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Old 10-05-2019, 01:00 AM   #1
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Default Dead Man: Ascension

lying

awake. waiting for a time to escape
prideful as ever, writing letters
to our private relationship. tying the tethers
quite the endeavor, we were dying together
trying to race towards whatever we could find in our haste:
climate change, twice the rain
twice the regret .. relishing like hell in every lie we embellished
reckless as any, always shy to repent
so our cycle continues like synchronizing a swim
silent and naked. its dark outside and crickets are chirping
we hear it from the windows of our second-floor purchase
woodpanel flush with portraits.
carpet faded with years
i worked and drank and sat with you in vague insincerity
every day you spend is like donating to charity
interactions all a lesson from your cognitive therapy
pardon me. let me free.
leave me tied to a bench
its like i never left my father's house inside of my head
adolescent evermore. its wild and upsetting
how we'll never feel much older than our time as a kid,
using rhyme to repress. or is it silent expression?
either sublimation only guides me to questions -
alligator fang-snapping terrorizing the lake
or a thousand-mirror medusa on an island of snakes
copying fake, obstinate major, riding a wave
stroller rides to the grave, i'm here like bedbugs and AIDS
either accept it and let it lie in your veins
or lie in a grave full of promises we probably made
neurologic escapist. diagnostic enslaved
healing others to account for all the life that i wasted
biomatrix, stuck in transit. red-line ride, 35th
spent my life counting minutes til my life can begin
a giant in skin. mindful militia, vibrant within
when lightning struck oil and mined a diamond instead
he arrived from the dead. headlights on bright in the whip
when worlds collide we die in the wreckage. psychic ascension -
higher than prince when he was writing his hits,
trial has commenced
myelin sheath corroded, bipolar tendancies, i plead the fifth
cease and exist, briefly as this. a meaty imprinting
organizing barriers and seeking religion
secretion and sense is all we contribute. simple as pie
boil it down - your only memory is how you're designed
but
why





dm
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Old 10-05-2019, 03:12 AM   #2
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Shit was deep like an azzhole niqqa
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Old 10-05-2019, 11:38 AM   #3
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Greatest writer of my generation. And every one to come since
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Old 10-16-2019, 11:15 PM   #4
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Did Aero write this?

Answer will impact whether I like it or not.
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Old 10-17-2019, 12:32 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
Did Aero write this?

Answer will impact whether I like it or not.
Fucc withchu
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Old 10-17-2019, 01:40 AM   #6
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Dead Man - Ascension

Hello, Blacketh.

I thought this was a good written; full of expanded intellect and heartstrokes with the pen' that brought me to black dark realms; and good sharp content. Your verbosity is good; your verbosity is good; your verbosity is really well done. I think you're a excellent writer where you're ground. I believe you should expand here; go to different areas; stay well put. Your black verses are well done; you could use more christian language. Vocabulary is your strong suit. Your vocabulary is very strong. Your verbosity is good; yet with more book reading. Could be concrete. That's what most writers nowadays need. Concrete easy to read writing. Concrete as a novel. Good work, Dead Man. Nice work on this piece.
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Old 10-17-2019, 05:06 AM   #7
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Blacket my dear friend....


Love reading your writing because of the simple wording you so elegantly protrue with ease. One liners here and there had my thinking real deep but a piece as a whole was just a cultivating imagery. You sprinkled the details to paint a picture for me tk read and easily warch the scriptures in slow motion fade off to the next. Especially like the deep connection you implamented leaving it so relatable with anyone to read down the stanzas. Your diction on this was executed quite perfectly with the the scheme and your little hiccups in the rhyme actually patterned well and i caught on to it fast and proceeded from there. Great spoken word here my friend. The vocabulary which i am so used to be packed wjth was more subtle this time around but still stuck with great deliverance.
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Old 10-17-2019, 03:09 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
Did Aero write this?

Answer will impact whether I like it or not.
Always assume yes
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Old 10-17-2019, 11:38 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinacog View Post
Dead Man - Ascension

Hello, Blacketh.

I thought this was a good written; full of expanded intellect and heartstrokes with the pen' that brought me to black dark realms; and good sharp content. Your verbosity is good; your verbosity is good; your verbosity is really well done. I think you're a excellent writer where you're ground. I believe you should expand here; go to different areas; stay well put. Your black verses are well done; you could use more christian language. Vocabulary is your strong suit. Your vocabulary is very strong. Your verbosity is good; yet with more book reading. Could be concrete. That's what most writers nowadays need. Concrete easy to read writing. Concrete as a novel. Good work, Dead Man. Nice work on this piece.
These kind of posts make me think youre trolling.
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Old 10-18-2019, 08:38 AM   #10
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I should do more book reading lol
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Old 10-19-2019, 06:15 AM   #11
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Uhhh. Ya, sinacog is the terminator. Obv
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Old 10-21-2019, 07:32 PM   #12
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i, for one, would also like to see more christian language.

i'm not boasting but i incorporated the word antediluvian* into a verse once and it almost sounded natural.

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Old 10-30-2019, 08:10 PM   #13
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Old 11-19-2019, 11:52 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dead man View Post
lying

silent and naked. its dark outside and crickets are chirping
we hear it from the windows of our second-floor purchase

Simple, but great imagery.


leave me tied to a bench
its like i never left my father's house inside of my head
adolescent evermore. its wild and upsetting
how we'll never feel much older than our time as a kid,


Damn. This is real.


using rhyme to repress. or is it silent expression?
either sublimation only guides me to questions -
alligator fang-snapping terrorizing the lake
or a thousand-mirror medusa on an island of snakes

"a thousand-mirror medusa on an island of snakes." Yikes.


either accept it and let it lie in your veins
or lie in a grave full of promises we probably made
neurologic escapist. diagnostic enslaved
healing others to account for all the life that i wasted
biomatrix, stuck in transit. red-line ride, 35th
spent my life counting minutes til my life can begin
a giant in skin. mindful militia, vibrant within
when lightning struck oil and mined a diamond instead

Wow.


secretion and sense is all we contribute. simple as pie
boil it down - your only memory is how you're designed
but
why

Great ending.


Listen man, not many people impress me anymore, I've seen them all. But you continue to. Inspiring stuff. Oh, and start writing screenplays or a novel or something... your talents are wasted here.
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Old 11-20-2019, 12:26 AM   #15
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hey thanks man. i'll try to hit yours back with some commentary soon.
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Old 11-20-2019, 12:44 AM   #16
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@dead man

bruh,don't want to sound repetitive but you are one of the best to ever do it.

Always can relate to something that you're writing.


------------------------------------
lying

awake. waiting for a time to escape
prideful as ever, writing letters
to our private relationship. tying the tethers
quite the endeavor, we were dying together
trying to race towards whatever we could find in our haste:
climate change, twice the rain
twice the regret .. relishing like hell in every lie we embellished
reckless as any, always shy to repent
so our cycle continues like synchronizing a swim

-----------------------------------------------

this engages anyone in a second, especially if they have gone thru it or currently going thru something like this.


u gotta start writing more short stories, films, bigger projects.
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Old 11-20-2019, 01:07 AM   #17
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this is really really good i don't know what else to say.

but maybe surprise us all some day with a different kind of piece.
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