03-23-2019, 11:07 AM | #1 |
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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gap year.
gap year.
i'm happy to provide civil camaraderie. sympathy. saddle me with the baggage. sit & be sad with me. depict me the anatomy of your body of work, ink blots, like inch marks, on the thin of your door- height vs height vs height Rorschach's most intimate form, morse code, followed by three dots, type and untype til you decide what to write. call it amnesia. i'm beside you tonight wondering again why our lives are so little alike. you're rambling on. the coffee grows bitter. even though there's no touch of warmth left, our hands cuddle our mugs like corsets: the lace drawn into shallow breath, face down in the shallow end, float on like a dead man. I can't stay long. old haunts, fit like an old glove that was secondhand. coals drawn, settled back, we watched as the fire fought behind the mantle's glass.
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03-23-2019, 12:03 PM | #2 |
obsessed
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- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
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nice! my friend has a blog about her gap year and it's weirdly interesting to realize how much funner she is than i?
this was obviously less fun filled adventures, and more intimate. i see a few similar ideas and mannerisms in your writing from someone here, and a few others. i can see what you typed and where you thought certain things and the whole thing fills me with joy, from a writer and readers perspective. old haunts, usually doesn't really bode well, you know? if anyone or any author were to say old haunts, you'd be like EGH. and it was almost the case here. i think you could've made it a little less trite. a little more... fluid. not to go on a tangent, but sometimes rewording can be beneficial, like, fit like a second glove, would've been cool. then go off that change in sounds and perhaps illustrate what you want to say a bit better (it was still conveyed pretty nice!) but it's a trick/tactic i use to help me out with my words and thoughts! |
03-23-2019, 12:04 PM | #3 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
thanks a lot
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03-23-2019, 12:26 PM | #4 |
Razor-thin derision
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Tapestry-like, providing a series of strung-together moments, but done with some emotional gusto. Interpersonal, where you create some sense of a bond with a partner and you're narrating it through symbolic and figurative language.
My fave part: the coffee grows bitter. even though there's no touch of warmth left |
03-25-2019, 11:05 PM | #5 | |
Senior Member
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ahhhh there it is
Quote:
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03-26-2019, 07:00 AM | #6 | |
............
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Quote:
Glad to see you postin' again fam...Shit was nice. Stay upwards & all. |
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03-27-2019, 12:48 AM | #7 |
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i like the secondhand / settled back rhyme
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04-07-2019, 12:08 PM | #8 |
nok Su kow
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Very eloquent. Loved the mug/corset play. Ill be sad with you.
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04-07-2019, 03:53 PM | #9 |
The Clown Prince
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this was pretty cool Split, nice to see you are still around
one of the better pieces ive read (so far) keep it up man Id quote something but this pretty smooth as a whole
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04-08-2019, 06:32 AM | #10 |
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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thank u bros. your feedback is noted and appreciated
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