XI WK VII: brokenhal0 (3-3) vs. Pharaohs Army (3-1) (BROKENHAL0 WINS)

[Frank]

Season 11 XI

VERSES: Sunday, February, 19th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 24 Hour Ext: Mod/Opponent Discretion

VOTES: Monday, February 20th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 3 Vote Requirement Enforced/Penalty

MAXIMUM: 48 Lines: 64 IF AGREED UPON!

Goodluck! @brokenhal0 @Pharaohs Army

TOPIC:

[Pharaohs Army]

The “Wikipedia Chronicles” of Thermopylae & [the film] 300

Kenneth Turan writes in the Los Angeles Times that “unless you love violence as much as a Spartan, Quentin Tarantino, or a video-game-playing teenage boy, you will not be endlessly fascinated.”
-Wiki

Leonidas: !He’s-A Fighter who pass-the-Eyetest!
(&)Leonidas said,
“We should Not wait;
set-up-a defensive position at the Hot Gates.
Greece is a land Xerxes will not take!
Pile up Persian bodies (to) show‘em his mistake.
In the morning (when you wake), refill supplies & clean up tha place.”
“Along the path itself was a series of three constrictions, or “gates”, and at the centre gate a wall that had been erected by the Phocians, in the previous century, to aid[,] in their defence[|]against~Pffft wiki~ Thessalian invasions. The name “Hot Gates” comes from the hot springs that were loca?ted there.”

Originally Posted by ACTIVATE SELF

"…This is Sparta[!]..."

“Throughout the Greco-Persian Wars the hoplite phalanx was to prove superior to the Persian infantry (e.g., the battles of Thermopylae and Plataea).”

Originally Posted by Pharaohs Army

Phalanx, plunders opponents.
(Repel. &Ridicule Runts. Regular- height Requirements.**)

The Spartans were ready for the(ir) fight environment:
The Immortals -elite Persian Forces;DIED—PILE’um.
It was a gore fest. Every hour - more dead.
Perhapz Xerxes should’ve used(or viewed)previous Wars w/ the Greeks as (a)Portent.
In the movie, Astino, son of Artemis, LOST HIS POOR HEAD.
Leading Artemis?, to a warpath—
bloodlust: u can see it w/ his eyes-Red…
*Leonidas\!He’s-A Fighter who pass-the-Eyetest!

The pass is thin—
The Persians(‘nXerXes) need a Back way in!
(…we can’t-pretend.)
The pass is thin—
The Persians(‘nXerxes) need a back way in.

Ephialtes of Trachis:
“…the Persians had no more success on the second day than on the first. Xerxes at last stopped the assault and withdrew his camp, “totally perplexed”.
,And horribly vexed. By the overall–success of Leonidas ‘n his set.
“…as the Persian king was pondering what to do next, he received a windfall; a Trachinian named Ephialtes informed him of the mountain path*[,] around Thermopylae and offered to guide the Persian army.[\]Ephialtes was motivated by the desire for a reward. For this act, [his] name received a lasting stigma; it came to mean “nightmare” in the Greek language and to symbolize the archetypal traitor in Greek culture.
Although probably unsuitable for cavalry, this path* could easily be traversed by the Persian infantry (many of whom were versed in mountain warfare). Leonidas was made aware of [it] by local people from Trachis, and he position a detachment of Phocian troops there in order to block this route.”
-Wiki, again. [lol]
Vs. the movie:
“…changed from a local Malian of sound body into a Spartan outcast, a grotesquely disfigured troll [quasi-moto-lookin mofo] who by Spartan custom should have been left exposed as an infant to die. Leonidas points out that [his] hunched back means he cannot lift his shield high enough to fight in the phalanx. This is a transparent defense of Spartan eugenics, and convenient given that infanticide could have easily have been precipitated by an ill-omened birthmark.”
-Ephraim Lytle

Originally Posted by Pharaohs Army

Phalanx, plunders opponents.
(Repel. &Ridicule Runts. Regular- height Requirements.**)

A Closer? or a Collaboration Opener?:

betrayal, this style can never fail - so i find a secret trail
also known as?—a goat-path, don’t laugh - if your hopes’ dashed
thisSO bad, but don’t ask, how i wrote that
‘leas’t’s my own crap!
(i)think my opponent has a story 4us, so let’s play topical volleyball
(in)what can only be described as “possible audio”
dropped onthe unsuspecting audience
-reading their tablets as they do a session of cardio
(the)imagez come faster and ® better w/shrooms like Mario
sorry yo, ;-(
ah well ‘bout time; i Start To Deliver
here(hal0)here is an arrow
From an Archer’s Quiver!:

[(Over) half the names from “Aurelia” of unrv.com]
-Arrow #129: Felled Maron, Spartan warrior.
-Arrow #394: Maimed Alphos, brother of [the aforementioned] Maron. The two “distinguished themselves and possessed that quality known as “andreia”, which in Greek means courage and bravery.”
-Arrow #682: Killed Dieneces – “Herodotus wrote that he was the bravest of the 300.”
-Arrow #negative726 [The day before!]: Wounded Aristodemus, who,“…Instead of fIghting, returned to Sparta and…”told the story. “[His]Redemption came when he stood in the front of the phalanx at…Plataea, broke ranks and killed several Persians on his own before dYing.”
-Arrow #negative1,335 [Also the day b4]: Nicked EurYtus,
“Suffered a very severe eYe inflammation [,(much)like the afOrementioned,] which incapacitated him so much that he Ordered his helot![,] to guide him into battle[&]perished w/ the remaining Spartans on the final day.”['LEAST THE GUY B4 COULD TELL-IT!!]
-Arrow #1,650: Pierced a random warrior. (‘Cuz) the critic up top said it had to be gorier.
-Arrow #2,221: Downed Megastides, An Arcananian. (Somewhere in tha Mediterranean.)
-Arrow #2,775: Slayed Leo-nidas!
(e’za fighter,’oo pass(es)the eye-test.)
[We all Knew I could do it.] Subsequent“Aeros”finished off the wounded.
~
[Take it away @brokenhal0, bite on ‘dis shit, open-source, idgaf, go unlimited, etc., make another stanza (or 2)with this reference shit. (Part of the reason why I’m here.) Oh wait…here’s BOTH our reviews:]

Empire gave the film three out of five, writing, “Visually stunning, thoroughly belligerent and as shallow as a pygmy’s paddling pool, this is a whole heap of style tinged with just a smidgeon of substance.”
-Wiki

[brokenhal0]

'' The Last Pharaoh of Pompeii ''


Trials and Tribulations ascribed in modern day mythos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIZ4aSKT3mo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf_uEywJWRE

I know your using A.I imagery
my third eye sees through your infamy
through your infrastructure , through your energy
through your cells as I enter your density
no computer spells can duplicate what this pharaoh can do mentally.

He couldn't decipher my pages in the higher chambers
as the walls tighten you submit to the lion tamers
just looking for the light when dying dangerous
I killed dreamers for less
while at dawn the raven's song
calm's the mind that rages
running to a boat hit by Greek fire , to remind the anxious
the volcano erupted like a phoenix to flood embankments
hear the cicadas while walking for miles in Vegas
trials and tribulations of the last Pharaoh fighting a war for the ages .

In the halls of Jericho Judas's deceit creeps from behind the pages
I do this to remind the sages
that Moses weeps underneath Mount Vesuvius
knowing all mankind will face this
lyrics of lava rain down melting your whole empires matrix
the trend will put a end to your flying spaceships.


From a land faraway we separate ourselves from thee eternal dance
As i glade threw aqueducts staring at strangers eating wild plants
enraptured trance this battle axe has split kingdoms and castles
spitting towers from the lost scriptures of babel
(Yea i guess you can call this just some ''script''and some''babel'')
the last gladiator with a brave heart
hiding from the infantry in midst of the battle.

My Ninja it's a gift from the pharaoh
Maat division
separate seas bring balance through different channels
Isis finds your body parts near the Nymphaea in denial (The Nile)
a sniper shot from the kings chamber dismembers your files.

Verses that make a mummy's Uraeus glow
in darkened mazes I shot down Minotaurs
using cupids sacred bow
underground rivers with multiple hiding places
only ancients know
where the stone masons conduct rituals with sacred tomes
he's struggling to get up but the ashes buried him later though
from Tasmania to Lake Ararat the God's raised rivers to save him
flooding homes and back roads the last solider myth made man gold
spitting sine waves proceed to engrave my name on inquisitors arrows.


His reign fantastic the frames bend your brain stem
until all thoughts contained in , reclaim slivers of fractals
fiction or factual
telepathic visions showed me how they built pyramids
while strict curling the statues
mirages in the distance bad decisions will drag you
encounter the creatures of volcanic darkness
monsters in the ashes suddenly slipping to grab you
wild horses are running while tricksters get trampled.


Hieroglyphic heroin to bad the new kingdom loves shitting in bathrooms
one man army traveling tracks unraveling maps found written in classrooms
pharaohs math material universes collapse when Osiris is sticking to jab you
call me a brown noser when I shape shift in ya face erupting shit in your vacuum.

From the Iberian peninsula I walked barefoot to Syria
keeping a tarantula as a pet
In a bamboo box it would opened at night using it's head
crawling on me as I slept
when I arrived in Botswana
I whispered your name in the savanna vents
thinking you would whisper back but dead air just lacks the depth
fair bro every fair row (pharaoh) rows his boat everywhere that's lacking depth
now that's adept Adonai I don't know if that's a death.


Socially constricted when at rest
the earthquakes shattered the temple
he crawled out the rubble with a scratch at best
On top the summit the capstone glows fiery red
as he walks through cindering trees
many creatures burned in the fires are dead
a pterodactyl fly's overhead
the pharaoh starts sprinting
while being chased by a sea of spartan men
jumping over logs
almost snapped his ankle leaping over a molten trench
eruption of reduction is MOUNA LOA next
a warrior not knowing rest
running to the castle to save Cleopatra in Petra
the last of the dying gods among us
hunted by the hunters admired by the cosmos
for the reminders that he suffered
he let's out a cry as a arrow pierces his side
without being punctured god body --> 300
if it bleeds man's willing to hunt it
if it cheats mans willing to fuck it
lets play chicken until one of us start spilling the nuggets.


A colony of wolf women dance naked howling anthems in a village of mud huts
black and beautiful I lay low and watch them dance from the brush shrubs
unseen like crickets in bushes singing in summers
I keep moving like a toxic panther the scene reminded me of
recon missions in Rwanda back when Gondwana met in the tropic cancer.

Walking for miles sky's darkened by volcano clouds cant keep my guard down
blinking eyeballs on my palms got me questioned by a belly dancer
she wore a silk robe spitting honey mead into a copper plate of camphor
the gladiator and the waitress the prostitute plays the pimp
the sadistic rape kiss water in your elbow could supply containers
cats splayed in cages these alpha's and omega's
got hands covering eyes on resisting faces
using the one good vein left
what im saying in code is your temples not guarded
if you miss the target to shoot up the aimless.


When pharaohs mated with daughters of men things got dangerous
was king Solomon justified when he suggested a child's separation
when the mummy's skull cracked open a snake fell out his brain stem
slithering out the room under a door with no escape vents
it was Judas's last chance to make a true escape plan
Greek ships called DDT pulled up to the shores of italy
that was Jake the snakes fam
lava's starts lionsaulting off the top ropes
incinerating this Roman grace land
getting hit by Frankensteiner's hidden in the darkest hues of ray band
while the gods are rearranging this wasteland
a legion of doom in the core of the earth
kept natural disasters spewing the heat
Jericho got pinned to a stake
as he watched this civilization of Naples plume in defeat.

Covered in lambs blood the path got narrow
what a tragic day
have you ever smelt your own flesh melting from volcanic rain
burying Atlantis under sulfuric fuming flames
the truth remains back when I was born
mountains were trees that bloomed in space.

Spinning on a planet Yo! pharaoh show these faggots
where the tablets at! Jinx
I'll cut the nose off the sphinx , then call him a tabby cat.

Napoleon with the dynamite...where the matches at?
he struck the ground with a staff and the ash rose
acid rain freezing tsunamis
hell or heaven meant nothing to a pharaoh
with an army of zombies
I controlled elements with spoken lesson in battle
back when every continent grew mango's with palm trees
these testaments tackle whoever will harm me
invocations able to make stone megaliths
rise out of deserts with gravel
raining down lava pebbles that will level Jon Moxley's.


That would be considered architect abuse - get the gavel
eloquently i spit LSD - blue elephants
put your neck in a noose ; let the heckler rattle
like a contra contract we creep around platoons
recon for new intelligence man meets machines
fuck a robocop these bars are terminator 3.

I guess your the last spartan left - beheaded
sodomites bled out sins for sympathy
farting while holding his breath hiding from the enemy
siding with the enemy
im slimy bite the legs off a live centipede
while it's biting right into me.

Egyptian symmetry
balanced so I don't let any ghost scale out the imagery
you don't need any talents i know your using Artificial Mimicry
while I'm free climbing guarded citadels
holding a bloodied dagger with my teeth
see revenge is what I need but love is what I seek.

When im done
the light of a million suns will flood into me
delusions of the drum that dabbles the mind
of those who take the former line offensively
Im a form of Fare Ohh , a form or fair show
who was a fallen angel who saw the fallen shadows
Brokenhalo at fault for anger
but excelled at falling shallow
watching the world unravel.

Thinking wrong if I thought they change ya
thinking for others that's a thought for danger
snuck through a stone window and choked a armed guard to death
like the Boston strangler.


Why you think the sphinx face is removed
before the sun fell out the sky the sphinx face , it was you
when I reached the coast I felt like toast the lava turned to rock
as soon as the waves became monsoons
just know on the day of judgement Anubis serenades with a parade of puppets.

Jericho turned face and ran through the mud pits
the applause of molten rocks tripping him up
the Greeks invaded the coast Spartans spears ripping em up
a city of greatness fallen to goons and rapist gays and gamblers
gotta watch for back stabbers Caesar suffered it too
an army of shadows implying suggestion no more corrupting the youth
like all of a sudden A.I made this gladiator create something improved
BOO!! I can smell the funk in the room
lying fuck this sites corrupt like the government too
govern yourself like a true pharaoh would do.

I helped spark your plug now hand me the juice
cursing the doors of first born swordsman
holy crosses inscribed in red blood on receipts risky riots
a man running from liquid fire
burning villas of olive trees scorching sick desires
many ran for their live's and slipped into wires.


The pharaoh walks down a torch lit hallway
dagger in hand covered in ashes naked in the absence of man
stone windows draped in ruby's
blue brimstone incense smelling like cardamon and patchouli
can't cover the stench that fouls the land
different embryos of creatures encapsulated in tightly screwed cans
by a large window a squid like humanoid folds his hands
He turns three different valves expressing his lips
opening up a jar of embryos taking a whiff
saying to himself
''this batch smells delish."

Suddenly a blast of Greek fire hits the tower engulfing the roof
volcanoes are spewing there magma
entertainment for Zeus
while the pharaoh hides behind a giant stone pillar of Thutmose slaying a moose

Jericho has fallen
you can hear the sighs of this squid creature scream
the pharaoh sneaks out the corner
and shoves his sacred dagger into the squid creatures spleen
suddenly the volcano stops erupting and the sky can be seen
but damage has been done , the last pharaoh warrior
that failed to save Pompeii covered in ashes but still on the run....

[symetrik]

sigh another week another halo... stick to the rules and I'll feed next time.

vote PA - really strong work, I think probably one of the best pieces I've seen from you? good flow, good use of visual queues with punctuation, bolding, italics, etc. and though I don't normally love the "HERE'S THE RHYME", it was desperately needed bc wiki line be rough to stay awake through. good capture of the story (not that I know my myths) and delivered in a way that was roughly cohesive, but especially character setting. I feel there was maybe too much packed in to make the storyline itself seem like a clear path, but I think the character placement was great.

[sral]

I’ve got you guys just gonna have to sit and type this all out.

The topic itself was cool, open to a lot of interpretation on the writers part rather than sort of dictating the way this one had to go. But what is the central image here? Is the shadowy figure in silhouette perhaps arriving at someplace of importance, he at first seems to be welcoming it with open arms, embracing it perhaps. The image then quickly fades to black indicating all isn’t as it first seems and this isn’t perhaps an arrival, but a departure. Is he then accepting his fate and opening himself up to God? It’s not entirely clear exactly, but it leaves the door open to a few opposing ideas for sure. For my money, the second option seemed to offer more. The approach could then either be the events that lead up to this point, or perhaps better still this event could be the catalyst that then inspires you to worldbuild from there and create a story about what transpires directly after this - or as a result of this - scene. The conversation with God could be a great way of inviting conflict into the story, challenging what is known or thought with the characters belief system. It’s an interesting one for sure to me.

Let’s see how you guys did…

Pharaoh: I could definitely get behind the whole 300 scenario to this image, I guess I somewhat overlooked the weaponry surrounding the guy in my first delve into what the topic could be portraying but there’s clearly enough there to be him as the last man standing after a battlefield of desecrated corpses are left in his wake. I did quite enjoy the titbits of information littered throughout, the Wikipedia sections in quotes and with bolded rhyming sections etc were a little distracting though and sort of sidetracked me away from the story unfolding somewhat as I read through. They were almost like a side show to the left of the main event, but I felt it divided my attention somewhat here especially with the quoted sections from Self Activate and yourself etc. I’m not so sure I got the meaning of the whole pass-the-Eyetest thing if I’m truthful, I haven’t seen the movie 300 but I’m familiar with mythology and even Frank Miller’s comic run about this - I still feel like I’m missing something at that section? The whole non-rhyming paragraphs that compare the movie with the Wikipedia article were difficult to navigate through as the rhyming sections were far apart:

Ephialtes of Trachis:
“…the Persians had no more success on the second day than on the first. Xerxes at last stopped the assault and withdrew his camp, “totally perplexed”.
,And horribly vexed. By the overall–success of Leonidas ‘n his set.
“…as the Persian king was pondering what to do next, he received a windfall; a Trachinian named Ephialtes informed him of the mountain path*[,] around Thermopylae and offered to guide the Persian army.[\]Ephialtes was motivated by the desire for a reward. For this act, [his] name received a lasting stigma; it came to mean “nightmare” in the Greek language and to symbolize the archetypal traitor in Greek culture.
Although probably unsuitable for cavalry, this path* could easily be traversed by the Persian infantry (many of whom were versed in mountain warfare). Leonidas was made aware of [it] by local people from Trachis, and he position a detachment of Phocian troops there in order to block this route.”
-Wiki, again. [lol]
Vs. the movie:
“…changed from a local Malian of sound body into a Spartan outcast, a grotesquely disfigured troll [quasi-moto-lookin mofo] who by Spartan custom should have been left exposed as an infant to die. Leonidas points out that [his] hunched back means he cannot lift his shield high enough to fight in the phalanx. This is a transparent defense of Spartan eugenics, and convenient given that infanticide could have easily have been precipitated by an ill-omened birthmark.”
-Ephraim Lytle
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharaohs Army View Post
Phalanx, plunders opponents.
(Repel. &Ridicule Runts. Regular- height Requirements.**)

This was a LOT of non-rhyming content to have the reader run through, my man. I’ve read it. I feel it had a place, it was informative and obviously gives this more background but I can’t help but feel like if you dissected this and condensed it into a rhyming section rather than a literal paragraph, it would have come off so much better here. This just isn’t the format to do it in, for me, and it hinders your verse rather than adds value to it. In fact that’s not quite correct, it adds more in the way of background and historical basis of the event but ultimately it’s a diminished return on what could have been had you wrote it out (in rhyme form).

You return to a more standard format straight after that section, which I preferred, but content wise this felt like a midway shift in your thought process that almost made the direction you were taking things in hold less weight. There’s a clear shift from the opening verse to what we find here:

A Closer? or a Collaboration Opener?:

betrayal, this style can never fail - so i find a secret trail
also known as?—a goat-path, don’t laugh - if your hopes’ dashed
thisSO bad, but don’t ask, how i wrote that
‘leas’t’s my own crap!
(i)think my opponent has a story 4us, so let’s play topical volleyball
(in)what can only be described as “possible audio”
dropped onthe unsuspecting audience
-reading their tablets as they do a session of cardio
(the)imagez come faster and ® better w/shrooms like Mario
sorry yo, ;-(
ah well ‘bout time; i Start To Deliver
here(hal0)here is an arrow
From an Archer’s Quiver!:

I felt the Mario line felt out of place, given the time frame of the setting at the start of this verse, and it then became almost you taunting your opponent and focusing solely on the current ‘battle’ you were having. The enemy here being Hal0. Your pen is the weapon. The finale with the review cast was sort of self-deprecating which I found amusing, this verse was a real rollercoaster of a piece that took me places I didn’t expect.

[Bladed Thesis]

Vote: Pharoah's Army

Stream-of-thought-on-acid work from brokenhalo breaking the line limit and being borderline non-sensical. Pharaoh's piece was a little disjointed, seemed like the idea took form but the execution was lacking at times, including being distracting.

[sral]

Jesus Christ Hal0’s is even longer.

I haven’t clicked the YouTube links as I write this, I tend to just read through and make sure I break it down as I go along the verse and note my thoughts on them as and when I feel the need. This battle is longgggg, you guys are crazy haha!

Is this Brokenhal0 also taking shots at Pharoah we’re opening with here? It certainly feels it. Thinly veiled, perhaps, but there’s a knowing wink about it that I presume is fully intentional. I’m feeling the flow of Hal0’s opening section, you can already see it’s going to be a long piece by the length but these sections aren’t at all difficult to navigate through - the lines are shorter and crisp, there’s plenty of carry-over rhyming and it’s easily digestible IMHO.

I wasn’t such a fan of the Nile (denial) wordplay thrown out there because it’s a dad joke even ive used before. Lol. I thought this section was one of your strongest:

His reign fantastic the frames bend your brain stem
until all thoughts contained in , reclaim slivers of fractals
fiction or factual
telepathic visions showed me how they built pyramids
while strict curling the statues
mirages in the distance bad decisions will drag you
encounter the creatures of volcanic darkness
monsters in the ashes suddenly slipping to grab you
wild horses are running while tricksters get trampled.

You then followed it up with this one that I felt was strong in terms of the setting you give it, good vocabulary used throughout, some interesting imagery to create a visual in the readers mind too (and I’ve kept tarantulas as pets so I enjoyed that nod too):

From the Iberian peninsula I walked barefoot to Syria
keeping a tarantula as a pet
In a bamboo box it would opened at night using it's head
crawling on me as I slept
when I arrived in Botswana
I whispered your name in the savanna vents
thinking you would whisper back but dead air just lacks the depth
fair bro every fair row (pharaoh) rows his boat everywhere that's lacking depth
now that's adept Adonai I don't know if that's a death.

Again here there’s an implied rhythm to the writing that keeps this succinct and compact (even if the verse length is long) so each individual section is actually quite brief to read and not at all difficult, these are all seeming to be almost different snippets from the same timeline rather than one story - it’s sort of like different episodes or different characters living at the same time, that’s what I’m getting from it at least. I thought the ‘fair row’ wordplay was a far more subtle jab at the opposition too which worked way better than ‘denial’ from earlier on.

The pterodactyl flying overhead threw me for a loop if I’m honest, there weren’t dinosaurs living around the same time as men, certainly not the time of the pharoahs, but I’ll give it some leeway in the benefit of creative writing and the fantasy realm. The rest of this section seemed quite based on the event of Mount Vesuvius erupting though, the red glare being the volcanic eruption, the ‘cindering trees’ and ‘molten trenches’ you mentioned were all great word choices and descriptive in their imagery. The lines here also became compact and there was a tighter flow to them, a noticeable and welcomed change of pace from what preceded it. It’s almost like you took that section and deliberately sped up events, not in the sense of you skipping over a passage of time, but it’s all happening in that very instance - the explosion of the volcano and it’s release of lava, the moment of eruption, this is it. The climatic point. This is what it’s been building towards, bubbling below the surface. I thought that was pretty creative in how it was executed and delivered here, it was subtle for sure but noticeable to me as I read through it.


The ‘snake from the skull’ mention was a nice tie-in for me personally as I’m aware that’s often used symbolically to represent the nature of death, physical destruction, sometimes spiritual also but it’s undoubtedly a strong image of death symbolically and I again enjoyed the deft touch there. It was kept subtle, yet holds a stronger meaning. The transition into wrestling terminology and whatnot sort of took me out of the stories progression again somewhat at that point to be truthful, “lionsaulting” for example felt slightly jarring in the context of the narrative to me, but I’m sticking with it.

“Have you ever smelt your own flesh burning from volcanic rain?” made me laugh, I guess my sense of humour is quite dark but I found that line funny to come across amongst the serious tone throughout the rest of this (Okay, maybe not all, but the majority for sure!)

This section to me felt more of a flex, showing the rhymescheme being toyed with back and forth and bounded around. It was a clear showing of skill, flexing those muscles, no doubt intended as jabs towards your opponent again here but I did feel it was somewhat out of place within the verse as you had been building this scene up so well prior :

That would be considered architect abuse - get the gavel
eloquently i spit LSD - blue elephants
put your neck in a noose ; let the heckler rattle
like a contra contract we creep around platoons
recon for new intelligence man meets machines
fuck a robocop these bars are terminator 3.

The insertion of Robocop and Terminator within a verse based around Mount Vesuvius, ancient Pharaohs, and even a wild pterodactyl at one point, sort of took me out of the bigger story for a moment. In my mind those things don’t co-exist, they’re different time frames with vast swathes of time passed between them and almost don’t belong in the same storyline. I can suspend my belief somewhat and apply artistic licence but there’s a shift in the overall narrative tone where you’ve gone from seriously describing the build up to the volcanoes eruption and then you’ve veered on a different trajectory almost in shifting your focus more towards your opposition. I don’t know if you were in two minds about how best to execute this, but I much prefer your initial approach over the diss-topical one that keeps rearing it’s head on occasion throughout this piece. The first one is strong, imagery laden, solid enough world building to have my interest, the flow is short and succinct, I can feel invested in it as a reader and you have me right there without the need for the excessive lines directed at the opponent on this one. I think if you would focus yourself on that main objective the piece would be all the better for it, rather than paying him as much thought as you have so far intermittently. I see that he threw shots (arrows?) at you also so I can sort of see why you did it but I still think you’re stronger in not retaliating here.

The mention of A.I a short while later had me wondering if that was a pot shot taken at Eviction. It had to be, right? It just seems to be too close to be coincidental. Perhaps it was subconsciously coming through in the writing here but that’s how I interpreted it at least. The ‘squid’ like character made me think of Cthulhu as you mentioned it, just this seminal crustacean carefully overlooking the arid plains and hatching his plan. I didn’t think the dialogue really fit the image I had, there was something informal about it being spoken in that manner, especially such an evil being claiming something like a jay full of embryos being “delish”.

It’s interesting to me how your own Pharoah survives at the end, rather than you killing him, especially given the shots throughout this that seemed to be taken at PA. I wouldn’t have expected you to have wanted to let him live, but for you to kill him, though I can also see how in doing so you let him live… UNTIL NEXT TIME! It gives it a sort of “To be continued.” type vibe and that can be polarising but I felt it gave enough resolution here to not be a problem for me.

Right. Let’s get into this vote, finally…

In terms of the actual stories - and more so their environment they were set in here - I felt that P.A kept his grounded in facts, while Brokenhal0 left himself more room to manoeuvre and expound upon the events both leading up to it and it’s aftermath. There were elements to both submissions that sort of sidelined the main story progression, to me, and took me out of the central scenarios somewhat. In the case of PA it was those non-rhyming paragraphs, and quotations from different users, that he then decided to incorporate into his piece. With BH I found similar around the sections quoted that appeared geared more at showing his opponent why he was the better writer and displaying it with a braggadocios flavour to it at times. It was a noticeable shift, and I admit it threw me at parts before he seemed to bring it back to his initial direction and carry on with the main storyline. Now, I did really enjoy how BH built up to the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in his joint, I also enjoyed how PA closed out with the different arrow heads so creativity and originality wise I had both around evenly matched here. From a purely flow perspective I was leaning more towards BH, Pharoah’s paragraphed sections without rhymes were a heavy read without having the pace of multiple rhymes to drive them forwards. I must say too that BH arguably had an edge in terms of imagery here throughout, though you could perhaps also argue that’s the case because he had more lines overall to produce that sort of content within the narrative framework. Anyway, I think I’ve wrote enough for one week, this is an insanely long battle and I doubt many more will give this the breakdown I have. I’ll keep this brief and say I’m going against the grain here to vote Brokenhal0.

[Master Rock]

I never felt this confused trying to read a verse. I think PA was trying to me to much background. I like to read a verse and let me fill in the gaps or research what your saying myself. I felt it was distracting at best, maybe its my ADHD..I don't know. Odd parenthesis, dashes, bold text and quotes galore..ugh...just to much for me to delve in and just enjoy the verse. As for Halo, the brother came out swinging with battle cat spartan vibes, he might as well said, "This is Sparta!!!" Lol! Then he hit us with this quotable,
"He couldn't decipher my pages in the higher chambers
as the walls tighten you submit to the lion tamers"
Fire!!! But are you stating that PA is a Lion? Then what would that make you? hmmm.
The rhymes are on point but does PA have spaceships? Ugh...I'm so confused again...But he hits us with another quotable,
"As i glade threw aqueducts staring at strangers eating wild plants"
If y'all don't feel this one you need to delve in deeper.
On continuing to read...ugh...parenthesis too...blah..I believe the reader either gets it or not...because that separates the reader from the journey when you force that educational text book curveball (not feeling it). Those bracket cause a racket! PA's verse was good but crazy distracting. I can't break down all of Halo's verse but I enjoyed the ride much more and he placed me in Egypt and desert with Pharaoh. Vote Halo.

[Soule]

Sorry for the lack luster vote. I'm on my phone.

This is one of the those topics where if you're going to take the obvious route, you'll need to be packed to the brim with imagery, detail, narration and diction. Accuracy. References. To do it right you won't want to just brush the surface. So... let's see how yall did...

Pharoah. While you have a boat load of references and I commend you for that. The structure and wording of it all was pretty rough to get through. Which equally hurt the flow of things. You had some interesting concepts in there but I was definitely hoping for either a vivid story tell or something creative, and while you were creative, I feel like you had too much working against yourself to maintain consistency.

Halo, fuck me this was good. Smooth from start to finish. Creative take on the topic. Wording was nice. Structure was easy on the eyes. You definitely delivered here.

Overall both guys arrived and did their thing but Halo showed intri***y wins almost every time. Vote Halo

[Frank]

@brokenhal0
WINS!