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Old 02-05-2018, 11:21 AM   #1
ACTIVATE SELF
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Default Delete.

Preferred viewing: NC Dark

The east wing of the copper-toned facility was a sleek
and eco-friendly structure, comprised of recycled glass plates
That provided panoramic views of the scenic landscape
A suspended walkway, that streched high above a slow winding river
to supply a transparent bridge between the coleridge and clinic
It was cold in September, though the snow hadn't fallen
but those autumn winds blew, and shook the oak, spruce
& ponderosa trees at the bottom, near a Rocky Mountain lodge
where each staff member lived in a modernized cottage
At the far end of the crossing was a holographic guide
of a model's height and size, who had a beautiful complexion
and some aqua blue eyes, her bosom was impressive & impossible to hide
behind her pixelated dress, which was virgin shaded white
and curvaceously designed, she was basically a "dime"
As that verbage would suggest: a perfect version of her sex
A simulated Kristine Leahy without makeup and more breasts

"Hello, gorgeous."
"Hi, I'm Beth."
"Nice to meet you. My name's Jeff."
"I'll escort you, mind your step"

Next the sliding doors opened and she told me to go left
Blown away and so impressed with the incredible inside
full of high tech features that were geniusly devised
The interior was white - ultra modern - WiFi lights
and a wired-in device that could monitor my mood
and compute my vital signs via sensors in the room

"Is this facility brand new?"
"We just finished it in June."

Replied the flickering assistant as the interfance grew

"If my appearance seems unsmooth or electrically confused
it's the instruments and tools and the signals they produce
near essential base equipment that's intrinsically infused
with the system's CPU & a neural network that is intricate & huge."


As a student, I like Newton, tried to visualize the rules

"You exist inside a cube?"
"That's invisible to you."
"Than it's kind of like a soul?"
"Artificially induced."
"And this image is all coding?"
"Although, limitless as 'YOU', because my program's algorithm
is as infinite as two ... intersecting loops horizontally construed."

"That's an introspective view and admittedly acute."

She seemed really quite assumed as she quickly interjected with...

"What is it that you do?"
"I'm the founder of a school called the Human Institute."
"I just googled what you mentioned. Your initiative is listed
as, 'Trying to find God through the gift of Quantum Physics'."


Her inquisitive pursuit was both interesting and cute
she continued with a question that was innocently shrewed

"And what brings you to our clinic?"
"I've heard rumors you've invented..."
("Well, the principal inventor is really Dr. Schreber.")
"...a 'Morpheus Machine'. That can augment a thought
and re-engineer the scenes of a memory or dream."

"It's a serious procedure. Are you sure we should proceed?"

Said a silver-haired senior
(who looked good for 63)
wearing cybernetic glassess
and a 'Dark City' tee
with a long labcoat
over sharp diem jeans
that he cropped at the bottom
near his posh Nike sneaks

"Hello, Dr. Schreber. So finally we meet."
"I know Mr. Barish .. of what it is you seek."

He stared me in the eyes

"I advise you to rethink...
because this scientific treatment is entirely unique."

"Does it wipe my mind clean?"
"Of every single thing that was Bryan and Denice."
"I'm resigning in a week.Then I'm flying right to Greece
to live my life on a beach, that resides in between
...Mykonos and Crete in the ol' Aegean Sea.
Where my anonymity will ensure I'll never be
greeted by mementos of my murdered wife and teen."


"I have heard you and I see
that you mean what you speak."

...He sent me to his lab...
"Would you please take a seat?
...I did what I was asked...
"You'll be sleep in a blink."
...He slipped on the mask...
"When this sequence is completed
you'll be free of all your grief
...but first you need to think
of a perfect memory."


I see Bryan at the beach."tie your shoes", said Denice.
The summer sun sinks and a dove gets released. Then suddenly there's peace...

Delete.

Cast: Jeff Barish, B.E.T.H. (Biometricly Engineered Transrobotic Hologram), Dr. Schreber
...Topical battle verse written to the picture...

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Old 02-05-2018, 11:38 PM   #2
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*applause*
wow dude, that shit gave me chills towards the end, lol straight up,
excellent story telling skills and the way you incorporated
all three Main characters was ingenious..
first half of the first part was a liil choppy to me,
but I could tell the rhymescheme was a lil different
than an AA so it threw off the “text” flow to me..
also you know I like flawless multi schemes lol
which a few were off, but the overall content, imagery,
creativity, meaning and heart put into this trumps over
all lol solid read brother, keep it up! dont sleep yall
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Old 02-06-2018, 07:46 AM   #3
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Thank you, bro. I sincerely appreciate that. And, yo, if by chance you ever get a moment to read this verse again you may notice a few of the Easter eggs that I have sprinkled throughout it. Good looks, bro. Peace.
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Old 02-08-2018, 07:17 AM   #4
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Waves.
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Old 02-08-2018, 12:12 PM   #5
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Ill have to re read this. But i switched to nc dark and read this once and now i cant remember what it was about but i remember really enjoying it. Yoy have a knack for creativity man. Really diggin the color schemes and glow.in the dark steez!!! Will read again soon
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Old 02-16-2018, 07:36 PM   #6
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Lol ight cool. Glad you dug the layout.
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Old 02-17-2018, 10:45 AM   #7
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Fx

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Old 02-22-2018, 01:43 AM   #8
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This was great man. Loved the unique style to it, definitely liked it more as i read on. It's a weird coincidence u used the names Jeff Beth and called this DELETE lol because that's the names of the Hardys and Matt says Delete. None the less really solid flow, was digging the content.... Imagery waa great, also loved the idea itself all together. Good multies in the bridges, overall great read brotha.... Keep it up
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:22 AM   #9
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Yo, thanks for the feed and kind words, my guy. I'll definitely be looking to rtf at some point and time in the near future. On another note. Since I noticed you were putting some of the pieces together already. I'll take a quick second to elaborate on a few other coded references embedded beneath the surface of the text.

So, the entire piece deals with memory manipulation. Which is a (not so) Sci-Fi concept that's been explored for year now. In particular through films such as Total Recall and others within the same genre. Anywho, here's a few of the inspirations I pulled from to write this verse.

Jeff Barish
*The last name Barish comes directly from Jim Carry's character Joel Barish. Who appeared in the movie Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind. Which was literally about a girl and a guy who underwent an experimental procedure to forget each other after a breakup.

B.E.T.H.
*(Biometricaly Engeenered Transrobotic Hologram) was inspired by a combination of J.A.R.V.I.S from Iron Man and Joi, which is the name given to officer K's holographic companion and love interest from the movie Blade Runner 2049. Another film that deals with memory manipulation.

Morpheus
*The Morpheus Machine is the contraption that actually performs the task of cerebral augmentation. The name itself is a nod to the Matrix movie. Which was s film that explored the concept of altered reality. In addition, it is also a play on the name "Morpheus'. Whom was the Greek God of dreams.

Memento
*The line, "where I'll never be greeted by mementos of my murdered wife and teen"

Contains a referance to the movie Memento (a reminder) which was about a man trying to track down the killer of his murdered wife. However, the man had difficulty in do so because of an accident which left him suffering from a rare, untreatable form of memory lose. Although, he could recall small details of his life before the accident, he could not however remember things as recent as 15 minutes ago.

Lastly,

Dr. Schreber
*Dr. Schreber is the name of a character that appeared in the movie Dark City, where as a scientist he helped a race of extraterrestrial parasites imprint false memories into the minds of their unaware human prisoners. My iteration of the character was also loosely based on the 'Memory Maker' from the movie Blade Runner 2049.

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Old 02-22-2018, 05:55 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ACTIVATE SELF View Post
Yo, thanks for the feed and kind words, my guy. I'll definitely be looking to rtf at some point and time in the near future. On another note. Since I noticed you were putting some of the pieces together already. I'll take a quick second to elaborate on a few other coded references embedded beneath the surface of the text.

So, the entire piece deals with memory manipulation. Which is a (not so) Sci-Fi concept that's been explored for year now. In particular through films such as Total Recall and others within the same genre. Anywho, here's a few of the inspirations I pulled from to write this verse.

Jeff Barish
*The last name Barish comes directly from Jim Carry's character Joel Barish. Who appeared in the movie Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind. Which was literally about a girl and a guy who underwent an experimental procedure to forget each other after a breakup.

B.E.T.H.
*(Biometricaly Engeenered Transrobotic Hologram) was inspired by a combination of J.A.R.V.I.S from Iron Man and Joi, which is the name given to officer K's holographic companion and love interest from the movie Blade Runner 2049. Another film that deals with memory manipulation.

Morpheus
*The Morpheus Machine is the contraption that actually performs the task of cerebral augmentation. The name itself is a nod to the Matrix movie. Which was s film that explored the concept of altered reality. In addition, it is also a play on the name "Morpheus'. Whom was the Greek God of dreams.

Memento
*The line, "where I'll never be greeted by mementos of my murdered wife and teen"

Contains a referance to the movie Memento (a reminder) which was about a man trying to track down the killer of his murdered wife. However, the man had difficulty in do so because of an accident which left him suffering from a rare, untreatable form of memory lose. Although, he could recall small details of his life before the accident, he could not however remember things as recent as 15 minutes ago.

Lastly,

Dr. Schreber
*Dr. Schreber is the name of a character that appeared in the movie Dark City, where as a scientist he helped a race of extraterrestrial parasites imprint false memories into the minds of their unaware human prisoners. My iteration of the character was also loosely based on the 'Memory Maker' from the movie Blade Runner 2049.
Wow didn't realize how many different easter eggs you had in there, real creative man, props. I dig it for sure.
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:51 PM   #11
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^ agreed, I wouldnt of been able to find them all, shit, even a few of them, without you listing them.. but after re reading it all comes together with those eggs exposed.. lol
also, the fact you wove all of that into the piece in an underlying theme makes this one particularly that much doper.. again, great read my dude
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Old 02-22-2018, 11:10 PM   #12
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Appreciate that, peoples. Lyric, I'll hit your piece with some feed in the A.M.
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Old 02-24-2018, 08:49 AM   #13
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It's why you're one of the more interesting writers around these text sites, you always push the conceptual boundaries and bring something fresh to the table. Technically it's dope, I like how you switch up the schemes for the dialogues. Besides, the topic of bionic personalties is very interesting, so imma re-read it further to let the story sink in.
Props.
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Old 02-24-2018, 08:53 PM   #14
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I skimmed through this a few times and it's remarkable to 'discover' something new with every read. Your work is, per usual, littered with various mythological and modern day (for a lack of better word here) references, beautifully embedded in futuristic settings while still maintaining fundamentals of realism. There were lots of references, beside the hint at Total Recall, I didn't catch on first read, so I appreciate your elaboration on them as well. I don't want to repeat what's been stated already, but the naturalness of your language, particularly in the dialogues, was another highlight to me. Your work is always incredibly smooth, not only in terms of schemes, but also in terms of narratives.

"Next the sliding doors opened and she told me to go left
Blown away and so impressed with the incredible inside
full of high tech features that were geniusly devised
The interior was white - ultra modern - WiFi lights
and a wired-in device that could monitor my mood
and compute my vital signs via sensors in the room

"Is this facility brand new?"
"We just finished it in June."

Replied the flickering assistant as the interfance grew

"If my appearance seems unsmooth or electrically confused
it's the instruments and tools and the signals they produce
near essential base equipment that's intrinsically infused
with the system's CPU & a neural network that is intricate & huge."

^probably my favourite segment as it's a prime example of the aforementioned characteristics of your verse. Incredible work, glad you shared this one.
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Old 03-05-2018, 09:20 AM   #15
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Thank you, Alice. Always a pleasure reading your thoughts.
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Old 07-19-2018, 02:50 AM   #16
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Interesting.
This has a good cadence to it, for the most part.
The 'murdered wife and teen' seemed to come out of nowhere.
But then the whole point of this is to wipe that memory away?

she was basically a "dime"
that fit the rhyme but this slang seemed to deviate from the rest of the piece. maybe you could do without that phrasing.

"Hi, I'm Beth."
"Nice to meet you. My name's Jeff."
"I'll escort you, mind your step"

These are nice little rhymes. I like it.

just a a couple minor typos I saw 'advice' should be 'advise', and 'sleep' should be 'asleep'.

"I'm resigning in a week.Then I'm flying right to Greece
to live my life on a beach, that resides in between

From a technical standpoint, do you really need the word 'right'?
I think it works better if you just say 'I'm resigning in a week. Then I'm flying to Greece.'

Anyway man, cool story.
I've read it a few times but I'm not sure I totally get it. Thinking of a perfect memory does that make Bryan and Denice come back to life? Or is the memory just erased?
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Old 07-19-2018, 10:20 AM   #17
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Interesting.
This has a good cadence to it, for the most part.
The 'murdered wife and teen' seemed to come out of nowhere.
But then the whole point of this is to wipe that memory away?

she was basically a "dime"
that fit the rhyme but this slang seemed to deviate from the rest of the piece. maybe you could do without that phrasing.

"Hi, I'm Beth."
"Nice to meet you. My name's Jeff."
"I'll escort you, mind your step"

These are nice little rhymes. I like it.

just a a couple minor typos I saw 'advice' should be 'advise', and 'sleep' should be 'asleep'.

"I'm resigning in a week.Then I'm flying right to Greece
to live my life on a beach, that resides in between

From a technical standpoint, do you really need the word 'right'?
I think it works better if you just say 'I'm resigning in a week. Then I'm flying to Greece.'

Anyway man, cool story.
I've read it a few times but I'm not sure I totally get it. Thinking of a perfect memory does that make Bryan and Denice come back to life? Or is the memory just erased?
Thanks for the read/feed, PA. And for catching those typos as well. In any case, in reference to your question. In order for the procedure to work the patient must first think of who/what needs to be erased so that the machine/doctor can locate and target the memory within the mind/brain. Thus, the stronger the memory is, the better it serves as a central starting point for the doctor to access and do his thing.
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Old 07-19-2018, 01:37 PM   #18
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Are these all the same person?
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Old 07-19-2018, 06:55 PM   #19
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@dull boy

Nope. But now that you've brought that to light, it's a concept I wish I would have explored. I didn't even think about tying in that sort of angle.
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Old 07-19-2018, 07:05 PM   #20
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I’m glad one of my topics didn’t go to waste. Great stuff self
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