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Old 06-04-2015, 10:57 AM   #1
Vulgar
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Default R. 2: Clutterbuck vs. Veritas the Invincible - (Clutterbuck wins)

Welcome to Round 2 of the tournament.

There is no line limit.
VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks)

Verses Due Tuesday Night. (June 9th)
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(24 hour extensions are allowed. Only one though.)

Voting Ends Thursday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied

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Old 06-04-2015, 10:59 AM   #2
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LETS GO, CUE BALL! :)
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Old 06-05-2015, 07:38 AM   #3
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Check.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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Old 06-05-2015, 05:59 PM   #4
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I'm away this weekend (gay friends wedding)

wanna post early?
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Old 06-05-2015, 06:14 PM   #5
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I'm actually shaving my balls in preparation for this

prepare to be fucked
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Old 06-05-2015, 09:41 PM   #6
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Ummm wut? Ok though I tell you what....you go ahead and drop and I won't keep you waiting long fair?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:50 PM   #7
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this dude shook to post first like it is 1998 whahk;lej;klja;kljeiojakgl;jwg;klj


A highly effective treatise on how creative text tournament writing happens.



A tree of life:
Proudly guarding the humbly bequeathed optimisms which fertilize it.

This tree is free but most pay a price,
for stopping and starting this journey as soon as they verbalize it.

Thoughts so unique,
that when we speak both proud and meek never survive it.

They say dreaming is dead and yet they sleep,
so our hands type the spans that demand we revive it.

The roots of pure originality,
hidden in our unique brains mused by the freedom.

So its not about a salary,
its all about bringing the fatality after you beat them. (swidt?)

Behold I now show you a miracle!
The writer's brain understanding how to mold experience with reason!

This enlightenment is spiritual,
soul wetter, go getter, flow better for every shift in season.

(It's sooooo meta.)

The neo cortex activates.........
the writer designs his first tight lines and dives off the deep end

Dopamine like when he masturbates,
he fashions more and more and can't wait to post till the weekend.

Freedom is my girl,
We got matching tats of gats behind where our knees bend.

She plays her song,
freedom and creativity intertwine in a lover's embrace.

It has been too long,
leaving this proximity and now gliding through space.

They stay coming on strong,
every jot and riddle, end, beginning and middle in perfect place.

Yin and yang ping and pong,
confidence or doubt towards a most tranquil murder served with grace.

The fingers touch keys,
serotonin, acetacholine, dendrite pathways exhibit neurogenesis.

Such tranquil symphonies,
the seas of ease play their parts like Moses while in Exodus.

The tree stands over her,
content with it's muse's music played sans pretentiousness.

The tree grows old for her,
content with their time spent making complexities effortless.

The portal opens,
new cognitive capacities develop to handle all the metaphors.

Her fingers moving fast causing commotions,
to masterfully craft the emotions used to settle scores.

The violent crescendo!
Lesser writers reaching for the ceilings which are really our grounding floors.

it was all a subtle innuendo!
We never vote for dick picks, we vote for the one that never bores.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.

Last edited by veritas; 06-09-2015 at 08:56 PM.
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Old 06-10-2015, 02:41 AM   #8
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Exclamation



My childhood was amazing, I was happy to pretend,
with a wild imagination and imaginary friend!
The man possessed the strength to orchestrate as he pleased
and I'd imagine he invented the landscape that I'd see.
He had raised up the trees into seminal oaks
straight from the seedlings as he sped up their growth.
In an effortless motion they'd shoot up and rise,
having leapt for the open cerulean sky.
The beautiful sight that was slowly appearing
was both truly divine, and of his own engineering.
He was in control of the seasons, with a wave of his hand,
the foliage seemed to obey his command.
He populated the land, and the heart of the sea,
creating the animals that shared the garden with me.
I marvelled in seeing what his mind would create
as the remarkable being conjured all sizes and shapes.
The smile on my face disappearing somewhere
between realising too late, that he wasn't there...
My ethereal entity had no name to assimilate our bond,
but others teaching his whereabouts have given him a lot!
Elohim and Yahweh were among the many names
and synonyms for God plenty others said he claimed.
There was no test of faith for me, it never entered my thoughts
He was just a friend of make-believe that I left at the door!
There's no demiurgical force that lies at the basis
of when the universe was first formed or life was created.
I realised at age eight that his very existence
was of my own creation back then as an infant.
And I was never religious, just happy to pretend
I had a connection to "Him", this imaginary friend!
A pal that I'd invented who would come and go again
and that was where it ended, I was under no pretence.
I would have been content with knowing he was fictitious
in my younger adolescence, without a need for religion.
Yet Veritas, being a Christian, still clings to the hope
that some featureless visionary made all existence alone!
Like this mythical figure had chosen to produce our surroundings
now once I was a little bit older, I realised how stupid it sounded!
It's truly astounding that between us there's no clear difference,
one child's amusement amounting to a grown adults entire belief system...
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Old 06-10-2015, 11:30 PM   #9
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Old 06-11-2015, 08:15 PM   #10
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Veritas:
She plays her song,
freedom and creativity intertwine in a lover's embrace.

That stood out to me, I dunno why. It was pretty simple, but it just stood out. As far as the rest of the verse, wasn't really feeling it. I'm huge on how verses actually sound when I read them. If the flow isn't smooth, I just don't dislike it, but I feel like the words have to be that much better. The verse was okay but, nothing spectacular.

Clutterbuck:
Interesting twist on your topic. When I first started reading it, I didn't think you'd go in that direction, so that was pretty cool. The wording, rhyming & flow were pretty on point too. I don't know, I just feel like I could related to the whole 'idea' of this topic. Soo, that to me, is why Im'a have to give you the battle.

vClutbuck
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Old 06-12-2015, 06:52 PM   #11
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Very nice battle friends.

Veritas.. you brought that FIRE this week that i always know u to be capable of.. just held back often. Bug everyonce in a while this type of verse comes from you and im blown away. You have an amazing vocabulary and are great at percieving and comprehending. This i onow from our conversation over the phone.. thought you came solid and brought schemes that were nice and painless to read this week.
Really liked. The content.

Lars..
You have a storytellers mind. Always capable of dropping flames and weavibg wonderful tales. With a flow thats tightly woven together as usual.. this is something i appreciate because i know all to well how much more difficult it is to tell a story without lack of cntent that never buckles in flow. Much more talent involved than many give credit for..

This battle IMHO can go either way.. veritas. I want to vote for you so bad ..bt i think lars edged you with flow and thats what hurt you just a bit. I mean yougtwo came in and told dtories that seek closely enough related imo ..but the real differences is in the tevhnicals of this battle. Veritas structure was broken up and thats not much of a bother.. though i prefer not to see it..

Lars just dropped a dope well designed piece.
Great showing. Best battle ive read yet this week.

Vote lars.. by a small.. and i mean a small margin. Veritas could very easily take this though.

V/lars
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Old 06-12-2015, 06:55 PM   #12
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CLOSE. Close in my mind because I feel like the first 2/3rds or so of Veritas' verse were incredibly on point from a rhyme and rhythm perspective. Truly impressive flow and construction. From a technical perspective, the final 1/3rd ending area was still good, but for some reason not as good as earlier. If you'd like the break point I'd say it was after the line of:
...every jot and riddle, end, beginning and middle in perfect place.
^Not trying to be ironic. After that line is literally the point where I thought it went from Amazing to "good", (with respect to the writing potential exhibited before that point. the words are bigger and better but i feel like it hurt the flow a bit; the change). < That opinion/analysis of mine is from a structural/phonetic perspective..

Subject/ content-wise I felt this verse was the lesser of the 2, which I'll delve into a bit later.
-
Clutbuck also puts on a show with respect to schemes and multisyllabic rhymes. Very strong. Not as strong phonetically as the first 2/3rds of Verita's verse, but still at very high level throughout.
The phraseology, the way he relates the ideas to the readers, and also the impressively consistent "multi's" - stands out.
Did a "Maestro" thing with the pic. God/religion. Omnipotence. Weaving the fabric of worldly affairs. Etc. But beyond that describing how "that idea" had been sewn into his mind early in life, but coming to terms (also at a young age) with the thought that it is likely just a "nice story". Too easy of a present with a nice bow on top and no room for nuance or coincidence. Thought it was well done. Loved the last two lines. They summed things up cleverly and rhymed well.
-
Veritas was quite up front about where he was going with his abstract interpretation. I'm the first one to enjoy "A highly effective treatise on how creative text tournament writing happens." I like to write about writing,and writers. So of course it's a bit difficult for me. But I must say it was conceptually forced. As though the idea came before the picture. The metaphor and descriptions within this idea are good and original (including the personification of freedom, the tree metaphors, [but especially]how a writer "constructs"/feels, etc)..
But the "big-picture idea" itself, in my eyes, is just not original enough, and does not conform to the image enough, to beat Clutbuck's verse. I related to Clutbuck's far more with respect to the image.
Yes, their are "fingers on keys" and a "tree" in the picture. But as a matter of personal taste it was a stretch to take that into writing about textstyle tournaments. But although it does not get my vote,I'd again like to give major props for the flow in most of it. If there wasn't a picture involved it might be too close to call for me. But there was.

V/Clutbuck

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Old 06-13-2015, 03:52 PM   #13
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Lol, at the hair picture, Oh! golly.

Anyways, Veritas: the tree of life as a representation of our ideas and thoughts, but not just any idea our thought, the most noble, and majestic. Which, you deem to be as representational to the outlet of creative writing. The portals opens and the brain gets flooded with neuro-transmitters and endorphins, as the mind goes into a parasymapathetic unleashing a volly and flood of pathways, which our pen then describes, depending on how strong the surge is, and how connected one is to the tree of life, that can be described as the creative expansiveness from the heavens, the symphony from the most high, that is not separated from us, but completely intertwined with our minds. I enjoyed the take more than last week, and the execution was much more proficient. However, I felt some of the lines were still a bit indecisive. and focused too much on the neuro chemicals, and did not fully go on to portray the message until the end. Meaning, while yes it was impactful, particularly because of the format, some lines were just not that good. And the contrast between some of the lines that were good, and the ones that, in a relative sense weren't, was jarring. In other words, the piece at times did not feel cohesive and unified. Still, a strong take on the topic, and written well enough.

Clutbuck/ Lars: The route you chose directly attacked Veritas, or perhaps indirectly depending on how you choose to look at it. The route wasn't particularly mind blowing, the take was quite simple, even childish in a sense. God's existence is made up, something that is intrinsic in our thought processes since being little, and something we've all heard from the young agnostic, atheist, or nihilist, whether cynical or not. But, the spin on it that you did, from a child's mind, made the piece comical and made it attacking, but also truthful in a sense. One could relate to it, and find empathy in the words. It was skillfully done, the path could have backfired, but it didn't and while not the most intricate way to go, nevertheless it took footing and won the battle.

Vote: Clutbuck
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Old 06-13-2015, 04:44 PM   #14
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Yea this battle was pretty close, I don't know who would think otherwise
in fact I really enjoyed this battle for the clash of styles..

V, I enjoyed the structure of your verse & your capability of switching your style
this is very different from your style in the first round which I also enjoyed
you grasp onto a more refined aspect of writing that most people choose to ignore.
based on your 'boarding' agenda the love for your style goes unnoticed imo..
but I seen you drop some gems here & there, and this was on that same tier
I am going to have to agree with Pharaoh on that line though, that seemed fillerish
otherwise your verse was well rounded my friend, and has an intriguing aspect on your topic...
nice work breh...

sraL, You are an impressive writer when you aren't trolling for 9 years
I really enjoy your ability to draw such inspiration from the topic here
you really shine when it comes to topicals too, really smooth structure
the flow of the piece was consistent and easily captures the idea you presented
needless to say you had the more fleshed out version as apposed to V's piece
nice work either way...

V/I enjoyed the effort that both writers put into this battle
both come from different sides of the battlefield and have skills
great execution from both sides...sorry my vote isn't up to par
got things to do children...anyway my vote goes to the gangster of gully
the paladin of putrid....Lars
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