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Old 06-04-2015, 11:20 AM   #1
Vulgar
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Default R. 2: Certain vs. Mr. J - (Mr. J wins)

Welcome to Round 2 of the tournament.

There is no line limit.
VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES \(^-^)/

Verses Due Tuesday Night. (June 9th)
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(24 hour extensions are allowed. Only one though.)

Voting Ends Thursday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied

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Old 06-04-2015, 12:23 PM   #2
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I might be able to write Friday or Saturday.
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Old 06-04-2015, 12:54 PM   #3
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I should be ready by then
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Old 06-13-2015, 01:30 AM   #4
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My father adjusted his cap. The gates opened.
They’re off.
A pace beholden to horse-racing standards.
“Start off too fast,” my father said as he lifted his match,
“and you’ll drift from the pack, take a big lead and give it all back.”
The smoke streamed from his mouth and his nose
as they turned down at the post,
our ticket, Galloping Ghost, crowded in close.
The dust mirrored my father’s face,
clouded in smoke.
They came around the turn. My father touched my shoulder,
turned me to the third horse on the left, seemingly running slower.
“Longer strides, look at him up and go.”
The beauty was striking.
Drifting like feathers in the wind
at a speed that, with each lunge, left him headed for the win.
He moved to second place, then to first,
as Galloping Ghost couldn’t separate on the turn.
And as that black beauty reached the home stretch with no hesitance,
my father smiled, tore up our ticket
and told me to remember this.
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Old 06-13-2015, 02:03 AM   #5
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I was guided by a shot that was followed by a barrel
Rode with an absent minded oaf who wasn’t too careful
Went beyond his limits to come home with his share hold
He liked to yell because he swore it repelled any advances
His neck would flare out & his chest would swell with passion
A cobra minded individual in the state in which he stalks his prey
With a swift hit he would make you feel like you lost a day…
If pride tells you to get up, suck up that poison, bombs away
Spit out anything you can muster or saddle up partner
Salvation is on the way and the cattle is a couple miles farther
Through the valley and just beyond the river’s trail marker
In the sweltering heat our stallions enjoy the slightest refreshment
The trails become longer, & the workload fills their eyes with resentment
I only catch a glimpse of my father’s fear as his horse’s head lifts
Tossing him to the ground, his fall broken by a shallow stream
Breaking his arm in the process of his drunken shallow dreams
He wanted to be trampled by cows like Mufasa for Hallows Eve
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Old 06-13-2015, 04:54 PM   #6
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Two pieces that revolve around a father figure.

Certain: A piece whose setting revolves around horse racing. Father and son watch as their horse wins. Basically it was a piece that revolved around a father and son's bond strengthened by their winning horse. While, the story was clear, honestly I didn't really get too involved with it. You tried to evoke emotion, but it did not fully reel the reader into the emotional intri***ies of the piece. In other words, you relied on the memories of the reader to have resonance with the piece, but at least for me, that never came through. The writing was clear and poignant though.

Mr J: This piece is much more riveting. The father gets trampled, and that alone makes it more evocative. Not that the sadder ending has more meaning, of course not, but in this case the ending made it more rememberable, and I connected to it more. The setting seemed more rancher like. I did think adding Mufasa at the end was a bit cheesy. And, Certain did write more appropriate, in the sense that it looks more refined, which is probably because he has the benefit of being an editor. But my enjoyment, still came from Mr' J's.

Vote: Mr. J
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Old 06-15-2015, 02:52 AM   #7
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I'm gonna vote ok. I have no hate in my heart.


First q: is the image a photograph or was it the result of apply pigment(s) to canvas?

Photograph, non multimedia far as I see.

2q: Is the content of the image arranged in a manner specific to known art movements?

Far as I see, since black and white is not an art style per se, this is some manner of realist photography concerning itself with capturing movement, which, again is not a style per se. This may not even be artistic photography.

3q: what does the image consist of?

The subject is one of two grown, saddled, riden horses. The horses are mid-stride along what I would conclude to be a beach's edge. Shallow water sprays about, further emphasizing a credible sense of frozen motion. Shadows, the connected water body, the bottom 2/3 of a rider's side profile, and the hind of another runner complete this piece.

Q4: as a writer tasked with pulling from this image all possible harvests, what would rest upon my table?

A darkened foreground of shallow water, a streak of ocean spray effectively serving as a nice horizon line (that was where I got stuck on "am I sure this is an art photo?"), roughly 6500 streaks of water interacting with light in a manner that ultimately gives it whiteness, a black and white filter, 6 horse limbs, 1 human leg, 7 legs, horse saddle n harness, landscape view, an effectively grey background of deeper and settled waters.

Of course I missed a few things.

Now that we are on a similar insofar as what prompted or inspired these images, I will now look at each drop.|

phone died, will finish later.

Last edited by mayniuhh; 06-15-2015 at 09:20 PM.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:20 AM   #8
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Voting after shower. Reserved
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Old 06-15-2015, 12:05 PM   #9
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Certain came nasty. Good showing of a horse race. Technicals are dope as usual and had that nasty certain format all around. Only problem i had was that its really hard to elaborate much on a horse race and kind of leaves you at a loss for creativity and unpredictability.

Mr j
Told the cowboy story..
Obvious approach as well as certai s was.. bug this gave a much wider realm for you to operate on and get more in depth. Thought you edged this because of the route certain took. Hes writi g s a bit better imo.. bu i think you captured the topic in a more defined manner. So this was really close

But i got mr.j
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Old 06-15-2015, 03:03 PM   #10
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I've got Mr. J winning here too, just felt he did more with the topic at hand here and even though Certain had the cleaner verse for want of a better term, it never really got going for me and was over far too abruptly come the closer. The action was there and it was fairly fast paced, which I can almost see working in it's favour given the length of the verse with the race being finished quicker than anyone would really have hoped it to have been, but yeah I did feel the whole affair was resolved a little too soon to give the reader the pay off this deserved. I'd love to see this revived and fleshed out though, the actual content was brilliant paced and worded, the dialogue snappy and realistic, and the end was used to good effect to tie things up nicely. I think sometimes people get too reliant on the 'twist' ending taking a left turn right at the last couplet or so so I'm always pleased to see that isn't used.

Mr. J has impressed me the whole of this tournament so far, his flow and knack for a turn of phrase obviously work in his favour and he plays to that strength, I also liked his take to the topic and it's not one I'd have probably gone for, but he made it work. This one was short and sweet and maybe personal preference will come into the way people vote, but for my money I'm edging this to Mr. J. Tight battle though fellas!

Two short but really enjoyable reads!
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Old 06-15-2015, 03:24 PM   #11
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Solid pieces here, this is hard to judge, i suppose overall, its what captures you more. Whilst certain was more fluent and technically proficient (which is the first thing i clock on to when reading pieces), J's was more enticing/ descriptive with a well played reference to the most harrowing scene in disney. Use of the word sweltering caught my eye for some reason, havent heard that word in years. Although its hard to tell what the weather is in the pic tbh. But certains seemed cut short and lacked a little more depth compared to J. Not much in it at all, without anything really profound about the verses, it comes down to entertainment basically, edged to Mr J this time.
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Old 06-15-2015, 03:57 PM   #12
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certain sucked really badly he very badly idk what wrong with him maybe he gay irl none of it made sense to me. mechanics were awful and he talked about stuff that was UNPARLELEL to the topic. Very lckluxkster pedormance by certainicgio fucka idiyote


me j went cray he was like sup certain? before certain response mr j PUNCH him in fucka face lmao

vote me \j
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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