01-03-2014, 04:40 PM | #1 |
Om
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Reality of Language
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=40112
Dip n diving power lines; motion's illustrative fixture. Fixated. Rear window view. Curator of rhythmic strives. Ecliptic climbs. Trite systems or glimpse divine. The mystic glisten of a strained glint. The crippled sight. Eyes bite at the beholders slight twitch. Did the devil curve his spine with a better birth in mind? Light switches; seems the sepulchre is white. Photon Shepards sift through wide spectrums in delight. Receptor type efforts and the messenger alike, then what's left over... well, you can frame that as you'd like... Microclausem. Dew embedded webs glimmer idle. Gossamer sonnets rocketed hypersonic. Spurned style. Wildly slung. Im finely tucked in a pocket. Then tightly clung writing's rungs. Climbing up to an object. Sought a wondrous finding. Inside me, lightning struck lightly plucked. The rise was inspiring. I forgot where I was. It didn't matter
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01-03-2014, 07:33 PM | #2 |
nok Su kow
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You ol poet you
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
01-03-2014, 10:23 PM | #3 |
SOBER
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"Did the devil curve his spine
with a better birth in mind?" "Photon Shepards sift through wide spectrums in delight. Receptor type efforts and the messenger alike, then what's left over... well, you can frame that as you'd like..." Althought photon shepards was fucked out, to me. Otherwise, dope. "Im finely tucked in a pocket." "Then tightly clung writing's rungs. Climbing up to an object. Sought a wondrous finding. Inside me, lightning struck lightly plucked. The rise was inspiring. I forgot where I was." I liked those. You read like a streamlined, poetic, and slightly less verbose Split Eight. You may have been writing before him, I don't know the timeline. When you drop the vocab-pants and write an affecting thought you're at your best, in my opinion. Then again, I find words with more than four syllables scary. But you really do know how to couch a phrase or idea in this format when you're not trying to be too complex. I enjoyed this, although I think some of the denser sections could have cleaned up a bit. The spots I highlighted may not have stood out so much to me without the aforementioned denser parts, though, so who knows.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
01-04-2014, 01:55 PM | #4 |
Om
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Uuuup
Ill rtf
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01-04-2014, 02:36 PM | #5 |
Arm the Homeless
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You in a dysfunctional relationship nigga
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01-04-2014, 02:58 PM | #6 |
Om
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01-04-2014, 03:25 PM | #7 |
Arm the Homeless
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That's whats up. Don't go to prison though.
But this was good. I see what Cake was saying that this was sorta like Split's style with big ass words that no one understands. That was excellent though. The rhyming to me felt that it could have been a little more impressive but nonetheless it moved the piece at the right pace. Nice work. We should finally collab though since we were supposed to like five months ago and neither of us wrote anything lol. |
01-07-2014, 09:27 PM | #8 |
............
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Light switches; seems the sepulchre is white.
Photon Shepards sift through wide spectrums in delight. Receptor type efforts and the messenger alike, then what's left over... well, you can frame that as you'd like... ^^Chea. What's around what I quoted is tight, especially vocab wise... You had some nice multies in here and imagery imo was also a stand out.Good shit man. Stay upwards. |
01-08-2014, 12:39 AM | #9 |
living
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Receptor type efforts and the messenger alike,
then what's left over... well, you can frame that as you'd likeā¦ clearly your most impactful line in this work. i have not read anything from you before fig only laughed at your comments in disc so i do not have context in which to frame this verse relative to your body of writing. it was cool. from what i could tell it seemed like more of a mental exercise than anything too focal. to that end, i had fun reading it. some great imagery and demonstrative of a greater imagination. idk if you're in the upcoming tourney or not but I'm really looking forward to reading what you come up with in response to a designated topic. thanks 1
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Zack Wicks for president |
01-08-2014, 03:20 AM | #10 | |||||
Mad fucking dangerous.
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I'm not sure I can pull of a Fig translation here. This verse was less focused and less polished than "Language of Reality," and I'm not sure there was a thesis driving this. There's nothing wrong with that. The lack of formality can be a boon, and sometimes you showed that here.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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