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Old 04-17-2016, 01:03 AM   #1
asylum
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 993
Battle Record: 7-5



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asylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant future
Default AOWL Week 6 Magazine: Week 7 Edition


Season 6 Magazine VII Edition

By Asylum

Introduction

We’re making our way towards the playoffs, bringing in the first contender matches this week. This is when the pedal meets the metal. It’s time to unveil your talent as it’s never been seen before, to best your opponent and make a goddamn name for yourself in the topical world. The time we invest into this sacred art form expands our minds and souls as well as our talents horizons. Every second you put into your work makes you a better human being, a more complete entity. A wiser soul. It’s up to you how much you gain from this experience! I am giving it my all this week, I expect the same from each and every one of you. LET’S DROP SOME HEAT!!! Write a story, create an alternate universe, dive through a wormhole of your own creativity and unleash your imagination on the world. I have faith in you. Don’t let me down.


48 LINE MAXIMUM IS IN EFFECT


Featured Artists by Adonis



The Sound Providers (with Surreal) - True Indeed

“The Providers” are two producers who often have fill in guests for vocals. Sound Providers released one album in particular with a Tampa Rapper, Surreal entitled “True Indeed” that is a bright spot musically. SP as far as vocal will range from conscious to bragging to religious, though not annoyingly often and done well rhythmically. Surreal and The Sound Providers produced one of my all time favorite songs, “The Lesson”. But, the first Song Posted “Life and Rhymes” is pretty much all you will need in a bio as they simply wrote themselves one. This group has mastered a vibe that can easily drift you away with a laid back, soul influenced sound that is perfect white noise. I can’t say anything bad about them as they only created shit I vibe to. cheers

Week 7 Outline
This week we’re going to be drawing our inspiration from song titles I’ve chosen which I felt promote story telling verses. Most of the topics this week are three to four words, but I feel each could easily lead into a storyline. Creating a new reality all from a few words is an enthralling experience, one I hope you all are able to experience for yourselves this week.

Voting has been a problem lately and we need to get our votes in early. I WILL be tallying all the votes this week. If you do not vote, you'll start the next week minus two votes. If you only miss one or two, it will be negative one.



No Show Shine by Adonis

Vividlyvague - I see you pulling out some alliteration; shapely, shake, shimmer and shine pimpin. “*Drunkenly*”. I noticed a few other simple typos, but I’m not going to get into that shit. I did like the read, it was vivid, precise and had emotion in it. I did not, however, enjoy the closing bar. It felt out of place, almost like you wrote the verse then thought how you could incorporate the topic and just plugged the actual topic in. But it didn’t even rhyme man. In my opinion, closers should be lasting impression, one in which you should spend a little more time with in comparison to others. And yours didn’t rhyme at all. You had a way with imagery this week, on a subtle note. I’m not just talking about the fucking and sucking, I mean like when you say, “sweat drips off a brown brow”; you are giving me large details in small chunks, very nice. As far as the story, it had nice progression and didn’t have any sporadic lull really. I will add that there wasn’t any character build up, which made it hard to connect on the first read on a personal level, it took a second read to put some pieces together and grasp the full plot, but all in all, you wrote a solid verse minus the few typos and the closer. Good read in the end though, enjoyable.

2tripple0 - Not sure what you were going for honestly my good sir. It seemed like you tried to beat around the bush a bit instead of coming right out in the open with the concept, and because of that you sort of missed the mark. I assume you are calling drugs your only real family, which would be a nice concept if executed properly, but it was not. You went too short and didn’t have the development necessary to advance plot properly. All in all, this was simply an ok read, one in which that would have been hard pressed to get the win against many of the fine writers competing now, even if they weren’t at their best.

Adonis
Adonis’ topic was about loss, last week. He wrote about an addict who awoke to find his wife had passed from an overdosed. It was truly a sad tale, and I’m sure many men have gone through this same experience. It began in a psychologist’s office, and the story progressed backwards. Great storytelling from Adonis last week, it’s a shame he got no showed. I hope everyone has a chance to give this a read. He did a great job of exploring the mentality of someone who has gone through a tragedy like this. Quality writing.



Week 6 Battle Reviews

Mr. J vs. Asylum by Adonis


JayRock - Dope verse. I didn’t like the ending for one reason, I thought you were writing from the perspective of someone who WAS living under Oculus Rift but is writing about loving not using it. Then the end, you say he’s taking it off. This muddled the concept in what would otherwise a damn near perfect verse. You kept the lines short and concise, you executed a concept well enough too understand with a cadence that was easy to follow. You efficiently told a tale of a person either in cyberspace thinking he’s feeling “real” worldly things, or a man who left oculus and is happiest with out it. In either case, the concept is approved and the verse is applauded.

Asylum - I see what you went for here, but you sort of fizzled off in the tail end. Let’s start with this… “reasons the deepest, sense we’ve manufactured to need.” You under executed this concept, but the thought behind the concept is dope. You didn’t write a bad verse, though the ending was abrupt, you wrote a decent first quarter of a verse or so. I think you had three different concepts muddled into this verse. You started in first person then quickly transitioned to speaking in general, as if you were all of mankind, and ended with being someone who can look down on people, a higher being maybe. Decent verse but you missed the mark. Voters had this one right

Breathless vs ZeeDee

This was a very close match, with Breathless dropping his patented freestyle sound and ZeeDee writing a cool story. I think Breathless took the V last week because his piece’s tone felt complete.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathless
Do you even want some closure? What about a little bit
of lost composure, right at the moment
you thought that this all would go where you wanted it.
It's no fair to hominids, I don't care for ominous
threats, even more so than cold stares from the opposite
sex. This is how it connects so seamlessly.
From one line to the next flow easily.
His flow stayed true to his name, and his style is definitely just that. Few have the natural talent to win with pieces like this against stories, especially from heads like ZeeDee,

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeeDee
Chris is a fire fighter so all his lies come like her panting with shivers
Pretending he's injured, Chris grabs his back, seeming like he's planning to kiss her
To escape without lipstick or makeup evidence at his family's dinner
His stamina's withered, telling his wife, Jackie, he's too tired for sex
From fires and threats he's responded to, adding more lies to his debt
Since their topic this week was about liars, ZeeDee really hit it will and I’m surprised Breathless got the win this week. Just goes to show how important our finishing lines are.

Asylum vs Mr. J

Last week we wrote to the concept of reality and Mr. J wrote a great story about a person using the virtual platform Oculus. His piece had some truly great lines in it, like these,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. J
My mind is where the battle for supremacy is fought
trying to remind me that this feeling will eventually be lost...
sending shocks to each & every sensory spot.
now I understand where my deep-rooted jealousies are
I feel weighed down by what these perplexities brought
He carried these rhymes effortlessly. I believe he intended the story to be about a person in a wheelchair using the device to experience things he can’t in his own reality. I wrote a jumbled mess and rhymed a little too much, not focusing enough on my plot. There truly wasn’t anything quotable, in my opinion. I wasn’t upset at all when Mr. J won that battle.

Unbornbuddha vs Timeless

Timeless took it last week with a short emotional piece about an alcoholic woman losing herself. This was truly a great piece, and his ending was absolutely flawless with the last line being his topic almost verbatim,

Quote:
Originally Posted by timeless
Can't smile without the sun, she prays for the clouds to open.
Bound to focus in and swim until she drowns the ocean.
The moment you question yourself, you lose your first entity.
That's when you lose your greatest asset and gain your worst enemy.
He did a great job last week and it would’ve been hard for anyone to beat him. Unbornbuddha wrote a clean piece about an egomaniac who is ultimately surprised when his health fails him. There were some great lines throughout but these developed his story well,

Quote:
Originally Posted by unbornbuddha
Awake when I shouldn’t be, always questioning time.
Until that moment came, where my health declined.
Toxic cells divide, contemplating self-demise.
Now, pitying my existence even my devils cry;
I’m on a hellish plight trying to find any measure of light.
Had he kept that tone throughout his piece, I think he may have easily taken this. Timeless won with a little bit more well rounded piece.

Adverse vs Jesodist

These two wrote to different topics because I changed it and Jesodist didn’t get the memo. I did it because he mentioned not liking it, and I won’t be doing that again. Sorry bud. Anyway, Jesodist dropped with his usual tone. His beginning was very strong,

Quote:
Originally Posted by jesodist
This here is the story of someone who is so ugly and Nothing to Loose,
A battle rap king on his prime who loves to Outshine the Upposing Few,
Make them dissappear in the air of his mind like Smoke or Dew,
Instead of modern hip hop he prefers the Sound of Blues and Birds in View
That hit his original topic well, which was a Robin Williams quote about ugly people being formidable because they have nothing to lose. However, towards the end of his piece I think he got wrapped up in the rhymes a little bit and didn’t develop his story enough to get the win. Adverse wrote a cool story about a businessman named Sam and it progressed very well. These lines were masterfully penned,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adverse
After he unclasped from my shaky grasp, he patted the back of my suit
"Lighten up there, chap, i'm only a man just like you"
No more panic ensued, I relaxed for a few...
I remember getting home to that one bedroom apartment
Feeling like my whole world had expanded infinitely, like life had restarted
He was taken under the wing of a lonely wealthy man who had lost his wife. The man invited Sam and his family over for dinner and later sent him a later explaining how he had lost his own. This piece was so human, I really dove into it and was left wanting more. I’m hoping to see me like this from Adverse.

Artifice vs Razah

Last week Artifice wrote a cool piece centered about wealth’s impact on people. He asserted that lower to middle class people with good work ethics turn out to be better people. I think he’s right. He did a great job of rhyming and progressing his story here,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Artifice
but he often gets confused, kids thought he had to be stupid
the sad truth, his tutor's brain did all the work so he never actually used his
parents paid off the board... wasn't a sum they'd not support
to make their son's report card say honours, straight A's & top awards
Cool piece, had some rough patches but all in all it was quality work. His opponent Razah had similar undertones, but it was told from the first person and his piece wasn’t a complete story like Artifice’s. However there were some very good lines like these,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Razah
My family has money- They don't see me as their blood
I don't see that as a problem, simply motivation
I know it kills you deep inside to know I know I made it
I'm watching as it eats at you, none of this was gifted me
Keep on thinking all your thoughts, that ain't really shit to me
He stuck to his topic well but needed to write a story to beat Artifice last week. Maybe next time..

Symetrik vs Just Write

Just Write wrote a story about a kid who didn’t have too much going for him until he read a self-help book. It ultimately guided him onto the right path, and all I can say is I could use that book! My favorite lines from JW this week were his opening ones,

Quote:
Originally Posted by just write
"what do you want to be when you grow up Tommy?" Said his teacher
"... I'd like to be an astronaut" He replied, with a shy inept demeanor
The class just laughed, his teacher said "no, think more within your reach"
Quickly he sat back down, hung his head, then sunk into his seat.
This simple was story enough to get him the win this week again Symetrik, who wrote a piece about a paramedic with a daughter addicted to drugs. It was a little short, but did have some quality lines,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Symetrik
she's like "dad? I called…", and yeah… I'm damn proud,
only act mad when I look back and can tell that she's blacked out.
crackle on the mic, and I'm told that I am "off route."
like "no shit houston, it's my daughter in the bed... now back down."
I wasn’t sure where he was going with this until his conclusion, and honestly I liked the piece. If Symetrik expands his story lines a bit more and drops the line breaks I think he may be a formidable opponent.



Writers Block
Asylum
Just Write

Storytelling is one of the more difficult processes for topical writers, and their endings are likely their most important parts. I usually let the story write itself and it never ends well for me. No pun intended. Do you think about your story's ending before or after? Why?

i usually just start to write and then after i smoke some cheeba i think about an ending.. usually it's not until it's about half way finished... the blunt, not the verse. what i do try to always do is add some sort of twist but unfortunately this last week i was rushed. so do you usually start writing right away or do you let the topic marinate for a couple days, or just procrastinate the hell out of it like the rest of us?

That's a great approach man, I'm usually just powering through it as soon as I start until I finish. I think a mid verse smoke break would make for a great ending, I'm going to have to try that out. Honestly it depends on how bad I want to win, when I start writing. After a couple of losses I start a few days early. I'll literally make a set of key points, draw diagrams, all kinds of crazy shit.. if I'm getting into the battle and have the time. Lately, I've been dropping some last day kinda stuff but that's when the gold comes out sometimes. Some of most well received pieces have been spontaneous works of creative energy, unleashed after three pots of coffee and a fifth of brandy. I just go with where my mood takes me and try and keep my desk clean or else I write garbage. A clean field of view is really important to me, I've discovered recently. So how do you get in the zone for your stories? Do you ever imagine yourself as the character, or empathize with the characters you create? I got pretty emotional after I wrote a song about a crackwhore once. I felt like a little bitch, but that was probably my best piece of all time.

So usually I'm writing while I work so once I get a few lines down I "meditate" if you will, on that for a while and I come back to it and add something else. I try to incorporate some real life experience as well as some "add-lib" or imagination into my pieces as well. Like the one about the kid and his grandpa, Is really about me and my dad... grew up fishing together and I miss the hell out of it. So I guess you can say I imagine myself as the characters somewhat. As far as my favorite past piece it comes really close to the imaginary friend one I beat elpancake with but I think the piece I'm most proud of is the one against you from season 3, we both wrote about Internet dating... yours was lul'z packed as well. So as far as trying to get your point across to the readers, do you think it is better to have a clear cut message or try to be a bit more abstract? I myself try to come as simple as possible while still adding minor things to make it not so cookie cutter scheme heavy, for instance you know me well enough to know I I love assonance rhyming and not every one notices but its little things like that, that give what we few like to call the "butter flow" for I stance Sral, and Deadman are great at assonance rhyming. We've chatted about this before but i'm sure the readers would love to hear/read your thoughts as well... the floor is yours pal

I tend to lean more to the abstract side and it almost always costs me votes, because not everyone picks up on what I tend to hint at instead saying it straightforward. I think we can all learn from your honest, straightforward approach. An honest story never falls on deaf ears when written well. Getting caught up in one particular moment can be a problem if it's not the crux of your storyline. I’m glad you mentioned that particular verse because I truly felt the sadness in that story, I could feel your emotion and I’m sorry for your loss brother. I'm a huge fan of dead man too, his assonance is unrivaled. You’re easily one of the most respected members of our congregation, and I truly appreciate your participation. I’m pretty sure I speak for everyone when I congratulate you on your sixth straight win streak this season.

Again, like I said with Adonis I am humbled that the votes have been in my favor, it's encouraging and makes me want to try harder to be honest with you. As far as who could knock me off? Well that's the thing, anyone could really, all it takes is someone catching you on a bad day, it all comes down to how much you really want it, and right now I want it pretty bad. I need that art of writing league "champ'd" accomplishment under my name and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon, I'm just going to keep writing and hopefully people continue to like what I write.. I do like constructive criticism though and except and suggestions... speaking of, do you take shit people say to heart on the message boards? I know I play around a lot in the message boards but 90% of the time it's jokes... do you let things people say effect you or your writing?

Well, to what degree can you let someone else affect who you are? No. I truly do not. Everyone has their own opinion. That is theirs alone, and to tell you the truth, what people think of me is none of my business. I don't mind if someone doesn't like me, that's there problem. I do take constructive criticism seriously, and as a result of our communities votes I am aware of the nuisances I fail to execute flawlessly in my own work. It's good to always appreciate advice. At the same time if you’re taking anyone on a message board TOO seriously you may need to rethink your priorities. As far as the Art of Writing goes, which aspect do you feel could be improved with a few knowledgeable words?

Honestly I think the league is going great, I know some people have been complaining about the topics but to be honest I've liked the challenge it's given me and plus if you can't tell I can make a story out of anything. So if I could leave with a good statement with an included pun it would be to shut up and...... just write

I couldn’t agree with you more brother. Sometimes we all need to shut the fuck up and Just Write. Respect.



Predictions

Asylum vs Pinot Grij
If Pinot comes full force he's going to give me a run for my money, only time will tell on this one.

Adonis vs Echo

These two individuals hopped on the roster at the last minute when they saw a chance for a good battle. This is definitely going to be BOTW material. Fact is, I’m not sure how warmed up either of these competitors are. Based on the level of interest I’ve seen from both, I’m giving this to Adonis 60/40.

Symetrik vs Vividlyvague

Symetrik is usually a dark horse and he writes dark pieces. We’re okay with that. With storytelling as his strong point, he’ll give VV a run for his money if he puts it all in this week. Vivid, he’s a different kind of writer. He’s creative. He’ll make this into a masterpiece, just so Sym doesn’t get the win. I have a strong feeling vivid is going to drop some of his true skill this week, because lately he hasn’t been and he told us he’s bringing it back. I believe it. I got this VV 80/20.

Jesodist vs Innovator

Well, Innovator has dropped some dope work before but in all reality he’s probably going to get outrhymed by Jesodist. I haven’t seen the level of dedication from Inno I’ve seen from Jes. I think Jesodist has this 55/45.

Mr. J vs Artifice

Artifice is a talented budding author in our ranks many have yet to recognize as a formidable force. I urge all of you to consider him the formidable opponent he is. Mr. J has been distracting himself and burning himself out before he drops his verses each week. I think Artifice will take this 75/25 this week. Mr. J seems a bit distracted.

Adverse vs Breathless

I think this will make for an interesting battle. However over the season I’ve noticed Breathless pulling votes from his emotional, honest, approach. I think he’ll take this 80/20, based on what I’ve read from both. Hoping adverse proves me wrong, for the record. I know he can.

Frank vs 2tripple0

I'm pretty sure Frank's going to put a stop to 2k's league momentum. Of this we can be assured. If he shows, that is. Since he didn't show last week and hasn't been around as much, 2k MIGHT have a chance at getting another v this week if Frank doesn't show. Frank, 90/10.

Just Write vs Timeless

This is definitely going to be BOTW. These two writers are in their prime right now, and there’s nothing stopping them from writing their best pieces of all time. Timeless can write a mean story and has some mean mechanics to back it up. At the same time, Just Write’s stories have their own special power to them and he’s undefeated. It’s going to be hard for Timeless to pull a win this week, but he hasn’t been going full tilt as long as Just Write. I think JW will take this 51/49.



Celebrity Interview Featuring MC DRE

Asylum
MC Dre

Honestly when you were always on stage, you were dropping bars, and that takes a lot of skill to keep it going and sound as good as you. I appreciate that. I'm not saying against anything on the status quo, and realize you used catchphrases and all the tools of the trade for a DnB MC, but in all reality you always stuck out to me as one of the most elevated heads I've encountered in life. How'd you get into rapping, I'm guessing it wasn't on DnB? Where'd you start?

I started rapping out of nowhere.. literally.. was walking down the street with my friends and saw a car accident on the fwy and started free styling about dead bodies on the fwy.. I was about 16.. it caught on like wildfire. Started rapping at school and house parties. My buddies had a heavy metal band and I would rap to their music while they were writing songs or I would rap to other heavy metal bands like slayer, pantera , Metallica and others.. the groove got me .. I could always rap to anything with groove. Then, I went to my first rave with 20+ homies and fell in love with the rave. Dropped out of high school and went heavy into the rave world. Loved trance. Trance was my shit. Then I found jungle and it was a wrap.. I would stand with my homies and rap to them or just stand by myself rapping and every time without question I would end up with a group of people standing around listening to me rap. The groups around me kept getting bigger and bigger and at audiotistic in 2000 the crowd was huge around me and someone said you're better than the mc on stage .. from there I went at it.

That's incredible! That's a great success story if I've ever heard one. It's awesome to think you rose to such heights from such a humble beginning. I've watched you tear down crowds 1000+, bending the crowd to your will. I was one of 'em, I've experienced your mic control first hand. You are a successful MC and a talented rapper. If you could give any advice to someone trying to get into the music industry, what would it be?

My advice to any up & coming mc would be WRITE WRITE & WRITE some more and just when you think you got it, WRITE MORE.. RECORD.. Record RECORD RECORD. Develop your sound and put out your music. KEEP doing you and eventually you'll find yourself where you want to be. Treat your craft & yourself with the highest respect!!! If you see yourself there, you can be there!!! It's truly all up to you!! My battle topic would have to be about Getting Money!! That's where my heads at..Making Money &Music

That's great advice brother, that's exactly what we're doing here. Honing our craft, writing storylines and directing our artistic energy in the right direction. I appreciate your time, thank you!



Open Mic Feature

DEADMAN – clockwork omen
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=123203

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead man
re





arranging words to bind a group of strangers together
the great adventure. come for companionship but stay under pressure
nestled in a corner where the makeshift is better
than the actual. tangential how i wrote you a letter
sweating bourbon syrup senses fade into black
buying things to fill this space to sleep in and act
like polyester carpeting and digital tracks
cataloguing my escape is more than petty distraction
from something. or nothing. or i've lost my direction
awkward as ever. shallow conversation topics for breakfast
cause and affection. planting powder keg grenade mega wattage
grenadine and cherry stems you twist into knots
tongue lashing was your last resort. reserve a response
Greystone balcony, hotel in the Bronx. we met off of Broadway
and never looked back. Jacksonville, Chicago and Boston
Camel cough up park-bench paradise. Pulaski and Foster
we all settle or not. graveside novelist out measuring plots
cashed my whole portfolio for burial costs
trial and error and loss. judge and jury incarnate
executioner, therapist, arrowhead temple massages
to be honest i can think of nothing better at night
than a glass of ice and whiskey and a second to write
clockwork omen. sliced like nectarines these moments in life
where it flows freely, hold deeply soulful delight
exhale your blood and marrow. rats and roaches and mice
dress rehearsal empathy and coping devices
postcard prozac. enhance the pixel perfect preciseness
neologist enlightenment as i'm twisting the knife
bedroom clutter paperbacks and ashtrays and wine
a concrete view and metal spoons i've bent to the side
mind's eye morose my psyche. every bet double-blind
cancer, signed my valentine. farewell gemini
mademoiselle Madeline, maiden fair, fahrenheit
can't quantify your qualities in sweaters and tights
hold me close to the window so i can stare at the sky
pop another vein and wave our passion goodbye
i used to feel like everything i said was important
like it mattered somehow. but now i know it's a lie
a morgue for all my discourse and a bed for my corpses
it's all a matter of minutes until we die.





DEADMAN
Great work from an amazing writer. If you haven’t read dead man before you have some catching up to do.

Final Word
These next few weeks are going to see the best verses of the season, with the playoffs in the not too distant future and championship verses being penned. I trust you all to give it your best, provide us with some great reading material, and make for some hard voting decisions. Good luck!

Notes***
Voting penalties will be applied to those who do not vote on four battles.





Last edited by asylum; 04-17-2016 at 02:29 AM.
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Old 04-17-2016, 01:49 AM   #2
Just Write
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Props man, awesome mag. Like your interview with dre too
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Old 04-17-2016, 02:41 AM   #3
e11even
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Dope mag :)
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Old 04-17-2016, 02:47 AM   #4
Mr. J
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Im never burned out by the way....otherwise....why rhyme in votes :D


dope mag brehs
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Old 04-17-2016, 06:36 AM   #5
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dope mag bro. appreciate the effort that goes into keeping this running.
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Old 04-17-2016, 03:05 PM   #6
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I'm just getting into this league I usually been dropping in cyphers had a couple battles in the ba the other day.. Is Frank going to drop or not cause I would love to edit in more but that's okay I know I think I just reached champ match and should probably go vote so I can claim the w....I think rules for people like @Mr. J talk about drama with me not dropping votes every week in discussion threads when he hasn't even dropped this week

And more drama like @jibber jabber years ago in a cypher thread probably two thou eleven or twelve probably...lol why so subtle are you doing well and I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas to keeping this league running


People should respect things like when a person posts a magazine or vkulmes of magazines and yo @Meth I know this is totally unrelated but only two people have posted in the hof section....is that what that's forum going go dropsome shit there okay whatever cool mag tho @asylum I don't know much about u and the league though would love a response or view lol peace
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Old 04-17-2016, 03:46 PM   #7
Mr. J
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Im convinced you are a binge drinker @2tripple0

I havent talked about drama nor have I mentioned you in discussion in a negative way..
in fact I congratulated you, I would shake your hand but I feel you masturbate too much cause your feeling yourself now...
ha...
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