my mother

[big baby]

hi. I’m okay. my name is .. (private exchange)
oceanic delight. mariana trench – lets lie on the waves
get lied to with promises as you wave your goodbyes
the we’ll soon see each others. the i cant wait to arrives
gesticulating giant, wide-eyed naivety shine
Juan Valdez roast – a vagabonds variant vibe
cash valet parking -pristine ’85 BMW e28.
cabernet offswitch. tannins drip from IV cause i don’t bleed dna
deviate from the norm. heliocentric. her face is a star
she makes the sun turn violet, and gives rainbows their scars
technicolor stitches, wounds become radiant art
do re mi, one way street to living, who’s to say that we are
in edens garden, dancing naked to purple rain
my dorsal fin can’t navigate the deepest waters
irregardless, blood print barely cracks the surface stain
takeaway is mundane themes, underneath the nervous strain
it's okay to be silent. it’s okay to want a place to scream
the days are hard fought battles, wars wade on for weeks, and
hurricanes are taking shape in the subway steam
every sunday, he tithes revived percentages of hope
so a little bit inside me dies from the carcinogenic dose
A.M. country station blazing through the cigarette tray
grandpas epitaphs engraved in in-direct faith
12 volt Citroën culture, french press grit in my veins
vaudevillian silhouette, it’s like you barely saw her
stained-glass windowpane, leather love-seat
Frankenmuth Bavarian auberge
accompanied by airport sound wave dispersement
dial pound eight, to reach the operator rotary nuisance
call me a mutant, because we hate feeling lonely as humans
let’s all huddle around the baggage carousel until we depart
what bothers me is the converging of a million souls living apart
common courtesy talks, airplanes are altitude civilian parks
we’ve been displaced by a culture aimed to minimize faith
and dilute consumer bases, zombified mimicking ape
my father used to say – take walks when it’s pouring down rain
why? so you can revisit the bridges burned in your wake
never had a father, it was just something I said to myself
did I divulge too much? my mother always said keep to yourself
cause’ the hearts on your sleeve are a poker players favorite tell
manifest themselves as sheep who hastily offer you wool
did the vague release of my cry remind you of wolf?
hell in a handbasket, riding hood tells us we fear who we are
too many questions, not any answers. period, pause

[Geno]

fucking flames. brilliant

[Sammy]

my father used to say – take walks when it’s pouring down rain
why? so you can revisit the bridges burned in your wake
never had a father, it was just something I said to myself

dope

[Diablo]

wow

best OM drop for a hot minute bro

epitaphs engraved in indirect faith was a crazy line for sure

the baggage claim/million souls drifting apart couplet was flames too

great to see you back

Keep that pen moving!

[Eŋg]

the first 8 or 9 lines (a speck of the overall verse) stymied a few attempts in reading this. even having done so a handful of times, they don't quite come together for me - but it matters naught.

everything else was stellar.

let’s all huddle around the baggage carousel until we depart
what bothers me is the converging of a million souls living apart

that's something i'd say, but i wouldn't quite as adroitly.

thanks for the read.

[dead man]

oceanic delight. mariana trench – lets lie on the waves
get lied to with promises as you wave your goodbyes
the we’ll soon see each others. the i cant wait to arrives
gesticulating giant, wide-eyed naivety shine

something about this. it reminds me of memories i did not even know i had. i don't really know how else to phrase it. i've spent a lot of secretly wonderful moments in this headspace. there's a lot of people i wish i could tell this to. honestly or otherwise. in the moment it always feels truthful, to an extent. wishful thinking is one of my favorite defenses.

tannins drip from IV cause i don’t bleed dna
deviate from the norm. heliocentric. her face is a star

thoughtful slant rhyming.

i like how you break from your internal dialogue for half a beat, then pick right back up. it creates a sort of chaos that prevents us from tiring. keeps us on our toes. following that thread, what a fantastic word choice here as well in heliocentric - you're slowly circling your focal subject. you jump, as one defies gravity for a split second, then we fall right back into order.

hurricanes are taking shape in the subway steam

because i know the spaces you inhabit, this was an extremely dope piece of visual imagination here.

not to be self indulgent but i had a line a few years back about a subway grate and a woman's skirt that all flooded back to me when i read this. in this instant i smelled the State/Chicago redline stop. that's just my world. only you know yours, obviously, but what's so beautiful and alluring about this is the inclusivity that occurs when you are able to bridge them with a simple idea like the swirling image of subway steam.

french press grit in my veins

yeesh.

we hate feeling lonely as humans
let’s all huddle around the baggage carousel until we depart
what bothers me is the converging of a million souls living apart

again, it's a simple idea. but if you live where we live, you can't not feel this a little bit.

my father used to say – take walks when it’s pouring down rain
why? so you can revisit the bridges burned in your wake
never had a father, it was just something I said to myself

i think this was something you could have unpacked a bit more, but clearly that was not your intention. i really love the first 2 lines here though. the wording itself could have been cleaned up somewhat, the older i get the less words i want to read, maybe it's age or maybe it's just the realization that most of them are extraneous to the spirit of what you want to communicate.

anyway, i thought it was tremendous. i may come back and leave more thoughts as i re-read. but i always say that.


thanks

1

[PancakeBrah]

You and deadman make this section of the site worthwhile, still. Excellent stuff here.

[Eŋg]

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

You and deadman make this section of the site worthwhile, still.

and chyeah.