Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Vault > Archives > The Netcees archive > AOWL Season 4 Archive

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-28-2014, 10:08 PM   #1
King Ra.
The Throne, The Crown
 
King Ra.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,667
Battle Record: 21-35



Rep Power: 1932960
King Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant futureKing Ra. has a brilliant future
Default WK11: CopyPat (7-3) vs. dead man (6-3) -- dead man wins 8-0

AOWL Season IV, Week 11


OFFICIAL RULES:

Verses are due Saturday, January 4th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 16 lines.

Votes are due Tuesday, January 6th, 11:00p.m. PCT/8p.m. EST/4a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.


TOPIC: Click here.



Good luck. @CopyPat @dead man

__________________
Vetwork, bitches.
King Ra. is offline  
Old 01-05-2015, 01:06 AM   #2
CopyPat
Mic Check
 
CopyPat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 707
Battle Record: 13-10



Rep Power: 3742221
CopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to CopyPat
Default

I have no fuckin clue what to write about, seriously
I dunno what to do, so I’ll just type it out lyrically
Truth be told I’m a fake ass writer
And these stupid quotes make me hate transcribing
Cause I ain’t that guy with a poetic inclination
I just make phat rhymes then I let it get the praises
And everything I say is built to rhyme around the words
But every single day I think my style is soundin worse
Cause I don’t have the nerve to sit and whine about feelings
So when I just write a verse I spit a rhyme that I'm feeling
It’s in my mind that I'm reeling when I try to be emo
And can’t decide on a theme to supply to the people
So I hide in these sheep clothes, and try to be funny
But inside I'm a big wolf and I'm kinda just hungry
Cause writing ain’t something in which I take it to heart
Then I kinda get jealous of dudes who make it an art
But I made it this far just messin around like
I ain’t gave a shit. Hardly… I’m stressin to sound tight
But the rest of you can write. And all I wrote was rhymes
At least that’s what you told me in all my open mics
So now you know the strife and the trouble I suffer
And if you believe this shit, you one dumb motherfucker


"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you"
__________________
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.
CopyPat is offline  
Old 01-05-2015, 01:09 AM   #3
dead man
living
 
dead man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1

Rep Power: 77606676
dead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant future
Default

we

kissed greedily outside the bar on Wellington Ave
spit and sweat and snowflakes and the horn of a cab
our secretive dance. the distant flirt was growing perverse
settled for each other cause we've settled for worse
homeward bound. ye olde corolla put the rev in reverse
drop you off before the storm. exchanging sets to rehearse
you're a close second. i'm a competitive first
at cultivating loyalty then breaking its curse
love hurts and so does opiate withdrawal at noon
clearing out my throat so i can talk to a room
of absentees and silent, absent-minded recluses
preoccupying their uselessness. the wandering youth
so I'm talking to you. bar stools & Estee Lauder perfume
you're evidence in leggings, i've got nothing to prove
the happiness we sought is but a common pursuit
of a couple kids who rarely put their conscience to use
traveled half the world to rediscover some truth
all it gave me was a tolerance boost. vodka and juice
bourbon and water. worms to the slaughter, squirming in vain
babysit your daughter while you search for a vein
a study in redundancy: we've learned to be trained
to lust with unconditional regard for the pain
for those affected. consequence, discord, disarray
disappeared in the second that i saw you today
dishonor, betrayal, monorails, we're hailing a cab
instead of waiting for the train to stop at Wellington Ave




dead man


------


"Behavior is what a man does, not what he thinks, feels, or believes." - Emily Dickinson
__________________
Zack Wicks for president
dead man is offline  
Old 01-05-2015, 05:28 PM   #4
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,016
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349678
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

This was an interesting battle...

Copy, I felt like you did alright, I see your verse as a cop-out
nothing wrong with that, you must be running low on fuel at the moment
which I kind of called this past week I believe, still you do what you do best
you continuously search for ways to alter the whole vibe you give off
which is fine, it worked with the quote as is, I also thought of doing the same kind of verse
matter of fact I did but as a different alternative that works for me..
I suggest you do the same next week, I'm quite sure you are in seeding...

dead, your verse suited you very well as well, you threw in that old touch
and you extended your verse, which I noticed with Copy's a little after I saw yours
I am not sure if you two agreed on this before the battle but i feel unaware regardless
enough about that, your piece was well written to your strengths so it gave you an edge
you always seem to be on point when it matters, at which point you just flowed effortlessly
nice work

v/deadman, he came with a stronger piece and came more prepared on his subject
which makes the piece more worth the read as I finished, nice work
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline  
Old 01-05-2015, 07:06 PM   #5
Zen
Arm the Homeless
 
Zen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,104
Battle Record: 22-24


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 35079719
Zen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant future
Default

Patrick: I feel the feels, brah. When you rhyme errthing people want you to rhyme errthing errtime and gets erritating. fuck. With that being said, you should've rhymed more. DUH. Nah. But forreal. This was cool, just not as cool as I've seen from you before. You still went with the topic without trying and it flowed better than most people here can even write when they try. You da man, Pat. Boner Police 4 Life.

dead dude: This was groovy, man. Relationships are so odd. When they're written about well enough it becomes a very cool read. This was very well written. Loved the lines about the bourbon and vodka (cuz alcohol), and the settled for worse line was rad as fuck. Gave me the feels. You're cool, man. Real cool.

v/dead
Zen is offline  
Old 01-06-2015, 02:40 AM   #6
UnbornBuddha
Senior Member
 
UnbornBuddha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10


Champed
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5

Rep Power: 23856375
UnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant future
Default

Copypat, this was amusing. Albeit, it has some of the same connotations as others of the past. Although, this has the added element of an untold narrative. Yet since everything a writer scribes about emanates from oneself essentially though the intermingling of their thoughts, emotions, and insights. Then a writer can then decide to release this internal energetic build up, and brand it a personal account. While true to a degree, it becomes an easy way out. Albeit, the agonizing tumult is still another fulcrum you explored, it still felt a bit foreseeable, a undevoted bromide you conjured masquerading as an apogee, which is composed of particles of the untold story you possess.

Deadman: I liked it, it had straightforward images and metaphors. It flowed nicely, and the material was absorbed into my cells as readily as drinking a glass of water. And though my cells run for H20, they do thirst for some other nectar. Thus, I still felt there was something absent. Perhaps, material more autochthonous rather than inspired by everyday forces, something with more gargantuan depth and message in terms of the reader's envelopment.

Vote: Deadman

Thank you both.
UnbornBuddha is offline  
Old 01-06-2015, 01:06 PM   #7
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,033
Battle Record: 31-37


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 4743543
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

copy dope rhymes. I thought the execution was lame at the beginning and got better toward the middle but there was no depth to it. Emo writers are good writers, emotions are weapons. hemingway, goethe, even cormack no country 4 old men mccarthy fuel their shit w emo werdz. Without emotions what do you have?

deadman was deep. Feelin the seemingly autobiographical sketch. I stalked that ave on mapquest j to make sure it's in chi town. Good job.

v/ deadman
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline  
Old 01-06-2015, 04:58 PM   #8
Pent uP
Robin Williams of Fallen Victims
 
Pent uP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,502
Battle Record: 25-11

Accomplishments
- NC Hall of Fame

Champed
- Netcees Writers League (2x)
- NWL Season 1
- Write Night I
- Art of Writing League (2x)
- Write Week IV

Rep Power: 6862272
Pent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant futurePent uP has a brilliant future
Default

Copy had a 13 syllable rhyme. ...idk if people even pay that much attention? EEither way that was cool...the wording in copys verse was very simple ans formuliac which lent the verse feeling forced. The ending was lols tho. Deadman had a dope piece with some solid one liners/half liners and transitions. That competitive first chunk was dope. Words

V/ deadman
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by RichardCorey
I can't beat this Pent. I'll admit, on my best day, I couldn't beat this Pent.
Pent uP is offline  
Old 01-06-2015, 10:54 PM   #9
Frank
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



Champed
- NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10

Rep Power: 3853343
Frank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant future
Default

Copy pat is capable of depth defying arial acrobatics. He is a lyrical jester, a light hearted prankster with fun flows and zany rhyme skills. Copypat beat a lot of dope writers early on this season and might have run the gauntlet and could be easy pickings as the play offs get under way. Irony to the verse, not taking yourself so seriously, always refreshing to read. Cool verse.
Reminds me a little bit of Will Smith.
Dead man - "Bourbon and water worms to the slaughter"

Voting Dead man
__________________
VETWORK

Last edited by Frank; 01-06-2015 at 10:56 PM.
Frank is offline  
Old 01-07-2015, 12:02 AM   #10
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946445
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

Read them each, wasn't going to vote but figure Might as well say something as I read them

Copy's verse lacked the depth both in rhyme structure and hilarity to garner the vote. I've only read a few pieces from him ever, and when I vote for him he has a killer concept, in this case, well, the opposite. I applaud the openness of the verse, even IF, you still found a way to keep the persona with the closer while slamming the opened emotion's door.

Black - Not much to say honestly. The verse, per usual, was simple to read coupled with strong grasp on flow. The story was cool, I'll be honest, I only read it once and could decipher it better but, since i'm honest, will not read it again, sorry. For what it it's worth, this verse on face value, as that is only way I can judge given my lack of readers focus as the moment, would have beat most of the verses this week, Line limit may have or may have not been the reason
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR
Adonis is offline  
Old 01-07-2015, 01:09 AM   #11
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
Vulgar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25

Accomplishments
- OM HOF

Champed
- Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)

Rep Power: 49604316
Vulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant futureVulgar has a brilliant future
Default

Copypat - This was dope for what it was. That sheep bar is one of my favorite of recent times. We'll see if it's enough to top dead man's conceptual rendition.

dead man - Interestingly atmospheric. You've gotta be a city boy to come off like this, so appropriately citylight gaudy replete with the substance abuse references, brand placement and weather forecasting. Nice use of language here. I was satisfied.

My vote goes to dead man. Props to Copy for being himself, and to dead man for doing the same.
Vulgar is offline  
Old 01-07-2015, 01:54 PM   #12
Arid
HONGRY
 
Arid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 57
Battle Record: 2-2



Rep Power: 0
Arid is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

CopyPat, relevant. Your topic interpretation was great, and I liked how you seemed so earnest about not being the type of writer that uses flowery language. The consistency was on point, never losing focus. Your multi's really did the trick too, belying your insistence that this isn't your forte.

dead man, poignant. I enjoyed your rhyme scheme especially, but I was certainly feeling your painful reflection. This had me feeling like you were inspired by real life, and that you were experiencing a kind of love/hate retrospective. very well written.

Vote @dead man mainly for his emotional tone and topic perspective. Pat worked a good counter to dead man despite going first, but left me without anything to reflect upon.
__________________
progenitor
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Corey
Apparently, a little bit of crazy goes a long way.
Arid is offline  
Old 01-07-2015, 04:00 PM   #13
timeless
past tense
 
timeless's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,627
Battle Record: 22-39



Rep Power: 4341325
timeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant futuretimeless has a brilliant future
Default

Enjoyed copycats take on the topic. Wish he couldve used more humor/wit and he mightve had me sold. Deadmans verse was cool I guess. Nothing really happened. You used weird little phrases that bear no meaning for the context at times, but you did more than enough to get my vote.

V. Deadman
timeless is offline  
Old 01-08-2015, 02:38 AM   #14
Certain
Mad fucking dangerous.
 
Certain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19


Champed
- AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)

Rep Power: 85899402
Certain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond repute
Default

CopyPat: I really liked this approach to this topic even though I almost always hate these approaches. You kind of opened up and then clamped back down with the defensive closer. It wasn't funny or anything, but it kept me engaged as you usually do. Writing about writing is never the right choice, though.

dead man: You went and killed it. Probably the second-best verse from you this season that I've read (which is most of them). This topic fit your nitch so well, but you went more directly into storytelling (albeit not in the linear-narrative sense) than you often do. So many lines to quote here, too. Great work.

Vote: dead man
__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
Certain is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:55 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+