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Old 04-08-2015, 06:11 PM   #1
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Default so this other bish I just started talkin to...well...I made brief mention of her before...

Ayo. Yo. But look.


So.

She the one who's fiance got cancer in his shoulder joints er what have u. I am nearly positive he is still fighting the good fight because she said she couldn't go get her dildo atm in a text cuz he was in there sleep. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So this bitch look like she 14 but she got sum green hair highlights an tattoos an a nose ring. So she texts me talm bout wat hobbies do u have etc. So of course I'm like...I'm an ncg. I fagot harder then all the fagots. I'm bout that lime life. An I told her I be lifting. She knows. CUZ I'm fuckin chiseled but I told her anyways so it didn't seem like my only hobby is calling peaple fagot an nigger on the Internet. She's like oh well...I do cosplay an I play card games. An I'm like....bitch u wot? wat is a cosplay like u shop at Costco er wat manner of fuckery r u whining bout!? an cards...like...poker!? She like nah....I watch japo gook cartoons about chinks pulling rickshaws full of rice thru Tokyo in robot costumes with guns that are larger then the actual character......... then ....I dress up like these people like it's Halloween an go to comicon events an they judge me. So....ant this point I'm losing interest....she won't send any pics an my once hard dick has become flaccid and impatient. (I posted her pic w me on Halloween if u member she was Alice in wonderland.) So then I'm like cool. Wat cards do u play....an she's like magic the gathering....an talm bout people play in flyer decks with lifesteal an I'm like....when he is this happening. Then she like......I also like getting fucked with a buttplug jammed in my asshole. U you waaaaaaaat!? She's like yea u can hit me an choke me an throw me around. I like chick's I like to eat PUSSY an this erotic confessional of absurd sexual activities just comes spurting out of this tiny nerd an I'm shocked. Intimidated even. She said she been with over 50 guys!? She weighs 90lbs an I'm terrified of her. Obv I made her tell me more while I jerked off to her Alice pic from Halloween but bros....should I enter tbis tiny see demons ravaged cooler bug!? What if she does something I never seen before or.wants me to do something I don't know how to do? Buttplugs!? Idk if I'm ready for this life bros. Do I just pop the plug into her butthole an just leave it there....what does it look like? A bottle binky!? How hard does she want me to choke her!? Didn't David Caradine die like that!?!? An he was a kung fu master. This bitch just slut with a pension for manga and intricate sexual exploration. She ain't shit. Sure to die. Or what if her fiance dies of cancer while we r fuckin an she gets the call after we get done? Can u say awkward? She prolly like a 6 tho.

Discus?
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My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 04-08-2015, 06:21 PM   #2
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Do it

No question. Push her perverted anal gaping limits

This is an opportunity. Many of us quest unsuccessfully for an adventurous whore of this magnitude. Unless she is super hideous, do it.

Obviously she's a major cunt of a human being but that's even better reason to inflict as much pain as possible on her while you're fisting her piss hole with brass knuckles. Do it
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Old 04-08-2015, 06:27 PM   #3
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Lol my dude.

Where is it acceptable to hit her u think?

Is donkey punching still a thing...U think I can t off on the back of her dome? Looool
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My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 04-08-2015, 06:34 PM   #4
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pension slayed me.

Idk. Go for it?
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Old 04-08-2015, 06:36 PM   #5
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Forget the plug...

use your arm..
become a ventriloquist..
profit...
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Old 04-08-2015, 07:03 PM   #6
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This slut sounds like pure trash.

I wouldn't hit her.. but I'd do alotta choking & slapping.

I bet she got that pony buttplug.. the tail jawn.. they vicious too when hitting it from the back.

I'd cum in her butt & make her fart it out on a plate then rail it w/ a 5 dollar bill.. then chop her in the neck when she swallows the drip.

Lol do her xtra dirty yo. Don't be intimidated, fuck that shit.
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Old 04-08-2015, 07:09 PM   #7
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Lmaoooooo


reppppppped
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My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 04-08-2015, 07:09 PM   #8
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She sounds delightful.
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Old 04-08-2015, 07:09 PM   #9
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give her a jelly donut.
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Old 04-08-2015, 08:20 PM   #10
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skinny nerd chicks are the freakiest



you are about to embark on a most excellent adventure


condoms lots of condoms. u gonna rip through that three pack and just raw dog it. choking her out and forget to pull out. then shes preggo


at that point you will embark on a bogus journey


gl
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Old 04-08-2015, 08:32 PM   #11
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Go there in like a costume or some shit. Like a giant pikachu. And then cut a hole to put your wang thru. Bust in there. With boxing gloves & meth and give her hell. You have our blessing. Don't kill her though. Keep this one alive.
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Old 04-08-2015, 08:46 PM   #12
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What if her husband dies and she latches onto you emotionally and tries to marry you? Like, you guys are fucking and her phone goes off. She reaches for the phone as you're aggravated assaulting her with your fists. It's a text. "Hey your husband died." She puts the phone down. Looks at you. Calls you 'new husband'. Via anime, she thinks you absorbed her husbands soul because she was cheating on him with you when he died. Like a samurai. She stalks you for the rest of your days. You fend off her advances for years, knowing she's crazy. But eventually, long after Netcees.org is a dead website, you find yourself sitting alone in your apartment. The years have taken their toll on you. You never made it like you thought you would. Life's okay, but kind of pointless. Aimless. The beard is more gray than colored now. There's a bald spot. Maybe you're a few Maker's Marks in. You get one of her dozen daily texts. You had blocked her number, but a few weeks ago you secretly unblocked her. Don't know why. Bored, needed something. Not quite sure what. You find that she's still texting, despite being blocked. Your previous weariness of her insanity is still there, but it's mixed. What's that? Intrigue? I mean, it has been awhile. Maybe it won't be so bad, to have someone who's obsessed with you and thinks you absorbed her dead husband's soul. It can't be worse then the nightly loneliness and hidden but oh so real case of adult onset alcoholism. So, again, you get the text. Your wrinkled thumb hovers over the hologram keypad of the iPhone 25. Not really sure what to say. You open up the Makers, already half empty at this point, and take a long pull. Her text reads "BAGS SAN; pls reply. Miss husbands soul xoxo p.s. new buttplug". You can't help but grin. Still up to her old tricks, the psycho bitch. Fuck it. You reply "Want to come over?". Jokes on you, she's been waiting outside. She comes in. Calls you husband. You're not sure if serious, but it's okay. Someone's here. Anyone's here. There's no time for flirtation. You guys get right back to your old ways. Sex that's considered felonious in most states. During post-coitus you reflect on your shame and wonder at what exact point everything went so wrong. But there's no longer any time for that. You look over and she's not in the bed? "Hey where are you?" No response. You get out of bed, still drunk. You walk out to the kitchen of the apartment you've lived in for the past 10 years. She's dressed as a character from Cowboy Bebop and doing a rain dance over a dead rat chanting her ex-husbands last name. You think you should tell her to leave but it's mesmerizing. She stops. Silence hangs in the air. She lets out a primal shriek, grabs the bottle of Makers and breaks it over the counter, holding it aggressively towards you. You think you should run. But the alcohol is mixing with the deep regret and long faded embers of your youthful rage. You sit down and light a cigarette and sigh. "Get it over with." She stabs your jugular while screaming "Pikachu!" then shits on you and leaves, muttering that she "got the soul back." As you lie dying, you realize it's not so bad after all.
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Old 04-08-2015, 08:52 PM   #13
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A simple lol with several o's would simply not do that post justice.

I lold multiple times.


Strong everythinh.
@big baby
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Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 04-09-2015, 04:12 AM   #14
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when I was 22, I was fucking a 37 year old. anyone who has seen my movie The Newest Pledge may recognize her as the woman who played my mother. Big ol fake titties. it was intimidating, but exciting. she learned me real quick. chicks like that are def worth the exploration for the old pump and dump. anyway I digress, she introduced me to the plug game, and it's weird but cool, just there to prep the butthole while you do other shit. first time I used toys on a person, too. pushed the limits of my freak ceiling, stuck fingers and shit in my butt, but I went with it.

in short, I say go with it, get away with as much as you can, just remember that most chicks aren't like that. after a few weeks with the aforementioned chick, I did some gnarly shit to other girls (stuck my toes in their vagina while they were doming me, punched them in the ribs and shit), and they generally were not pleased with my behavior.
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Old 04-09-2015, 06:30 AM   #15
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smh nigga just pipe the bitch and stick ya finger in her ass while you give her those baby strokes, faggot.

the fuck you all nervous for?

lame nigga.
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Old 04-09-2015, 07:28 AM   #16
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Do it, you know you want to.
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Old 04-09-2015, 08:47 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oats murkel View Post
when I was 22, I was fucking a 37 year old. anyone who has seen my movie The Newest Pledge may recognize her as the woman who played my mother. Big ol fake titties. it was intimidating, but exciting. she learned me real quick. chicks like that are def worth the exploration for the old pump and dump. anyway I digress, she introduced me to the plug game, and it's weird but cool, just there to prep the butthole while you do other shit. first time I used toys on a person, too. pushed the limits of my freak ceiling, stuck fingers and shit in my butt, but I went with it.

in short, I say go with it, get away with as much as you can, just remember that most chicks aren't like that. after a few weeks with the aforementioned chick, I did some gnarly shit to other girls (stuck my toes in their vagina while they were doming me, punched them in the ribs and shit), and they generally were not pleased with my behavior.
fuckin GON at rib shots hahaha.
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My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 04-09-2015, 09:34 AM   #18
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I reached an unprecedented level of SoCal bro shitheadedness in my college years.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:14 AM   #19
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do nothing for exactly a week and a day. no contact, don't speak to her.

tell her you're into cosplay, too, and bdsm/ masochism. tell her that the intimation of sex and violence has always appealed to you, but you never had an outlet. and that you had to take a week off of work because after sampling episode one of the ultra rare manga Kensho Rugi Kyo Byugen you've become hopelessly addicted to anime.

after the realization that you missed years and years and years of *not* being consumed by the plots of foreign hand drawings for angsty manchilds, half-assedly learning kanji from DeviantArt pages, taking care of your body nutritionally and trying to build a business selleng hand-painted Wargundam 2K, you slipped into a deep masturbatory coma fueled by self-loathing and a two week subscription to Kink

The next part will be more difficult. Tell her that you want to take her to an underground Naruto convention in your friend's dad's garage, but FIRST you want to experience a sexual reawakening and expand the horizons of her deflated crapsnatch. Get her address. Tell her you'll pick her up at her hovel of an apartment exactly 1 week from the day you send her this text, and obviously, this convention didnt exist and will never exist. You need that time to purchase and assemble the ultimate weapon of sexual gratification

I want you to go on the McMasterr Carr website and purchase the following materials:

16" x 24" Polycarbonate Sheet
1/8" x 1 ft rectangular Aluminum rod
8 x Jenson industrial strength 12,000 ft-lb steel machine springs
2 feet of cylindrical heat shrink
1 tub of hog grease
2x 30 pc tubs of Boy Scout grade electric push buttons
13x M20 bolts and washers
a spool of electrician grade copper wiring
1x Nerf Decimator aiming reticule
1 pack of razorwire dental floss
Swervington Inc. lumbar strut
1x Ovaltine coffee can
a welding mask
3 gallons of lead paint, color Kyoto Sickly White
OSHA-approved fire-retardant bowtie, non-clip
13 Casio fx-115es pocket calculators for you to rip the little solar panels off of
a wallet-sized picture of Hope Solo's mutant asscheeks & Scotch tape

from eBay:
-a shipping box of the uber-rare Bleach giant sword thingy (Any giant faggot anime sword shipping box)
-freshman year keycahin lanyard
-earplugs
- 2x Remington bandoliers
-flea market neckbeard overcoat


finally, one bottle of Wild Turkey 101


and finally, I need you to call 1-872-21-BULKDILDO, ask for Rhonda, and order a bastard's ream of their Delrin-ribbed Error 404 Father-Figure model, if she asks for the girth ID either LaQuan or Mdebe will do. Your choice. Tell them Mrs. James Murphy sent you, and that she specified that she won't be receiving the shipment in either of the usual down south locations. Give your address, no PO boxes, because 81 military grade molybdenum-tooled vag-smashers aren't gonna sign for themselves while trying to convince their husband they missed a decimal on their knitting needle shipment.

After the perpetually returning customer discount, your total for parts & fine American made dildos should come to around $180.65, a price that will pay itself back, I swear to you.

Using my US Dept of Energy security clearance, upon receiving of the necessary parts I will forward you the schematics for the assembly of the Navy issue SEADAD3480 "Trichamber Akimbo-wielded Twennnyfo' caliber Pump Action Self-reciprocating Dildo Blunderbuss". This baby's rated to 6K meters and was designed in collaboration with those LOTR geeks that make 1:69 scale medieval trebuchets. It can launch a US39 Cervixpuncher at Mach 3 & autoadjust aim to within three radial pussy hairs, and that's factory stock.


My boy out in Shamokin can assemble it for you, I've talked to him and barring a particularly good weekend of building nerd electrical shit and not talking to women, he should have it done exactly on the eve of our YuGiOh convention or whatever this bitch believes.

Now, text her on the morning of. say "hello kawaii X3 ~~~ desu desu coffee seppuru minutes hehe" which I understand to mean you'll be there in a bit for the fucking of her lifetime.

Do not dress like an anime nerd fuckboy. Instead, I need you to dress exactly like her disapproving father, just super starched and weirdly old-fashioned for your age. Basically, daily Bagsworth attire. On top of the yellowing oxford shirt, strap in the two bandoliers with 56 dildos slotted in the shell-holders.

Fold the collapsible stock of the Dildo Blunderbus into the sword box, preloaded with a full clip of hog-greased dildos. Tie one end of the lanyard to your belt buckle. Start drinking in the car, you need to be in your final PlumpBags form by zero hour. Put in the earplugs.

Upon answering her answering the door, she sees you dressed strangely- not a problem considering the hordes of weirdos she lets slide into her iron-deficient pink. As soon as she undoes the door chain, you drop the shoulder into her bird chest, then Kung Pow spinkick that bitch right in the bridge of her misfitting glasses, simultaneously letting loose a guttural roar and a piss drunk/gym squat torrent of angry shart. Barging into the room, you rip on that fucking lanyard, shredding the decoy Japanfag Collectible box as the Rubber Cock Cannon is fully unsheathed and primed. Start rifling loose huge black rubber cocks at into everything she knows and loves at 2100 fps, starting with the Sword Art Online 1ed comics, moving to the diecast Samurai Champloo models, then switch to full auto as you take aim at her extensive Dreamcast and Japan-regioned Wii U game shelf.

By now, she's curled on the floor sobbing. As you pause to snag another clip of glistening schlongs, start yelling at her incoherently in broad Asian racial slurs, interspersing words like "McDonalds", "disappointment", "Poke-mans", and "dyke bitch". Pull the release on the stock, and when the dickrifle locks into the doublestack position, get prone on the floor and start double-tapping double-barreled pink/stink fury on this massive whores undercarriage. No need to aim, the sophisticated Casio IC circuitry should autoadapt the timings and trajectories once a skank is detected by the Nerf's viewfinder.



At this point, her life will be essentially ruined and she will have a sobbing orgasm, the most potent of her life as nostalgia & repressed memories of being marginally unhappy in White Middle Class america come tumbling down in a heavily lubed slurry.

because it takes some serious fucking daddy issues to create that cretin of a cumdumpster
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:15 AM   #20
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I'm going to start off on a tangent.

when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-
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chin look like tip of italy, eat the cake anime, moral compass on weiss players, ressurected anne frank, she is walking dead., she looks like wolfdick.

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