Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-26-2016, 06:14 PM   #1
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1

Accomplishments
- can recite entirety of shrek 2

Champed
- tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek

Rep Power: 8599678
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default we've been here before

there's a..

red dwarf fighting a black-hole ready to eat me
dissect the inside of my pen, where ash grows tethered beneath
the mass knows, the malice that backhands this skeleton species
youll find remnants of relic of this deeply defined, delicate e.t.
cavalier lifestyle, the atmosphere. where sadness smears nice smiles
in half a year, went from happy tears to having fear light fires
almost perverted with how unconcerned I’ve grown as a man
flirt with death. skeleton slow dance. holding his hands
smile so they see it, hold smog in my lungs
breathe it out. smoke clears. Simon de Beauvoir
polished the earth that you stand on, apologies worth
sleep paralysis, demon passage. toss and you turn
your most perfected distraction. go on as you were
cause I’ll never be anyone’s anything or something deserved
just a deserted desert. destructive. berserk
deconstruct me to dirt, I’m your diversionary malpractice
inadvertent adversaries off these Shakespearean actions
the never intended directors cut. a roll of film wasted
the point of this, is concave. an oil drill placement.
boiled blood painted roses, and the soil in my bones’ clay
another day, another doctrine. shooting in my two cents
living tooth an nail through this truth is hell nuisance
it’s malnutrition. can’t help be hopeful for sanity’s sake
where vanity takes a backseat to this passionate fate
if it’s real, then it’ll never be over
tell that to the bartender that’s mixing my gin and my soda
debonair devil. gallant gentleman
savor the cobra conection
tuxedo to the morgue. I regret your intentions
tailor made bowtie, rose colored coated inflection
stared into space. untie your fingers with mine under sheets
lower our voices. silence is the most powerful scream
poignant as the cotton ripples forming through comforter spread
where dozens of sins lie underneath ruptures of thread
droplets of wine cover cream satiny fiber
cabernet fire. carmine cobblestone twine
sit at the logged inferno. untucked collared shirt in regression
how much warmth we made over embers we directed
we fucked here before. fingerprints on the glass
commanded the sun, as the wick melted the wax
shot arrows of love with an Aries through summer
under cancers’ July over candlelit colors
nirvana doesnt exist in this squander of thought if you arent elected
the devil wears prada its because you modeled for them
this is just misjudgment of honest broads. a cautious indifference
treating genuine women with impartial disinterest
devilish debonair, cavalier distinction
hemisphere changes with its Australis emissions
so now i stare at the stars. i hate that im this
paint constellations with apathetic detachment
atmospheric phenomenon, in hindsight it was madness
so now we wait
wait for the skies to rip limelight while i cascade into blackness
damn it


BB
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2016, 07:48 PM   #2
emcee squared
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 430




Rep Power: 0
emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared emcee squared
Default

I mean.... you're the GOAT for a reason.

Whatever I may think of you personally, somehow you polish your toddler-troll-babble (from discussion boarding)... and then polish it up on the Open Mic.. Into pieces of beauty.. much like my slept-on topical collaboration. High level rhymes sir. Continue onward, on this journey of life.. I must ask you: where you find the next challenge?? When writing no longer lights the fire (as often), because we've already been there. done that.?
this verse.. u mind as well troll around for the rest of the year without dropping anything else - it has that cred. it least in my book

p.s. sckd thakns
emcee squared is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2016, 10:02 PM   #3
dead man
living
 
dead man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1

Rep Power: 77606676
dead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant future
Default

Fantastic

This might be the first piece I actually feed this year
__________________
Zack Wicks for president
dead man is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2016, 11:44 PM   #4
UnbornBuddha
Senior Member
 
UnbornBuddha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10


Champed
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5

Rep Power: 23856375
UnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant future
Default

BB this was great. Had hints of existential crisis with a redemptive quality to its darkness. I also found your usage and repetition of 'cavalier' intriguing.

Please bless us with more okay.

Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 05-26-2016 at 11:58 PM.
UnbornBuddha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2016, 01:00 PM   #5
PancakeBrah
SOBER
 
PancakeBrah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899406
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Need to use the words coffee and autumnall for true ART
__________________
If I ventured in the slipstream
Between the viaducts of your dreams
Where immobil steel rims crack
And the ditch in the back road stop
Could you find me?
PancakeBrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2016, 01:55 PM   #6
Split Eight
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Split Eight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,633
Battle Record: 3-5


Champed
- Haiku Writers Challenge

Rep Power: 85899376
Split Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond repute
Default

This was cool
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
I'm going to start off on a tangent.

when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-
Split Eight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2016, 06:56 PM   #7
Witty
Lime Life
 
Witty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,784
Battle Record: 30-41

Accomplishments
- Only Slightly Retarded

Champed
- Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic

Rep Power: 82986458
Witty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant futureWitty has a brilliant future
Default

This was fucking insane.

Honestly one of the best OMs I've read in a long time.
__________________
He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

Witty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 11:31 PM   #8
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,033
Battle Record: 31-37


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 4743543
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

this was good but it sounds too much like black D. Anybody with an IQ over 120 can look at another artist and copy styles. I need like 2 or 3 more stylistic differences to see this as your own material.

JMO
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2016, 12:50 AM   #9
PancakeBrah
SOBER
 
PancakeBrah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899406
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

I mean, there a multiple touchstones that make this read like some subtle subversive parody of dead man. The specific use of periods leading into sentences that are just referential noun sentences. The formatting. The use of 'and'. I don't think it's an outright satire, although I did at first. But it's definitely not a pure big baby thought, in verse. Or if it is, it's something different than I'm used to. The writing was, as usual, top notch. As a stylist you're the best the site has. No one, besides your cadre of (ALIASES!? HOW DOES THE RABBET HOLEZ GO122!) associates, can match your output of technical rhyme skill while carrying a point. IS THIS THE SACRED SIMULACRUM THAT I'VE HEARD WORD OF!? You should work towards writing a verse without some universe phenomenon. We understand all about supernovae at this point, I think. I guess I'm meandering around real feed because I'm not sure if this is a 'serious' (lol) bb work, or some practical joke worked to perfect execution. As a piece of writing, to netcees' open mic standards, it's obviously fantastic. So that's all you need, really. Keep on lasering. Thanks for the read!
__________________
If I ventured in the slipstream
Between the viaducts of your dreams
Where immobil steel rims crack
And the ditch in the back road stop
Could you find me?
PancakeBrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2016, 11:11 PM   #10
dead man
living
 
dead man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1

Rep Power: 77606676
dead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant future
Default

i don't necessarily agree with or condone the popular opinion that this was meant to be some parody or mockery of something i would write. whether or not you meant this to be that, i guess only you know. i know you're a master chameleon and are able to take on the stylistics of any given writer here if you want to. some people say it's cheap and simple but i believe the opposite. it may be easy to do, but it's extremely difficult to do well.

as for the work at hand - it was, in a word, extremely refreshing. i always loved the character you present through your serious writing. it's easy to get lost in your comedy and forget your true colors. a glimpse into your creative self is priceless.

that being said, i wasn't crazy about how this began. it gained traction slowly. you, like the rest of us that are sort of emerging from the woodwork suddenly, have a layer of decay you need to cut through after a hiatus.

you give us these segments of flashy images - boiled blood painted roses, bone's clay, the bartender mixing your drink. a roll of film, never meant to develop. i mean, that's something really worth picking apart. i have a kodak camera sitting somewhere from 2010. i don't remember exactly what's on it, but it doesn't matter. for now, they are nothing. a secret in plastic casing. and maybe that's where it should stay. to think about a photograph. a moment, a story, a memory, a secret.. only exposed when the film is. how many lives are rearranged by the film we develop? the secrets we expose. the lies we tell, or the truths. maybe we were never meant to show up. but we're here nonetheless.

sometimes i think about what you said to me, must have been close to a few years back now, about how we have expressed thoughts that the other innately feels, but does not have the words to say. or something to that effect. i keep it in mind reading your work always because i love to imagine a resonance between this strange niche of writers here. we all live separate, vastly different lives in different places, know basically nothing about eachother, but all converge at this one very humanistic point. i love it. and truth be told, miss the feeling it used to give me. maybe that's stupid. but again, here we are.

"we've been here before"

this made me miss somebody i don't know anymore.

i loved fingerprints on the glass. really good.

i guess i can only hope you continue to submit your creative self to the board so we have the privilege of reading it.


thanks.
__________________
Zack Wicks for president
dead man is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2016, 02:09 PM   #11
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,033
Battle Record: 31-37


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 4743543
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

lol @ giving props to an insecure girl who copies your style...character move

that's why I fuck with u my wigga...
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2016, 08:36 AM   #12
Split Eight
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Split Eight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,633
Battle Record: 3-5


Champed
- Haiku Writers Challenge

Rep Power: 85899376
Split Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond repute
Default

The first thing that grabs me is the Atmosphere line.

then "Almost perverted with how unconcerned I've grown as a man". Before I talk about this directly, I wanna say that this was great for breaking down the fourth wall-- there is a strong vein of substance concealed within your witticisms. I feel like this line is a crux of great many things in your writing; the page is the place where your past reflections, your self-image, and your commentary on the status quo blend together in a vibrant bokeh that highlights something entirely exterior to these things.

Continuing on this thought, I really feel the piece (and your writing in general) is an appeal to the reader to try to discover what you truly care about. Poetically playing hard to get. The aforementioned line speaks to self-awareness of your detachment and therefore hints at the presence of true cares and desires. On a superficial level, art is pure portrayal and we are unable to separate the piece from the creator's artistic vision. Focus and perspective within a piece can relate much to the viewer about the artist, but there is so much that is implied or inferred. However, as in literature and as in the context of this site, we may become familiar with artists and their canon and begin to discern between what the project and what they are at their core

Anyways, moving forward.
The roll of film wasted/ oil drill placement was a fantastic couplet. I agree with Dead Man's interpretation

"I regret your intention" is a great quotable.
Quote:
stared into space. untie your fingers with mine under sheets
lower our voices. silence is the most powerful scream
poignant as the cotton ripples forming through comforter spread
where dozens of sins lie underneath ruptures of thread
droplets of wine cover cream satiny fiber
cabernet fire. carmine cobblestone twine
sit at the logged inferno. untucked collared shirt in regression
how much warmth we made over embers we directed
My favorite section. Like a nice scotch, it is so easy to drink in eloquent wording but few appreciate the base notes and highlights as they sift through their teeth. Not the most complicated, most original, or the most loudly unique section-- but the imagery and tone mesh perfectly and the writing is simple but carefully wrought


Unsure of the significance of the "debonair devil"//"devilish debonair" inversion, if any, unless it's reinforcing the devil/ demon motif

I think my only complaint is that it seemed like a conclusion wasn't fully realized or that you lost steam in the final stretch.


Really good
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
I'm going to start off on a tangent.

when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-
Split Eight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2016, 05:32 PM   #13
Otto Peighlaught
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 17




Rep Power: 3435999
Otto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant futureOtto Peighlaught has a brilliant future
Default

The thing that sticks out to me is the self-deprecation. It adds a level of darkness to the tone that really sets it apart. It sounds, to me, like this is your twisted view of "the chase." Locations, the aphrodisiacs involved, communicative nuances, and other elements of searching for love were painted with colorful language and brooding descriptors. Very well written. Thank you.,
Otto Peighlaught is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-2016, 01:00 PM   #14
CopyPat
Mic Check
 
CopyPat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 707
Battle Record: 13-10



Rep Power: 3742221
CopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to CopyPat
Default

i wanted to say

sucked, thx

but it was way too long so i didn't read.

will read and edit when i have an hour or 2 to waste

hows hollandaise?
__________________
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.
CopyPat is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
chill b - dead man, cristian angry lil girl, mumbo jumbo

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:37 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+