An Insurgent Soul in Flames

[Defy Gravity]

Burn me Alive


Posing as an imposter,
Altering permanent mannerisms and mixed posture/
I rose to grandiose fame a flying saucer,
In the underworld canvass of colliding mobsters/
With matriculate dames and narcotics fueling my insidious name/
Until my status lift to a hydraulics gaze,
I marched brolic with a quiverless rein/
My origin was wiped clean by the authorities that were over seeing
All shady agents who a sang amazing grace if my cover came stampeding/
My intense training academy,
sealed off keeping moles for straddling me/
An extreme athlete,
Baiting the bulls horn like a matador hosting a Calvary/
Vocal coached the accent, my Italian pantomimes were immaculate/
All heathens exorcised in action flicks,
bathe in Sinai swallowing the apple's stem/
carving their coronary arteries, my blade work was artistry/
I graze preps horribly,
With scarlet stabbing objects perspiring lava beads/
Close their coffins,
Restless souls disrupt the earth like erosion coughing/
And their body moldings forfeit,
Substances for my hands to rinse under cold water faucets/
My glock is global warming with heated shots that hoist a walrus/
You’ll be eaten like roasted swordfish,
Or drowning divers splashing in open water/
My Arsenal is opulent,
With particles of toxicness causing gray shaded flesh/
And as my accomplices,
A Xerox a copy of oxygen for suffocation occupants negated breathes/
My body is astonishing,
The ink display turns into army fatigues and hieroglyphics/
Watching me fight at a sonic speed,
Displays a collage of green berets firing missiles/
No damage inflicted, my stamina in trenches is titanium tinted/
My hands are like syphilis, fedora keeps my cranium, visage
From miscellaneous henchmen/
Die violently, slugs collide turning guys into a side of beef/
After tasting the five finger rings,
We douse his eyes with vinegar and Vaseline/
Kerosene soaked his clothes, in cement blocks his toes were cloaked/
Fisticuffs the blows were stone, in anemic drops his blood it flows/
Toss a match as his body regurgitates his carcass to ashes/
The cause and effect, an undercover insurgent soul lost in the madness

[Defy Gravity]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=43808 @Vulgar


http://netcees.co/showthread.php?p=2...d=1#post243246 @Angkor

[Vulgar]

With scarlet stabbing objects perspiring lava beads/
Close their coffins,
Restless souls disrupt the earth like erosion coughing/
And their body moldings forfeit,
Substances for my hands to rinse under cold water faucets/

^This part was sick. Liked it.

This piece was partly grimy and partially undercooked/overcooked. I can't decide if your method of penning down your thoughts is the best it can be. In its present state, your style is heavy on the details, on the telling, but you rarely ask any questions. As narrator, proposing uncertain scenarios to the reader is interesting, no?
"My body is astonishing,
The ink display turns into army fatigues and hieroglyphics/
Watching me fight at a sonic speed,
Displays a collage of green berets firing missiles/"

^Chaotic. I can't imagine why this character fighting at a sonic speed would resemble that. Maybe a backround into why would help make this a more complete bar/thought. For example, if he's fighting in the forest, that would explain the appearance of "green" berets. Or if he's fighting green berets with missile-fire at sonic speeds...this would also solve the problem.

There is a lot going on, so it's something to snack on at all times, but even then, I feel as though you are holding yourself back from covering holistic ground. Overeager in your ink spilling when you can be a chief librarian at will. You have skill. I think you also need more patience in molding these vertical pastries of action before selling them as baked goods.

[Angkor]

Whats good, Fly, came to return the favor.

This piece read a lot like the last one i read from you (that one piece in the RIA league about your place in the topical writing circle). Allow me to get this part out of the way...why do you "/" the end of every line? that's mad newbish son, lol!! Anyways, i dig this piece for what it is. Basically a topical braggadocio piece haha. To piggyback on Vulgar's comment, there were some flash of brilliance but i also see some rust there. Heavily metaphor laced, i can't say fully understand some of the symbolism but i did suspect a scathing commentary on the power-that-be within the first few bars.

My origin was wiped clean by the authorities that were over seeing

not sure if ur referring to mods from here or RIA as both incarnations were destroyed in favor of a new birth.

All shady agents who a sang amazing grace if my cover came stampeding

^^i can imagine that may be the reason why, at times, you feel you have to switch up your alias or make a new name. or i could be misinterpreting lol.

So word, as a "yall better recognize my talent" piece, i thought it was an enjoyable read. Not one of your best but still enjoyable. Keep on.

[Defy Gravity]

@Pent uP @ZYGote