05-23-2015, 07:34 PM | #1 |
Razor-thin derision
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6. Fig vs. dead man - (dead man wins NS)
You've been enlisted for an abstract cause.
NO LINE LIMIT VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks) Verses Due Sunday Morning. Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK. (Extensions only granted if opponent accepts, anything else is unaccepted.) Voting Ends Monday Night 12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK. Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied Remember The Earlier The Verses In The Sooner The Votes Have Fun Peace Topic: @Fig @dead man Last edited by Vulgar; 05-23-2015 at 07:57 PM. |
05-24-2015, 12:20 AM | #2 |
Om
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I'm here
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05-24-2015, 02:51 PM | #3 |
living
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yessir
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Zack Wicks for president |
05-31-2015, 03:29 PM | #4 |
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i dont think ill be able to post a full submission tonight.
lost a good amount in the crash yesterday and ive only managed to rewrite like 12 or so lines. really havent been feeling it. i wont be home tonight but if @Vulgar doesnt want extensions i will post what i have from my phone, no worries sorry figs
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Zack Wicks for president |
05-31-2015, 03:44 PM | #5 |
Razor-thin derision
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Ext's are allowed if Fig allows it.
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06-01-2015, 09:53 PM | #6 |
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bubblegum memory i chewed up to spit
let me sink. i refuse to resist. as confusion persists consider truth as a computer glitch. re-looping a stitch like wool sweaters, rainy weather and a soupy consistency who do you consider me? as human or print? we're all just building monuments to prove we existed bubble foam, i'm the one alone. electromagnet thunderdome watercolor collarbone. saturated summer solstice sepia sulfur stone. there's nothing but blood and bone joint and jugular, juggling our jobs and the juxtaposed the runaway who's running home. it's strange to describe in phrases that rhyme. making manifest and cadence align peel away your fleshy flaps and paint it inside dormant is the darkness pervading. let it shine blue gene denim waves. neon navy the tides cut up a cadaver just to make me a bride melt into a drowning pool to make me responsive pallet paintbrush coordinate a technicolor conscious......... DEADMAN
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Zack Wicks for president |
06-02-2015, 01:58 PM | #7 |
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Deadman, I will comment again since my feed on your open mic, Giant, was deleted and returned back into the cyber nebula when the site rebooted itself. The beginning wasn't your strongest, you usually have a much more captivating entry into the world of whatever verse you are presenting. I also liked how you used the colors of the pieces, and brought them to life, and even made the reader relate to the image more easily. A fun picture, I might add. It definitely sparks the creation of the creative juices. I thought these lines were stupendous.
"ubble foam, i'm the one alone. electromagnet thunderdome watercolor collarbone. saturated summer solstice sepia sulfur stone. there's nothing but blood and bone joint and jugular, juggling our jobs and the juxtaposed the runaway who's running home" That part is as close to perfect as perfect can get, imo. The rest was cool, good job. |
06-02-2015, 02:07 PM | #8 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
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I'm voting for @Fig, who did exactly what we all knew he could.
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06-02-2015, 02:24 PM | #9 |
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who do you consider me? as human or print?
we're all just building monuments to prove we existed bubble foam, i'm the one alone. electromagnet thunderdome watercolor collarbone. saturated summer solstice sepia sulfur stone. there's nothing but blood and bone joint and jugular, juggling our jobs and the juxtaposed the runaway who's running home. it's strange to describe in phrases that rhyme. making manifest and cadence align damn that whole section was flames loved the neon blue line too but that section was the clear standout for me awesome picture too this one loved it |
06-03-2015, 02:58 PM | #10 |
White Earl
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thought this was dope af
ive done this alot where as i would kind of describe in an abstract way what i see in the picture instead of coming up with an idea and telling a story. not sure if anyone remembers the old battles from aowl 1 anyway.. this was great, packed with heavy rhymes and schemes wich i love to read from you -you hold together a tightly knit piece all the time and spare no wonderful thoughts because of it. i love a writer that can do this and have no slips in smoothness when it comes to the read. the concepts were dope. good showing
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06-03-2015, 04:29 PM | #11 | |
Razor-thin derision
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Vibrant, sauced, if a bit smug because Fig hoe-showed.
I feel like I just had a carton of Tang, along with a few capsules of lemon-flavored Vitamin C tablets, served with steaming hot water. Quote:
Thanks for showing! |
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06-04-2015, 08:23 AM | #12 |
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Really powerful rhymes you clearly have a command of the mechanics, but I don't feel like the verse was very focused. That said, it was something of a random picture, so I get it, but it would have been nice to see you bind some structure of your making to the chaos in the scene. Very enjoyable read nonetheless, looking forward to viewing more.
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