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Old 01-10-2019, 08:13 PM   #1
Inno
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Default Maximus vs Sinacog[OPEN FOR VOTES]

NWL:Season I: Week X



Verses ares due: THURSDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30

Voting on 2 battles is required.



TOPIC:



@Maximus @Sinacog

Last edited by Inno; 01-15-2019 at 03:27 PM.
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Old 01-11-2019, 01:54 PM   #2
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check check yo
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Old 01-11-2019, 11:18 PM   #3
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check
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Old 01-11-2019, 11:42 PM   #4
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The seas the breeze, a dark catharsis - their hands join together and harbor darkness
Sought their jargon, he's her knight in shining armor, their two hearts are sought as heartless
Green grassy hills and meadows glisten In the moonlight, their love booms shine
Their souls are two bright, when their eyes align, they see the true light
They're soul mates who harbor love of two doves of Noah's Ark
When he showed his sleeve for her glee, she showed her heart
She build monuments and kingdoms for her knight, showed him light
He showed her darkness, and showed her his light in a dark catharsis
They loved to love each other, they froliced through meadows of daisy's
They froliced through meadows, and kingdoms of glee, seeing the gleam
They see light in darkness, saw the gleaming light in a dark catharsis
Two star crossed lovers, loved to love each other, loved to kiss and hug each other
In the night they're Romeo and Juliet, Dante' and Beatrice; they see the light in the darkness
They sought with their jargon, they found the light in the darkest catharsis
When night comes, they make love, they loved each other from soul to heart
From essence to spirit, they wrote songs for each other, and sung the lyrics
In the night, they mourn each other, though none are death's sought
They are life's sought, death is sought when they die for each other day by day
In the night, they tongue kiss in creative tongues, fairy's never forsake their hums
When the moonlight caresses their body's, the day hugs
in the day, they look upon the rainbow ocean, see days and rays of light
They see days and rays of plight, days and rays of sight
See the light in the darkness, they are two doves in a dark catharsis
Sought the heartless, sought the jargon, see the light in a dark rainbow
Rainbows frolic in meadows and river streams, serene the sea
The breeze is sliced with their love in the air, they are two doves in the air
The night seas the day, beaming rays, with leaves of grace
Sea the waves, breeze the day, leaves of grace, shade their face
The night breaks day, leaves of grace, frolic with rainbows of singing rings
He loves her more than their kingdom, where they are king and queen..



Good luck, check mate.



Last edited by Sinacog; 01-20-2019 at 01:20 AM.
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Old 01-15-2019, 01:36 PM   #5
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grab my hand and let's escape from the cage, the captor's grasp
as the chains and shackles snap, let's fly like a graduate's cap
i'll put you under my wings, shield you from the raptor's glance
we'll ascend close to sun, our feathers have no candle wax

grab my hand and let's advance even though we have no map
we'll follow Cupid's arrow to a pool of bliss where passion baths
lovebirds.. we'll wear our heart on these sleeves, no fashion fads
and with all the strings attached we'll make a perfect handicraft

grab my hand, the odds are stacked but unified we stand a chance
i'll be your hurricane lamp when the wind of disaster slaps
we'll weather the storm together and bask in the aftermath
i'll save you from an avalanche, become your airbag in a crash

grab my hand and let's vanish like black magic in a flash
away from our fam and clan as we flee this tract of land
breath of fresh air's what we crave, far from the miasmic gas
entrapped in this vast expanse, let's ramp to the astral paths

grab my hand let's travel fast and escape this habitat
let's levitate to higher planes beyond the range of blasting flak
caught in a seraphic trance, our union is a hallowed pact
indeed we are aptly matched, between us there's no massive gap

grab my hand, lets walk together, true love gives you cataract
i don't see your flaws, you're perfect, the rest are substandard trash
our love is real, it's far from a fake act with phantom casts
it's more than a dragons wrath, cant be quenched by shattered dams

grab my hand and lets dash like athletes running laps on tracks
away from this hamlet's slabs like refugees when factions clash
they try to break us like the last straw on a camel's back
they wanna see our passion flagged but it keeps waxing adamant

grab my hand and hold me close, you're my sacred talisman
i'll catch lightning bolts for you, the types that turn sand to glass
if loving is a savage act and a judge had the gavel slammed
we'll both hang from the gallows branch, its an everlasting romance...
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Old 01-17-2019, 11:19 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinacog View Post
The seas the breeze, a dark catharsis - their hands join together and harbor darkness
Sought their jargon,
I don't know what sought their jargon means
he's her knight in shining armor, their two hearts are
sought as heartless
Green grassy hills and meadows glisten In the moonlight, their love booms shine
What is "booms shine"?
Their souls are two bright,
Do you mean "too bright"
when their eyes align, they see the true light
They're soul mates who harbor love of two doves of Noah's Ark
soulmates is one word
When he showed his sleeve for her glee, she showed her heart
She build monuments and kingdoms for her knight, showed him light
builds*
He showed her darkness, and showed her his light in a dark catharsis
He showed her darkness, and showed her his light are two opposite thoughts strung together
They loved to love each other, they froliced through meadows of daisy's
They loved to love each other is rather trite. frolicked* daisies*
They froliced through meadows,
already said this
and kingdoms of glee, seeing the gleam
What are kingdoms of glee?, and What does seeing the gleam mean? You're just trying to rhyme syllables here with no meaning.
They see light in darkness, saw the gleaming light in a dark catharsis
light or dark which is it?
Two star crossed lovers, loved to love each other, loved to kiss and hug each other
Trite but it rhymes well
In the night their Romeo and Juliet, Dante' and Beatrice;
they're* they see the light in the darkness
They sought with their jargon, they found the light in the darkest catharsis
This is getting repetitive
When night comes, they make love, they loved each other from soul to heart
From essence to spirit, they wrote songs for each other, and sung the lyrics
In the night, they mourn each other, though none are death's sought
I don't know what "none are death's sought" means
They are life's sought, death is sought
Again, just opposite phrases that you're stringing together
when they die for each other day by day
In the night, they tongue kiss in creative tongues, fairy's never forsake their hums
fairies*
When the moonlight caresses their body's, the day hugs
bodies*. "The day hugs", really?
in the day, they look upon the rainbow ocean, see days and rays of light
They see days and rays of plight, days and rays of sight
getting repetitive with the days and rays
See the light in the darkness, they are two doves in a dark catharsis
Sought the heartless, sought the jargon, see the light in a dark rainbow
Repetitive
Rainbows frolic in meadows and river streams, serene the sea
How do rainbows frolic in meadows and river streams?
The breeze is sliced with their love in the air, they are two doves in the air
The simplest of rhymes
The night seas the day,
this is nonsensical
beaming rays, with leaves of grace
Sea the waves, breeze the day, leaves of grace, shade their face
The night breaks day, leaves of grace,
You've said leaves of grace 3X in a row now
frolic with rainbows of singing rings
He loves her more than their kingdom, where they are king and queen..

Good luck, check mate.
Umm, no, not check mate.
This was pretty bad dude. Not feeling it at all.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maximus View Post
let's fly like a graduate's cap

become your airbag in a crash

let's vanish like black magic in a flash

between us there's no massive gap

lets dash like athletes running laps on tracks
All of these phrases and similes are very trite; not digging it.

I appreciate you kept a rhyme scheme all the way through but there were definitely spots where you were reaching for a rhyme and it hurt the meaning and flow. Some phrases that just didn't make much sense or seem coherent.

"Grab my hand" is very repetitive but it went with the picture.

I don't think this was that good but Sinacog's was far worse so you get my vote.


V Maximus
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Old 01-20-2019, 10:33 PM   #7
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Ok, I did my usual dissections and gave both a fair assessment. Sinacog's verse has potential, both in creativity as well as visual depth and attempts to pull one in but yet pushes on away with the force repetition of phrases such as the catharsis, as well as in other areas throughout. Not sure if this was on intentional but left me with a disconnect when I was initially being connected and this patterned occur several times throughout. Maximus on the other hand had a pattern but was consistent with his flex, he brought some interesting concepts but it seemed he didn't attempt to flex too hard. However I like the fact that he was attempting to guide the one into the story and did not draw me away from the topic at hand (nothing seemed as a reach imo). I have seen better from Max before but it was decently written.
Overall it was an ok battle, nothing to go gaga about. But due to Sin drawing me away several times and Max keeping me engaged, I'm giving it to Max.
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Last edited by Master Rock; 01-21-2019 at 08:27 AM.
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Old 01-21-2019, 08:20 AM   #8
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Idk why Dragon's font is that small, but yeah...I know your hated on here probably as much as I am tbh.

I'll vote when I have time to read both verses properly, & find my glasses...
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Old 01-21-2019, 01:58 PM   #9
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Sinacog,

Opening started out cool. Not sure if sought as heartless makes sense, also, I would've used a different word than sought as to not use it twice to keep the same scheme going. Liked in imagery but then something like love booms shine. “love booms shine”. That doesn’t make sense to me. Dark catharsis, I get it. It’s becoming repetitive. Fairies not forsaking their hums, that’s pretty cool. Closer was dope.

I don’t know how I feel about this piece. I actually liked most of the wording, and shit flowed really smooth for the most part. What kind of ruined this for me, was the repetitiveness. Dark catharsis, jargon, sought, sought, sought, light.. I feel like if certain lines were removed, where it was just a reiteration of something already said, this would have made for a more, straight to the point piece, which I would have preferred. Good piece, just, got boring to me having to re-read certain things. It was cool for a bit, but I think it was done too much. Still solid though.


Maximus,

Cool. Looks like you’re sticking to a scheme. passion baths. Lost me. I wanted to read it with baths rhyming, but it makes more sense as bathes. i'll save you from an avalanche, become your airbag in a crash. Should’ve kept the scheme going bruh! Anyways, read the rest of the piece, and it was cool. Repetitive as well with the , grab my hand, but, I got over it. I liked that you tried to keep a consistent scheme and threw internals in which made some of the switch ups transition better.

There were parts of Sinacog’s verse I enjoyed more. His rhyming, his imagery, but- It was just too repetitive for me, the good was outweighed by what made me lose interest. Maximus had a solid verse, was less repetitive (which was weird that both guys used repetition) but, it wasn’t as bad. It kept me more interested than Sinacog’s verse. Im’a have to give it to him for that reason alone.

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