UnBeautiful Life. Verse 2.

Geno · 01-05-2014, 06:03 PM

But the kid ain't mean to ruin his night
All she came here to do is live her own beautiful life
She grew up despite the hate and despair
And laughs when people say her life isn't as crazy as thiers
At a young age wanted to run from the storm
And away from her parents who fought just because she was born
Looked at the pouring rain, afraid, tired of being a burden
Feeling the pain, how much could fucking be in one person!?
Her demons were perfect, the curses, and the blood in her veins
Her fathers addictions, and mothers would uncover her fate
The steps she would take to avoid the feelings she fought
The feelings of fault, that caused her world to really dissolve
building a vault, concealiing the thoughts she wouldn't share
Cause it was easier to hide, then to find people who cared
Scared, seemed like people were scarce, and nature would hit
Like a brick, she gets high, calls it the only way to exist

Vulgar · 01-05-2014, 06:52 PM

Plainer than usual from you, and I say that because it's blunt vs. a little wordplay mixed in like you do sometimes, which complements the storyline and keeps it from getting monotonous. Decent writing here, could be spruced up in certain parts.

Exis · 01-05-2014, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Genocide

But the kid ain't mean to ruin his night
All she came here to do is live her own beautiful life
She grew up despite the hate and despair
And laughs when people say her life isn't as crazy as thiers
At a young age wanted to run from the storm
And away from her parents who fought just because she was born
Looked at the pouring rain, afraid, tired of being a burden
Feeling the pain, how much could fucking be in one person!?
Her demons were perfect, the curses, and the blood in her veins
Her fathers addictions, and mothers would uncover her fate

^^That's tight.

Not to sound all homo but this is one of those pieces that when I read it the feelin' it gives is a beautiful one...it's effortless to read in other words, what I quoted was nice with it man and around that section was solid.Emotion wise it's hot but with havin' not read part 1 I've obviously picked up with things mid way and can only assume what came before this (I'm almost sure you we link me now lol) so yeah...from what I peeped here alone though shit was dope. Enjoyable stuff bro.

Stay uppity.

01-05-2014, 06:03 PM	#1
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,324 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	UnBeautiful Life. Verse 2. But the kid ain't mean to ruin his night All she came here to do is live her own beautiful life She grew up despite the hate and despair And laughs when people say her life isn't as crazy as thiers At a young age wanted to run from the storm And away from her parents who fought just because she was born Looked at the pouring rain, afraid, tired of being a burden Feeling the pain, how much could fucking be in one person!? Her demons were perfect, the curses, and the blood in her veins Her fathers addictions, and mothers would uncover her fate The steps she would take to avoid the feelings she fought The feelings of fault, that caused her world to really dissolve building a vault, concealiing the thoughts she wouldn't share Cause it was easier to hide, then to find people who cared Scared, seemed like people were scarce, and nature would hit Like a brick, she gets high, calls it the only way to exist __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

01-05-2014, 06:52 PM	#2
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	Plainer than usual from you, and I say that because it's blunt vs. a little wordplay mixed in like you do sometimes, which complements the storyline and keeps it from getting monotonous. Decent writing here, could be spruced up in certain parts.