg

[Exis]

Ayo...

I'm sick & tired of bein' sick & tired, I mean it
I was born into Hell, I felt the heat inside as semen
Soldier bodies leanin', The coldest eyes seein'
3rd person sight as the soul inside is leavin'
Not only lives are bein' snatched high from men
Morals have capsized & we chastise our women
& they say 'Skies the limit', Now that's lies 'cause listen
They stopped usin' wool now drape eyes in linen
So we look 'right' @ winners & 'left' prizes hidden
Then we're straight back to square one with those slight beginnings
Yet move forward to where we might be driven
By lively villains to various unsightly endings
But that's like concealin' the true light within us
I blast causin' sparks to take us right thru ceilings
Then lay claim to the blessings God has given
We are his children, Yet in fact we is hardly chillin'
We struggle everyday, Look @ how hard we livin'
Even the most prominent are still starvin' nigga's
Just a mob of Silverback gorillas lookin' for larger figures
In the process of sinnin', I hope the Lord forgive us

I respect you & the life you live
But every now & then what would be nice is if
You weren't ridiculous or garbage, But it gets wired
I'm fed up, I've had it...I'm so sick & tired

Yo some get hot, But when I touch the mic the script gets fire
It's quite annoyin', How many of ya'll need intelligence bits higher
I'm sick & tired of makin' flames gather in the same pattern
So I'm mixin' ink & white out tryna create more grey matter
Sick of kids makin' claims, Rather than provin' they are the best dude
So I roll up quizzies & call 'em test tubes...Just to access you.

[Adverse]

Honestly i liked the clash of styles here it made for an interesting matchup!

Objective there was a lot to digest in your verse, it made me feel exhausted which really put me into your character's shoes the flood of thoughts he was experiencing I was also part of and it kind of stressed my brain out a little bit not to lie lol i enjoyed it immensely though. And i also liked how it all summed up to "i hope you enjoy your mobile games today." I think we take a lot of the behind the scenes work that goes into media for granted, just like the array of jobs there are to do, the deadlines the immense pressure of critics etc. It's definitely a lot to take in. I thought your vocabulary and flow were pretty good, you really showed out here and i was impressed by your verse.

Exis i was pleasantly surprised reading your verse, I've often thought your verses are sort of formulaic? You have your niche that you're good with and you usually stick to it but i felt you attempting to tread other paths here and i liked that. The last 8 bars of your first verse and that little 4 bar break you had i thought were dope but after that your verse kind of collapsed and i didn't like the closing bit as much as some of the other stuff. You had a decent attempt but i think Objective just told a much more compelling story and i enjoyed his product more, maybe try telling your story from a different perspective next week instead of first person? And don't be afraid to mix it up, add some vocab, i thought your flow was good so just add a few things and keep elevating. Nice battle y'all

V/Objective

[Universe]

Kudos to both for posting on time. Deadlines matter.

That said, both verses swung wildly off topic before being casually reeled in. This was my worry with pictures. Topicals are about telling a compelling story, I think both would've done better to draw inspiration from the picture and focus it down to one single story ark. Commit to it and go for it.. Keep it SIMPLE. Tell us a story. Give us some surprise twist. You will get the vote.

In the end, Objective stayed on topic the most.

Vote - Objective

[Candy]

objective:

dope dude, your rhyme scheme was off the hook very original kinda loose but some tight internals def to your own style. story wise i liked the computer aged over working aspect covered in this def gave it a wide spread. i thought it was very flushed out and polished.. tight piece dude..

exis:
nice you def covered the overworked element i could feel the over tide. first person mc piece was cool you def in the right company lol.. cool lil piece to me it read smoothly and was complete and easy to flow through.. pretty cool dude..

vote = objective

just more flushed out, it was his coverage of detail in a story the rhyme scheme was a bit tighter to but yeh it was the story detail that did it cause exis style was tight to. gl guys

[Exis]

Bitches lol, Nah fa real thanks for votin'...Well done @Objective good shit man...

[Pharaohs Army]

Objective:

Occasionally your end rhymes don't rhyme.
But I really see how yours connects to the picture with the "overworked" theme.
I pray you like your mobile games today.
This closer meant everything. Tied the thing together and got you my vote.

Exis:
I am not really "getting" what your theme is or how it relates to the picture.
You do have the dopest couplet of the battle though. I really liked:
I'm sick & tired of makin' flames gather in the same pattern
So I'm mixin' ink & white out tryna create more grey matter
Good stuff. But not enough to take it this week

V Objective

[dead man]

obj:

i loved the rhyming sequence "gingivitis" and tendonitis". the angle of physical maladaptations of life as a career techie gave it a body, something solid to ground your more abstract critiques of the life you can become trapped in. solid contribution. thank you

ex:

same kind of comment as others i guess. i couldn't really hone in on the perspective you are taking here. it seems to be a criticism of shortcomings of your own life and the foundation upon it rests. it almost drifted on the surface of a social commentary and then skimmed elsewhere. you may have become lost in the rhythm and word choice a bit, or so it seemed. technical elements were there, but they did not carry this topic through for me.

v/objective

[Exis]

I hear that...I Didn't see the image initially & just keyed up what I thought the picture might be...Thank you for votin' & I'm sorry for a dissappointin' joint...I don't think it was shit, just yeah it doesn't relate to the topic, My bad.