01-03-2016, 08:58 PM | #1 |
Lime Life
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Chrysalis Mind
Chock-a-bloc in my mind, there is nothing but lines
Which reside in boxes of rhymes, locked from inside As I’m watching the time, on the clock, as it chimes I’m lost, so I hide, in these thoughts and this pride Taught not to confide, scared somewhat, I complied Until my cries formed a clot, began rotting…and died. My thoughts have been tied in a knot and inscribed ‘Mr Hyde’...obviously property of my naughtier side Imprisoned in this chrysalis mind, I twist and I cry Its mission designed to keep me wishing I’d die The incision to the fission, keeps the vision alive Nutrition derived from spirits within the deprived Sinister eyes glimmer within from sin and despise The lies that litter my mind grow bigger in size. …I struggle to see, muddled in the puzzles of me I stumble in subtle deceit, and its puddles are deep Covered in grief, I come up from its troublesome sea … I see the light; a little piece of peace in sight, My eyes feast, set free from the beasts inside No priest, they’ve ceased, I do not need a guide The fearsome tide has died, as my tears subside I breathe, as my brain is freed from evil and pain Feeling relieved, I again begin believing I’m sane The breeze isn’t freezing, the season has changed As the diseased and profane leaves with the rain A vicious attack on my prison, my chrysalis cracks Dogmatism ridden, optimism glistens, my vision is back True Love is why all of my struggles and troubles die Looking up to the summer sky, I soar above...like a butterfly. @Certain @PancakeBrah @Split @Zen @CopyPat @Wise Wiggles @quaker oats @Useless
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. Last edited by Witty; 01-03-2016 at 09:01 PM. |
01-03-2016, 11:08 PM | #2 |
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He's the best Jerry, the best I tell you.
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01-08-2016, 06:43 AM | #3 |
Lime Life
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:)
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
01-08-2016, 02:30 PM | #4 |
with razor spurs
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Hello Witty, and thank you for your support.
I felt that this verse was pretty solid in every aspect, but not outstanding in any. It certainly rolled off the tongue and was very fluid, but almost to the point of being a little boring and repetitive. I think the verse could have used more diversity in terms of the scheming just to hold interest. Nonetheless, the idea of the piece itself(along with some nice imagery) was quite interesting, and the development of the story up to the awakening was unique and original. I'm glad you're still active in this section. Thanks! |
01-10-2016, 04:10 PM | #5 |
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David Stern's post amount rhymes with his location multis.
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01-22-2016, 02:14 PM | #6 |
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02-04-2016, 03:08 PM | #7 |
Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,784
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
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Rep Power: 82986458 |
Thank you :)
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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