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Old 07-24-2014, 02:06 PM   #1
Certain
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Default Championship: 9. Certain vs. 14. YDK \\ Certain wins 8-2


Round 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Wednesday, July 30 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday, August 3 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.


Topic





Good luck, @Certain and @YDK.
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Old 07-29-2014, 10:44 PM   #2
YDK
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The squeamish should check themselves in their heart of hearts
because life is a ride and death is the parking spot.
Revving the engine high and wrecking some target parts
will only hinder you from getting your carcass smogged.
I know,
you're settled and blessed with a smartass job,
but you dont have the time to get your own garden off.
The jobs a pressure cooker stressing your noggin hard.
you're bombing under fire...
but can't shell out the Molotov's.
Every form of your form thats formed You, the present,
was forced through a course that was a force to be reckoned
and taught you the importance of morsels and seconds.
Your bearings set now when you're torn in directions
because you've learned to navigate storms with a death wish.
We choose our vehicles for sport and for pleasure,
hoping to climb hills with the torque of our engines.
We blow by daisies as they tear in the breeze
so we can get home and then stare at our weeds.
With no control over nefarious deeds
we are a back seat driver to the American dream.
Telling the chauffer to operate on a spare if he needs
is simple street math like a square to a fiend.
Running over the next man? Dare if he please,
as long as you dont have to wait there at the scene.
Every factor unearthed of matter since birth
matters to persons of actual worth.
From the path of our journey to the plants and the birds
to the rappers and nerds who massacre words.
Whether crashed or submerged, blasted or burned,
or ended their descendence in a traveling hearse:

The vehicle is your given casket, fit to drive
and illustrate a daisy that is whole; hasn't lived its life.
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Old 07-30-2014, 01:29 AM   #3
Certain
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Look at the colors. Green means life, I suppose.
The slabs of granite, tight in rows,
show everything we take for granted, quite composed.
In the shot, there's hints of light, exposed,
but the background fades to blur. I'd guess that's wasted Earth.
I'd guess that's space reserved for the plight of those
who indulge in such trite repose, such tasteless work.

Dear "River Acheron" (a name that's probably not what it seems
as my Google search says that's a body of water in Greece),

Fuck you.

If it's not already obvious, please, let me offer you all I can see
in this photographic atrocity, that you signed with a digital flourish:
• I get the limited toning, close in on the pivotal moment.
That's exactly what ever other novice with a DSLR did with their focus.
• I'm seeing the rule of thirds, background divided to balance it out,
yet you've washed away everything in the sky's tint and matted the clouds.
• There's beauty in flowering fauna, the bud's growth to the seed head,
which is why dandelions are the favorite plants of most of the Pre-K.
• And then there's that signature, a brazen credit anointed in scripture,
but why would you put it across the lone focal point of your picture?

See, your composition is poor, subject matter unceasingly trite.
But you've made it big, River! Front page on the Deviant site.
Yes, it's teaming with bright, young, bookish media types
who hope their lame, broke clichés become desktop wallpaper.
Meanwhile, never seeing the light of day, these desperate art majors
slave over true beauty, inscribed in unpublished Descartes papers.
This Internet culture has delineated the path to success
is throwing up whatever you can as fast as you can, prepackaged and sent.
Reprints and Photoshops have won over this pantomime
where genius gets strangled by weeds.

Artistic dandelions.
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Old 07-30-2014, 04:11 PM   #4
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Ydk: the car metaphor for life.. is tiring. Not that this wasnt good writing, but for a champ match, you should've deviated from cliches altogether. This is a verse that I think people couldve expected from you, which is a problem, because you knew coming into this match that you needed you + a little more. Now, where I think this verse succeeds is how it flows logically and for the most part, doesn't meander too long on any idea. You said what you needed to say, and wrapped it all up at the end. Focused. I was just hoping for more flavor.

Certain: Creative, and much appreciated take on the topic at hand. This verse made me feel bad, but in a good way. The bullet points where you criticize the picture were hilarious. The rhyming was clean, which made this an easy read. I was in and out. 1 pump wonder. This verse essentially summed up the integrity of the competitors in the league this season, which made it almost inspiring. Oh, also the ending was the perfect way to end this. okay verse

v/Certain for a more refined/original verse.
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Old 07-31-2014, 09:55 PM   #5
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Decent champ battle, was expecting less from both, but came with more than I expected. A surreal experience. I sit listening to daft punks discovery, a particular song in 'something about us'. Even coupled with the anime of interstella 5555, makes it even more acceptable. It is coupled perfectly, and overrun with emotion makes this battle much easier to grade. YDK came coupled with a fire. It was intense as it was simple. I liked the idea you took, as it had many big words to explain in detail about it but i don't feel like thinking those big words into words. It was decent, it was strong, it was straightforward. You told a story with one counterpoint and seemed to be driven off of explain that one thing, what differentiated you from certain is that he coupled his with various aspects over a more adjectivial aspect, where you described something with couplets and ongoing stanzas, he switched themes to pounce on a certain topic/subject at hand. Which made it more appreciative. Along with this (something about us, something about us) he didn't deviate and remained pretty focused and angry at the whole thing, upset almost, satirically comical, and ingeniously creative. Reminded me of pancake last round. He handled it with such a delicate touch it was genius. I remember reading it and thinking 'stellar' This is certains best work. I can't think of where he tackled a topic that much into liking and it made this much profound effect. It was top-notch and couldve beaten me if I could only use vowels to write. This album is good. Something about us shifts the moment, shifts it. Shifts the whole album, the peak. It's perfect. The delineation between stranger and bystander, in which we are all confined too. The silent voice that tells us 'what the hell should I do' in those exact words, too. The voice that speaks to you, silently, yet not loudly, yet not even speaking to you, it's almost a re-enactment of your own thoughts while youre thinking what you're saying at the moment. That tiny gut feeling you feel when you hold hands, and the heat stubs you. That feeling when you turn on your favorite track and turn up thenotch on the volume, and feel the vibrous, porous pattern on the side of the knob that livens you, when you hear the ampliciation of the music rise to a studded, perfect level that speaks to you, but not the same way you speak to yourself in your head to tell you to do things, it speaks to your vascular system, you feel your blood boil, with such finesse, you tell yourself, with a grin' i love music, i love life' and you securely tell a loved one, you love them. you send a familiar text, you eat a familiar food, you do something that livens you, you write, you exercise, you read, you touch, you smile, you watch a movie, and you learn something that night. you feel yourself getting smarter, like your life suddenly flipped a chapter and this is the new chapter, and tomorrows a new and better day. You want to keep living, even though you may have been in a abyss the night before, writhing to get out, crying, seeping blood. seeping sweat, not metaphorically of course, but, maybe just literally, perhaps. You sing yourself a song, you hum it, you take a shot of liquor. You puff that cigarette. You stare off into the light, the empty hallway, or maybe not so empty outside your room, with a mirror, a couple decorations, and you think to yourself, 'i can't handle everything' but you do, because you have too, but it isn't gloomy, this is exceptionally proud feeling. A happy, amorous, just non toxic feeling. A feeling so dense you couldnt cut it with the blade you're so familiar with. Or once were, or never were. Or maybe you want to be. Maybe you fantasize about it.

And the music starts to fade, and you hear the percussion starting to deamplify, reduction in sound, vibration, and you come back to reality, your senses heightened, you watch a plane, you hear it, so loud, with its blinking pattern like strobes. 1-2....1.........stop...1-2. You memorize the light patterns from the plane. You think about how many people are on that plane. How many hugs one particular person will get when they get off the plane. If that person is thinking about me looking at them, and they are, I am. But we don't know. We won't ever know. We're just a geographical mass of land, with *perhaps* some human looking up at it in the star studded night, maybe, maybe not. You think so. Think about the pilot, think about their family. Who they love. Why they love them. How they grew up, and how their parents grew up. You quickly shift your thoughts, a firefly dims your peripheral. You look at it and smile. Or you don't. You sip your coffee, take a sigh, and walk back in. You think about the next set of things to do, or if you don't - you lie down. Close your eyes and this chapter is postponed till you wake from your slumber some odd hours later. And it begins, but it really has gotten better. You have gotten better. Sometimes you need to relax. To not do anything. To think, but not deeply. To appreciate. To look. And see.

Be challenged. Certain was challenging. He won.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 08-01-2014, 12:13 AM   #6
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Alright YDK - You wrote a true concept piece and it started slow in the flow department on the first read. But you picked that shit up proper and fast. I enjoyed the heavy schemes, but mostly because it wasn't forced what so ever. When I went back to read I understood why the opener wasn't the best flowing one. You had to set up the concept. But with that said, I feel like you should have had enough time to find a way to re-word that opening bar so it had a crisper end rhyme. As for the concept, I loved it. I appreciate concept pieces more then the next guy because when I was writing as a young lad, that's what a topical was. Then people started doing stories. I can also do a story, but I don't have fun doing that. You chose to take us on a ride of our lives...Perfect title for your verse eh?? The verse was short and to the point. You nailed the flow and I can see what you went for, but I will be a bit negative as to play the "constructive criticism" card. It seemed you did what I did vs. you. Focused so much on rhyme that the point was lost in the middle. You kept the content, but went from life being a ride to killing people. I understand that you were giving direct examples of human life and worth, but you jumped too much for me as far as a topical goes. Again, being over critical because I thoroughly enjoyed this.


Certain - You zygoted it haha... On the real, the opening bar, as YDK, was fairly weak. but you did keep that same cadence or flow going so it helped me to not dislike it so much because the following bars were nice. When I say the opening bar was weak, I mean the content, not so much flow. But then again it's hard to criticize you for that because aren't you at the same time simply critiquing another man or lady? I enjoyed the flow in the this verse very much. I will say you switched the third stanza to the A,A,A,B,B,B scheme which I realized I don't like and will make a point not to use. I prefer lines or bars to be in pairs, either aa bb cc or aaaa bbbb cccc, although I to like to have fun with wording shit. All in all though I thought the take on the picture, the whole dissection angle to be brilliant. One of the better verses of the season



Voting Certain. YDK you did good, but I can say from all the verses I read this season, I can't off the top of my head say this would have lost to any of them. I'm sure it is a top 4 verse of the season. So While Y, you wrote something I truly did like, you simply still didn't bring enough moxie (such a dope word) to win.
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Old 08-01-2014, 05:45 PM   #7
BROKE LESNAR
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YDK View Post
The squeamish should check themselves in their heart of hearts
because life is a ride and death is the parking spot.
Revving the engine high and wrecking some target parts
will only hinder you from getting your carcass smogged.
I know,
you're settled and blessed with a smartass job,
but you dont have the time to get your own garden off.
The jobs a pressure cooker stressing your noggin hard.
you're bombing under fire...
but can't shell out the Molotov's.
Every form of your form thats formed You, the present,
was forced through a course that was a force to be reckoned
and taught you the importance of morsels and seconds.
Your bearings set now when you're torn in directions
because you've learned to navigate storms with a death wish.
We choose our vehicles for sport and for pleasure,
hoping to climb hills with the torque of our engines.
We blow by daisies as they tear in the breeze
so we can get home and then stare at our weeds.
With no control over nefarious deeds
we are a back seat driver to the American dream.
Telling the chauffer to operate on a spare if he needs
is simple street math like a square to a fiend.
Running over the next man? Dare if he please,
as long as you dont have to wait there at the scene.
Every factor unearthed of matter since birth
matters to persons of actual worth.
From the path of our journey to the plants and the birds
to the rappers and nerds who massacre words.
Whether crashed or submerged, blasted or burned,
or ended their descendence in a traveling hearse:

The vehicle is your given casket, fit to drive
and illustrate a daisy that is whole; hasn't lived its life.
I loved how you did this, man. This might be the best stuff I've ever seen you post. Nothing battle-wise I've ever read from you, whether regular or S&F was as compelling as this. You told a wonderful story and kept me awake by maintaining the rhyme scheme. I hate topicals. I thought reading this battle would bore me the fuck out, but considering the importance of it I decided to vote. I'm not disappointed in the least bit and can admit when I actually read something great. This was a fantastic showing.






Quote:
Originally Posted by Certain View Post


Look at the colors. Green means life, I suppose.
The slabs of granite, tight in rows,
show everything we take for granted, quite composed.
In the shot, there's hints of light, exposed,
but the background fades to blur. I'd guess that's wasted Earth.
I'd guess that's space reserved for the plight of those
who indulge in such trite repose, such tasteless work.

Dear "River Acheron" (a name that's probably not what it seems
as my Google search says that's a body of water in Greece),

Fuck you.

If it's not already obvious, please, let me offer you all I can see
in this photographic atrocity, that you signed with a digital flourish:
• I get the limited toning, close in on the pivotal moment.
That's exactly what ever other novice with a DSLR did with their focus.
• I'm seeing the rule of thirds, background divided to balance it out,
yet you've washed away everything in the sky's tint and matted the clouds.
• There's beauty in flowering fauna, the bud's growth to the seed head,
which is why dandelions are the favorite plants of most of the Pre-K.
• And then there's that signature, a brazen credit anointed in scripture,
but why would you put it across the lone focal point of your picture?

See, your composition is poor, subject matter unceasingly trite.
But you've made it big, River! Front page on the Deviant site.
Yes, it's teaming with bright, young, bookish media types
who hope their lame, broke clichés become desktop wallpaper.
Meanwhile, never seeing the light of day, these desperate art majors
slave over true beauty, inscribed in unpublished Descartes papers.
This Internet culture has delineated the path to success
is throwing up whatever you can as fast as you can, prepackaged and sent.
Reprints and Photoshops have won over this pantomime
where genius gets strangled by weeds.

Artistic dandelions.
This was incredible, and I hate topicals. I hate reading them, I hate replying to them, I hate voting on them. Beautifully written. This entire section:

If it's not already obvious, please, let me offer you all I can see
in this photographic atrocity, that you signed with a digital flourish:
• I get the limited toning, close in on the pivotal moment.
That's exactly what ever other novice with a DSLR did with their focus.
• I'm seeing the rule of thirds, background divided to balance it out,
yet you've washed away everything in the sky's tint and matted the clouds.
• There's beauty in flowering fauna, the bud's growth to the seed head,
which is why dandelions are the favorite plants of most of the Pre-K.
• And then there's that signature, a brazen credit anointed in scripture,
but why would you put it across the lone focal point of your picture?

was great. I thought YDK had a very polished approach but this segment alone was just as good as his entire verse. Not saying YDK's was bad in any way, of course.




Both of you, for a brief moment, made me forget how much I hated topicals. I guess hates a strong word, I always thought Baron's were the best on the net. In fact I don't think I've read a topical since one of Baron's. This battle went along way to changing that perspective. Both verses were compelling and kept me reading until conclusion. Excellent finals.

v-Certain
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Old 08-01-2014, 09:13 PM   #8
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@BROKE LESNAR hope to see you doing topicals next season bro
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Old 08-02-2014, 10:48 AM   #9
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interesting. i'll be honest. I am very surprised at how sub par both of these verses are. no hate. I am a big fan of both your guys writing but neither of these verses are really playoff worthy let alone champ match worthy.

they both seemed rushed. worst verse I have ever read from certain imo


YDK - the multis seemed forced in some spots. while others were pretty dope. like these


We blow by daisies as they tear in the breeze
so we can get home and then stare at our weeds.
With no control over nefarious deeds


liked that little section there


as far as the take on the picture. it seemed like a reach. outlining a hurry up society that's always on the move. until we hit the grave. not a creative take on the pic at all really .



certain - I don't know what happened here. we homies but im not gonna sugar coat it. this wasn't top tier writing. I have seen verses ten times better from you. the flow and structure and multis all lacked your usual zest. and I hated the approach on the topic. basically just describing the physical picture as the subject while degrading the photographer instead of maybe metaphorically describing what the picture was actually about. and with the bullets. you took a big swing and a bit of a risk but ultimately I feel like you struck out .



overall- thanks for the reads guys. good job making the finals. you both seem a bit gassed at this point. which is understandable.


vote - YDK
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Old 08-03-2014, 01:14 AM   #10
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YDK: I enjoyed the flow of this, it made it a very easy read. I really didn't like the concept though honestly. Seems cliché, but the rhyming made it very enjoyable. There were some gems sprinkled throughout this though. The force to be reckoned line was my favorite. All in all, I'd say this was good, but I wish you had approached this from a different angle because in the end I think it hurt you. With a tombstone as the topic so much could've been done with it.

Certain: At the start, I didn't like the tight rows/light, exposed rhyme scheme you had going in the beginning, but once you hit the bullet points the flow came together nicely. I didn't expect you to take this route since its a champ match, but I think it worked in your favor. The bullet point about his signature being printed over the focal point was my favorite, but I chuckled at all of them and wondered if River Acheron knew you just made him your bitch. He probably doesn't, but I do so I'm voting

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Old 08-03-2014, 09:39 AM   #11
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YDK: Enjoyed the verse a lot, it was neatly put together with straight to the point shit and flowed throughout to me. The concept was easy to follow and no need for a second read to fully understand the verse. I enjoyed that quite a bit. Felt the verse followed suit throughout. Well done.

Certain: First paragraph went straight to the point and it was poetic how you went about it. Then you took a completely different turn, judging the person that took the picture and dissing the culture of DeviantArt. Funny. I liked it a lot though. Unique and creative risk taking that approach to a picture like this that screams for some life/death-scenario shit. I liked that almost more than the verse itself. What's really buying me though is the closure, brilliant way to end it.

Vote:
Certain. I definitely enjoyed YDK's verse a lot, but his approach didn't surprise me and got me engaged in the same way Certain did. Certain's verse was on a higher level in my opinion. YDK had a polished verse that would beat a lot of writers on this site but in this particular battle it didn't edge it in his favor imo. That said; dope fucking battle.
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Old 08-03-2014, 11:32 AM   #12
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This was a good champ match, not great, but good. YDK, I would have to say, this was in my opinion, one of your best pieces of the season, maybe even the best. You excelled greatly in the way you strung together each line to create a most fluid read from start to finish. I can tell you really took the time to write this and make it a smooth read. Props. I liked the direction you went, though it isn't one of the more unique takes. You dropped some really good lines to drive your point across which makes up for the lack of a unique take. You practically flooded your whole piece with these key phrases which made it very enjoyable. While you had many good lines that provoked thinking, you did have a few that were a bit bland, but as I said before, the flow of your piece pretty much disguises those slight hiccups. There wasn't any major issues with your piece, which I feel is your best, but I think you could have done more in the creativity department. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed the flow of your piece and it's overall readability. Certain, you've had the hot hand for awhile. With the numerous no shows from top tier writers and a much open road to winning the title, it seems winning this title was yours for the taking. Funny how my vote in your match against oats kept you in here huh? Lol. No seriously, you seemed to write better and better and last round against myself, you dropped what I believe was your best piece of the season. In this match, your piece wasn't better than last round, but once again you fired another solid piece. Your opponent had the better flow, you created a very unique cadence which actually made the read very smooth. I definitely like your take on the image as well. You based the concept of your piece around the signature while throwing in descriptions of the image to mesh with your points of view. I liked that uniqueness of the concept. Your writing, as of late, continues to deliver. Your precise use of certain words and the way you put it all together goes above any writer on this site. I think you've taken the critique of having "boring" pieces and really started applying more creativity and stretching your approach to topics. You've found your niche. The bullet point section was really cool, and I think the way you ended your piece was just as good as YDK's, maybe even slightly better. Overall, this was very good.


I commend both of you for the amount of work you've put in this season with writing. YDK, you've had an up and down season, but managed to string together some solid pieces to make it here in the champ match. Certain, at one point, you seemed out of place this season but then put it all together, especially during this playoff despite a drop in competitive opposition, while still writing at an elite, consistent level. I think you've made a statement. Though YDK wrote probably his best piece of the season, it just wasn't enough to topple Certain's uniquely written piece. Congratulations to both of you. I enjoyed each story very much.


MFVGT: Certain. Great job by both competitors.
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Old 08-03-2014, 11:42 AM   #13
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YDK: This was a really strong showing imo. it's obvious you took much more time writing this. I may not be the most familiar with every one of your verses, but this stands out as the best I've read from you fairly easily. Good shit, you stepped it up for the champ match.

as always you had the rhyme schemes down, and you tightened up your language to make it sound better; there were very few slips at all in your wording, and the ones that were there were minor. Overall your actual writing was really good.


that isn't to say this was perfect. I think my biggest gripe was the concept/angle you took. the car metaphor was done well, but it was still a car metaphor lol. not to sound like a dick, but it's just a common representative vehicle, which makes it a little less interesting off the bat. it's almost like a defeat/da feet line in battling - even with a nice, fresh flip, it's still a defeat/da feet line. But beyond that, I didn't feel like you shed any new light on the subject matter. Life/death are such grandiose topics that it's difficult to posit any new insight or meaning on them. I think where you stumbled in this regard was how vague you chose to keep it. This allowed better metaphoric connection with the car, but kept me at arms-length from it all. So it never had much of an impact on me.

Overall, this was a good verse. Very thorough. But it wasn't great. It lacked the riskiness and ambition that mark great verses, where you challenge the reader a bit, but successfully get through to them. I wasn't challenged here, though I was impressed.



Certain: I think you did a lot with a short length (heyo!). The humor was great, and the rhyming was really tight. I could personally connect with the deconstruction, even though I know nothing of photography (or the finer points to it).

My only complaint was that you dove into the shallows I felt - towards the end you start to comment on the state of art nowadays, but it was so brief compared to the rest. I would have liked to see more down that road, maybe another 8-12 tbh.

Overall: Strong showing from both imo, but I think Certain pulled it off here. Not a complete blowout by any means, it was decently close, but after multiple re-reads I think Certain's lead only grew. His verse just had more to it. Good match to both
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Old 08-03-2014, 09:30 PM   #14
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YDK- Very cool verse here. I really dig the metaphor you used throughout. The imagery was dope, although there was some forced wording for the sake of rhyme. This was very tight rhythmically, but didn't have any impressive transitions in flow, however this verse was still impressively sound. I haven't read as much from you this season as I did the last, but if I were to compare the then and now, I'd say you've excelled greatly and I love that you're reaching and not just playing it safe. I feel like you evolved your strengths over into a larger territory of focus and your usage shined about as evenly as the vocabulary you used; a contrast from last round. I dug this. Good job bro.

Certain- I don't know if I can appreciate this angle. It feels fresh, but it comes off as arrogant. Arrogant as in, "I'm not taking this especially serious right now." I'm not saying you shat on it, I'm just saying thats how it came off to me. I think more meat could have been added to further realized the potential of this verse. It felt kinda like you only scratched the surface and could have been a little more scathing for entertainment's sake. Decent verse imo, but there wasn't enough here for me to feel like it really pack a punch. It was interesting for what it was though. Thank you for Giving us an awesome season and some of the best verses of AOWL 3. Good Job.


I think few parts of both verses were a little bit off, but both were also exceptional in execution and originality. Both were enjoyable, in parts, for different reasons. This was far more of a champ match than I'd expected, and I'm so happy for that. Thank you guys for showing up and showing out... and see you next time we lock horns. MVGT YDK for an overall more enjoyable verse. Great season guys!
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