12-31-2013, 04:15 PM | #1 |
White Earl
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Bombs Away!
hardcore -drop drama, until you need shock trauma
get you high, leave you rock bottom Who's got problems? mines deeper!, darker!! women who have lied, cheaters! daughters!! inprisonment and time, jesus! crosses!! no rhyme n reason why ive completely lost it psycopathic traits, relapsed! crack cocaine!! I'm kurt cobains last moments, you'd react the same!! passion! pain!! that clearly lacks restraint plainly poisen, I paint these portraits based on voices can't contain these noises, mistakes I've made! crazy choices!! can't escape this bane, saddam hussein of rap karate kid! the crane attack!! earthquakes that shake the map nuclear waste of rap! cause satans back when I grab the mic with the wrath of christ, to put you on your ass flat -like a patch of ice!! genocide on the track is some bad advice I'm eve in the garden, with an appetite camera light ignites the carnage, until I'm twice as heartless a pick axe that swipes the harvest, the nails in coffins dead to rights, excite bike, the fury when you wiped the cartridge technologically -I write the rawest! flawless flow!! syrious syllable syllabus is all i know
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12-31-2013, 06:17 PM | #2 |
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This was good. This is a good switch up of style for you.
I really didn't see any old habits or patterns from you in this. The scheme was dope too. Perhaps a little lacking on the witt/creative side if I wanted to nitpick But then again I don't really think that is what you were aiming for with this. I'm not sure if you took my advice and are trying to form a new steeze or if it is mere coincidence But either way good writing. I still don't get why you structure ya stuff this way though... But I guess if it floats your boat that's what matters. Edit: Are you writing to a beat? That would explain the structure... Just thought of that. Not sure if that's the case though. 1 Last edited by Natural; 12-31-2013 at 07:29 PM. |
12-31-2013, 07:26 PM | #3 |
obsessed
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You can start bragging now. Not before, where you flaunted all your stuff in discussion. This is a better genocide. I see a little hint of improvement. Where many, tons of writers can't get over. That little hump, merely impossible and so disorientating to so many. You can brag and call out people now. This was better. Very good. The exclamations were silly at first, but I learned to like them by the fourth stanza. Keep it up, happy new years.
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12-31-2013, 09:10 PM | #4 |
subterranean dweller
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can't escape this bane, saddam hussein of rap
karate kid! the crane attack!! earthquakes that shake the map this line did it for me. just the way it lead up to it and switchex pace, for me it was like a climax, and though there were hot bars afterwards, you rode it out perfectly. good shit.
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01-01-2014, 12:57 PM | #5 |
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Damn, this was fire geno. Nice to see a drop from you again sir. Kind of a style switch up from what i usually see from you but i liked it. Very smooth and content wast just enough dark with a little finesse and loads of emotion. Nice, yo hit me up for another collab fam. Peace
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01-03-2014, 06:08 AM | #6 |
Mic Check
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ok geno. We know what u CAN do by this point, this was another good piece, and same story, could easily be crossed over to audio, its very clean and smooth. I want to see u try some more intense shit though lyrically.. and not even content but straight out structure, push urself schematically. rhyme 5, 6, 7, 8 , 9 syllables. just try it.
Example: nuclear waste of rap! cause satans back when I grab the mic with the wrath of christ, to put you on your ass flat -like a patch of ice!! when i was reading i was thinkin/hoping your next line instead of just using the "grab the mic" scheme would continue the "satans back" scheme PLUS the new one u introduced the grab the mic one.. so like: nuclear waste of rap! cause satans back when I grab the mic to slay this track in the afterlife the greatest man since the path of christ you ladies man? yeah hermaphrodite or something... lol but u know what i mean???? it was THERE and u didn't take it! dead to rights, excite bike, the fury when you wiped the cartridge technologically -I write the rawest! flawless flow!! syrious syllable syllabus is all i know same thing here. i wished u wouldve used the technologically part that u introduced and kept it going with the existing. like this dead to rights, excite bike, the fury when you wiped the cartridge technologically -I write the rawest! ecologically your mic is garbage.. ahaha stupid but u get the point right? Anyways just tryna see u elevate, i love ur shit, but i think u can do more with it now, since u've mastered ur current style, u know?
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01-03-2014, 09:46 AM | #7 |
nok Su kow
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I wanna see you not use any multies whatsoever
Spit from your heart Lemme see it
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01-07-2014, 09:33 PM | #9 |
............
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no rhyme n reason why ive completely lost it
psycopathic traits, relapsed! crack cocaine!! I'm kurt cobains last moments, you'd react the same!! passion! pain!! that clearly lacks restraint plainly poisen, I paint these portraits based on voices can't contain these noises, mistakes I've made! crazy choices!! can't escape this bane, saddam hussein of rap karate kid! the crane attack!! earthquakes that shake the map ^^Nice shit. Another solid joint from you, tbh I didn't really like the start but from the section I quoted onwards things were tight...def a multie heavy piece yet you kept the content pretty solid man...wasn't just a whole bunch of rhymin' things whilst sayin' nothin' so yeah, enjoyable stuff G. Stay uppity. |
01-08-2014, 12:46 PM | #10 |
_Al_GO_RYTHMIC
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that was sick dam
really though it had great description and a steady flow what drew me in the most was the story and how it boomed true we all make bad choices but we can all choose a better one truly your story was incredible you killed it better get the bomb squad to set it off
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01-08-2014, 02:05 PM | #11 |
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plainly poisen, I paint these portraits based on voices
can't contain these noises, mistakes I've made! crazy choices!! i'm drawn to your style because of the audio vibe to it and the realness you bring... i always know i'm gonna feel somethin from your pieces.. first half realness...second half braggo...both my favorite styles so props. nuclear waste of rap! cause satans back when I grab the mic with the wrath of christ, to put you on your ass flat -like a patch of ice!!..nice i'm still waitin to hear you on audio yo.. |
01-08-2014, 04:30 PM | #12 |
White Earl
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01-08-2014, 06:43 PM | #13 |
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Good shit brother. U went crazy on this one. Ur back now. Collabs must take place.
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