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Old 04-05-2019, 07:42 PM   #1
Diablo
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Exclamation “The Demiurge To Become A Numen”

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I’m known by many names, it depends on who you ask,
but most of them will say that I’m their friend until the last.
Always there to lend a hand and well versed in my virtues
so whenever there’s a tragedy, I’m the first one they turn to.
I’m a university first student and creator of incredible genius
those who worship my work do find their lives bettered for reading.
I’m an intelligent being, though I don’t profess it too loud
as generally speaking it’s said I have my head in the clouds.
My presence astounds, all that I’ve said that I’d do - I’ve done
so despite the many who doubt me, I’ve yet to be proven wrong.
Benevolence blues my blood as I’m public spirited
but don’t ever confuse my good nature for something different.
I’m very much a disciplinarian father when it comes to my rulership
to push my children’s limits while they’re under my tutelage.
I reserve judgemental ruthlessness as I don’t want it just to be
me looking accusingly down my nose at those that look up to me.
To some degree I’m old fashioned, but there’s no erasing the past
if history does repeat, why not learn from mistakes as I have?
Some label me as a four-letter word with others deriding them for it
while both sides are taken to task for not realising their calling.
I’ve been a lauded Lord, a commander, and have books that are published
but my tour de force is in architecture, making something from nothing.
The good I’ve accomplished throughout my work is insane
and remains up for discussion by experts to this day.
When I needed personal space, I didn’t let opportunity pass me by
I jumped feet first in creativity and drew up a grand design.
The immovable mastermind, the true creator Jehovah-shammah,
a luminous lasting light illuminating the doldrumous dark.
Hindu’s know me as Brahman and hold me close to their hearts
sure as Christians show due regard, as with most of Islam.
It’s spoken in psalms of the Holy Qur’an of me beating the odds
be it known as Allah, Jehovah or Yahweh, I’m the undefeatable God.
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Old 04-05-2019, 11:20 PM   #2
Inno
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I feel like this is a flex piece about your skills in the topical realm.

Just my thoughts. I’m probably completely wrong but let me know if I’m in the realm lol
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Old 04-08-2019, 04:25 AM   #3
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Lars, this was incredibly smooth, and it kind of does seem to juxtapose between talking about yourself "Some label me as a four-letter word with others deriding them for it" and then speaking on a terrestrial level about a prodigal student whose hyper-aware of his own prodigiousness. Then you sometimes spin it and make this grand figure to be almost celestial and prophetic, particularly the last lines. So it kind of switches vantage point from a narrative to a more braggadocio personal outlook. I liked it, and enjoyed it so I don't really have a critique. Some of the lines were a bit mundane, but it is written in a very straight forward and smooth manner that it comes off as very on point.

Keep that pen moving!
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Old 04-08-2019, 05:31 PM   #4
Diablo
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This was written for a league elsewhere, I go by “BOOM” there. The board personality is very loud and obnoxious and arrogant. Hence, this verse. The topic this week was that you couldn’t tell a story and there were 12 set topics you had to use, I can’t remember them offhand but “erasing the past” was one. I personally don’t like that couplet in this verse but my hand was kind of forced to add it in. The rest is wild, though, the four letter word line was a play on both my name there - BOOM - and YHWH from the Hebrew. The “I go by many names,” was about my many aliases or usernames etc

The “univers(e)ity first student” was deliberate seeing as God created the damn thing (if you believe in the major religions, of course).

You were both on the right track, though, there’s a dual layer to this one. I’m describing both at the same time.

Thanks for reading!
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