01-29-2013, 06:19 PM | #1 |
Arm the Homeless
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The Prince Part I
This is a rough work in progress of what I have so far.
1.The Gracious Prince, Surrounded by Faceless Men with Tastless Grins. Some say he's the Saviour Sent to Replace the Sin like the "Days Back When." 2.The Prince discarded his Title and Possessions and gathered Disciples for Lessons And told them to Recite their Confessions. They wondered of Life and Heaven And Why Professions led men on a Slide of Regression to Lies and Deception For an addiction to gold which Rivals Obsession. Then the Prince gave his Wise Direction. "Only a beast Fights his Brethren." 3.His Disciples were Sent to Preach as the Prince Went in the Streets. The Peasant Bent at his Feet and with a Grin in his Teeth he Begins to Speak, "Dear Prince, I have no Meal to Eat. Help me Again Please!" The Prince led him to a Tent with a Feast as he was always known to Defend the Meek. And The Prince spoke, "Carry Zen and Teach and the knowledge shall be Within Reach." 4.The Prince Mystified the Land as the Pride of Man. They believed him to be God's Right Hand. But back home with no heir to Guide the Land There was a Fight to Stand as King to unite the tribes Divided by Sand. |
01-29-2013, 06:27 PM | #2 |
The COAT...
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Sweet post Zen, this reminded me of the life of Buddha. A short drop, but it was very consistent. Content was packed into each and every line which is crucial in quick reads. Rhyme scheme was nice as well. Not much more to say, cool little drop, look forward to the next installment in the series.
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01-29-2013, 08:11 PM | #3 | |
White Earl
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Quote:
All in all a good read man, stay active and keep writing. 1
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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01-29-2013, 08:17 PM | #4 |
Arm the Homeless
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Appreciate the feed you two. And appreciate that Geno but as far as trying to stretch out the first bar into more I really didn't wanna do that because I'm trying to make it appear to be a scripture like the bible so each number indicates one thing you see what I mean? But that's greatly appreciated breakin it down like that. Much love
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01-29-2013, 08:32 PM | #5 |
WOW
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ok. I like it. good story telling aspect to it. ok since its a work in progress ill try and give something constructive. it just kinda reads disjointed the way you broke up the bars with the numbers. but that is the concept, which is different and ambitious so I do dig it. but maybe you could do a little something like this
1.The Gracious Prince, Surrounded by Faceless Men with Tastless Grins. Some say he's the Saviour Sent to Replace the Sin like the "Days Back When." 2.The Prince discarded his Title and Possessions and gathered Disciples for Lessons And told them to Recite their Confessions. They wondered of Life and Heaven if you somehow started the #2. part with a continuation of the" days back when" with a multi it would just fit together more seamlessly. like keep the rhyme scheme to the next number if you could. if not their then maybe the other ones. but ya I love the creativity and look forward to read it when completed. stay up |
01-29-2013, 08:48 PM | #6 |
Arm the Homeless
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@Mike Wrecka I like that idea forreal. Much appreciated
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