06-17-2018, 07:11 AM | #1 | |
Robin Williams of Fallen Victims
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Unfinished
Unfinished oh... The irony of calling something unfinished before starting it is a self depiction as accurate as Tom Holland as the Peter Parker kid. Self esteem: cold-hearted with a breathe/blow partnership that tempers the kind of temper that feeds those arguments. Never been repo targeted, but I lost a lot along the way. I can only wish these scars were at the cost of gauze and tape. Across/along my face a cross and longing gaze of constant caustic pain paints catharsis-caught dismay. Friendships don't tatter; not like the fabric of life does. They're a mountainous climb that you happened to try once and getting off is like getting off while you imagine a dry fuck. Tribulations glue or separate souls until they're in the hands of Osiris - Damaged. Unbridled. A physics professor's voice in the classroom trying to explain why we send rocket ships to a void in a vacuum. The white board animation makes the boys in the back "ooh" even though their brains are too thick too anoint them a half clue. Idiots conjoined at the tattoo lacking picturesque personas can't hide their confusion, let alone their bitter breath aroma. Sequential tests have formed a reason to talk like this - I live in an ocean of ideas but feed off the stream in my consciousness. Teaming with thoughtlessness I come off as seedy as Gothams press. Soft peppered anxiety like conceding you lost a bet flavors the taste of a loss. Players are training their bra's (bruh) without getting naysayers and sadists involved. Smoke and mirrors, snuff bullets and vapors escaping their lungs, Newports where containers from Beijing are brought, et cetera, save for the layman and lost. I may have just watched angels in the place of my dogs take my breath away as my pen erased the last space on this cloth. This picture mosaic filled with layers of faces you squanch - even when combined as a whole each thought is unfinished... Because sometimes the overall message is lost in the image.
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06-17-2018, 06:06 PM | #2 |
death warmed over
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Right good work bro sorry cant break it down now but i enjoyed this read didnt really get it but nice use of multis didnt like the training brahs but the rest was alright seemed very complex which is cool good for you altho im unsure if thats cause you was using multis and technically it aint really supposed to mean nothing just a little rhyme er whatever, but fuck it good for you cause it worked and a lotta piecea on here dont for one reason er another...... whatever i aint really use multis much in my verses but you are obviously very good at it..... there were a few bars that felt a bit forced rhymewise but whatefer close enough as far as im concerned...
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06-17-2018, 09:18 PM | #3 |
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Il look at this later but i have to reiterate tripples sentiment.
The use of multis in this is absolutely insane. |
06-17-2018, 11:00 PM | #4 |
............
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A physics professor's voice in the classroom
trying to explain why we send rocket ships to a void in a vacuum. The white board animation makes the boys in the back "ooh" even though their brains are too thick too anoint them a half clue. Idiots conjoined at the tattoo lacking picturesque personas can't hide their confusion, let alone their bitter breath aroma. Sequential tests have formed a reason to talk like this - I live in an ocean of ideas but feed off the stream in my consciousness. ^^Chea... This was raw...content was laced with wit, multies as both before me have said already were really dope man...what a kick ass joint, kudos. Stay uppity bro. |
06-18-2018, 10:10 PM | #5 |
rhyme capsule.
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i won't lie, you almost lost me with your opener.
otherwise, this was pretty dope. enjoyed its cadence and some of the commentary/introspection. |
06-20-2018, 01:09 PM | #6 |
White Earl
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Fucking pent. Good to see you old boy.
This shit opened up a little slow. Long winxed. The out of nowhere it fucking took off and next thing i knew i had read the whole piece and was like damn. Good to see you back. This shit is fire
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07-10-2018, 09:59 PM | #7 |
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dope.
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08-20-2018, 10:16 AM | #8 |
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This is a pretty good piece, Pent Up. It didn't seem to lack any elements of writing. Everything came into place. The multi-syllabic rhymes were good, as was the story. Nothing seemed too bad. It was a good piece. Well organized, and well written.
Good job. |
09-15-2018, 11:04 PM | #9 |
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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It was great, end felt a little shaky working wise, but only because of the contrast with how killer the beginning and middle are. Like up until 'Gothams Press' was dope
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