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Old 04-22-2019, 12:06 AM   #1
Cereal
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Default suthaveli 0-0 vs sharp 0-0 (open for votes)

Due next Monday (7 days)

16-24 lines (agree with opponent)

topic:



@Suthaveli @Sharp
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Old 04-23-2019, 08:13 PM   #2
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Tranquility. The quiet before the storm for she not knows the day
Enjoying a little paddle over there? Well hold on little hoser, eh?
Tiny ripples form into waves until da ocean kiss the shore
Conflicting horrors drift ashore as the sea starts to ripple more
3 senses goes mute. As her vision & hearing heightens
Fin peeks out like nosey neighbor, her face grows pale & frightened
Stoned. Stiff. Can't step aside. Medusa glare, she's petrified
Then lets a cry out of siren screams she will not be the next to die
As it rises from the water, jaggered teeth to have a feast
She grabs to reach for the harpoon to start ruining the savage beast
As tragic peaks on past defeats. Clash w. these 2 max has reached
Tsunami's to whirlpools to tidal waves have supassed a breach
The scene is set. We've stagged along, no turning back, the match is on
The shark bites a squid to seep out its ink & its teeth to attack her arm
Bitch was about to let out a SCRREEAAM. But stop, & marveled at view
& this is the story how Alvin Karpis gave Barc a shotty shark tattoo

16
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Old 05-01-2019, 10:33 PM   #3
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Blood in the water.
The scent, an old friend to one familiar with slaughter
Aging and withered, best days past and bitter,
the predator's ever-sure instinct delivers.
Just a sliver; a shadow of a menacing presence
still threatening? Forget it. Maybe in adolescence,
but life's third act is present. Violent in essence,
he's basically bound for the heavens.

Final kill's transpired. Glory bound, target acquired,
struggling, lifting his weak frame from the depths - bones of wire
Vision fading. Motivation? Jaded, yet hungry
never sated. Lunging, breaking water, motions clunky
The predator saw his prey and bloody aftermath;
opened his jaws,

and uttered to the traveler:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barcotic
my blicky'll spaz on this hideous bastard, n im splitting right after
imna put 3 ingredients curry away quicker than an indian bachelor
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Old 05-07-2019, 08:31 PM   #4
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suth:
I have never read your pieces before yet they seem so familiar maybe have you been under other names? either way the story progression is what was dope with the slight on and off rhyme scheme a depictive vocab the through and through reading of your story was smooth all the way through even down to a gun reference by name.. but in the end it really was the pace of the story where it just ran as a nice sunday morning read.. good drop..

sharp:
lol dope the deliver was crammed full of action you could really get into the tension you delivered in your story.. it was kinda a three syllable rhyme structure style tightness where even if it wasn't the lines were hot enough to thread them together for a real punchy feel.. all in all a cool lil piece with some well timed humour and promo for the site.. I think what I like mostly about the verse is the action very well delivered..

vote - suthaveli

just a more all round whole piece with what was given, more of a developed story and subject matter, but sharp def had some hits in there
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Old 05-08-2019, 08:25 PM   #5
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Suth - Dead at the finish though. This was a cool read for the simple fact that you actually narrated the photo. Which is cool to me because I usually try and out think myself while formulating a concept and often times miss the mark because of that. You had some things worded awkwordly, which in turn sort of jumbled up the flow. Example "She not knows the day" & "as tragic peaks" to name a couple. But then had lines that flowed seemlessly such as "Stoned. Stiff. Can't step aside. Medusa glare, she's petrified". All in all, this was a fun story, but given the topic, I'm not a fan at all of the topic, but given what you had to work with, I commend you. Solid narration and the flare at the end gave this verse a little color as well. Solid read my man,


Sharp - LOL @ the Barcotic reference again, not sure of why you both decided to play on that, but nonetheless its hilarious. Your verse almost read as a homagé to Barc as well. You mentioned the age multiple times while also almost complementing the past he had, which is obviously undeniable. I do feel like you strayed from the topic a bit, but also feel like you the writing on the surface was superior in terms of mechanics. Tough vote for that reason


vote: So, I enjoyed the humor in both reads, I think if a more serious read, like the ones I typically write, faced off against either of these you would have won off the humor alone. Alas, you both had eerily similar takes in that manor. As far as execution, it's almost a wash as well. IMO sharp had the cleaner written verse, but missed the mark slightly as far as topic goes. Meanwhile Suth's read was a bit more clunky Ie. "shore and Ashore" placed in the same bar sounds nice, but it's kind of like repeating the same word IMO.

Fuck this is a close call. I'll give a quick read again each and vote based off that snap judgment because IMPO this is super even.

Dope battle. On my final read I picked up on suthveli's multis more and appreciated them, but still felt the wording was predicated on that alone, though he still told a fluid story. Meanwhile sharp had a rather remedial parts but was far more poetic, which usually plays into my likes, however, although Suth was a bit clunky at times, I thought is execution was not only still on par, but also added a certain degree of difficulty given multis as well as telling a story

V/ Suthveli in a very close bout IMO

Good to have new blood sir
And nice to read something from Sharp, I miss that poetical style broseph, I hope you boys stick around so I can thrash you
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:29 AM   #6
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mvgt - suthveli dropped some bars, and the stories progression went well with the rhyme intensity. all in all the final effect was a bit stronger than his opponents because of the amount of material in the piece. really heated up in the middle tho i was feelin it. nice work.

sharp - you almost did a little more with less here, but i guess maybe i wasn't in a poetic kind of mood.. well written piece, enjoyed the quotation ending. that's different, not sure if even allowed.. but different. nice approach. i think with a few more lines and some kind of character struggle it would have pulled an easy /v . nice piece
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Old 05-09-2019, 10:26 AM   #7
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Suth: I always enjoy seeing battlers step into the topical realm, because it always tends to produce stuff like this one that the topical guys don't seem to go for. Comedy is often overlooked in the topical world, but it's effective if done well and can shake things up. "Ocean kiss the shore," was some nice imagery and wording even the long-standing topical heads will appreciate. I doubt many expected that of you, in truth. I caught you scheming with the multies just after that too, you definitely tried this week and didn't just treat this as a throwaway contest like some of the battlers do. The finale is what really sealed the deal for you here, something board related we can all appreciate and a "twist" to the tale that took a left turn. Very humorous and enjoyable.

Sharp - Your execution and general way you write is very honed, to a sharp point (pun always intended). You clearly know what you're doing, and do it well. You're in your bag with stuff like "ever-sure instinct delivers," and "bones of wire". So simple, yet so descriptive and accurate. Minimalist writing with poignancy and sharp observations. It's dope. If anything, the brevity of this acted as a double-edged sword somewhat for me. The fact Suth went first with the Barc thing probably worked in his favour this week, seeing as you ended by taking a similar route to him, though his was arguably the most original take on the same subject matter (or at least, that's how it reads when voting after covering both verses) so that maybe worked in his favour here somewhat. It was fun to read, and refreshing, to see you both go at it in this way. Suth's more comedic take met Sharp's pinpoint accurate wording and descriptions to give us a close one to call. I suppose the initial impact of Suth's is what swung it for me, largely due to the "twist" he had while Sharp's then played into the same idea. Close one to call, though, fellas.

Keep those pens moving!
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Old 05-10-2019, 03:10 AM   #8
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suthaveli wins
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