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Old 10-01-2019, 08:06 AM   #1
Exis
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When I spit the planet moves in an outward motion
Causin' eruptions in earth more powerful than oceans
Creatin' ice storms to leave this world frozen
Then create potions like ancient druids & witch doctors
Concoctin' a truth serum to feed to Army officers
Extractin' information like right clickin' zipped folders
Leavin' a burden on they shoulders as heavy as six boulders
I made them tell me where they hidin' this Bin Laden bastard
'Cause they holdin' all the answers like Asian kids in advanced classes
As death dances,
I spit over beats from the Devil's organ
& just for fun bitch,
I'll jump in the wind & try & catch me some caution
More corrupt than law enforcement or teenage abortion
& grimier than Siamese twins & two dwarfs in a foursome
My warfare tactics are awesome,
When compared to Gengis Khan
I'll track you in 'Nam,
Attack & pour gas on your palms
Throw a lit match @ you & then hack off your arms
Rob you for your ammo & guns,
Fill my bag with your charms
Send you back to the farm & make you work for the machine
Which creates all the Evil & Hate this world has ever seen
This is the very same machine that done created Hitler
& envoked Salvador Daly to paint Satan's pictures
I spit tainted scriptures,
Recovered from shipwrecks
Delivered straight to my doorstep encased in a thick chest
Picture Picasso doin' 3d art,
The locks are more complex
The history of man never started with religion
It started with Africans procreatin' with Indians
Which makes me sick to my stomach when I think of the word Pilgram
Which is a group of rapists who killed women & children
They impregnated the ladies & created them Germans
Who gave birth to the Devil's own personified version
I'm sendin' this virus airborn like paratroopers with flu's
I'm definately a nessecity like bulletproof suits in Peru
Fuck a diguise or obtainin' lies,
I'm only pursuin' the truth.
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Old 10-01-2019, 03:33 PM   #2
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When I spit the planet moves in an outward motion
Causin' eruptions in earth more powerful than oceans
Creatin' ice storms to leave this world frozen

This is not how the earth works

Then create potions like ancient druids & witch doctors
Concoctin' a truth serum to feed to Army officers

If the world has expanded and become completely frozen how are u operating this druid potion organization?

Extractin' information like right clickin' zipped folders
Leavin' a burden on they shoulders as heavy as six boulders

Right click just brings up the menu...wow also 6 boulders is very heavy

I made them tell me where they hidin' this Bin Laden bastard
'Cause they holdin' all the answers like Asian kids in advanced classes

Bin laden dead even or maybe especially so in your expanded glacier dystopia

As death dances,
I spit over beats from the Devil's organ

Somehow u still rapping amidst this global crisis and now to the tune of the devil's organ

& just for fun bitch,
I'll jump in the wind & try & catch me some caution

I understand some have been known to throw caution to the wind..... However I'm not sure I see the feet in engaging the wind to procure the caution once discarded.....I would imagine caution would leave with you quite cooperatively

More corrupt than law enforcement or teenage abortion
& grimier than Siamese twins & two dwarfs in a foursome

Teenage abortion corruption is at an all time high....wait wut....grimy is not a replacement verbiage for fetish?

My warfare tactics are awesome,
When compared to Gengis Khan
I'll track you in 'Nam,
Attack & pour gas on your palms
Throw a lit match @ you & then hack off your arms

Gengis khan by far the fiercest military general In the Vietnam war.....also ...wouldn't lopping his arms off stop the fire that u set to his palms? Seems counterintuitive to your purposes here

Rob you for your ammo & guns,
Fill my bag with your charms
Send you back to the farm & make you work for the machine
Which creates all the Evil & Hate this world has ever seen

Old MacDonald farm has helped children recognize animals and their characteristics for a century... put some SPECK on the farm

This is the very same machine that done created Hitler
& envoked Salvador Daly to paint Satan's pictures

Salvador Dali* unless u were referring to Carson Daly's Guatemalan cousin...Salvador Daly.....I'm less familiar with his work but I'm sure it's fascinating

I spit tainted scriptures,
Recovered from shipwrecks
Delivered straight to my doorstep encased in a thick chest

So like....pirates find your spits in sunken tombs and drop them back at ur place like a return to sender issue?

Picture Picasso doin' 3d art,
The locks are more complex
The history of man never started with religion
It started with Africans procreatin' with Indians

Which indigenous people are we referring to as Indians rn? The the southwestern Asians!?

Which makes me sick to my stomach when I think of the word Pilgram

Pilgrim LMFAO Jesus ur timeline took a jump here

Which is a group of rapists who killed women & children

Solid definition

They impregnated the ladies & created them Germans
Who gave birth to the Devil's own personified version

This is the most fascinating history lesson I've ever had the pleasure to read ..... Apparently the Germans were created by Bostonian pilgrim's or to the lay...pilgram....raping native Americans from the nauset tribe in Massachusetts ... The devil's personified version of what exactly by the way? Are you aware what personification is?


I'm sendin' this virus airborn like paratroopers with flu's
I'm definately a nessecity like bulletproof suits in Peru

So your rhymes are a virus now....also not entirely sure I can concur on the necessity of bullet proof tailored suits in Peru.....seems wildly innacurate

Fuck a diguise or obtainin' lies,
I'm only pursuin' the truth.

Start with history......you have missed a large amount of truths in your incredibly and strangely limited view of history.....

Also ...you're an incredibly stupid person ? How is this possible ?

The rhyme schemes were rudimentary, the content was laughable, and the transition of focus and ideas was erattic at best.

Genuinely you should not write again.
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Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 10-01-2019, 08:57 PM   #3
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Thanks for the feed...
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Old 10-06-2019, 04:05 AM   #4
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Lmao at least he broke it down in detail

Good shit
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Old 10-06-2019, 09:12 PM   #5
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Yeah I'll give him that lol...
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Old 10-08-2019, 02:27 AM   #6
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His feed was on point here and there. A bit harsh but on point. Thought the concept was cool, enjoyed what you were trying to do but certain things Ghost1 said definitely detracted from the piece. A little bit of research and making sure shit makes sense all the way through would have made this a solid well thought out piece tho, instead it stands as a cool enough piece that needs some more work to reach the dopeness scale.
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