Fold under pressure when all eyes are on me during my origami performance

[big baby]

Small disorder, Rip off your arm supporters in-front of all New Yorkers. Yeah you’re haunting. It’s the colossus martyr the cathartic nerd. On the surface I’m a god, you’re a Marxist merchant target turban carpet curtain amorphous virgin. I’m full of gloss, even a rainbow is jealous. Shooting arrows, in Venice, Use any fair of weapons to shoot at you. A head of lettuce, or barrels, a load of melons. It’s over. gave Jay-z the okay to use Rihanna’s umbrella. Hey, hey. (echo) On my sailboat, perfection. Hit you with elbows in pelvis. I'm Elvis playin techno. The psycho seto-psychic Plato. A felon. Fellatio. Don't mention. That yellow railroad, so zealous. Cover and drape you in deli meat. Hey, I demand it. Spray mayo on you & make YOU a sandwich. Empirical drunk ass. Take a bite out of your skull. Call NATO from contacts. Recommend them to wear a raincoat to shield from the bloodbath.

lmao. ass is pressed against me. You’re a faggot. Yes. And next please. Sign an affidavit, drinking Alizé, a kingpin. I’m sexy. You’re half of what I say, and a quarter of that’s depressing. My accolades reach from Niagra to A Nets game. Your accolades list is as long as vine is. I’m psychic. Take the hydrocodone, you could record your whole porno in 6 seconds. I predict texting. And start digesting. Mafia boss. Sipping tea from his malitov. Cut a scene with cameras off. I’m obscene. A barking dog. In Florida. With a hoodie on eating skittles and tea. Christmas elves are next. A cannibal strippin' Zimmerman. clean the flesh from his bones and claiming self-defence. Bangin a homo in chick fil-a is SOO CLICHE. It’s a bargain. Slip the upsurging stream of missile waves, pencil breaks, I menstruate and create Kevlar casing. I'm Anthony Casey. You’d have to be crazy to come at me.

crazy enough. I’m slim shady. Just a bit pasty. What’s up? I like to play, and it’s fun. Hey! wanna go bathe in the mud? You’re too serious, over there breathing scary and stuff. Play NAVY in a game of pick up. Quarterback with foreign snaps. Just call safeties, and HUT. Tackle Tom Brady. I’m nuts. Grab the warmers back from his butt. It’s cool living backwards, but… going forward is linear movement. An author penning about time travel is such a peculiar conclusion. A nuclear nuisance as I maneuver through music. The feeling of familiar illusion, then as you feel it… crazy enough. I’m slim shady. Just a bit pasty. What’s up?

[Natural]

Small disorder, Rip off your arm supporters in-front of all New Yorkers.
Yeah you’re haunting, It’s the colossus martyr the cathartic nerd.
On the surface I’m a god, you’re a Marxist merchant target turban carpet curtain amorphous virgin.
I’m full of gloss, even a rainbow is jealous. Shooting arrows, in Venice, Use any fair of weapons to shoot at you.
A head of lettuce, or barrels, a load of melons, It’s over, gave Jay-z the okay to use Rihanna’s umbrella.
Hey, hey. (echo) On my sailboat, perfection, Hit you with elbows in pelvis.
I'm Elvis playin techno, the psycho seto-psychic Plato, A felon, Fellatio.
Don't mention that yellow railroad, so zealous, cover and drape you in deli meat.
Hey, I demand it, spray mayo on you & make YOU a sandwich.
Empirical drunk ass, take a bite out of your skull, Call NATO from contacts.
Recommend them to wear a raincoat to shield from the bloodbath.

I made an attempt to structure this some. The first stand out thing to me about this is the lack of structure and uneven lines.
Your rhyming ability is there but it's so sporadic and out there
I don't think this would resonate real with most emcee's.
In the text realm even...in my opinion...this is nothing more than good rhyming practice.
Even if there is a dope reference or two its just too sporadic too be considered
top notch in my opinion.
I know a lot of last here dig this sort of thing....so to each his/her own
If it floats ya boat do you...

But I'm not about to run with the crowd and front like I thought this was fire.

Monstrous slaughtering constant consciousness slobbering

↑ see I can do that too....doesn't make me dope.
Though good rhyming prowess.

My advice to you would be to toss out the paragraph form and really let that rhyming ability shine by producing a cohesive drop beginning to end.

One thing I did enjoy though to give you a positive is the fact you seem to enjoy pushing ya rhymes to the limit and beyond...
That's a good habit to have....but some structure and presentability would help.

[big baby]

that example was horrendous I'd never rhyme that but thank you. yeah certain shut up.

[Natural]

Well I'm sorry you think so.
My example uses alliteration in the manner a lot of your rhymes did.
Though different words my example holds weight
You don't gotta be a big baby about it. Lol
If you disagree just do you. After all its just my point of view.

[Split]

big baby used more assonance than alliteration, but that wasn't what made his rhyme scheme advanced, imo.

[Zen]

140 views in like four hours? I'm jealous. I'll leave detailed feed when I'm less intoxicated.

[Wise Wiggles]

Thought this was lovely and inspiring.

[CopyPat]

not 10/10 or 8/10. u have Obviously had MUCH better work than this

CLockwork Orgy and Yo mommas so fat > this piece....by ALOT.

There were still lots of good elements but as a whole it just didn't come together.
normally i seriously cannot get enough of ur writing. but something felt off about this one. not sure what. was just a little too random or something idunno. either that or there wasn't enough real good rhyming to make up for the randomness.. where usually ur scheming is off the charts this wasn't quite as intense. the first paragraph was the best one for me, and then it kinda went off the rails a little. i think it was just a tad forced, u know?

anyways u know i love u and i want to see MUCH MUCH more from u but this one was a minor blip on ur radar as far as im concerned

[Certain]

Shut up, Certain.

[zygote]

"You’re half of what I say, and a quarter of that’s depressing. My accolades reach from Niagra to A Nets game. Your accolades list is as long as vine is. I’m psychic. Take the hydrocodone, you could record your whole porno in 6 seconds. I predict texting." Enjoyed that part the best, the train of thought stuff is great too but I liked that aggressive part the best.

[Just Write]

crazy enough. I’m slim shady. Just a bit pasty. What’s up? I like to play, and it’s fun. Hey! wanna go bathe in the mud? You’re too serious, over there breathing scary and stuff. Play NAVY in a game of pick up. Quarterback with foreign snaps. Just call safeties, and HUT. Tackle Tom Brady. I’m nuts. Grab the warmers back from his butt. It’s cool living backwards, but… going forward is linear movement. An author penning about time travel is such a peculiar conclusion. A nuclear nuisance as I maneuver through music. The feeling of familiar illusion,

This was my favorite part, you have a great style i admire man, everything just reads off so smooth, lookin forward to reading your verse in the tourney. Peace

If you have time can you peep my game of love verse? Edit-ahaha u already did.

[Geno]

I did not enjoy this. At all. Not a hate response... I'm just tired of goofy ass rhymes thrown together that hold absolutely no real life meaning. I think this is horrible and if itnwere on wax I would never cop the album

But keep doing you. You clearly have good syllable abilities' bring something that means something to someone next time.