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Old 07-17-2018, 03:14 AM   #1
Exis
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Default Hmm...

Ayo,

Come in Scarecrow sickle swingin' with it, fuck your bare ass fists
I'll Leave ya Body Hacked on some Samson shit if we were to pair off kid
I run circles around every faggot I square off with,
I tear objects, in orbit I caught 'em...
Outta this world? Nah I slap 'em off of my atlas
I'll counter punch every line that you throw 'til you toss in that napkin
'Til a towels caressessin' your brow,
like the head dress that's so constant in Afghan
Civilians wear bandages like sweat bands soakin' up what's left of them now
I seem so content in surroundings all foreign to me,
Like a continent unfamiliar with foreigners only shootin' the breeze
Where it's like minus two hundred & fuckin' sumthin' bloody brutal degrees
I can Sub-Zero body you,
Or Scorpion flame your ass until that pedestal gets crushed with my feats
I kicked Hell outta Satan, one inched punched God
For tellin' me to stomach shit
Suck it up, don't give a fuck...
Your sumthin' less than buttercup
Just like a sponge your suckin' up
is nothin' more than covered up
Bitch I'll throw you under the bus,
Grow up & than crumple it because above it is us
I'm troublesome son, whilst you is suckin' one's thumb
I'll forwards flip & tumble roll, like some cunt I just thrust
In some corny ass crusty role
I'll tell you to forget your Tennessee shots, go & climb a rusty pole
Show missus snow flake a nice & comfy home,
'Fore your Nubian Queen gets back
& the feenin' smacks,
You right in the face...like "Is I feelin' that?"
With both hands on the steerin' wheel, outta control in this vehicle
I'm motionless, & where are you? I cannot see what is hidden...
"You couldn't of launched me up from some higher view so I can peep what be missin"?
She's physically fine on the outer,
But on the inside her system has shut down like an unreliable router.
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Old 07-18-2018, 01:40 PM   #2
ACTIVATE SELF
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Quote:
Come in Scarecrow sickle swingin' with it, fuck your bare ass fists
I'll Leave ya Body Hacked on some Samson shit if we were to pair off kid
I run circles around every faggot I square off with,
I tear objects, in orbit I caught 'em...
Outta this world? Nah I slap 'em off of my atlas
I'll counter punch every line that you throw 'til you toss in that napkin
'Til a towels caressessin' your brow,
like the head dress that's so constant in Afghan
Civilians wear bandages like sweat bands soakin' up what's left of them now
I seem so content in surroundings all foreign to me,
Like a continent unfamiliar with foreigners only shootin' the breeze
Where it's like minus two hundred & fuckin' sumthin' bloody brutal degrees
The flow was up and down. But as a whole you had some pretty good imagery and concepts in this section.
Whereas the rest of the verse pretty much followed suit in the latter department, but the choppiness of the flow kinda detracted from its overall effectiveness. Still tho, solid read my guy. Peace.
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Old 07-21-2018, 04:32 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ACTIVATE SELF View Post
The flow was up and down. But as a whole you had some pretty good imagery and concepts in this section.
Whereas the rest of the verse pretty much followed suit in the latter department, but the choppiness of the flow kinda detracted from its overall effectiveness. Still tho, solid read my guy. Peace.
I actually thought flow was cool, thanks...
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Old 07-21-2018, 05:47 PM   #4
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Where was all this tough man shit when they man called ya son out his name? You a bitch


Good verse though...I was actually feeling the flow...I guess other guy just didn't catch it....nice shit
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Old 07-22-2018, 11:12 PM   #5
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Lol...appreciate the looks fam.
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Old 07-22-2018, 11:55 PM   #6
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This seems better than last shit ive read. Still a bit wordy but straight aggressive heat. Dope
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Old 07-23-2018, 12:04 AM   #7
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Thanks, lol you know what's funny...2 years ago you be like "Your becomin' one of my favorites on here" shit lasted 4 days, then I fell offwards majorly apparently in your view, & the boards lol.
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Old 08-07-2018, 07:32 PM   #8
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There was an aggressive energy to this in the cadence as much as the choice of words. I like the somewhat simplistic rhymes and whatever-comes-to-your-mind content. Writing like this can be fun.
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