12-28-2014, 10:10 PM | #1 |
The Throne, The Crown
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,667
Battle Record: 21-35
Rep Power: 1932960 |
WK11: CONTENDER MATCH- Arid (2-1) vs. Certain (8-2) -- Certain wins 6-0
AOWL Season IV, Week 11
OFFICIAL RULES: Verses are due Saturday, January 4th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions. Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 16 lines. Votes are due Tuesday, January 6th, 11:00p.m. PCT/8p.m. EST/4a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week. TOPIC: Click here. Good luck. @Arid @Certain
__________________
Vetwork, bitches.
|
01-01-2015, 02:54 AM | #2 | |
HONGRY
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 57
Battle Record: 2-2
Rep Power: 0 |
Midwinter Morning Memory
The moon has a twin and it's falling down who can stop it?
Not setting, but plummeting headlong into a wall of ground it wouldn't have dropped if... I've balled my fists and called for my family don't they watch this? I'm standing on the peak of a mountain searching frantically nauseous Remembering, they're beyond the reach of this pain in coffins These blood stains, this sick rage, this primal guilt that's ingrained these options Their end preceded by raptures of homicide so thoughtless Jesus come on mushroom clouds, clowning those who wanna die obnoxious A crown of eyes looking thorns into his horny skull still spotless Under heavens horded by horrors at war in full we fought this! Taurus Bull goring Orion while Leo mauls Libra be cautious My brother stands beside me sayin "Weed is all you need, bruh" he's honest Suddenly I'm lucid, the blunt gives me it's music... i've lost it The crud in me loosens like drain cleaner through a goose neck what cure isn't caustic? I leap into the air, catch the second moon in my broken promise pocket Stop on Mars and hock it for a ticket on a rocket to a planet where prophecy is not a FUCKING option. (Note: Arid used the topic "Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy." — Sigmund Freud.)
__________________
progenitor Quote:
|
|
01-04-2015, 02:49 AM | #3 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899402 |
"Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy." — Sigmund Freud
Any decent soothsayer comes with a cloud of smoke. Ask yourself: The torn seams and tattered edges around the cloak don't signify the better half of life. Stepping past the right. He ambles, deaf and mad and white — as a ghost, cast in light. There's attraction. There's ego brimming. Ego overflowing. Speeches, lectures, cheap invectives seen through broken focus bound by deeply coded sweeping shoulders, open coldness. Here is the third eye of Shiva. Here is true total hypnosis. Now keep your mind tuned sharply, my dear. It gets harder to hear. Recline on the couch and reach back to the start of your fears. Or don't. Pardon my queries, dark and inferior. The process breaks upon despondence. The stark interior of this room is meant to conjure something that probably wasn't there before and probably won't be there again and probably requires care, remorse or something you won't get here. So tell me your dreams, son. Settle the screams. Sell me the scenes. Peddle your needs. Run. |
01-04-2015, 03:55 AM | #4 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10
Champed - Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5
Rep Power: 23856375 |
Arid I enjoyed this. The astrological touch sprinkled with phantamasgoria sequences gave it a hefty resonance with the creative right side of my brain. I feel that with the dreamlike topical you guys chose one must access this part of the brain, and be able to transmit it to others while still maintaining some form or semblance of meaning. I mean that is a problem with dreams after all, because their able to break ordinary spatial boundaries they can become jumbled with nonsensical connotations to others. Plus, culturally different symbols mean different things to others. For example, in the East a dragon is an auspicious sign, while here in the West they are symbols of the devil. Anyways, this kind of topic is a bit difficult to decide upon since it reaches realms of discernment that is highly precipitated on each writer's own imaginary musings, more out of the ordinary due a more boundary free creative process not dictated by ephemeral or ethereal limits. So in my opinion, it is important to keep it somewhat relatable and grounded in some form of concrete reality, doesn't have to be earthly even.
Certain: I found this piece of writing very emblematic, and droll. You are making a mockery out of those "swindlers" who call themselves psychics, and clairvoyants. I feel you personified this dream theme into an enigma, an enigma composed of a real life character/ personage. The wording itself was also very fluid. Vote: Certain |
01-05-2015, 05:42 PM | #5 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,025
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349678 |
Arid, so i thought your verse was different from most writers
although I feel like the added touch you brought threw me off I feel like your best pieces come when you let loose, this seemed forced not in a way to make me say 'hey this all just doesn't add up' kind of way it just feels like you were prepping up a resume when you dropped this other than that I feel that given some time you'll come along as a great writer which is a comment I rarely throw around, you sir are going places.... Certain, Nice choice for a topic, way better than what I'd expect from the quote regardless you carried out a strong start with a continuous barrage of quotables you strike me as some hermit that lives in his room studying encyclopedias & dictionary's you always seem to surprise me with something new when I come across your work which makes the reading worthwhile and the battles worth seeing...nice work v/Certain, I feel like he's just ready to be at the top of the league again his piece was more well rounded and carried more resonance for me in the end nice battle fella's i enjoyed..
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
01-06-2015, 05:11 PM | #6 | |
Robin Williams of Fallen Victims
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,502
Battle Record: 25-11
Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame
Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x)
- NWL Season 1
- Write Night I
- Art of Writing League (2x)
- Write Week IV
Rep Power: 6862273 |
Fucking lost my vote.
Arid your verse left me with an appreciation for your focus on structure and how you utilized the line limit this week. It was a creative and interesting verse. Certain I really enjoyed the second stanza - wordinh and rhymes all seemed to pick up as the piece progressed. Vote certain
__________________
Quote:
|
|
01-06-2015, 11:52 PM | #7 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17
Rep Power: 9946446 |
Arid - I don't particularly like how you damn near dumb'd your verse down by highlighting the rhymes, I'm a good enough reader to catch those on my one you know? Also, this really, really irked me..."it wouldn't have dropped if...
I've balled my fists and called for my family don't they watch this?" I'm sure you did it on purpose because the question IS slightly answered, just seems really weird to follow a question you asked and not come out in the open to answer it. Yeah I don't know, I see the verse as maybe too ambitious. A guy struggling with dead family members, I assume they are good, then jesus killing evil doers and moons and shit. A bit to cloudy and clustered for my usual tastes. Cert - Nice verse littered with multies while weaving a tight knit story. I gathered it was a shrink session where the person being "shrunk"???? Always thought shrink was a weird term although I'm sure its rooted and works, anyways. The shrink basically saying let it all out. Good mood, really solid inners that didn't falter at all or slow down from start to end. You rhymed fragmented sentences on like three occasions, which I admittedly hate with a passion but in this case... Vote Certain Stronger writing overall/More enjoyable.
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
01-07-2015, 01:31 AM | #8 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228
Champed - NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10
Rep Power: 3853343 |
MVGT: Certain
Won by default, I couldn't even figure out what topic his opponent even wrote to
__________________
VETWORK
|
01-07-2015, 04:07 PM | #9 |
past tense
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,627
Battle Record: 22-39
Rep Power: 4341325 |
Quick vote read these eaelier.
Got certain here pretty easily, couldnt get into arids verse at all. Certains was pretty lackluster event wise as usual but the rhymes won me over V. Certain |
|
|