CHAMPIONSHIP: EtH vs MMLP - ETH 4-0

[sral]

Topic:



Psycho

They'll put him away now, as I should have years ago"

[MMLP]

Petr Cech

[EtH]

Petr Cech when he played for Chelsea.

[MMLP]

1944

There were an outpour of letters, I’d look in the stash
Packed and all together so I’m rummaging past
My lovers is at the end of the bunch
snubbing the batch as it went to the front
I read on at once just aching to learn
on a desperate hunch he would make his return

April the third 1944 "My Dearest Annie,
I’ve cradled your words as the years drift past me
The fleets are unhappy and were eager to move
They’re beating us badly, were defeated and bruised
Leading platoon 6 with honour and pride
lacking belief that the feud is morally right
We crossed the divide onto Hungary’s turf
The cost of a life has humbled me worse

There’s something I’ve learned and its opened my eyes
I’m coming to terms with my sorrowful side
No longer the guy you were once desperate to be with
My emotions are high and repent is now the reason
for my sentimental feeling as nerves are exposed
But mentally I’m weakened as uncertainty grows
I don’t deserve you, you know, I hope your love is waiting
Berlins our home and I …..

"We interrupt this station for a news bulletin…

Reports live from Hungary are telling us
We’ve been swarmed by the brits
Firing down our crews
and wiping out platoons 4, 5 and 6…"

Stopping the read, when I’d sink
Dropped to my knees as then it hit
Time never did help to come to terms with it
Everything else is just a blurry mix

2004

Lying in bed as death looms over me like the happiest neighbour
She moves close to me and hands me this paper
“You’ll be thanking me later, read the rest of it mom”
My handlings wavered as I relentlessly sob

…….I’d never forgot the life we spent
And I remember what was to my dying breath
And to the final letter… till we die
The last words your eyes remember, will be mine"

[EtH]

"They'll put him away now, as I should have years ago"

Abandoned, confused, I was left in this jungle
Stranded and reprimanded by flippant treachery
The plane wedged in the sand, I fell and I tumbled
Now I sit on the cusp of a distant memory

I used to try to escape this ominous hell
Recovering black boxes and calling the beacons
But alas, it’s no use, can only talk with myself
My past life expunged and gone with my freedom

I’ve made the best of life since I swept on the shore
My quarters arranged like my life long living room
Suddenly, it’s all consumed by a deafening roar
As a smokescreen threw up an unforgiving plume

It’s a plane! Another plane! Are these known to go wrong?
Or is this deserted Island just prone to accidents?
Overwhelmed, I’ve been alone for so long
Excited in finding some co-inhabitants

Their faces, blurred through the mist and smoke
Their expressions that of sullen psychotics
Gripped and ripped from my makeshift abode
I’m restrained and made to stomach narcotics

I awake to a haze, in these shackles I’m bound
Together with doctors, my arresters jumbled
Huddled and bunched as they chatter aloud
But I can’t make sense of the incessant mumbles

I manage to loosen a strap and swing in fear
Throwing multiple punches after freeing my fist
One breaks down, their eyes fill with tears
Muttering “I just hate to see him like this”

The nurse comes with a needle, now the injections will start
She scrawls on a clipboard and after writing she leaves
I struggle to make sense of what she etched on the chart
Something about Alzheimer’s disease.

[Nigma]

Two verses different in so many ways but laid out in a somewhat similar manner. Both withholding certain facts to enforce a 'shock' in the finale. MMLP went with a more emotional approach, and EbH went for the twist factor.

Breaking down the vote, although the battle was comparably close, there was a clear winner in my eyes. MMLP came with a strong piece laced with emotion, however his opponent is a seasoned veteran who delivered a well executed twist piece that had was mechanically sound and polished, and that kept the reader guessing until the final line. Really nice play at the topic.

+1 ErP

[Adonis]

Longer version in mag:

Honestly, not the best battle for me. you each did things well. Letter format with rhyme is always a plus. A concept art work of dreamscape land revolving around bat shit crazy old folks is also a plus. You both actually executed extremely well. In the end, for me, this is pure preference because I really do have a sense that this is even as can be.


v/ Battle of the foreginers, vote AMERICA


or

On my final read, the mag will say something different, but eth, the explosions were in his head, the island was his living room, the blurr of people leaving the crash site were the Dr.s and orderly's subduing him. You crafted this elaborate theatrical yet real world in the mind of a maze.

v/EtH narrowly for me. his had more meat for me to chew on


edit: pause, and no homo

[asylum]

Mmlp – well you’re starting off really smooth. Enjoying the read so far. Well I think your piece was touching and all. I think your voice was good too. Lots of emotion in the piece. But uh, you kinda went from a letter to a news bulletin? How did that happen? Ok. Ignoring for sake of appreciating good writing. “firing down our crews” rhymed with nothing. Maybe the ew and oon of crew and platoons but otherwise nope. Can you tell I don’t like voice changes? Anyway. This line is awesome.
Lying in bed as death looms over me like the happiest neighbor.
That line was pretty creepy. “like the happiest neighbor.” Lol. I liked that. So apparently this guy was super in with the characters daughter who was definitely not born at the time of the letter being written. So that was kinda fucked. The whole love story was very touching and it indeed echoes the experiences of millions of people from that conflict. I think you’re really playing off the tragedy of the war itself and not worrying to much about being cohesive and writing soundly. But you know, as hard as I’m being on you, I actually did like it. Very much. Great verse man.

Eth – Well. I don’t like your line breaks but I am ignoring them because you can limit your pieces flow in any way you like. The abab scheme was pretty cool, actually. You pulled it off pretty well but “my arresters jumbled” felt forced, to me. Apparently the patient was daydreaming and realized what was going on for a second before getting the thorazine again. I think he is at home. So that’s nice, good for his family. Ehh.. that ending was weak bro. “something about alzheimers disease” I guess it’s hard to rhyme off alzheimers. And technically you did have to say it, but for the record I was pretty sure that this was a dimensia patient before the last line. Overall I think this piece was strong, I enjoyed it.
You did an exceptional job at nailing the topic. Since the person was still at home and clearly needed inpatient treatment. You really nailed the phrase on the head with your content.

/v eth took this by a cunt hair. Just because he did a very good job of nailing his topic and I have no fucking clue how mmlp’s verse relates to that picture or quote.

[The Law]

MMLP - pretty nice, I like the off, non typical approach you took off the topic. The letter writing was pretty creative and I like the way you closed off the verse. You did well building the closer up with the rest of your verse and then ending it off win the closure of the letter as well. Writing wise and word usage was good and the verse didn't have any flow issues. Nice wrting, nice emotional touch.

Eth - another great verse, great approach, with great build up to a nice ending. I thought the story and the ending you had on it was done very very well. Can't say I'm a big fan of the rhyme scheme style you chose on this one, although it worked I enjoy/prefer to read a more rapid flowing verse. But overall great verse I was dying that non of that happened.

Mvgt: eth - barely tbh. Great verses by both. Sorry I was a bit rushed I gotta dip in a second. But definitely my favorite battle that I read for the week so far. Worth it for the championship battle. I thought eths story and progression to the end was a tad more interesting and enjoyable. Writing wise it was about equal in my eyes.

[Adonis]

EtH FOR THE WIN

4-0