Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Netcees - Leagues & Tournaments > Art of Writing League > AOWL Season 4 Archive

User Tag List
Adonis, CopyPat, dead man, NYCSPITZ, Split Eight, UnbornBuddha, Zen

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-04-2015, 12:16 AM   #1
Certain
Mad fucking dangerous.
 
Certain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,178
Battle Record: 40-19


Champed
- AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)

Rep Power: 85899383
Certain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond repute
Default AOWL SEASON 4 MAGAZINE: Playoffs! Round 2



Short and Sweet
INTRODUCTION





Hi, friends. I'm short on time this week, so this magazine is thin. But it has all the key elements, thanks to a big help from Adonis with battle reviews. Get at it.



Round 1 Rewind
BATTLE REVIEWS by Adonis
Huge help here from Adonis in breaking down the battles.





3. UnbornBuddha beats 14. Soulstice 4-3

Buddha – There is some very interesting metaphor/phrasing/ideals being thrown around which I enjoy, but I am concerned about the depth of the read come voting time. Over the past two months of me enjoying your work I realized something. On occasion you have these simple grammatical errors while the complexity and wordy form is so compact it's just ironic. I have come to the conclusion that, for the most part, you keystyle your verse, allowing what may come out free. This is both amazing and wrong. The depth you contain in a single sentence/phrase is so thought provoking but, coupled with... “unmasked turn out to be the coldness our soul statistically holding” just doesn't work for me. Simple error right? So simple. “Tree hugging malicious ways” is one of those amazing phrases in perfect example. “Besides, how will a swami or prophetess stop corporate dominance, lobbyist politics That the populace swallows, without a single oscillation in their esophagus” Good god flowing meaning through the core. Pure and raw thoughts with complex flow that packs more than a punch. I can't say I fully loved this verse, but it's as close as any can get. The two step around humanity and zombie apocalypse were both vivid and concise. You delved into a world and brain all in one, no easy feat.

“Compassion is but a set of messages from our active potential cortex
Open to interpretation, which sociopaths use to defend their fortress
While alive in their terrestrial corpus they suppress their chemical urges
And later on as they level up in their metamorphosis
Becoming deities in charge of certain constellation portions
They then choose to release their neurosis and descend its torment. “

This is just a snippet, but it truly can stand alone as a body of work. When I read this I don't look for flow or cadence, I see a thought deconstructed and expanded in written form to enlighten me. Articles, not verses. I love this shit, really do. Loved the current/hardwired metaphor as well.

“Why there? Rene Descartes believed our soul to be in our pineal glands
We must experience wicked pain because it’s God’s linear plan
So, we’ll realize that both he and we have a trivial path
Our biblical past brings this cynical man a cheerful laugh
Ha! This play we’re in has a delirious cast of characters with inferior acts.”

Another snippet that just rang true and to the point, this thought alone could become an entire verse or body of work.

So....This verse was about humanity and the common, or 'followers' nature we as a people have. Not willing to study and become wise because we can learn anything from you tube and get a masters degree on any subject in five minutes or less by watching some balding males video. Zombies, mental drones regurgitating what we are told. Humanity, compassionate about ourselves until decommissioned and reprogrammed again. Dope verse. A bit vague and I wish you would pinpoint certain concepts and just expand on them, but I do love the style as I acknowledge and respect the fact that you can incorporate a feast into a microwavable plate. Cheers.

Soulstice – Sadistic and vivid images that create this twisted and dark scene elegantly. Opening sentence though, don't like the comma if I may gripe. I don't think I can piece this one together but I shall try. I notice the seasons talk followed by female names, but that did not continue when you brought Maria into the fold. I'm also not sure who the male is, maybe death and his lovers are ????? I took away at face value in which the main character, this evil soul in a mans body, is simply explaining to his wife why she is dead. Her evil began to shallow, but I don't understand why he also killed off Maria in the end, his 'ultimate' queen. Either way, even as I don't fully get the verse, the images resonate crisply. I enjoyed the dark and morbid aspect very much so. It had a demonic playground feel to it. Other then me not being able to say, “this is what your wrote about”; but rather me saying “this is what I THINK you wrote about”; the verse is flawless. Flow impeccable, and considering your opponent, quite wordy itself. This verse didn't have a single word I didn't like. You even split sentences into bars for flow well, it wasn't choppy but fluid both in cadence and story line. Again, I love the darker side of life and feel like you created this reality, a graveyard, a literal bag of bones as a throne. Enjoyed the read greatly


11. Adonis beats 6. timeless 6-0.

Timeless – This is a hectic and fast paced verse through imagery. Swinging from a rope, toes barely touching the floor, to American news where the headline is either a puppy surfing a mother raped and killed, down to what seemed like a soldier coming home, being put on trial for a crime, only the problem is he was following orders from the governed powers that be. Stop me when I'm close, I realize you may never stop me, ha. But, if I am close, that is a pretty solid concept, only the execution is so sporadic and winded it is hard to grasp as a whole, leaving it wide open for interpretation, which is mostly good, but the lack of metaphor, the mere straight forward approach can come off as a tad simplistic. I will say I liked this verse and the flow, even noticed some layers mixed in showing your attempt at the difficult route, just not enough. All in all though, I really don't have much to complain about this verse. Good showing bro.

Adonis – Better rhyming than I normally expect from you. It felt forced at time, but you did a good job of pacing the verse and throwing in some very well-written segments. I'm wondering if there wasn't some elaborate metaphor than myself and everyone else missed, though, because the content is more simplistic than you normally go with. And that's a very good thing. Do this more often. (Written by Certain.)


4. CopyPat beats 13. Defiant 6-0.

CopyPat – Classic opener bro. No matter how many verses I read yours will always stand out. You may never win a title, but will stylistically be remember and never duplicated successfully. Short and sweet, a toss up verse that had superb flow. I enjoyed the content, nay, execution because you delivered on flawless flow with a light hearted approach. I wish you created the character instead of jumping into it saying “this is what I do”. A few bars of background could have made this verse better then what it already is, which is above average but not title worthy. In any case, it was enjoyed, even more so given it's brevity. I do appreciate being able to do a lot with a little, and this is one of your greatest assets. You can not only write about anything and make it entertaining, but you can make it short and sweet and win with execution and humor over length.

Defiant – Opening rhyme scheme wise, weak as fuck bro, I can only be honest. A short verse, to the point but the ending was evident far too soon in comparison to when you had your “big finale”. We both know this was a key, thrown together with haste. The verse flowed, but the rhyme structure was simplistic to say the least. IDK man, not much I can say about this verse honestly. Sorry.


5. NYCSPITZ wins via 12. Dominate no-show.

NYC – Straight story here. These types of verses are done less and less as the seasons tick by, but you did it well enough. The action was there along with decent character transitioning that allowed me to understand who was saying what to who. I did like the lingo though, it gave the verse that needed gutter feel in order to fully capture the scene and mood of the dealers. You also set up the location very well, from images of both cars to the rain to various bridges and apartments, pretty damn detailed. I can't complain about the flow as it didn't really stutter, but it, at points, seemed a bit 'easy'. Then again, that can partly be attributed to the execution, so smooth it disguised the multi flips. Anyways. I'm used to reading lore from you, and this was polar opposite. Glad you are flexing that skill, punching different types of verses out in order to show the well rounded form that we all know you have. Fast paced read that hit on all cylinders, thanks for the solid narrative.


10. Dr. Dog beats 7. Mr. J 6-0.

Mr. J – Just looking at the length leaves me scratching my head. You have been the most consistent writer over the past three AOWLS when signed in, but I shant judge a book by appearance. This is a very dope short verse, but a full verse it is not. I love the flow, it has this pause, speed up pace that I think really suits your style. I can add more good details about this verse, how you nearly captured an entire season of cricket into a very short stanza, or how you managed to chop up a flow and compact it into a tight space, but all I really can say is, where's the beef? The verse was cut short just as it was beginning. I know you said something about being uninspired or some shit, but that is the thing, we should strive to outclass our opponent on any topic, especially when you have the ability to destroy what he wrote.

Dr. Dog – “Harbored bad intent” Two thumbs for playing at work, innuendo at its finest. Story about death. Not sure about the nautical theme though, I can only assume it ties into the either the blood flow from slicing a main artery or fisherman returning from an extended oceanic escapade only to find the death of a loved one. In any case, this verse had some strange structure, a staccato type flow that really didn't flatter, but the depth and meat were there. I enjoyed it for being short, but at the same time will tell you this is incomplete. Read as effortless, a toss up, not necessarily careless, but not meticulously crafted either. Again though, I will add I enjoyed. There is something to be said about one of your weaker verses and the emotion and imagery you can pass on with out even trying. Step that game back up, fuck school, win a title.


8. Zen wins via 9. Witty no-show.

Zen – You stopped parenthesizing what should have been in the middle??? Up for interpretation, but as I am the interpreter.... Truth be told I didn't mind because it left something out there to be found. This verse was very clean though my friend, like really fucking clean. From the start to end the narrative approach was executed on a very high level, the story telling, namely the scenic placement and vivid imagery were top notch. I can see exactly what you were telling me to look at. Not only that, but you brought up shit on a personal level, emotions I mean. Connecting my past with the characters in a sense. I have to say this is actually one of the best verses of the week. So simple, a memory being revisited, but the execution was anything but simple. The paragraph style is eerily long bar so I will add watch that as I for one hate it, usually, but you use it very well here. I guess as long you as add multiple end rhymes mid way through you can clear that up. This is one of my favorite verses from that I can remember. The approach, I mean the thought process you had leading up to writing this is clear, but again, the fundamental execution between flow and godly imagery were amazing. Top Notch for me, thoroughly loved it.



Round 2 Preview
LISTEN UP/
COMPETITOR BREAKDOWN
by Certain
Yes, I'm back with audio.


<iframe width="100%" height="166" scrolling="no" frameborder="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/199007817&amp;color=ff5500&amp;auto_play=false&amp ;hide_related=false&amp;show_comments=true&amp;sho w_user=true&amp;show_reposts=false"></iframe>



PREDICTIONS by Certain
Consider this a lightning round.





1. Certain vs. 8. Zen | "Everybody changes, not just me." — Eldridge Cleaver
The most likely scenario in all of Zen's battles is a no-show victory for him. But I think I should be able to show, hopefully. (I'm not kidding; it's going to be a tight squeeze for me. I may have to write by phone.) Because of my insider knowledge, I'm going to pick the upset here. The topic is perfect for Zen and his awesome new style. Prediction: Zen 53-47.


5. NYCSPITZ vs. 4. CopyPat | "The secret of life is to have no fear." — Stokely Carmichael
This battle is so thorough. The clash of styles is great, and it's a favorite for battle of the week and could determine the champion of this entire tournament. CopyPat beat NYCSPITZ at least once this regular season, but I think NYCSPITZ rises to the occasion, as he has in the past. Prediction: NYCSPITZ 52-48.


3. UnbornBuddha vs. 11. Adonis | "The future belongs to those who prepare for it." — Malcolm X
Don't sleep on these guys. But maybe sleep on Adonis since he's going to be crunched for time. UnbornBuddha is a weird treasure who has had such a great, under-the-radar season. I'm not sure he can beat the best, but I'll pick him here, especially given the circumstances. Prediction: UnbornBuddha 56-44.


10. Dr Dog vs. 2. dead man | "The revolution has always been in the hands of the young." — Huey Newton
OK, this is the real favorite for battle of the week. Only, I wouldn't be surprised if one or both either no-show or write short. I think dead man is more motivated, and he had a better season, and he probably still is the better writer for all the ground Split Eight has made up. Prediction: dead man 55-45.



We'll Do It Again, Better
CONCLUSION by Certain


Let's keep this shit going. Here's the Father John Misty album stream.


__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
Certain is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 10:32 AM   #2
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,459
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 7596543
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

@Certain me getting net here was crazy wishful thinking. Not much of a tower for service. But my extension in thread

Good shit with the mag, thanks for the feed. His dad was death. Didn't play on it that much until the final segment on purpose.
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR
Adonis is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 11:53 AM   #3
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,324
Battle Record: 31-33


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 5103824
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

thanks bra
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 12:56 PM   #4
Zen
Arm the Homeless
 
Zen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,111
Battle Record: 22-24


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 35079700
Zen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant future
Default

http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=104347

Let me get a little credit.

Cool mag though, it's appreciated as always. brb bout to kill myself.
Zen is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 01:38 PM   #5
CopyPat
Mic Check
 
CopyPat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 681
Battle Record: 13-10



Rep Power: 3567149
CopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to CopyPat
Default

lol props for the audio bit
__________________
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.
CopyPat is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 04:50 PM   #6
dead man
living
 
dead man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,948
Battle Record: 26-15

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V

Rep Power: 71975968
dead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant future
Default

I'll probably be here in a year

If you guys are :(
__________________
we're not supposed to be born. that's why it's so unimportant
dead man is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 05:53 PM   #7
Split Eight
PhD from UC Barkley
 
Split Eight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,559
Battle Record: 3-5


Champed
- Haiku Writers Challenge

Rep Power: 85899357
Split Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond repute
Default

lol'd hard at the audio, good shit. TIL what persnickety meant
[RB OM HOF checking in THANK U]

lettuce beef real tea, we're all gonna be here in a year wondering if we'll be here in a year
Split Eight is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 06:02 PM   #8
Split Eight
PhD from UC Barkley
 
Split Eight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,559
Battle Record: 3-5


Champed
- Haiku Writers Challenge

Rep Power: 85899357
Split Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond repute
Default

gonna miss you @Certain don leave
Split Eight is offline  
Old 04-04-2015, 11:00 PM   #9
PancakeBrah
PancakeBrah
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 33,741
Battle Record: 2-4


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899428
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Certain if you leave I will be more upset than if you didn't leave.

Hope you can live with that.
__________________
A "hipster".
PancakeBrah is offline  
Old 04-05-2015, 12:32 PM   #10
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,324
Battle Record: 31-33


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 5103824
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

where u going audio doesnt platy 4 me
@Certain @dead man
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline  
Old 04-05-2015, 10:48 PM   #11
Certain
Mad fucking dangerous.
 
Certain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,178
Battle Record: 40-19


Champed
- AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)

Rep Power: 85899383
Certain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Back to the real world.
Certain is offline  
Old 04-06-2015, 12:11 AM   #12
UnbornBuddha
Senior Member
 
UnbornBuddha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 988
Battle Record: 23-10


Champed
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5

Rep Power: 23856355
UnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant future
Default

I enjoyed it all and was pleasantly surprised at the humanness of Certain's voice. Very good.
UnbornBuddha is offline  
Old 04-06-2015, 12:25 AM   #13
Wise Wiggles
WILLAWIGGERWIGGLEWIGHAAAA
 
Wise Wiggles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: OR for now <3
Posts: 4,443
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 51546149
Wise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant future
Default

lol certain u fucker.. I haven't read one to my sister in a while

I been slapping jazz lately, in the ride, also..
__________________
All these error moments.. The air is poison. Terror forms when I dare to snort the seratonin. But for now... The bear is dormant. ;-) Just always cherish golden.
Wise Wiggles is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:00 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+