WEEK 11: Pharaohs army (2-3) (signed out) vs brokenhal0 (1-5) OPEN FOR FEED

Inno · 06-20-2020, 09:26 PM

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE

@phataohs army @brokenhal0

Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

DUE DATE: JUNE 24TH @ 11:59PM EST

Topic:

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.” ― Emily Dickinson

GOOD LUCK

brokenhal0 · 06-21-2020, 07:28 PM

in

brokenhal0 · 06-25-2020, 06:12 AM

Take it from me i seen very few finish for free
cancer spread threw the digits like 3's
growing tensions and greed's
no simple disease sprouting lower density seeds
hope is the friend that you need
and i hope that you find comfort and peace

im on earth in a way it gets deep
the pain that it creeps cutting off the gauze
radiation till i see glowing floors benign cyst
and stage 4's no need to say more

waking up past 3 hoping the days lost
stale pizza on the table ashes on the paint floor
a bird with no wings singing in the cave moss

light it up so now you want to take it from me
what happened to the sky i heard space ain't so cheap
as time ticks the patient will be patiently sleep

patient like creep the wooden floors go creek
morphine drips now death is a doorway to reach
natural causes old ages shout out to all the non survivors
who dont make it your still the greatest

''Hope keeps me together
Threw whatever takes a toll
When a wisher stops wishing
Hope is only known.''

''Hope leads me to pleasure
Of a little story shown
Measure what it takes
To treasure what is told''

Adverse · 06-28-2020, 04:10 AM

Think this was a sobering little piece Halo, I have trouble following your narratives at times but this one showed through a little clearer imo. A cancer patient slowly dying and just going through the treatment to no avail. We've seen a couple cancer pieces this season but I think this had a more realistic take and showed just the toll cancer puts on someone, and how hope slowly slips away from them day by day. Cool piece and LOVED this imagery piece

waking up past 3 hoping the days lost
stale pizza on the table ashes on the paint floor
a bird with no wings singing in the cave moss

Johnny 6 feet · 06-28-2020, 06:06 PM

A montage of intense imagery here that connected well with the topic and make think your record deserves to be higher. It's a shame the battles got misposted because I would've liked to have seen this go against someone tackling the same topic. You brought a poetic vibe and structure here:

'stale pizza on the table ashes on the paint floor
a bird with no wings singing in the cave moss'

Best lines IMO. Vivid. I'm looking forward to what you come up with next week.

06-20-2020, 09:26 PM	#1
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	WEEK 11: Pharaohs army (2-3) (signed out) vs brokenhal0 (1-5) OPEN FOR FEED GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE @phataohs army @brokenhal0 Max line: 30 Min: 10 Check in: 48 hours after thread post DUE DATE: JUNE 24TH @ 11:59PM EST Topic: “Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all.” ― Emily Dickinson GOOD LUCK Last edited by Johnny 6 feet; 06-26-2020 at 11:36 AM.

06-25-2020, 06:12 AM	#3
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 492 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 455116	Take it from me i seen very few finish for free cancer spread threw the digits like 3's growing tensions and greed's no simple disease sprouting lower density seeds hope is the friend that you need and i hope that you find comfort and peace im on earth in a way it gets deep the pain that it creeps cutting off the gauze radiation till i see glowing floors benign cyst and stage 4's no need to say more waking up past 3 hoping the days lost stale pizza on the table ashes on the paint floor a bird with no wings singing in the cave moss light it up so now you want to take it from me what happened to the sky i heard space ain't so cheap as time ticks the patient will be patiently sleep patient like creep the wooden floors go creek morphine drips now death is a doorway to reach natural causes old ages shout out to all the non survivors who dont make it your still the greatest ''Hope keeps me together Threw whatever takes a toll When a wisher stops wishing Hope is only known.'' ''Hope leads me to pleasure Of a little story shown Measure what it takes To treasure what is told'' Last edited by brokenhal0; 10-04-2020 at 08:18 PM.

06-21-2020, 07:28 PM	#2
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 492 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 455116	in

06-28-2020, 04:10 AM	#4
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,738 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446142	Think this was a sobering little piece Halo, I have trouble following your narratives at times but this one showed through a little clearer imo. A cancer patient slowly dying and just going through the treatment to no avail. We've seen a couple cancer pieces this season but I think this had a more realistic take and showed just the toll cancer puts on someone, and how hope slowly slips away from them day by day. Cool piece and LOVED this imagery piece waking up past 3 hoping the days lost stale pizza on the table ashes on the paint floor a bird with no wings singing in the cave moss

06-28-2020, 06:06 PM	#5
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558444	A montage of intense imagery here that connected well with the topic and make think your record deserves to be higher. It's a shame the battles got misposted because I would've liked to have seen this go against someone tackling the same topic. You brought a poetic vibe and structure here: 'stale pizza on the table ashes on the paint floor a bird with no wings singing in the cave moss' Best lines IMO. Vivid. I'm looking forward to what you come up with next week.