Verse Work in Progress

Elemental P · 01-24-2018, 03:26 PM

Yo after you give feedback drop a link to your prewitten piece if you have one and I will return the favor. This isn't too old but I have a rough recording of it. Thanks in advance

Since my first day of birth I been scattered brain/ it ain't because of Satan that I act insane/ grab the mask and blades and wrap the chains around your frame/ in the attic where my axes stay/ where I practice with hatchets and acetane/ snatching up rappers that are acting vain/I put em in the back where their casket waits/ cuz when I brain storm, I make acid rain/ til, half your face evaporates to, outer space/I'm a basket case bastard that's lacking faith/but thru the acts of change I've adapt to pain/so every body better back away/computer hacker about to crash the game/before I even Activate the Signal/ to Blast your Face With Missiles/I'll Snatch Your Fate so fast NASA couldn't Calculate the Issue/or the Math it Takes to Track and Trace my Pencil/ Cuz when I Draft a Page the Fact just May Offend you...//

Witty · 01-24-2018, 04:51 PM

This was cool, if a little generic, sort of bland, but definitely not bad at all.

Flow · 01-24-2018, 05:02 PM

Bit too short, felt last quarter you left that generic dark rap style an moved into a bit of a swag an flow theme, it sort of seemed to pick up in pace an then just ended which was a shame. HOWEVER I appreciate its a work in progress. Some ok stuff in there felt you could be darker an more creative in those earlier lines. Have a look at this peice i did ages ago which when i started reading yours i instantly felt a resembelance.
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.ph...=Broken+minded

Geno · 01-24-2018, 05:48 PM

Cool. Picked up and was goin somewhere for a second. Then it was over.

Elemental P · 01-24-2018, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Genocide

Cool. Picked up and was goin somewhere for a second. Then it was over.

Was supposed to be just a free verse for some random shit but it should only be 16 bars since I wrote it to record on a beat, but I actually went over that

Inno · 01-24-2018, 08:39 PM

@Elemental P

Join the writing bro.

Elemental P · 01-25-2018, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innovator

@Elemental P

Join the writing bro.

What's that that topical tourny thing?

Inno · 01-25-2018, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elemental P

What's that that topical tourny thing?

Yes. Join. New week starts tonight.

Saint · 01-26-2018, 05:17 AM

Trash.

ACTIVATE SELF · 01-26-2018, 08:47 AM

So this began as most flex joints do -- luke warm and trying to find it's footing. It went on for a bit. Nothing impressive. Then somewhere around "brainstorm" and "acid rain" it began to heat up. Got a little flat shortly after, and then towards the end, the heat was turned all the way up and you caught your groove. However, I wish you would have kept the momentum going, because I was really starting to enjoy your flow and cadence, and your lyrics where getting sharper and alot more impressive. In any case, I think you have some skills, E. Drop another verse and I'll feed. Peace.

Elemental P · 01-26-2018, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Infiltration

Trash.

Good looks yo.

Lyriscologist · 01-26-2018, 12:24 PM

lol ^ this was light sauce from El but still better than majority here

Elemental P · 01-26-2018, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lyriscologist

lol ^ this was light sauce from El but still better than majority here

Guys angry cuz I didn't vote for him... "Hey uh bro ... Man..did u like understand that.." STFU ol vote swaying looking ass faggot

01-24-2018, 03:26 PM	#1
Elemental P Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 856 Rep Power: 4507453	Verse Work in Progress Yo after you give feedback drop a link to your prewitten piece if you have one and I will return the favor. This isn't too old but I have a rough recording of it. Thanks in advance Since my first day of birth I been scattered brain/ it ain't because of Satan that I act insane/ grab the mask and blades and wrap the chains around your frame/ in the attic where my axes stay/ where I practice with hatchets and acetane/ snatching up rappers that are acting vain/I put em in the back where their casket waits/ cuz when I brain storm, I make acid rain/ til, half your face evaporates to, outer space/I'm a basket case bastard that's lacking faith/but thru the acts of change I've adapt to pain/so every body better back away/computer hacker about to crash the game/before I even Activate the Signal/ to Blast your Face With Missiles/I'll Snatch Your Fate so fast NASA couldn't Calculate the Issue/or the Math it Takes to Track and Trace my Pencil/ Cuz when I Draft a Page the Fact just May Offend you...//

01-24-2018, 04:51 PM	#2
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,794 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 82986458	This was cool, if a little generic, sort of bland, but definitely not bad at all. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

01-24-2018, 05:48 PM	#4
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,325 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Cool. Picked up and was goin somewhere for a second. Then it was over. __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

01-26-2018, 05:17 AM	#9
Saint Scream Join Date: Jun 2015 Posts: 3,183 Battle Record: 63-35 Accomplishments - 50 Wins Champed - BA Picture Roast - Battle Royale Tournament - NBL Pic Roast - Netcees Battle League - NBL Season 11 - HoT Roast - BAL Roast - Tag Team Tourney - NBL Barcotic Cypher - SOL Pic Roast - BA Tag - XXXtentacion Roast - 1-2 LR Champ Rep Power: 22535865	Trash. __________________

01-24-2018, 05:02 PM	#3
Flow Upset Champion Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: West Mids Posts: 3,861 Battle Record: 57-49 Accomplishments - 50 Wins Champed - BA Rookie Tourney - 1-2 Punch League (x2) - Pandemonium Cypher - 1-2 Punch league Season 9 Rep Power: 24894578	Bit too short, felt last quarter you left that generic dark rap style an moved into a bit of a swag an flow theme, it sort of seemed to pick up in pace an then just ended which was a shame. HOWEVER I appreciate its a work in progress. Some ok stuff in there felt you could be darker an more creative in those earlier lines. Have a look at this peice i did ages ago which when i started reading yours i instantly felt a resembelance. http://www.netcees.org/showthread.ph...=Broken+minded

01-24-2018, 08:39 PM	#6
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	@Elemental P Join the writing bro.

01-26-2018, 08:47 AM	#10
ACTIVATE SELF Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2017 Posts: 732 Battle Record: 2-1 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 19584275	So this began as most flex joints do -- luke warm and trying to find it's footing. It went on for a bit. Nothing impressive. Then somewhere around "brainstorm" and "acid rain" it began to heat up. Got a little flat shortly after, and then towards the end, the heat was turned all the way up and you caught your groove. However, I wish you would have kept the momentum going, because I was really starting to enjoy your flow and cadence, and your lyrics where getting sharper and alot more impressive. In any case, I think you have some skills, E. Drop another verse and I'll feed. Peace.

01-26-2018, 12:24 PM	#12
Lyriscologist Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 101 Rep Power: 95178	lol ^ this was light sauce from El but still better than majority here