blahbkahjswkndxj

[YDK]

Im just out here spitting bars,
Tryna take my mind off of findin a car
See I been fine I just been reminded alot
I been down and lookin for silver linings alot.
Trying to remember all the things that was taught to the kid
I would a done been a sell out if somebody woulda bought the shit
Sitting here holdin the headphones so tight to my head
That I have to fuckin write just to know what I said
Every time the bass kicks my face lifts up
Hit another cig, raise another cup
Chase it with a perc just so I can wake up
Then I'm back to the beat while I'm tapping my feet
Smackin the street without packin the heat
I been stackin the back with a bag full of weed
Its a fact that your wack an your raps can't compete
In the trap wit a gat an a Mac wit the cheese
Just fall back wit all that shit bitch please.
You ain't hard your just retarded don't get me started on you
Cuz I'll come through with a charger painted baby blue
An spray your crib and your crazy crew an even take out your old lady too!
Fuck it I'm better than that shit
Actually its a fact I'm crazier than bat shit
Adlibs out the ass I spit bars thats trap shit
Who the fuck want it next get out the black list!
I'll out rap any rapper that's a factor right now
Ole pillow talkin bitches its time to bite down!
The heir to the throne has arrived so I expect an address with a slight blow
So check your fuckin watches cuz my time is right, now

[Bodey]

i gotta get to work right now but imma check back later with real feed :) dug it

[david stern razor burns]

Well, what a drastic difference this piece was in comparison to just freshly reading an UnbornBuddha verse.

The following criticism may seem harsh but it's only an honest opinion to help you improve:
Let me first preface this by saying that I do believe this verse was written rather quickly and may likely even be a keystyle, so that may have a lot to do with the quality of the work.
Again, after just coming off the complexity of UBB's verse, this legitimately read like a preschool nursery book with strong, hard, baby proof pages made of thick cardboard that could be covers all on their own.
The effort here was quite minimal, I'd say that my favorite aspect of the entire piece was surely the title as it probably had more thought put into it then any line of the verse itself.
The vocabulary was suspect indeed: "headphones" was your most complicated word which really is just two separate words unwillingly smashed together anyways so that barely counts.
As for the content, well it was so dreadfully unoriginal that it was almost groundbreaking in the fact that it nearly created its own brand new genre in futility, thus setting the bar at an all-time low previously never seen before. Too bad… you were thiiiiiiiis close to something special.

Well, as the saying goes “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, and after this verse your writing career was in life support. If you made it through though, then you should be up to incredible hulk strength, and I wouldn’t like you when you’re angry..

[YDK]

Originally Posted by david stern razor burns

Well, what a drastic difference this piece was in comparison to just freshly reading an UnbornBuddha verse.

The following criticism may seem harsh but it's only an honest opinion to help you improve:
Let me first preface this by saying that I do believe this verse was written rather quickly and may likely even be a keystyle, so that may have a lot to do with the quality of the work.
Again, after just coming off the complexity of UBB's verse, this legitimately read like a preschool nursery book with strong, hard, baby proof pages made of thick cardboard that could be covers all on their own.
The effort here was quite minimal, I'd say that my favorite aspect of the entire piece was surely the title as it probably had more thought put into it then any line of the verse itself.
The vocabulary was suspect indeed: "headphones" was your most complicated word which really is just two separate words unwillingly smashed together anyways so that barely counts.
As for the content, well it was so dreadfully unoriginal that it was almost groundbreaking in the fact that it nearly created its own brand new genre in futility, thus setting the bar at an all-time low previously never seen before. Too bad… you were thiiiiiiiis close to something special.

Well, as the saying goes “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, and after this verse your writing career was in life support. If you made it through though, then you should be up to incredible hulk strength, and I wouldn’t like you when you’re angry..

Lmao this was awesome for real thanks for the feed man. An yeah this was a keystyle I did taking a shit that I was more focused on the flow than anything an just trying to get my flow back on point since I ain't wrote in awhile so you def got it right

[Pharaohs Army]

Originally Posted by david stern razor burns

...The effort here was quite minimal, I'd say that my favorite aspect of the entire piece was surely the title as it probably had more thought put into it then any line of the verse itself.
The vocabulary was suspect indeed: "headphones" was your most complicated word which really is just two separate words unwillingly smashed together anyways so that barely counts.
As for the content, well it was so dreadfully unoriginal that it was almost groundbreaking in the fact that it nearly created its own brand new genre in futility, thus setting the bar at an all-time low previously never seen before. Too bad… you were thiiiiiiiis close to something special...

Some of the funniest feed I've ever seen.

lol sorry YDK, but hilarious criticism there^.

Wasn't the worst thing ever, but may be close. i must agree that it's "unparallelled unoriginality". wow.. but, without even knowing you, i know that you're better than this, as are most 11 year olds. but i c that you are just practicing a flow. cool.

[Split Eight]

I wouldn't say this is close to the worst thing in the OM.

For one, there's a rhyming component. Instantly better than the Muzzl3
Second, there's a semblance of plot/ purpose beyond just confusing people to then leave them slightly less confused in an elaborate deus ex machina or recycled aesop's fable moral.
Third, while all the flex concepts were cringey at least they were somewhat thought through.

Don't take this the wrong way YDK, but I've never been excited to read a YDK drop. Your writing is in the best of times 'solid'. The best analogy ever was Certain comparing someone to like a grinder in the bull pen- they might not have a great record, or be thrilling to read, or even be in the top tier of writers... But they're there every week, writing, making a difference.

But yeah. If all of the Open Mic was a library, and every verse was a book on a shelf somewhere, YDK verses would be the 1980-1990s Scott's Lawncare Professionals Almanac's reference series on proper detachment of the clippings bag. There would be about 35 volumes and even the person who wrote them would pretend they stopped existing after they came off the press.

I dunno what to tell you for advice, maybe to stop trying to express yourself in the way that you are.

Thank you