09-19-2014, 11:39 PM | #21 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
if anybody thinks nyc is better than me at anything speak now
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09-20-2014, 12:36 AM | #22 |
Om
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6,473
Battle Record: 8-16
Rep Power: 84181559 |
He's better at sucking
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BIRDHORSE 8-15 |
09-26-2014, 09:44 PM | #23 | |
Robin Williams of Fallen Victims
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,502
Battle Record: 25-11
Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame
Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x)
- NWL Season 1
- Write Night I
- Art of Writing League (2x)
- Write Week IV
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09-26-2014, 10:54 PM | #24 |
Steel Cut
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 5,073
Battle Record: 19-10
Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x)
Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV
- Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 79005425 |
DONT WORRY I GOT THIS
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You should be water |
09-27-2014, 11:45 AM | #25 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: on the couch
Posts: 842
Battle Record: 2-6
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I'm trying so hard to be better at EGO.
Everybody is better than you at at LEAST one thing. Quote from Tao Te Ching: 50 The Master gives himself up to whatever the moment brings. He knows that he is going to die, and her has nothing left to hold on to: no illusions in his mind, no resistances in his body. He doesn't think about his actions; they flow from the core of his being. He holds nothing back from life; therefore he is ready for death, as a man is ready for sleep after a good day's work.
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theMuzzl3 AKA Malibu's Most Wanted Last edited by theMuzzl3; 09-27-2014 at 11:51 AM. |
09-29-2014, 04:40 PM | #26 |
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 41
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 3760708 |
Hey,
Very well-written. Truth be told? It was just a very good piece.... Until - For me, anyways, I read this: "The rhetoric is old - one that everybody knows: The further they're getting in their home, the more pressure on their souls. " They say sometimes your "less-than-amazing" efforts may contain one of the most amazing tidbits in it. For me this was it. Looking forward to reading some of your new stuff. Good read. |
10-04-2014, 11:40 PM | #27 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,904
Battle Record: 27-22
Rep Power: 85899395 |
K let me take a shower first brah
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
10-05-2014, 12:17 AM | #28 | ||||||
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,904
Battle Record: 27-22
Rep Power: 85899395 |
Def fed this before when it dropped, I remember the match. Will probably give better feed now though.
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Like how you used the dog, symbolically. Quote:
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Commendable job of staying very focused for a lot of lines. The content was fresh throughout, and while I always prefer to read your newer stuff I get that each verse is a labor itself for you. Like the guy that rolls the best J he can, and nurses it as it gets passed around the room, tryna make sure that everyone gets good hits and that his roll job stays together. Crafted. Genuinely cares about what others think of his work, which is a great, underrated quality as a writer. The guy who does it for others, not just himself. Great verse, Pent.
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11-12-2014, 09:06 PM | #29 | |||
Steel Cut
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 5,073
Battle Record: 19-10
Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x)
Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV
- Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 79005425 |
all right all right, here I am. sorry I took so long yadda yadda, I'll get into it now.
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Puppy's engagement and drunk nor complacent also struck me as a bit awkward. I pictured the crunching of chips to drown out a puppy humping one of their legs or something, and while I like the implications of contrasting drunkenness and complacency, the line didn't seem to fit with the character of the piece: that kind of line lends itself towards alcoholism/binge party drinking in my mind, whereas the humdrum scene you depicted called for something a bit more subtle and...adult? If that makes sense. Like sipping a craft beer or some wine or something. Obviously these are my associations that I'm reading the verse with, just saying. I can't decide if I like the ready to squab line. It's a funny bit of wordplay, and it definitely works since my first read of it I immediately anchored an unrelated meaning to the word "squab." So yeah, I guess I like it, it's a skillful way to undermine language. But that bottom half was more excellence, peering into the world of fake/real relationships. They're behaving just like a normal couple, only they've never met (I'm assuming) in real life. It's half romantic, half pathetic, but really what relationship isn't, to some degree. I really love the parallels you present. Quote:
I didn't like the way this piece ended. You spent so much time peering into the lives of these characters, and the end felt like a copout by turning the camera on the audience. I can see how, on a conceptual level, it might work, like a ZAP! THESE PEOPLE MIGHT BE YOU! kind of thing. But even then, not my cup of tea, and regardless I don't think it was executed well enough to be successful at that gambit either. How I feel - and keep in mind, every interpretation I make comes with the caveat that I could have completely misread it - is that this was trying to squeeze in that technology metaphor a bit too hard, instead of letting it organically take shape through the online interaction/development of their relationship. You did well to make me care about their situation - so well, in fact, that I'm a little annoyed that you left me in the cold and brought me into the picture instead of giving me a final glimpse. I can't help but think that this could be DOPE if you panned out with some kind of implicit piece of dialogue. I'm thinking how Steinbeck would finish the emotional crescendos with some trivial comment like "what the hell was that?" I don't know. Overall, this was a superb piece of writing for about 2/3-3/4, the remainder being good but not great. As you can probably tell, my biggest gripe is the ending. Dope shit, and sincere apologies that I took so long to get to this. I'm a distracted motherfucker.
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bb is an idiot, non spellers r non thinkers, nycspitz irrelevant |
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