waking life (freewrite)

[Split]

you've walked into meetings- intersections of paths
residing in burns upon retinas, get ahead while you nap,
got sleep up your sleeve, an Ambien ready,
bedding is ambient setting- upping for grabs,
nothing would beat black death from carafes,
or sweet 27s fouling breaths in your pack....
wolf walled in the streets, balled on two feet,
forgetting he's lone- howling out gasps,
frozen in throat like the pouting ghost of a kiss,
a step or so missed, together in tune,
that sorta "on-again, off-again close"-
the step of a discordant moccasin wet by the dew,
as celestial coffins beat dead night askew,
radio waves in Washington, Hopkinton,
breaking at opposite coasts- the cities the same,
Midwest limbos between, middle-kid pity to blame,
death an old riddle to be living away-
but no one's waiting to give us a hint, or explain,
Dominican rain. summer recitals. Aruarian- shuffle.
meaning washes your memory. notes colored, shuttled,
start again slow. ponds from a puddle. let motion elapse.
but the static just snows, globe in muddled old glass
capping the slink of the elderly's cudgel,
cost them forever and three to funnel the cash.
meaning washes your memory. again in the attic,
alight with a bottle of Henny, pretending ecstatics,
but all of your hermetically froze memories follow
a recipe, wrote, in a hollow of oak inaccessibly
cloaked in your morrows, kinder gardened
like identity crises with tinder- pardon to scratch,
winterfresh gargled, and croaked. sorrow, perhaps
in soliloquy the martyr mispoke-
the borrowing bloke. we've all taken his form.
walking in paths. and the footprints were warm.
the maiden reward's nothing a castle-led voyage
could promise. light, capacitive eyelids saddled with poison,
boiling the silent velvet of roots, lashes of earth,
Vesuvian labryinth lapped in the magma-red birth,
wide-eyed at crossroads, a meeting, an animus quirk...
world developing scenes, beneath you a skeleton key,
an orchard in autumn, formed in a collection of turns,
wisdom falling like leaves, you've been here but-
every step is your first

[Exis]

you've walked into meetings- intersections of paths
residing in burns upon retinas, get ahead while you nap,
got sleep up your sleeve, an Ambien ready,
bedding is ambient setting- upping for grabs,

^^Chea... Lovin' the scheme, first bar is dope.

Dominican rain. summer recitals. Aruarian- shuffle.
meaning washes your memory. notes colored, shuttled,
start again slow. ponds from a puddle. let motion elapse.
but the static just snows, globe in muddled old glass

^^Yum!

the borrowing bloke. we've all taken his form.
walking in paths. and the footprints were warm.
the maiden reward's nothing a castle-led voyage
could promise. light, capacitive eyelids saddled with poison,
boiling the silent velvet of roots, lashes of earth,
Vesuvian labryinth lapped in the magma-red birth,

^^Illness.

This was fire Split...imagery and schemes are off the chain with it, content is tight man...thought your word usage was exceptional here especially when compared to previous pieces I've commented on...this would be my favourite drop of yours by a long shot and I mean that in no way disrespectfful to previous joints you've submitted...great read in all aspects.

And thanks for the feed fam,
stay upwards.

[Wise Wiggles]

I made a snow cone with a fire extinguisher
...To cool off our highest evening PLUR

^ favorite line. keep free writing doggy dog

[Coup]

three dope sections in this that stood out to me as wonderful

you've walked into meetings- intersections of paths
residing in burns upon retinas, get ahead while you nap,
got sleep up your sleeve, an Ambien ready,
bedding is ambient setting- upping for grabs,

crazy opening...like this bro

Dominican rain. summer recitals. Aruarian- shuffle.
meaning washes your memory. notes colored, shuttled,
start again slow. ponds from a puddle. let motion elapse.
but the static just snows, globe in muddled old glass

Vesuvian labryinth lapped in the magma-red birth,
wide-eyed at crossroads, a meeting, an animus quirk...
world developing scenes, beneath you a skeleton key,
an orchard in autumn, formed in a collection of turns,
wisdom falling like leaves, you've been here but-
every step is your first


word

[dead man]

but all of your hermetically froze memories follow
a recipe, wrote, in a hollow of oak inaccessibly

read this before seeing the picture and it hooked me in a strange way. it was natural and childish but in a way that brings back great memories.

notes colored, shuttled,
start again slow. ponds from a puddle.

often the image of rain hitting the windows appears when i read your work. this was vivid.

the borrowing bloke. we've all taken his form.
walking in paths. and the footprints were warm

you have some truly inspiring ideas. i don't say this lightly but you really may be the most improved of 2013-now. you are still finding a voice but you are stepping into something great here.

i say you are still in the process of searching because there are still elements of the writing itself that feel more derivative than organic. your breakthrough is stepping out of that.

thanks man



1

[Just Write]

Nice drop, i liked it.

[Natural]

Will feed when not sick
Bump

[Eŋg]

no way black bit your ambien/ambient thing. fucking faggot. you're really off-kilter rhythmically. not really a criticism. i think i prefer your poetry. i know this is poetry but you know what i mean. probably. my head hurts so i'll be back to feed this with appropriate thought and depth at some point/ bookmarked