Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Vault > Archives > The Netcees archive > Allow Me To Retort Season I

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-10-2021, 11:43 PM   #1
dull boy
consults Lloyd
 
dull boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8


Champed
-1-2 Punch League Roast

Rep Power: 39345600
dull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant future
Default WEEK 5 MAG

Introduction

Lot of razor thin margins in battles this week with all but two of them ending 3-2. Which means for all of you on the losing end that you were this close to taking a step up the leader board as opposed to down. It's difficult to come up with quality content and word it well on a consistent basis in such a short period, but I know that a lot of judges seemed to find many battles this week to be surprisingly underwhelming. This concept was new for everyone, but going into week 6 it's not a mystery what wins battles. Don't just reference your opponents line, but attack the meaning they were attempting to get across to the readers. Focus on making every bar count. This league is likely not even to it's midway point yet. Champing it is still up for grabs for most of you, despite any tough battles you may have already lost.

Once again I'd like to thank everyone who judged battles this week. Hush and Seth didn't make it easy, and we had 3 other battles with over 14 posts. So kudos to the battlers and the judges for keeping the wheels moving.

Newish rule; there will still be a 24 hour deadline from the time your opponent posts for you to reply, but failing to do so will no longer result in a no show. Instead, you will essentially be forfeiting your turn and your opponent will be back on the clock with the opportunity to post another 1 or 2 bars. Failure to post within 24 hours of your opponent more than once in a battle will result in the battle ending after your opponent has exercised or declined their option to post an additional 1 or 2 bars.

Just to be clear... if you don't post within 24 hours of your opponent you will forfeit your turn but you will still be allowed to respond after your opponent has posted.

This rule will only trigger after both battlers have posted once. Failure to post within 24 hours for the opener or the response to the opener will still trigger a no show.

BATTLE OF THE WEEK

Blue V User

Best Exchanges

1

Blue
i'm bout to send you straight to hell
you had a lot of old punches last week, & you mentioned des's age as well
a stakeout to me is keeping tabs on my girl in case my wife's a cheat
a steakout to you is 64oz, room temperature, & cooked seven nights a week

User
Hey Blue, that’s a nice open dude
You’re right, I did have old punches, and STILL beat Des by more votes than you
Correction, You’re keeping tabs BECAUSE your wife’s a cheat
BECAUSE I order a steakout, and BECAUSE we meet at hotels seven nights a week

I love this league. Blue's opener is dope, but User completely neutralized it with his response lol Knew as soon as I read the set up to Blue's second bar that it was going to get called out, and User did it beautifully. Just to reiterate; Blue's bar was flawlessly worded, but momentum swung to User after his couplet.

2

Blue
^it's whiffs like those that let me know you've lost ya spark
i've beat Des a dozen times. you needed MY vote not to take a loss to barc
grew up dirt poor & these days you'd die if you diet
funny you come from a Hardhomme. now you look like a Wildling Giant

User
I’m glad you finally worded that concept, I feared it would blow
It only took you 87 rewords over the 5 years since it appeared on the show
And congrats on the kid, but you can’t defend him, for real
One shotgun blast & I’m spraying baby Blue everywhere like a gender reveal

Gender reveal was mentioned specifically by a couple of voters and pointed out in Discord. I liked Blue's line, but in the moment of the battle it felt a little light. User posting the likely line of the battle here put Blue in a hell of a hole.

3

User
Yes I’m fat, but please believe I will knock you down
If I say we’re in the same boat, that shows how much I wanna watch you drown
He’s light work, I read his replies and I’m actually chilling
If I do have 7 Chins, it’s when I’m dispatching Resin’s family to kill him

Blue
they'd NEVER let you on, sorry but you're staying local sailor
Skipper see's you you'll hear "sorry i have a Full Boat" like a losing poker player
know your role alright, i know your boyfriend holds you tight
when you see em cold at night you pull apart your cheeks like the guy in Poltergeist

'Watch you drown' was a nice usage of self deprecation but the chins line felt a little too cute, even if it was funny. That local sailor/poker player set up was a thing of beauty. Multis get a bad wrap here, sometimes, but this was a good example of a relevant rhyme. Punch itself was dope, too and a good play off User. Cheeks apart was probably my personal favorite line of the battle lol

4

User
Nahhhhhh, she’ll get some kicks, that part’s likely dude
Shit, the way I’m stomping, you might be the proud daddy of a Nike Swoosh
Yo yo I’m losing weight burning vegetable fat
You gave your wife a dick in a box, now that’s where she keeps ur testicles at

Blue
another 2 boring bars & now you've got a plan to slay us
hate to faultlines but one Stomp from you will = San Andreas
& losing weight?? Tony you have tits n' shit..
you let yourself go like the kid who signed his mom's name on the permission slip

Wasn't loving any of these but thought User eased off the gas here and Blue got the better of a couple of exchanges. Let yourself go was clever lol

Consensus

Judge quotes

Both were very consistent, I feel that blue had a few really good bars, while (User) stayed more neutral with less highs

Each guy came with solid, witty, and really well worded punches... with User doing a slightly better job flipping Blue’s concepts against him

Top to bottom, I thought it was a very solid battle. Probably the best I’ve seen so far in the league

I give User the slightest edge for rebutting better

After a masterful back and fourth exchange the begin the battle I thought User had this one in the bag two or three exchanges in, but for whatever reason his quality slipped a little and Blue closed the gap. I think this league can possibly lead to a little bit of relaxing because you're exchanging so often, but in close battles every bar really adds up and missing any opportunity can make or break the battle. This one ended up coming down to Blue's consistency against User's high points.

Verdict

3 judges thought User edged it by the tightest of margins, 1 felt the same about Blue and another had him grinding it out late for the win.

3-2 User wins

Seth V Hush

Best Exchanges

1

Hush
Every line I drop is a dome hit
Ya bitch fuck like a rabbit , and also sleep in a cage full of her own shit
U buy her dinner from pet land..hamsters the shape of her body
So next time I full her mouth wit pellets they’ll be from the shottie

Seth
Thank god ur kids take after u, let’s talk bout the animals in UR life
U lucky the stork delivered them & not the pelican that delivered ur wife
Jaw in the crosshairs, my clips extended & I ain’t gotta shy aim
If I fill ur wife mouth with pellets it’s gonna destroy the supply chain

Full of her own shit was lol Pet land dinner and hamster body. Pelican jaw lol The fucking imagery here is great. I don't know that either got the best of this exchange, but it needed to be highlighted.

Hush
Cant keep ya bitch on a leash cuz she’s in the elephant size range
They had to buy planes to strengthen supply chains cuz her fat neck broke 29 chains
Could any creature in the animal kingdom lift her .. no fucking way
Bitch got delivered on the same forklift u use to feed her today

Seth
That opener was boring, thought this spar would get dirty
I was nodding off then saw broke 29 & felt terrible u still are in ur 30s
My bride beautiful & sophisticated, urs an ape, a ghetto fire bomb
When a forklift to feed your wife she grabbed it with her entire palm

Love the way you both run with the concepts given and carry them for multiple exchanges. Hush using the same rhyme scheme from Seth's was also a low-key alpha move. Whole forklift concept wrapped into two fat jokes was some nice wording. Seth flipping her grabbing it with her entire palm is more great imagery, but I think Hush had the best of this one.

2

Seth
Patheticc.. ur jobless so mamacita hustlin, she really needs to
Ur wife also holds plates w/ her palm.. elbow, & shoulder busin tables to feed u
The expense of living with u is more mental, those who stayed cryin at night
Let’s talk about broken tiles, & how ur pops left to sleep on them high as a kite

Hush
If she had to wait on ur wife she quit like “hell no”
Ur bitch bussin tables too.. when she lean on em wit her elbows
Bitch an Olympic lifter when it come to taking a bite
She loading plates for gains and never seen a weight room in her life

Seth's flip on palming the steak was dope and I loved the jabs in the set up. Really nicely worded, too. Busting tables with her elbows was a high point thus far lol The non stop tit for tat here is funny as hell.

3

Hush
You’ve literally never fit that entire bitch in a picture
She push her scales to the limit cuz she disengage her jaw like a boa constrikta
Fuck Gepetto the blue fairy and the wooden boy.. this ain’t Disney night
You blew fairies and been around enuff wood and boys to infringe copywrite

Seth
Ur dad thinks ur a faggot, & mom he barely missed her
You’ve literally never fit your entire family in a picture
Ur dad knows ur a faggot, & ur wife calls ur dick the mini missile
Jaw disengaged.. Your bitch doesn’t blow fairies, it’s more of a whistle

Scales to the limit/boa was honestly pretty fucking brilliant by incorporating scales in a different way but still for another fat joke lol Didn't love the Pinocchio flip much. Never fit your family in a picture was tough haha Liked the way you used jaw diss engaged in a not too corny way.

4

Hush
For me fat wife is a meme. For you it’s life
Diss engaged ?? All ur friends did that when u picked that pig for a wife
Quick guys
Let’s see him flip an excuse for fantasizing about my dick size

Seth
Excuses? I ain’t homophobic. I can joke, for u it’s a part of ya
U in the closet but still brought them fantasies to life like Narnia
On paper my marriage perfect, urs kinda smells of shit
No engagement of urs to diss cus it would mess up ur state benefits

Hush's bars here were little more than just putting Seth on the spot, which is a risky move that didn't pay off. Seth did well not shrinking from the callout and embracing it cleverly with the Narnia punch. State benefits was alright. Could've been better.

5

Seth
Comedy is ur money flow, pockets burning he’s a bill abuser
U short, gay, dumb, Mexican.. & literally won the lottery but still a loser
So mami gotta support ya, nighttime on the pole in her element
In god u can trust if I took a closer look at those words I’d smell her shit

Hush
That lotto shit a fail cuz ...
My winning numbers read 16 digits same way her scale does
My wife a bad bitch from the barrio
I swear if your wife jumped on the pole she’d bring the house down like Mario

Both of you are so good at turning an insult around that this entire battle just kept going back and fourth with very little separation in who was winning. Seth's whole counter to the ginger string of insults from Hush with short, gay, dumb, Mexican and the lottery but still a loser as the cherry was dope lol Thought Seth's last bar was a nice concept he didn't word great, and Hush took advantage. Flipping the stripper angle with the Mario pole/bringing down the house line. Good shit, fellas.

6

Seth
U a ghetto Luigi & she got the face of Mario with a fade & shave
A ratchet barrio creature, look like she get Brazilians with a razorblade
But I’ll let her be, gettin scared cus I know she’d defeat me
If she snaps it’s over, she built head to toe like Thanos with a cheap weave

Hush
U big as a barn and softer than yarn. One uppercut send U goodnight
Couldn’t weave a punch so ur face getting sewn up after the fight
Spending ya nights eating cheetos on the pc first person shootin
Game over ; u look like duke nukem overdosing on too much gluten

Back to the Mario angle calling Hush Luigi lol Loved the Thanos concept but wish it'd been worded a little better. Hush's opening bar here was solid outside the rebuttal concept, and even better considering it. Really nice. The way the two of you bounce back and fourth between short and scantly worded punches to ones like Hush's couplet here is impressive. That whole 2nd bar from Hush was great lol

Seth
Pardon me, but that hog gettin filled with bullets it’s a party g
Duke Nukem ya wife for lookin like Pigcop overdosing on menthols & cardi b

Hush
Ya bitch built like a Harley .. I wouldn’t even throat the dike
U been riding that old hog full throttle and never seen a motor bike
One accident in oral sex and u might murder the dame
Last time u dropped a few lbs ya gut fell on her head during brains

Fucking Pigcop imagery was too much haha Dropped a few lbs also had me cracking up a little. Fuck lol

7

Seth
Fuck a multi dawg I’m tuff with words
I didn’t rhyme was my excuse for losin to Frac, the fuck is yours
Who needs proper English, concepts I got mad of those
U ain’t hoppin in the streets, your bride is just a battletoad

Hush
I was robbed in a close battle but you died in a sweep
We both lost to the nigga but what’s ur excuse for crying for weeks
Ok I married a frog but ur bitch big as a wagon
Eat a whole Komodo in 8 bytes .. she got 2 chins and they double dragon

Loved the ego and Star Lord flip and what it turned into lol Hush not bothering to rhyme was a statement but Seth did a nice job of turning that around on Hush for the second time. In Hush's defense he's come back after that just as good. Calling out Seth for crying was a nice move here and it came across well, then paired it with the battletoad flip and double dragon wordplay haha

Consensus

Judge's quotes

pretty clear early on in this that these two were really evenly matched

I laughed out loud several times during this

this was essentially a toss up. I laughed a couple times more often on Hush drops than (Rust), so that gives him the win. I think Seth would have beaten many of the other battlers this week

The fat wife vs jaw thing was hilarious and honestly as much as it was done it didn’t get old but I got Hush winning this one he just had a few more hits to me, Seth still did great though

Pretty even until Seth's losing to Frac bar put him way ahead for me, and while Hush's depression angle was dope it wasn't too direct a retort

Despite cowriting a novel these guys were really consistent

I’m giving Seth the slight edge for the hilarious level of imagery in some of his rebuttals and having less misses for me in general.

This was a long fucking battle and extremely difficult to vote on, because for the most part both Hush and Seth were evenly matched with similar styles. Judges also had varying opinions on who was winning the battle at which point, highlighting just how much of a toss up it was. With the battle the way it was I think it played into Hush's hands a little bit. This was a hell of a battle and exactly what this concept was meant to bring out.

Verdict

This came down to who had more highlights for judges and 3 thought Hush did, leaving 2 on the opposite side of the coin.

3-2 Hush wins

Des V Adverse

Consensus

Judge's quotes

think both guys came below what I’ve seen from them so far in the league. There were some decent concepts, but way too many low points.

Des used a sim pull wordplay, then adverse flipped it to an ass pull. That was terrible

Ad had a couple okay age bars, but if you’re gonna do miscarriage lines they gotta be better than the ones he used

Des just had an answer to everything Ad dropped. Battle was a great read though

Overall a disappointing battle. Seemed every opportunity to seize control was fumbled by both battlers on multiple occasions. Ad had miscarriage bars that didn't break any ground and Des had sloppier wording on top of lazier concepts than I'm accustomed to seeing from him. When a concept was good the wording missed and when the wording hit the concept was subpar. 'Diss my profession' and 'kids seen toilet bowls' were good angles but not executed well. I liked 'equipped with a defibrillator' and maybe 'pussy than you' from Des, but not much else. Ad had 'hooks connect', 'concern for you' and 'land before it'. Not sure if Des underestimated Ad or he just had an off week, but Ad didn't do great either. Also, Ad, it's 'per se', not 'per say'.

Verdict

3 judges had Ad and 2 had Des in a close battle

3-2 Ad wins

Dave V Frac

Best Exchanges

1

Frac
Look like u went face first into a hundred bricks then got kicked by a dozen crips
Ive been successful as two different colored skins while ur skin would look better colored in
A drifter talkin about drifting. Very few people offer rides cuz the boy smells
He likes to call shotgun so i put 1 to his ear and had him checkin voicemails

Dave
I actually have friends so riding shotty’s nothing new to me
If I got a ride in your whip you’d have to move that unused booster seat
Success in two colours? There’s no truth in that, you’re usually wack
Text rappers are like cops these days we only really fucked with you when you were black

Not sure I caught the colored in angle and I thought it strange to bring up your pretending to be black unprovoked lol Boy smells to set up voicemails felt a little lazy. Dave's first bar was a nice rebuttal and coy little personal dig. Didn't love the fucked with you when you were black concept but the angle was on point.

Frac
More daughter jokes. How many of them dumb shits u gonna come flip homie?
And why you bumming rides from friends when you can jus hop on that 1 trick pony
You have no kids cause no bitch would let u slip it inside
Ugly w/ no game. If u ever fingered a girl its cause u witnessed her committing a crime

Dave
Talk originality then flip that fingered bar you already used on seth
There’s only 1 trick I’ve bummed rides on recently and that’s this loser’s ex
Plus I stay with a queen, she gettin ready cus our sex is the best
Only time ur Queen gets made up is when the hotel is expecting guests

Calling him out on the daughter angle was nice and combining it with the bumming rides angle was clever af, well done. Finger/committing a crime was cool lol But Dave really did neutralize it with his opening bar. Not only the finger concept but the 1 trick angle as well. Dave is fucking tough in this format. Again, the concept Frac tried was flipped into a personal against him by Dave is a witty way.

Frac
Yea I run a hotel. Presidential rooms w/ a glamour view
Sounds like ur relationship is just two really dirty queens, thats a bad review
I see u dave. After a decade ur shit is beastin
Ur finally on top of the world but still look like ur under an overpass, thats an incompletion

Dave
Tryna big up the motel? Nah people know that he’s a loser
They only call it the presidential suite cus it smells like Johnson and needs a Hoover
Ur right that I’m on top and ur getting taken out it’s true
And Your only time spent up under a big bridge is when ur making out with zuch

Liked the angle Frac took here, but bad review wasn't great. Same goes for overpass/in completion. Little too simple. 'Presidential suite/smells like Johnson and needs a Hoover' is some next level shit in my opinion lol Especially considering it was a direct reference to Frac's bar. Bringing he and Zuch's relationship into it was a nice move, and bridge was good but maybe the low hanging fruit.

2

Frac
There goes another 1 of ur bricks
We're the same age. And in meth years youre one hundred and six
Kick the habit man, ur feind itch makes me squeamish
Its got you nailing ur cheeks more than netcees wants to do to sprees bitch

Dave
I have to say spree’s just hopping on the last new craze
Cus Frac been steady responding with ass for the last two days
Funny you throw shade and you barely lettin off fire
N How you talking on cheeks when you share a silhouette with Quagmire

Meth years was cool lol Nailing your cheeks is a weird way of describing drug use I'm not familiar with, but using the relevancy of Spree posting his girl was smart. Was a little confused by Dave's set up in his first bar but that only made the pay off work that much better. The comedic timing is on point for him right now. Quagmire I was meh about.

Frac
ur concepts are either played or simple. Too shallow to cheer
I share a sillhouette with quagmire? U would know since uve been in my shadow for years
Lookin for a blueprint to greatness? Daves route is sad n torturous
If ur plans to amaze u couldnt find worse footsteps 2 follow than danny torrances

Dave
Ur shadows fucking boring but I thought I ought to
Someone had to follow in your footsteps just to warn your daughter not to
The ranks don’t lie you faggot dork. I own this league go practice more.
I’m the pinnacle of this back ‘n forth. Your pinnacle of this is back in fourth.

Shadow for years was nice and well worded. Amaze/A maze wordplay isn't cutting it, though. Warn your daughter not to was cold and lol Back in fourth was clever as hell. Fuck lol

Frac
1 dope bar every 8 is what ur averagin'.. Consistent? U really haven't been
And after this back n forth youll be back in fourth like billy madison
Sorry my kid aint listening to a bum whos scared of baths
Pinnacle? Ur set ups n punches are like a toxic relationship... Theres no better half

Don't usually do uneven lines in the breakdowns but I thought this was a dope rebuttal from Frac. Billy Madison was jokes and no better half was a nice concept.

Consensus

Judge's quotes

Dave took a solid lead and never let go. He had a good response for damn near every solid punch from frac

Witty stuff all around and solid wording by each

Frac has some cool stuff but just didn’t have the same impact to me

Dave wasn't perfect with a few lulls, but Frac wasn't consistent enough to overcome Dave's high level of play, at the moment. Every time Frac got up off the mat Dave was waiting with a haymaker.

Verdict

2 judges had Dave with a slight edge and 3 thought he took it comfortably.

5-0 Dave wins

Mac V Aero

Consensus

Judge's quotes

I’m not even sure it’s worth a vote here. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a double DQ

technically it’s a rebuttals league and the only one who got the chance to rebuttal was Mac? But Aero had the better two lines?

What a shitty battle. Thanks for signing in, Austin. Blue called it on him not being able to show on consecutive days, but somehow it was still enough to eek out a win

Verdict

3 judges thought Aero won and 2 didn't

3-2 Aero wins

Lars V Spree

Best Exchanges

1

Lars
lmao this faggots upset his wife marginally less fat than i said
im head n shoulders above u. don’t ever post that Piggyback in my battle again
bitch got Fattoos on stretch marks. she clearly plus sized now
my wife moved me to bed, urs moved u to tears n u signed out

Spree
Buddy... your trash & it’s facts, fuckin lame bro
Only head & shoulder we see? Are yours when you stand next to tables

The fat bars started falling a little short after the picture, but head and shoulders above you/piggy back was dope lol Fattoos lol Thought Spree flipped head and shoulders pretty well with the short joke, but Lars maybe had line of the battle there.

Lars
pussy u shook. logged in to find the woman u loved covered in nut
i’m done with this cuck. this what u get for throwin ur own wife under the buss

Spree
That’s HOF^^??? God you suck & lack hype chief
You should be worried about why it look like a bus did burnouts on your wife’s teeth

Lars bar is kind of just 'I nutted on the pic ha' and Spree's rebuttal was lol

Consensus

Judge's quotes

Each guy harped on one topic

Though Diablo would edge this through the first couple exchanges. Unfortunately, he got corny half way through and didn’t recover. Spree got stronger as he went

not a fan of fake personals and this battle was full of them. Spree's wife aint fat and Lars rode that point into the ground

Overall I liked sprees variety of personal attacks and hits more then Lars exhausting the not even accurate fat wife angle

Judges seemed to feel Lars was a little less on point this week compared to last, and with an angle of Spree's wife being fat being his main attack it all backfired when Spree posted up a picture, even if Lars did jerk off on it. Lars 'busted burnout' closer was one of his best, but he didn't vary his attack enough and Spree did enough to take the win.

Verdict

All 5 judges thought Spree took it.

5-0 Spree wins

Fraze V Defiant

Consensus

Judge's quotes

Flow and wording was solid on both sides, but wit and rebuttal skill was seriously lacking

I got Fraze based on his misses not being AS bad. But don’t get it twisted, neither was good here

Could see this going either way but I thought def was better about actually flipping punches as opposed to flipping references

I enjoy Frazes style but he really delivered some played whiffs here

Lackluster battle. Fraze appears to be the superior writer, but his content is often dated and too simple with a lack of veracity. Defiant was subpar but judges were split on which had worse misses, and that determined who won the battle.

Verdict

3 judges had Defiant edging it barely and 2 Fraze the same way

3-2 Defiant wins

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

Current Champion
User

User has been insanely consistent with crisp wording and witty comebacks week in and week out. He keeps trying to sign out, but luckily for us he's been persuaded to ride it out thus far. After a tooth and nail win against last week's champ, Blue, he finds himself at the top of the mountain with a tough task in week 6.

Contender
Dave

Dave has a swell of momentum building and it's well deserved. Keep it up.

3
Blue

Blue falls to number 3 with User beating him and Dave being on a run. We'll see how he responds to taking the infrequent L.

4
Hush

5
Frac

6
Seth

7
Adverse

8
Des

9
Defiant

10
Spree

11
Mac

Last edited by dull boy; 03-10-2021 at 11:48 PM.
dull boy is offline  
Old 03-10-2021, 11:49 PM   #2
dull boy
consults Lloyd
 
dull boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8


Champed
-1-2 Punch League Roast

Rep Power: 39345600
dull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant future
Default

WEEK 6 MATCH UPS AND PREDICTIONS
(by UserName)

CHAMP MATCH: (4-0) User V (3-1) Dave

Holy shit. Feel like these two have been on a collusion course for weeks now. Dave is on fire and User just bounced Blue out of the #1 spot. Both are incredibly witty and have proven themselves to be well equipped to thrive under this format. Honestly am looking forward to reading these two go at it.

Prediction – Meltdowns over week 5 results derail the league before judging takes place

(4-1) Blue V (2-1) Hush

Oooooooooooooh this will be fire. Flame emoji’s everywhere. Burn unit’s gonna be PACKED after this one. Am I over-selling it? Maybe. Anyways, Blue’s coming off a loss to me, and it feels weird to even write that sentence, but whatever. We talked. We still enjoy the smell of each other’s musk and heavy servings of stirred & well-garnished Black Cherry White Claw. Hush and I have less in common. We have the Nets, which I’ve chosen to root for this year because watching a Bulls game is like watching someone shoot your family, in the head, one by one, every. single. night. It get’s old. Anyways, I’ve gotten WAY off course. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I’d absolutely fuck Hush, and thank him for it, he’s got an undeniable erotic/exotic nature about him, but I’d marry Blue, with his sun-kissed skin and supple Pelotoned thighs, in a Canadian Minute.
Prediction – Blue by a narrow margin. Oh wait, this was about text? Haha. Hahaha. Whoops.

(1-3) Des V (2-2) Frac

Another dope match between two guys coming off losses. Des lost to Adverse, which I didn’t see coming at all. Frac’s coming off a loss to Dave. I honestly thought Frac got the best of Dave in a couple encounters, especially later on, but the judges saw it differently and thought Dave ran away with it. Des’ record shouldn’t represent anyone’s opinion of his skill – if it does, you’re stupid. This is a fun league, but it’s taken it’s toll on people who’ve been faced with consistently tough opponents. The format really insures that each match is an absolute toss up, because your OWN lines get used against you, and THEN it’s left for a completely anonymous panel to judge. I say that to say this, yes, this match will be dope, and who I think will win probably won’t win. My predictions are batting like .110 this season so who’s really even listening to me at this point?
Prediction – 4 responses into the match, Frac pulls off his mask to reveal he’s really Dave and Dave is really Frac and they pulled a switcheroo on us, then Des beats Dave and Frac beats me, setting up the REAL Des vs. Frac match for next week. I should write for the WWE.

(2-3) Seth V (2-2) Adverse

One guy coming off a hard-fought battle, another reveling in his latest win. Man, Seth’s really had a rough go of it in this league. He’s had tough opponents week in and week out, but maybe he’ll find some reprieve in Adverse. Ad’s really picked up the secret to doing well in this league from the get-go, but he’s had his own share of setbacks. He knows how to flip and do rebuttals and do them well. Same can be said for Seth, but given his hyper-paced writing style, he sometimes lets some shots go that probably would’ve been better off in the chamber for a while. This is an interesting little clash on paper, because normally I’d say Seth would have this in the bag – but Ad’s been pulling little tricks out of his troll-like sleeves here lately. Should be a fun one to read, regardless.
Prediction – Seth is going to go full nuclear when he reads the mag and realizes he lost to Hush. Wipes out the entire coast.

(2-0) Defiant V (1-1) Spree
I’m not even doing a detailed breakdown here. Look. Spree, we need more ass pics. Side, bent over, zoom shots, bird’s eye view, whatever you got. Send them in. Honestly, I’ll take a colonoscopy video if you’ve got it on hand. Fuck it, make the entire battle ass shots. Def, post your ass. Spree, post your wifes. I honestly don’t even wanna read your verses. I’m entering this fucking thread for one thing, and that’s Spree’s wifes ass. The people demand more. They deserve more. We’re reading 20-30 reply battles each week, we need a thread we can come in to, crack a beer, and just look at some fucking T&A like men. Give us what we want. More ass.
Prediction – They fucking battle like faggots

(1-4) Mac V (1-0) Dull

Mac, you gorgeous fucking cretin. Please beat Dull. He can’t run a league, vote on it and win the fucking thing too. You gonna let him get to 2-0? Fuck no. Eat his fucking heart. Look, you tried being Loaded Mac, and that got you a few paltry dubs, and a heckuva lotta losses. Let’s switch things up, as your manager and part time stylist, because on the weekends I do hair (DM me for info), let’s try being Baked Mac now. Just loosen up. Feel the vibes hes throwing your way. Take them in. Let them marinate in your sandalwood and lavender scented juices. Then lob the grenade at him, calmly. Don’t panic. Just wait for the explosion to send him flying into a million pieces. New slogan: This Aint Your Momma’s Baked Mac!
Prediction – Please win, Mac. Do it for Simón José Antonio de la Santísima Trinidad Bolívar y Ponte Palacios y Blanco


Rules

I'm always open to answering questions, but please refer to this first if you're unsure of something.

Excessive chatter used as a lead in to your bars will not be tolerated and
could result in a DQ at my discretion. Let your bars do the talking.

1. Opener

Each battle will begin with a coin chosen participant to open the battle. I will @ you when threads are posted each week
informing you that you're on the clock. Your post is the only bar(s) of the battle that don't need to directly or indirectly
reference a previous bar. Some may say it's a disadvantage to open, but the counter to that argument is that it's the only
opportunity to use a generic punch during the battle.

Each post has a 1 bar minimum, 2 bar max. You will have 24 hours from the time the thread is posted to submit your bar(s).
Failing to post within that time limit will result in a DQ and a loss on your record.

2. Rebuttal

Once the opener has been posted you will have 24 hours from the time it was posted to submit your bar(s).
If you fail to respond within that 24 hours it will result in a DQ and a loss on your record. Again, it is a 1 bar minimum and a 2 bar max.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MATCH THE AMOUNT YOUR OPPONENT POSTED. Any line after the opening bar(s) must reference a previously posted bar(s) from the battle, be that directly or indirectly.

There is no restriction to how long you must wait to reply once your opponent has posted.
There is no limit to how many times you and your opponent can exchange bars. Battles will end every Sunday at midnight EST.

If you opened the battle you may not post after 10:59PM EST.
This is to discourage last second posting without giving your opponent
the opporunity to respond and equal the number of posts in a battle.

3. Judging and voting

Threads will be closed Sunday at midnight EST. A panel of 5 anonymous judges will send their votes directly to me and the winners will be announced Wednesday in the mag.

Last edited by dull boy; 03-11-2021 at 01:53 AM.
dull boy is offline  
Old 03-11-2021, 12:20 AM   #3
fraze
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 913
Battle Record: 14-24



Rep Power: 32898722
fraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant futurefraze has a brilliant future
Default

Thanks for the mag dull

Props to def for the win. Just curious about flipping punches vs flipping references. What does that mean?
__________________
fraze is offline  
Old 03-11-2021, 12:22 AM   #4
dull boy
consults Lloyd
 
dull boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8


Champed
-1-2 Punch League Roast

Rep Power: 39345600
dull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant future
Default

If I had to guess I'd say that it means that rather than just referencing a word or phrase in a previous bar, try to rebuke the meaning or punch itself. Not sure, though.
dull boy is offline  
Old 03-11-2021, 01:26 AM   #5
Adverse
low tide in serotonin bay
 
Adverse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
Battle Record: 37-28


Champed
- GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II

Rep Power: 15446142
Adverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant future
Default

Really surprised I beat Des, think we both had lackluster energy. Was a really busy weekend for me personally. Hopefully when we meet again we’re both on our A game.

Great mag and enjoyed the majority of the battles this week other than the Aero shit. Really looking forward to the coming weeks and glad to even up my record
Adverse is offline  
Old 03-11-2021, 01:54 AM   #6
Destroyer
Bags will be avenged
 
Destroyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,622
Battle Record: 85-58

Accomplishments
- 50+ Wins

Champed
- Gimmick Battle League
- 1-2 Punch League (5x)
- Fight Night LXXIX
- Fight Night 4
- Netcees Battle League (2x)
- NPL Roast

Rep Power: 84181418
Destroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant futureDestroyer has a brilliant future
Default

judges are ass

dope mag
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver View Post
Sorry for your lost
philosophy.
Destroyer is offline  
Old 03-11-2021, 07:55 AM   #7
Bomb Bard
FUCK YOU
 
Bomb Bard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,041
Battle Record: 7-9



Rep Power: 8436723
Bomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant future
Default

Great msg. Solid week by everyone



Stay blessed
__________________


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ouch View Post
I don’t don’t be understanding me things that…. They say it’s a sling blade
Bomb Bard is offline  
Old 03-11-2021, 10:05 AM   #8
UserName
K I N G
 
UserName's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 685
Battle Record: 15-10



Rep Power: 3228862
UserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant futureUserName has a brilliant future
Default

No, YOU bless US

youknowwhatimsayin
__________________
First Class
UserName is offline  
Old 03-11-2021, 10:54 AM   #9
Bomb Bard
FUCK YOU
 
Bomb Bard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,041
Battle Record: 7-9



Rep Power: 8436723
Bomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant futureBomb Bard has a brilliant future
Default

Gone
__________________


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ouch View Post
I don’t don’t be understanding me things that…. They say it’s a sling blade
Bomb Bard is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:40 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+