06-28-2013, 03:13 AM | #1 |
Steel Cut
Join Date: May 2013
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Divided Hill
life is full of contradictions, truths meant to be hidden complimentary divisions, each endlessly different. I've come to find that open eyelids throw a wrench in your vision so compartmentalize your mind and ride this sensory fission embrace the static fade to blackness... an archipelago of clouds dot the air with a few islands Lucy's in the sky and she's wearing her blue diamonds a stream stumbles to a puddle so be careful to move by it cuz when you hear it whisper you won't dare to abuse silence the cares of your youth lie in the water's rippled chest reflecting the meadow in a ballet of silhouettes as they sway and wiggle, stretching out their in-depth message, an audience of grass bows in windswept crescents. then you think next, what if you held the hopes that you used to? like the mountains you'd conquer and the oceans you'd cruise through but why stop there? you could even float to the moon, too lost in your thoughts, breezes flee the slopes to cocoon you. it's soothing, locked in this imagination chrysalis masked in sacred wilderness - the magic of its innocence passion at its simplest, stoned in a natural high instead of questioning, you'd be posing answers to "why?" but there's more than inspiration that these mountains can hide the vagrancies of reality once you wander past the divide... adjust to the haze muzzle your gaze... stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats. the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash but you don't notice it - you're settled in a hustle for cash to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas LED is the future, son! the sun is the past so keep your shutters collapsed - just in case some light might've snuck in the cracks living the plight of a proton; you're stuck in a mass and the further you float, the more the others'll laugh. you hunt for your next meal long as it's smothered in fat and even though your veins are choking you keep stuttering back amidst these sputtering facts, I didn't mention the streets the piss-warm air as it's carrying the stench of disease this is how life's supposed to be in 2011 business as usual in cubicles till you've pounded your head in counting the hours and seconds until the final whistle blow so you can sit in front of a screen till you forget why you're miserable... I won't deny the silver lining that I laced in the sky cuz to be honest, every "you" could be replaced with an "I" yet I won't say it's a lie, my little hatred of technology since many words of wisdom are mistaken for hypocrisy I don't totally look down upon the progress of today I just don't know how we'll afford it - or what currency we'll pay but if you can move into the truth imbued in this vignette you'll find a quiet so beautiful you'll be muted to thin breaths so close your eyes and see the light of everything you didn't know cuz half of every scene is seeing what isn't shown |
06-28-2013, 03:33 AM | #2 |
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stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks
concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats. the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash but you don't notice it - you're settled in a hustle for cash to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas LED is the future, son! the sun is the past so keep your shutters collapsed - just in case some light might've snuck in the cracks living the plight of a proton; you're stuck in a mass and the further you float, the more the others'll laugh. insane!! this belongs in the hall of fame you cant hide the light so good i read it twice! Last edited by brokenhal0; 06-28-2013 at 03:35 AM. |
06-28-2013, 08:10 AM | #3 |
The Landlord
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,825
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embrace the static
fade to blackness... this is like a dope intro type part man an archipelago of clouds dot the air with a few islands Lucy's in the sky and she's wearing her blue diamonds this was fucking sick a stream stumbles to a puddle so be careful to move by it cuz when you hear it whisper you won't dare to abuse silence the cares of your youth lie in the water's rippled chest reflecting the meadow in a ballet of silhouettes this had a poetic vibe to me the second line did anyways, it was really nicely written, the first bar was g as they sway and wiggle, stretching out their in-depth message, an audience of grass bows in windswept crescents. then you think next, what if you held the hopes that you used to? like the mountains you'd conquer and the oceans you'd cruise through but why stop there? you could even float to the moon, too lost in your thoughts, breezes flee the slopes to cocoon you. this is ridiculously nice, the wording is insane, its smooth as fuck the content is deep and raw but the smoothness to it is unreal it's soothing, locked in this imagination chrysalis masked in sacred wilderness - the magic of its innocence ive never seen no one use chrysalis in a rhyme, u did it nicely i usually comment on ery four line sbut i thought this bar was really dope and the starting line was raw again your wording is ecellent passion at its simplest, stoned in a natural high instead of questioning, you'd be posing answers to "why?" but there's more than inspiration that these mountains can hide the vagrancies of reality once you wander past the divide... this was nice not as powerful as the upper parts but still nice adjust to the haze muzzle your gaze... stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats. this is sick as fuck and a dope visually the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash but you don't notice it - you're settled in a hustle for cash fuckng g bar here to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas LED is the future, son! the sun is the past so keep your shutters collapsed - just in case some light might've snuck in the cracks lmao this is a nice shot at technology, could be wrong but thats how i percieved it, a dope ass bar either way living the plight of a proton; you're stuck in a mass and the further you float, the more the others'll laugh. you hunt for your next meal long as it's smothered in fat and even though your veins are choking you keep stuttering back amidst these sputtering facts, I didn't mention the streets the piss-warm air as it's carrying the stench of disease wow this section is fucking raw the flow is insane the content is raw and the last bar is possibly one of my fav in the verse this is how life's supposed to be in 2011 business as usual in cubicles till you've pounded your head in counting the hours and seconds until the final whistle blow so you can sit in front of a screen till you forget why you're miserable... nice I won't deny the silver lining that I laced in the sky cuz to be honest, every "you" could be replaced with an "I" yet I won't say it's a lie, my little hatred of technology since many words of wisdom are mistaken for hypocrisy lmao dope so i under stood correctly i be high at times so sometimes i think i dont understand hsit right lol I don't totally look down upon the progress of today I just don't know how we'll afford it - or what currency we'll pay but if you can move into the truth imbued in this vignette you'll find a quiet so beautiful you'll be muted to thin breaths so close your eyes and see the light of everything you didn't know cuz half of every scene is seeing what isn't shown this is a nice ending over all this was dope as fuck oat, the flow was insane, the content was raw it had some insane standout parts but even the none stand out bars was raw and well above par. this was just a dope piece my dude good job. it said 2011 in a bar tho is this old? |
06-28-2013, 12:17 PM | #4 |
SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
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- Alias Topical Tournament
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lol u just keep dropping the illest shit lately...props
as they sway and wiggle, stretching out their in-depth message, an audience of grass bows in windswept crescents. then you think next, what if you held the hopes that you used to? like the mountains you'd conquer and the oceans you'd cruise through but why stop there? you could even float to the moon, too lost in your thoughts, breezes flee the slopes to cocoon you. it's soothing, locked in this imagination chrysalis masked in sacred wilderness - the magic of its innocence passion at its simplest, stoned in a natural high instead of questioning, you'd be posing answers to "why?" but there's more than inspiration that these mountains can hide the vagrancies of reality once you wander past the divide... ^^^ word holla nvm basically the whole shit is hot. good job |
06-28-2013, 03:49 PM | #5 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
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Incredible.
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06-30-2013, 04:25 PM | #6 |
Don't believe the hype
Join Date: Feb 2013
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Battle Record: 4-5
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straight up raw and uncut
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What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope. |
06-30-2013, 04:37 PM | #7 |
White Earl
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This was brilliant man. You've gotten fucking ill during your hiatus from ncs. Loved this pice
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06-30-2013, 07:16 PM | #8 |
.
Join Date: Aug 2013
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life is full of contradictions, truths meant to be hidden
complimentary divisions, each endlessly different. I've come to find that open eyelids throw a wrench in your vision so compartmentalize your mind and ride this sensory fission >namix-y embrace the static fade to blackness... >cool an archipelago of clouds dot the air with a few islands Lucy's in the sky and she's wearing her blue diamonds a stream stumbles to a puddle so be careful to move by it cuz when you hear it whisper you won't dare to abuse silence >dope line the cares of your youth lie in the water's rippled chest reflecting the meadow in a ballet of silhouettes as they sway and wiggle, stretching out their in-depth message, an audience of grass bows in windswept crescents. >strong imagery then you think next, what if you held the hopes that you used to? >DOPE like the mountains you'd conquer and the oceans you'd cruise through >fit well but didnt like the cliche but why stop there? you could even float to the moon, too lost in your thoughts, breezes flee the slopes to cocoon you. it's soothing, locked in this imagination chrysalis masked in sacred wilderness - the magic of its innocence >excellent transitions passion at its simplest, stoned in a natural high instead of questioning, you'd be posing answers to "why?" but there's more than inspiration that these mountains can hide the vagrancies of reality once you wander past the divide... >strange syllable slip considering how smooth the rest of the drop is adjust to the haze muzzle your gaze... stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats. the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash but you don't notice it - you're settled in a hustle for cash to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps >fantastic brevity like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas LED is the future, son! the sun is the past so keep your shutters collapsed - just in case some light might've snuck in the cracks living the plight of a proton; you're stuck in a massif. and the further you float, the more the others'll laugh. you hunt for your next meal long as it's smothered in fat and even though your veins are choking you keep stuttering back amidst these sputtering facts, I didn't mention the streets the piss-warm air as it's carrying the stench of disease this is how life's supposed to be in 2011 business as usual in cubicles till you've pounded your head in counting the hours and seconds until the final whistle blow so you can sit in front of a screen till you forget why you're miserable... >good rhyme here I won't deny the silver lining that I laced in the sky cuz to be honest, every "you" could be replaced with an "I" yet I won't say it's a lie, my little hatred of technology since many words of wisdom are mistaken for hypocrisy I don't totally look down upon the progress of today I just don't know how we'll afford it - or what currency we'll pay but if you can move into the truth imbued in this vignette you'll find a quiet so beautiful you'll be muted to thin breaths so close your eyes and see the light of everything you didn't know cuz half of every scene is seeing what isn't shown >strong ending as well I liked how this used the classic style of topicals, with really heavy emphasis on end rhymes, but still managed to transition smoothly and use inner rhymes skillfully perhaps the even more impressive thing about the drop was how it stayed on topic and had really directed development/ specific conclusion, while embracing details/ imagery over generalizations and bland plot advancing filler good stuff Paul Oatsenfield
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07-01-2013, 03:58 AM | #9 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
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Definately agree with what everyone has said. This shit is pure dopeness with a strong message.
''stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats. the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash but you don't notice it - you're settled in a hustle for cash to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas'' ^ Fucking hell, that shit's raw as fuck. My fav lines of your piece I think. Definately going to read this shit on a later notice as well. After reading the shit you posted on RIA as well you're leading on to become one of my fav writers. Keep it up.
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07-03-2013, 12:04 AM | #10 |
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this was a really solid piece man, I enjoyed this very much. one of the better pieces I've read in awhile. definitely a fan. everything read off very smoothly and your descriptiveness and ability to paint pictures in peoples heads is impressive. I would have probably envisioned something along the lines of that picture even if you didn't post it lol. props man
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