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Old 05-30-2016, 01:18 AM   #1
asylum
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 993
Battle Record: 7-5



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asylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant future
Default Week 13: Magazine


Season 6 Magazine XIII Edition

By Asylum

Introduction
Hey guys we’re back in action lets get this show on the road! We’re diving into an exciting week with lots of great matchups but before we get into that, I’ll be doing last week’s battle reviews and giving credit where credit is due. I want to encourage you all to write your best this week. The playoffs are coming. Everyone give Adonis a round of applause for stepping in the past couple weeks, he’s done a great job.


~Feature Artist: Anderson.paak~
by Adonis


Brandon Park Anderson, Better known by Anderson.paak or Breezy Lovejoy is currently under contract with Dr. Dres Aftermath, no coincidence as I hear a heavy Kendrick, but also Chance the Rapper similarities. Born February 8th, 1986 in Oxnard California, which just happens to be a stones throw from house. Not for everyone as it may be too soft or not enough rap or too “choir-ish”, but as a music lover, this dude is something special. I think if he wanted to slay a verse he could easily. I mean, lyrically the dude is good, but his cadence is nuts. If he were to focus on schemes while rapping this guy could be throwing that Randy Johnson complete game type shit. Am I wrong? If you can whether the beginning of his beats and style, you quickly realize this is just good music right here. A very unique and original blend of Hip-Hop, Rap, R&B, Jazz and Soul that all come together to simply create good rhythms and vibes musically. A fresh style in the mix of this over diluted world, I see big things from Mr. Anderson.paak coming soon. Finally, I’m younger then him, WTF am I doing with my life???? haha



The Season/Carry me and The Waters - Kendrick influence.

VOTW (Verse of the week)
Prerogative : Against All Odds

Quote:
Originally Posted by adonis
[b]As a kid, I’d lie awake in the deadest of nights
Never could shake a headful of frights
Even my classmates knew I was a Woose inside
Couldn’t take the heat, so a kitchen’s never the place that I'd hide
I was a disgraceful delight, polite as could be
Not every juvenile would liken to me
see, I’m easily excited, blush when I’d see the word ‘she’
A bit ‘love-touched’, not a hateful bone in this being
I didn’t have many friends, my imagination was rampant
In the end, I fathomed a book would have my last handprint
Cause I’d self deprecate, I loved horror the most
Non-fictions depiction would be a devil or ghost
Now I knew what was real, just hated it more
So I’d spend hours in chapters with serrated old swords
Ghouls and demons being created in lore
The greatest was Rowr, a demon obsessing of me
His eyeballs would flicker in sync, all thirty plus repetitively
A sudden… pause …follows by a shivering wink
He’s consciously mean; out seeking the meek
A shadow cast in the wrath he imposes for free
Notice his wings; Diamond tough with an edge
Hattori Honzo sharp; snug, just under a bed
Unsure how he fits with muscles bulging about
He’s overtly stout, a silent assassin
Slowly sends shivers in route to this violent attraction
His mischievous mouth only syphons life out
A sadists orgasm, The ultimate tool
A team player who rules, gravely fashionable
I couldn’t sleep knowing he lived under my sheets
Until that *squeak*, as he moved out from beneath
He asked politely and calm, “excuse me, can you stop frightening me?
Every night you flail arms and your feet, striking with ease
The later it gets, the louder you breathe, growling it seems
As if to state your size, which leaves me cowering see?
Well, now I’m tired, and I’d like to be friends if you'd please
End the tyranny, and not be afraid of what’s above my bed when I sleep"





~Pixar scours the globe for its next great character, an open invitation for anyone to create it~
I had to give the nod to Adonis this week for verse of the week because 3pa dropped heavy too. This is BOTW as well. This one was close by the votes and Adonis came out on top 3-2.





VOTW (vote of the week)

Quote:
Originally Posted by artifice
you both dropped dope.

Three Planes

This was really good imo. From a technical standpoint, I really liked how you played with the scheme, interweaving the syllables back and forth. Read really smooth and had a nice cadence that you don't see too often in text. Plot-wise, I dug this. You've got a metaphorical way of describing your narrative that works quite well. Finally, I dig the vocab. harangue and pines are not common verbiage, but they fit well into the piece.


Adonis

This was real nice. I had to read it a couple times to get the whole picture, but if I have, I really like how you flipped the subject, and had the role-reversal between the main character and what they're describing. Flow was real smooth, you've definitely got a poetic vibe to your writing which works well. Your downfall this week, imo, was that you ended up (due to noshows) matched against an opponent who brought a cool plot and a slightly more advanced piece of work mechanically speaking. Had you faced your original opponent, I think this verse would've won.

Close, but I got 3PA taking this one by a bit... good reads from both.

v/ 3PA

Lets see more votes like this people! Keep up the good work @Artifice.



Flash Back!
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=76597

This bout between Vulgar and Vividlyvague really stuck out to me.
I took it out of a bonus battle in week 15 of AOWL Season 3.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vulgar
The Minister of Waterways had his hands full this evening
he commissioned scientists to take samples of tree rings
to determine the reactions affecting the blue absinthe snow
turning it into a lifeless substance throughout the globe
He motioned to his secretary to get the president on the line
she gave him a grim look - he guessed what was on her mind
Transatlantic geysers erupted, at first the Aussies
theorized the Earth was contaminated by human germs & proxies
More mature parties calculated that the terms were costly
that the surf from salt seas had converged into a furnished, gloss sheen
In massive strains, the acid rains were onyx petrol, Turkish coffee
never served with malt cream, spawning utility worker crossbreeds
they soon populated each glistening urban offspring
no pensions, just a penchant for the murky myrmidon sleet
Lieutenants deserted their purple concrete guard towers...
conscientiously objecting to the absence of light, with God vouchers
supply tanks and levees were bursting, falling down
Merc's were all around...
deltas were charred skulls with serpents crawling out
the plague acted as the catalyst for the church of Baltic crowns
"it burnt our fossil alms and made us unlearn Teutonic vows"
Baptisms were outlawed, considered useless
the unborn thirsted for a few sips of crisp Mt. Plymouth juices
Ravines and lakes were reservoirs of muck in the wetter countries
what was once fresh was hellish aloe vera in Venom's bloodstream
wretched dunnage - midnight Arabian silt, the texture hummus
a little unbecometh of such a plentiful world, the threat's among us

Beneath the pools, under the ice, spreading brackish debris
a scenic womb with jumbled up pipes, and lots of acrid disease
The lead surpasses the green...
who's to blame for banishing clean liquid?
was it an unholy creature forging black holes out of molten ether?
The realization of the devil's son's florid Easter
full of ivory harlots, inky, waxen basins and classic maidens
along with other items sprung from gothic imagination
that you wouldn't find blooming in gardens in the summertime
pardon the parlance of sullen, sun kissed grime
The universe doesn't see a gray area since it's colorblind
yet like Fukushima, our demise was never less publicized
The Minister of Waterways took a draught of coffee, then sighed
because purity was as isolated as a lost Somalian tribe



Topic used: 5. All of the water on Earth has turned black.

At first I thought was in another universe, this is a great piece of current event material that’s definitely worth remembering. Vulgar really went all out with this story, it flowed so smoothly it was as if he was imagining it for me. Excellent flow, impeccable rhymes and an unexpected plot twists gave him the edge.


Quote:
Originally Posted by vividlyvague
This was routine. Black cats with a sedative gaze; a morphene.
Caution before me, I slunk along shadows down the torn streets.
Avoiding every miniature crevice, I'd horned three
times, watching night's derivative essence in her hosting.
And in an exchange later she was home free.
"Hey, Boo... my shift is over and I need you ta bone me..."
Our smiles crossed in a lipping clasp, fingers woven.
"Baby... you got me open..." each stroke in
gave me chills. No barrier to offspring as I hope it.
"It's all yours, Daddy... take it!" Faster, harder- like this old civic.
The jones grows as I contort for the bone's pivot...
"Thats my spot, Boo! Ahhhh shit! It's
coming!!!" A short rattle and moan put us on exhibit.
"You ok?" Her smile was confirmation she enjoyed the visit.

This was more than a formality. Work on monday.
Is there a reason I'm here? I wanna leave with her to a sunny place...
Somewhere where breeze is the local language... but love is what you say.
Where staplers have wings and take kamikaze dives into seas far away.
Where- "Hey, Keith! Your assessment results came in on the cart today..."
I've been diagnosed with cancer? I need her support to calm this pain...

This was real. Nobody could inform me not. She killed my pangs.
She built a fortress in my heart with her guards and tanks.
With her friends that drive by to see her and pay.
Her boss with the shabby fur and crystal cane...
Is she a...? "Hey babe! You said a test didn't go your way?
What's it for?" Genuine curiosity stopped my focus in-place.
"According to my yearly blood check, I have cancer."
"Just wait. Hold up. Haha... that's it?" She laughs in my face?
"Why don't you care? We love each other, right?"
"So nobody happened to tell you you got AIDS?"

Vividlyvague came proper with this story, the gritty tale wound to a close rather abruptly but that was a bit of a shocker. Here Vivid created a moment in time true to his name and really came through with a solid verse. In my eyes, it was a little closer than the votes showed but that’s one from the history books everyone! I’d love to see either of these guys sign back in! Both dropped some heat but Vulgar won 4-1.





Open Mic Feature #1
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=123868

I always encourage you guys to go drop some pieces in the open mic!
Let’s check out one of the newest pieces over there..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Genocide View Post
So many steps, to many thoughts that roll through my head
This hole in my chest, feels bigger than ever, im sober again
shit that needs to be wrote with a pen, open, closer to death
older, ghost in the flesh, demons dont age, growing in depth
ive got a beautiful girlfriend, that doesnt know who i am
That doesnt know i pretend, im not nuts -when i totally am
i got scars in my heart, its been broke, it never totally mends
it takes its toll in the end, tense, a roller coaster of rage
if this ride doesnt stop soon, ill jump towards my only escape
living life like im only insane, lonely, ill just throw it away
in a room full of people, like theres no one that stayed
Like nobody here really knows im controlling the pain
all this shit in my head hurts, worse when i hold it at bey
iono what to say, or how to convey words in emotional ways
im an ocean of hate, that keeps splashing over with waves
that my fiance thinks laughing overs ok, not knowing its fake
not knowing this face, only smiles when i know its on stage
when i know that explaining, is what ill do when its ok to say it
when i know its the safest, knowing, i dont know when that day is
Genocide’s always dropping on point, great piece here don’t want it to get slept on. @UnbornBuddha is dropping heavy in there too, dropping his piece entitled “absurdity is..”http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=123857

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnbornBuddha View Post
Recollecting the basis for my intellectual hatred,
Latent memories vent, and we get a sense of creation.
It all started when my brain began dissecting statements
Connecting ideas that led to hellish places.
Awaiting relief, but I only grew more tense from waiting.
The cosmos breath was fading
And here I was, suspended in its cadence.
Hoping to see an angelic painting
Afraid to factor in my true destination.
Being okay with feeling death's sensation.
Letting Poe's raven out his mental cage
Therefore letting destiny transcend its page.
I admit I confess, I have lesser cravings
But I close my eyes and then erase them.
My alias exists because I'm an alien in sin.
Existential bliss turning into a plagued abyss.
Imagine an angel with inflammation in his wings
Crying out, so Satan comes to save him from this.
How's that for a visual disturbance?
Knowledge doesn't exist its a myth that we're learning.
Every night I lie crippled and turning, listening to my nerves twist.
My lips quiver, dripping bourbon. Liver detergent.
In the midst of all this there's a giggling emergence.
A moment of clarity, like a rippling stone in the middle of my soul.
I start scribbling notes, so I don't forget any literal quote.
I used to wish some voice would whisper my purpose
Until I actually heard it. And outgrew my mystical yearning.
But, that turned out to be an illusion,
So I wouldn't feel so inflicted and worthless.
Ha ha, life itself is the oldest ancient saying
Proverbial mayhem, a highly coercive matrix
Filled with absurd captions. Word tangents.
I live in a humble abode but I prefer mansions.
I'm a berserk madmen, but only within my pensive playpen.
Pain is irrelevant, so increase the weight on my skeleton.
The blood in my veins is venomous, stained with sedatives
A heritage of heretics, but still greatly intelligent.
But, I want to be less depraved and negative
So I soak my brain in the nebulous,
Thereby escaping this temporal-spatial elements.
Age is relative, but that's something we say in estimate
Because we're afraid of its endlessness.
Man this is definitely a gem, it’s great to see someone from our corner dropping this heat in the OM. Unbornbuddha definitely went all in, about halfway he just started tearing it up then the end was just perfect. Summed it all up, great execution. Flawless piece.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK2-X...vouttE&index=5


~SEASON SIX WEEK ONE BATTLE REVIEWS~

Last week, Adonis paired some verses together because of some no shows. Those no show wins are still reflected in the records, regardless of the outcome. I’m sure nobody is upset about that move!


CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Artifice vs Razah


Artifice wrote a break up piece last week. From the first person, he told the tale of their relationships demise and there were some very strong points, like here..

Quote:
Originally Posted by artifice
so when it's all said & done what's sad is it might've been better
if we'd never even done this cuz we haven't had a happy life together
'razor tongue'-laden speech, but what we say is only lies
we both work six days a week but it seems like nobody provides
this reality check's post-dated, should've canceled it sooner
damn it's become obvious we've evolved into a cancerous tumour
In that brief segment he not only touched up on the break up situation, he also touched onto a broader spectrum of the emotion he was trying to portray. The reality of many relationships ending because of breakups gives this tale a taste of our place in history. I appreciate that. Both writers dropped short this week but Razah came through with a dope story too. He took a cool approach and told the story as it led up to his topic. Since I wrote it, it was great to see him lead up to it here..

Quote:
Originally Posted by razah
A Robin Hood of sorts- Steal from the rich but keep to myself
A warrant granted the power & then I'd rush to the scene
The biggest hustler I knew wasn't as corrupted as me
But the money he'd bring meant all my dreams with in reach
Reality hit before I imagined women & drinks on a beach
I felt my teeth chipping -
On the barrel of his glock as I reached for my piece
Razah flowed very smooth, creating a character to incorporate with his topic. His brightest area still, is going to have to be mechanics. That assonance was on point in the end rhymes. I’m looking forward to seeing both of these guys in the playoffs. Artifice took this one with a solid 5-3. Nice turn out on the votes guys, keep it up!


3PA vs Adonis

I’m not sure how I let 3pa get away with saying, “gripping your nads.” Either way, it worked. His verse was a bit vague and hung up in the moment at times but I still really enjoyed it. Very strong writing here,
Quote:
Originally Posted by three-planes-aligned
...the sonic recurrence of that inner harangue
- triggered to rant by a glance into the mirror by chance
Seeing the being-for-others fleetingly flutter
- in a meaningless hustle in the un-living expanse
of being uncovered - you sleepily putter
- daydreaming of colors in this city of glass
towards increasingly tougher - and persistent demands
- gripping your nads with millions of hands
A vanishing wraith with a fistful of ash
with diminishing vigor and wits to withstand

I had to let that one slide. I’m not even mad. His ending line was epic as well. I wasn’t ever sure where he went with it but I enjoyed the ride there. Adonis barely edged him out 3-2 by developing a fictional scene for a new Disney series. It was great to see him in his element here,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adonis
The greatest was Rowr, a demon obsessing of me
His eyeballs would flicker in sync, all thirty plus repetitively
A sudden… pause …follows by a shivering wink
He’s consciously mean; out seeking the meek
A shadow cast in the wrath he imposes for free
Notice his wings; Diamond tough with an edge
Hattori Honzo sharp; snug, just under a bed

Absolutely remarkable storytelling here, that was too good to let slip into the record books without mentioning. His dialogue at the end worked in his favor, immensely. That’s probably what gave him the edge and the V, in my opinion. Adonis is going strong for a playoff run, he wants that champ. Watch out for him this season! I’m sure 3pa will be out for blood this week.

Mr. J vs Asylum
Mr. J went all in last week, man he must’ve wanted to put me down. Honestly he was all over the place but it worked out really well, the entire piece was excellent. He’s definitely got some twisted rhymes and stories to bring to the table, I really enjoyed this part,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. J
a splash, a quick dip it beckons, come get refreshment...
you could write it in neon lighting & attract the insects.
our squirrel continues on his journey for a way back, instead...
out of the frying pan and into the fire, smash an egg hard-boiled.
the power within is strong enough to knock down a gargoyle.
You must be nuts. Heheh a frying pan. smile & wave boys
the bigger they are, the smaller the brain. the higher the ranged voice.
whatever they bare in tone they all seem to share the same noise.
as the giant falls he meets the ground with a loud crash...
Our protagonist begins to gain control & slowly bounce back.
That bit was alive with energy, very entertaining reading material. Strong story-telling and a bit of character development here, J’s really warming up. He beat me out last week 3-2. I don’t think I should have one but I liked my piece, it was definitely a quick write tho. You guys found me out.



~Week 13 Predictions~ by Adonis

Championship
(9-1)(c)ARTIFICE
(8-4) FRANK


This is very intriguing to me because I think Frank will actually write and try, though he’s been falling down on his word lately and not following through. Artifice is a very talented writer, in all facets in fact, while frank thrives on writing longer winded stories using a simple rhyme pattern which is, using “tion” rhymes through out the entire verse. Frank has the better detailed story telling, but artifice has the better mechanics and skill level. I def think this could go either way, but I do feel like Art will do just enough to edge Frank out even though he writes a classic Frank verse that is uber dope.

Artifice 53%

Contenders Match
(5-5) ADONIS
(7-5) MR. J


This would be the rubber match if I had beat you at all this season, but each battle has been close. You are 2-0 against me this season and I don’t think this will change.

Mr. J 77%

(1-0) 3PA
(3-5) INNOVATOR


Fuck me man, this will be a great read. While Inno has that poetical style that could beat anyone when he’s firing on all cylinders, 3pa surprisingly didn’t show much rust coming off a very long 1-2 year hiatus. He’s not in form, but the talent is evident and present. Inno will need to actually come out swinging and not wait last minute to post up, while threep will need to just not shoot himself in the foot. 3pa has the better polish and word choice, but again, there is something to be said about poetical prowess that can simply out duel anything at any given time.

3pa 66%

BOTW
(6-4) RAZAH
(5-6) ASYLUM


I look forward to this battle because asylum is a very talented writer but has gone and lost something like 3-5 in a row or some shit. I’m sure he’s fed up with losing, but the most important thing is when he quick writes and gets moving dude is a low key monster. I think he’ll keep it short, almost overlooking Razah and just writing a verse. I think the ball finally gets rolling and he may have just enough in that tank to edge it out. But Razah losing back to back matches would be a site, I don’t know if that will happen. Razah wrote a hell of a verse last week too, he’s been on a tear, and I don’t see it stopping.

Raza51%


(7-3)Timeless
(1-1) Dr. Dog


Interesting battle here, I would actually have this as BOTW if I didn’t think Pat would come out swinging. Split is a dope writer when he shows, showing is rare though. Timeless is nothing less then the most consistent on the site right now. He’ll do his usual shortish verse with heavy rhyme scheme, but he might need more imagery in order to edge out the poetical tones and images and unique turn of phrase that split brings to the table. Split garners votes because he’s polished, and not many people can pull off his style, so it’s appetizing and different.

Dr. Dog 55%


(5-3) 2Tripple0
(3-4) UnbornBuddha



Re-match of week one where 2K put the world on notice and beat the defending champion. Buddha should be rounding the bases now, essentially gearing up for another deep post season run. I think he’ll write a full length verse with polish while 2k will write something quick or late, but write it fast and sloppy. He’s been gone a few weeks and I think he rusts quicker then most. 2K will need to flesh his idea out, which, if we’re honest, he’s just not good at. Meanwhile God will simply have to show and write, not key, but write to a concept that he thinks and executes with a clear goal in mind

Buddha 80%




BONUS INTERVIEW

asylum
Mr. J

Wudup J, nice win last week bro! That piece was pretty dope. So how confident are you up against Adonis this week?

Sup brah. Thanks, I thought I could have done better but it was the first thing that popped into my head when I couldnt get my other piece to work, I was originally going to do a piece called *Frank & Stein* but I never really had the time to develop the story, I think this will be a fun battle, Adonis has been putting in work these past few weeks and shows some drive to take this if he stays focused.

What's your go to music to listen to when you write? I've been listening to crazy orchestras and shit it helps.

It all depends on the mood Im trying to capture so I just try to rummage through instrumental pieces & so on, Ive been using a lot of classical music as well, Ive listened to Chopin for a couple battles & Vivaldi's Winter is a mainstay, I like Tchaikovsky as well, I stumbled upon this dude...Science Fiction hes got some cool work going for him, sometimes Ill try & get into an emoish vibe but it doesnt work anymore *sigh* but word I just find a nice track & roll with it.

Why do you insist on writing your votes in rhyme, damnit? The world wants to know.

the 5 Ps bro...proper preparation prevents poor performance. Although I started doing the rhyme feed in the OM a long while back & I forgot who did it on one of my pieces but I was like...nah fuck that...so to prove a point I figured Id keep it up. Also not too many people keep me occupied in the cypher anymore so I might as well write a rhyme somewhere...after all....it is tricky

Who's your favorite writer besides yourself signed in right now?

I am fond of the work you have put in most recently you have your ups & downs but you still put a decent effort in. Adonis is impressing me as of late due to his blood boiling over recent developments but its nice seeing him put in work, I really enjoy watching Razah work too, he adds enough flavor to leave you searching for more crumbs that are left on the plate...it makes me smile. otherwise Im a fan of everyone because they helped keep the league alive...oh the joy


Final Word

Alright fellas lets get this party started. I’m going to try and shake the dust off, get into the zone. I’m looking forward to seeing what you all have to show in Week 13 of the greatest topical league on the internet. Good luck.


Notes***
PM me to be interviewed for next weeks mag!



Last edited by asylum; 06-02-2016 at 07:34 PM.
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Old 05-30-2016, 03:57 AM   #2
Artifice
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nice work as always sir.
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Old 05-30-2016, 04:34 AM   #3
Vulgar
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Nice magazine, thanks for the read. You're doing good work for the people of NC's.
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Old 05-30-2016, 05:15 AM   #4
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Two thumbs up, and iif I had another two they would be up as well. Thanks for the inspiration.
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Old 06-02-2016, 01:21 AM   #5
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oooo, finally, a mag!

Cool shit man. Read the whole thing, t'was entertaining.

Buuttt, what's with this 32 line minimum shit?

:(
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Old 06-02-2016, 06:07 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Razah View Post
oooo, finally, a mag!

Cool shit man. Read the whole thing, t'was entertaining.

Buuttt, what's with this 32 line minimum shit?

:(
uh. that was a typo! got left in from the mag template. oops.
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Old 06-03-2016, 03:04 AM   #7
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cool mag and I appreciate the featured verse. I think that was maybe my second time. felt good :)
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Old 06-03-2016, 03:24 AM   #8
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cool mag and I appreciate the featured verse. I think that was maybe my second time. felt good :)
We both know you deserve much more recognition than this, but it was the least I could do. I look forward to your pieces in the playoffs, truly.
I'll probably light some candles and take a bubble bath before I read that shit.
maybe.
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Old 06-03-2016, 03:34 AM   #9
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MY VOTE THAT I COULD NOT POST lol

asylum- I liked the visual you painted here and the way you formulated your descriptions. My only gripes are the use of explosion/exploded together and the "only clothing" thing. That didn't quite sound right. Maybe an adjective in its place that rhymes would have fit better. Those things aside, this was a concise piece with powerful visuals and ended with a finality I was satisfied with, although the last line felt a little rushed in how you worded it. Good job bro.

razah- this was a cool piece as well. I liked the flow, and even though the cadence wasn't rigid throughout, it still came off nicely. That marble line was a very nice touch. Good Job.

I think both you guys wrote well in your length. You both brought significant ideas in a neat package and had the piece end well. Razah had the neater ending, whereas asylum had better wording throughout, although he had the missteps I mentioned.

MVGT asylum for the slightly more enjoyable drop. Thanks guys.
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Old 06-03-2016, 03:34 AM   #10
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We both know you deserve much more recognition than this, but it was the least I could do. I look forward to your pieces in the playoffs, truly.
I'll probably light some candles and take a bubble bath before I read that shit.
maybe.
lol. I only hope to be in the zone this time around.
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Old 06-03-2016, 03:41 AM   #11
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lol my bad we just tryna get shit on a schedule here. adonis takes over when i cant and i do the same and vice versa. sorry for your luck, bkut thanks for the effort. yeah i think he edged me out a little bit but tbh i am my own worst critic.
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Old 06-03-2016, 04:27 AM   #12
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Dope

Thanks
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Old 06-03-2016, 04:28 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vividlyvague View Post
MY VOTE THAT I COULD NOT POST lol

asylum- I liked the visual you painted here and the way you formulated your descriptions. My only gripes are the use of explosion/exploded together and the "only clothing" thing. That didn't quite sound right. Maybe an adjective in its place that rhymes would have fit better. Those things aside, this was a concise piece with powerful visuals and ended with a finality I was satisfied with, although the last line felt a little rushed in how you worded it. Good job bro.

razah- this was a cool piece as well. I liked the flow, and even though the cadence wasn't rigid throughout, it still came off nicely. That marble line was a very nice touch. Good Job.

I think both you guys wrote well in your length. You both brought significant ideas in a neat package and had the piece end well. Razah had the neater ending, whereas asylum had better wording throughout, although he had the missteps I mentioned.

MVGT asylum for the slightly more enjoyable drop. Thanks guys.



MY BAD!!!!!!


I heart you though

I love you like a step child. I want to beat you so bad, instead, I just end up taking your shit and do nothing about it
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Old 06-03-2016, 05:19 PM   #14
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MY BAD!!!!!!


I heart you though

I love you like a step child. I want to beat you so bad, instead, I just end up taking your shit and do nothing about it
And all is appreciated :)
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