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Old 05-13-2015, 11:51 PM   #1
Bodey
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Default sounds cliche

gotta ask yourself why if you've watched Montage of Heck
remember when he died? i sat in the garage and wept
1994, i knocked on my older brother's door
he let me in and turned away, his eyes were puffing sore
i watched as he gently took their posters down and said
"But Joe, you love them" to which he scolded, "No, Nirvana's dead"
he opened up his dresser, plucking out their T-shirts
the bedroom's weighty pressure was the least depressing feature
the walls were going bare as Joe rummaged through guitar picks
couldnt help but reminisce a second there, like this was our fix
he knew how to play Come As You Are, and we'd both try to sing
a bond that'd eventually take us apart, our hopes would soon sink
i shook myself out of this daydream, and took my brother's hand
i felt him give it a squeeze, instead of getting my usual body slam
and in that moment we stared at the floor, trying to make sense of it all
that emptiness was so hard to ignore, an eery presence of sensitive walls
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Old 05-15-2015, 12:31 PM   #2
Mr. J
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I feel like you should have ended this with Nirvana is dead.
but it worked as it played out, but I'm saying if it was longer with depth..
you would have had a decently well written piece
not saying it isn't, but at the same time it isn't neat
you pull the memory together really well, and like most memories certain parts get patchy
so that is excusable, either way reading this piece made me happy...
happy that I don't write like this <3











just kidding it was cool
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Old 05-15-2015, 04:37 PM   #3
Bodey
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lol obviously this was a very quick piece. i was just reminiscing and seeing where it took me. i wasnt very focused on the writing itself, just the subject of kurt cobain and that time where nirvana's music took off and then was suddenly cut short. i been downloading nirvana since i watched the movie, and their music is still timeless to me, i still appreciate and love to listen to them. but thanks for feeding another one of my forgettable pieces. i gotta start at least making some sort of effort again
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