NBL Magazine Week 1: Nicolas Cage Edition

[Orc]

INTRODUCTION


Okay, so week one had some decent enough battles. Nothing too dope cuz everyone stayed under 16 lines (zzzzz). Anyway, I don't know if Bags will do a vid mag so I'll just write one out. To be honest tho my words are wayy better than his face. I would prefer to read words than look at a hideous bearded man who somehow speaks with a 1920's Brooklyn accent. The much maligned voting rule is working well so far and going forward should remain consistent as I will continue to enforce the fuck outta it David Nazi style. I think thats why the NBL sucked last year nobody voted so nobody competed. Everyone likes feedback it's what we do this nerdy shit for. Remember to post links in ur threads cuz I'm way too lazy to look to see who voted on what. Also, the site records will be updated later tonight for anyone who is wondering. Lets gooo





REVIEWS


Boredom vs Arch

Arch is obviously rusty as fuck out there murdering ppl for Americas greed and ego but the voters thought he edged it. Reading it over it was close. Both are similar and on the cusp of next tierdom if they actually came w. something just a bit more thought out. The delivery and execution they both came with was similar. I'm not happy about Boredoms line:


when I make a lip ring it’s w/ a right hook leavin goof’s n lames embarrassed
u just have a lip ring that screams "I’m as gay as orcs fascination w/ antonio banderas"


Not only is it as long and drawn out as an Eddie story in Discussion it's also terribly worded. If you're going to call me gay plz use my looks & or fashion sense. Don't dwell on Banderas. Banderas is the pinnacle of man. On the seventh day god created Banderas & all was made. Anyway, Arch won. Moving on..

Karaoke vs Defiant

The Discussion board lurker vs the real life Peter Griffin. An interesting choice. Karaoke is always consistent w. 10 line or 12 line battles. Even if the discussion board has a slow week he still can squeeze out a current event line if needs be. The chiropractors dream line was fire from the questionably black guy. Props for that. Defiants problem (aside from fast food, evidently) is his wording and how he rhymes. At least rustle up some multi syllable rhymes otherwise it doesn't hit hard enough. The black character line was funny from Def but the rest was kinda lackluster. Karaoke was more consistent & grabbed the W.


Bags vs Sn00p

The discussion board King vs Orc w. down syndrome. This had the hype beforehand to be a good battle. Sn00p's getting better w. his wording. He must have been reading my verses. It's like Orc light at the moment. He came w. some nice stuff. The hoff line was funny. Bags is going thru a slight decline due to rushing his verses & reaching the point where ya write a verse n' automatically think everyone should like it. It happens. Gotta just go back to writing for the voters & not ya own sense of humour. Brontasaurus line was funny wasn't really feeling much else tho. Voters thought the Nazi Pansy won. Go Sn00p.


Hotdogvendorman vs Destroyer

Here we had the fat double chinned 30 year old vs Deon. HDVM used to be dope back when he was around consistently. Fell off in recent years but he can still beat anyone on his day. Destroyer is tying R!can for oldest person never to get over .500 but he's capable of bringing some heat. Stroganoff line was hot from HDVM & the 2chainz line was cool from Destro. The battle was close imo & voters felt that Deon edged it.

Allen Knight vs Death

Death actually came pretty correct. Not sure what was up with posting the pic of some random fat dude tho. People wanted the DQ but the pic wasn't Allen. Allen is way uglier than that. AK has been stepping it up on NC 2.0 & won some shit. His wording is crisper now & that showed here. He done enough to beat DLB but DLB has potential which shone thru w. the Street Fighter line. Allen got the votes, tho.

Genocide vs Cakedout

Genocide is a topical writer & Cakedout is from LB. It didn't promise much. Geno is getting better at battling in this style tho judging by this verse. I don't know what the fuck Cakedout was doing. He wrote a verse like 2Triple0 on acid. For shame dog. For shame. Geno won.

Tragic vs Neighbor

Tragic is that dude from NC that edited his verse every 10 seconds & still couldnt win a match & Neighbor is that guy that acts awkward at parties & takes acid in his spare time. Tragic actually can come pretty dope he's been around for yeaaars & Neighs wording is dope enuff for him to beat anyone w/ 16 knives and the stomach lining of Zeus himself so the batt had potential. Neigh chose the racist route which is always the funnest path & it paid off for him as the white voters voted for him.

Cashius vs namesake

namesake is on his fourth account now as Cunt which is a move I don't quite understand. His denial of himself is charming. Cashius is like a propaganda picture for the all American. He's terribly boring tho. Lovely chap. The kind who's girlfriend cheats on because he enjoys 4 minutes of Missionary. The battle itself was okay. namesake is still finding his feet after a few years off & Cash just brought too much. Some nice WP.

Aero vs Diode

The whitest black man you'll ever meet in Aero vs the half nerd half chest hair Diode. Aero's starting to come into his own on NCs now after a couple years of constant losses. He has the swag back now. This was a very boring battle. Aero's simple concepts vs Diodes 76% rhyming. I can't do it. I'm exiting the thread. Aero won.

PiE vs Blue Bayou

I don't know who PiE is but Blue Bayou aka James Franco during a Werewolf Transformation brought some good shit as usual. King of the Sports wordplay that I don't understand is coming back from a hiatus & didnt show many signs of rust. PiE is still getting to grips with the Netcees style & hopefully he keeps writing. Somewhere else. Anywhere else really. Actually, no. Stop. Please just stop. BB won




TOP 5 PUNCHES




Fuck the fake personals, I could post a pic that would ruin half your scheme
I'm no slouch when it comes to this, u on the other hand are a chiropractor's dream
Karaoke vs Defiant


yea jus start ya tomb .. cuz the talk of pulling heat causes doom
if its beef n 'stroganoff...it entered his mouth, n blew his noodle 'cross the room
HDVM vs Destroyer


& all that snake shit jus' makes me wanna beat you incessantly
I wish you showed up late for the due date & ya mom fuckin DQ'd the pregnancy
Neighbor vs Tragic

u don’t want the hands tho, NCGs punk Allen every night, it’s true
but u ARE the same guy who’s obsessed w/ a Shoryuken & NEVER won a Street Fighter 2
Death vs Allen Knight

Bags sucked u off in the mag so sadly that bias is hard to sway
Take it to a bar brawl n i'd break off every wine bottle to leave a chardonnay.
Tragic vs Neighbor


Well done, guys.





FACEPALM PUNCH OF THE WEEK

This prestigious award goes to Sn00p for this gem:


i call my girl goddess in bed. making her moan & then cry out loud
u call ur girl god/des too. depends on which triforce member u fantasize about.



.
.




VERSE OF THE WEEK:


You came back on some sucka shit.. way to keep it discreet
Tragic let the cat outta the bag & now his family won't eat for a week
You live w/ ya parents on some ninja assassin shit
This faggot got a Pan face that'd make Cake slit his wrists in embarassment
& all that snake shit jus' makes me wanna beat you incessantly
I wish you showed up late for the due date & ya mom fuckin DQ'd the pregnancy
You Asians are retards, so how you good in the streets?
He thought fish scale was fish scale & Waka Flocka Flame was a cooking technique
Tragic's a misfit - always showin his grandma resistance
S'why you went against the grain.. threw ya apron on the floor & quit the family business
So fuck w/ me, that buck fifty'll get you split by ya cheek
Step outta line & die for the game faster than Grand Theft Auto's midnight release

Neighbor vs Tragic




BOTW

Neighbor


You came back on some sucka shit.. way to keep it discreet
Tragic let the cat outta the bag & now his family won't eat for a week
You live w/ ya parents on some ninja assassin shit
This faggot got a Pan face that'd make Cake slit his wrists in embarassment
& all that snake shit jus' makes me wanna beat you incessantly
I wish you showed up late for the due date & ya mom fuckin DQ'd the pregnancy
You Asians are retards, so how you good in the streets?
He thought fish scale was fish scale & Waka Flocka Flame was a cooking technique
Tragic's a misfit - always showin his grandma resistance
S'why you went against the grain.. threw ya apron on the floor & quit the family business
So fuck w/ me, that buck fifty'll get you split by ya cheek
Step outta line & die for the game faster than Grand Theft Auto's midnight release

vs


Tragic

I lay down cold tracks like hiking through cold snaps in valleys
Navigating to victory... while u need a GPS, Android App and Rand McNally.
Bags sucked u off in the mag so sadly that bias is hard to sway
Take it to a bar brawl n i'd break off every wine bottle to leave a chardonnay.
I see Hens, Kung n Butler in ur style, takin backseat to true emcees
u reinvented the wheel...family vacation, whiny kids AND the booster seat.
I give a shit a/b ya record. say ya nice w/ no quotes to prove it
I'm on the fences lookin my nose down to neighbor like Wilson in Home Improvement.
So keep it a 100...u cant fuck with tragic, cut the antics b
You pussy- i swing on one serious word like Math at Summer Madness 3
A sheltered white kid, outside he's never one to be alone
So neighborhood watch.. cuz he's prime candidate to get robbed when he leaves his home.




PREDICTIONS
by Swerve




Boredom (0-1) vs Defiant (0-1) - Boredom aka Alphabet aka my tiny head makes B cups look like double D's will take this one. Def isn't bad at all, but frankly Boredom just cares more and will put in more effort.

Arch (1-0) vs Hotdogvendorman (1-0) - Arch has some big wins under his belt, but they are all on FagIA. Deon da gawd and while he's kinda ass these days (plus fat, but stylish fat...not joe metts fat....like ruben studdard fat), he'll take this.


Karaoke (1-0) vs Allen Knight (1-0) - I'm sure these two fags would rather be making out with each other than battling, but as they are forced to do so, Allen has just been better recently but all Karaoke needs is a upswing in the discussion forum to turn the tide.

Sn00p (1-0) vs Cashius (1-0) - Sn00p is mad rusty, but he's on his way back. I think Cashius is too consistent to fall to the rusty Sn00p. Germans remain only superior in their automotive making ability.

Bags (0-2) vs namesake (0-1) - These are my boys from Team Retaliate: The Second Coming. It's tough to see crew members going against one another, but I think that these two have MUCH mutual respect for each other and should put on a good showing. Hey, how about after this we do a dope collab on how we grew up in one parent households and dealt with depression and drugs? Bags wins.

Death (0-1) vs PiE (0-1) - I like pie, its delicious and I'd stick my dick in it. No homo of course as this loser decided to name himself pie. Way to ruin something delicious faggot. DLB DA GAWD, he's gonna stick his foot so far up pie that it'll be like a shoe pie or some shit like that. It'll be fly.

Cakedout (0-1) vs Lotto Smirk (0-2) - Don't care, but I think last I looked Lotto had decent lines. Plus, Cakedout makes me think of @Pancakebruh and it makes me uncomfortable as he is a very good looking gentleman. Lotto for the W.

Neighbor (1-0) vs Blue Bayou (1-0) - One of the two battles of the round. I haven't read Bayou since his return, but he's been dope. I think Neigh is just further returned and in form. Plus, Neigh said his girl would suck me off if I predicted him to win. Sorry, BB.

Tragic (0-1) vs Destroyer (0-1) - DES THE GAWD. WHO THA FUCK IS TRAGIC, WE DONT CARE, WE IN HERE. DES ABOUT TO ANNIHILATE YOU. HE ABOUT TO DEFECATE ON YOUR CORPSE AND PISS IN YOUR BABY MAMAS UTERUS. TEAM DESTROYER BOUT TO GRAB THAT DUB DUB. Also, being a cell phone salesman at the age of 60 is a great career plan.

Dominate (1-0) vs Beyond (1-0) - The second of two dope matchups this week. Dunno how Bey is doing so far as I haven't looked at his verse from last week, but dude was a beast. Probably the best on the site IMO. Dominate is doing his thing recently too and moving far in tourneys (though getting carried by @Aero, the GOAT in tag) and should make this extremely interesting. It's a technical writer against a really creative one and I'm giving it to Ol' One Eye.

R!canTheoryz (1-0) vs UNFUKWITABLE (1-0) - TEAM RICAN, WE ARE THE MOVEMENT. Rican will fillet his opponents with unquestionable precision before putting their whole families into an early grave. Unfuk seems like a nice guy, but his name is stupid and therefore he is stupid. Sorry bro, Rican by TKO.

Know P (0-1) vs Rawn (0-1) - Even if Rawn somehow loses this matchup, he will travel back in time and adjust every single members vote till they reflect that he is indeed the victor. Or more likely, he will travel forward in time and steal dope lines that the text elite haven't even come up with and use them as his own until he becomes the textual messiah. Either way, Rawn cannot lose.

Phuck Yew (0-2) vs Apex (1-0) - Who? Exactly...Apex is 1-0 and Phuck is 0-2. There must be an underlying reason and I'm sticking with that.


Knucklehead vs Tic Tac - No idea who tick tack is, but Knucklehead is jewish and therefore has the financial resources to aid him in his purchasing of votes. We see you curly, we see you. You are a god amongst men.

Sintro vs Strange. - I don't know of Sintro, but people apparently do. Strange is too strange and with the backing of the people, Sintro will take this.

Senny vs Decibel (0-1) - Decibel is alright, Senny is unknown. Plus wtf is a Senny? Dec gets it.

Blanco Bishop vs John Dillinger - I can't remember either guy, but Blanco has alliteration in his name and therefore is clearly a conceptual genius. If he doesn't get this one, the lines just went way over our heads.




OUTRO

Yep, there it is folks. This past week was decent but with matches like Dom vs Beyond and BB vs Neigh this week is shaping up dopeee. One thing I would say is why not step it up this week and stop with the 10 or 12 line battles. Prove you have consistency. Anyone can drop a dope short verse it's the 20 line verses of fire that people remember. Remember to vote or catch ya two losses everyone. Thanks to Swerve for the predictions. Until next time, Orc out

[Ghost1]

LOL@the intro

Also lold at sum of swerves predictions.




Andi lastly id like to thank orc for having the common sense to realize that piece of shit god/des goddess line was forced as fuck.

Great job to every single voter for quoting it.

[Cunt]

Nice lil mag...Even if you lied about my acca's GRRRR It's 2 not 4.

Originally Posted by Ole Dirty Bagstard

LOL@the intro

Also lold at sum of swerves predictions.

.

I know, claiming you'll beat me bro muhahahaha.

[Diode]

Originally Posted by Cunt

Nice lil mag...Even if you lied about my acca's GRRRR It's 2 not 4.




I know, claiming you'll beat me bro muhahahaha.

YOU ARE SERIOUSLY THE WORST BRITISH TEXT RAPPER*





*I KNOW THAT IS VERY SPECIFIC BUT SO IS YOUR BRAND OF FAILURE

[StarFaggot]

Great mag tbh. 9/10 except I'm not carrying our tag match. Dom'sbeen coming w the haymakers

[Diode]

Originally Posted by Aero

Great mag tbh. 9/10 except I'm not carrying our tag match. Dom'sbeen coming w the haymakers

is it a correct assumption that all the "you don't have sex" type lines were yours

[Orc]

Originally Posted by Cunt

Nice lil mag...Even if you lied about my acca's GRRRR It's 2 not 4.




I know, claiming you'll beat me bro muhahahaha.

your registration IP matches leowats, lwats, shoryuken, cunt and namesake so thats 5 lol. cant really say it's not u unless u use the age old ''its my brother technique''. it's not as if it's a mobile IP cuz sometimes ppl w. the same provider have the same ip so yeaaa ya shud stop saying you're not u lol. i dont care either way tho man

[Swerve]

Originally Posted by Aero

Great mag tbh. 9/10 except I'm not carrying our tag match. Dom'sbeen coming w the haymakers

Don't be so humble GOAT, you must be carrying.

[StarFaggot]

Originally Posted by Diode

is it a correct assumption that all the "you don't have sex" type lines were yours

Lol I do dabble in those a bit. What made u assume that though

[Tic]

Originally Posted by Orc

your registration IP matches leowats, lwats, shoryuken, cunt and namesake so thats 5 lol. cant really say it's not u unless u use the age old ''its my brother technique''. it's not as if it's a mobile IP cuz sometimes ppl w. the same provider have the same ip so yeaaa ya shud stop saying you're not u lol. i dont care either way tho man

#Bodied.

[Diode]

Originally Posted by Aero

Lol I do dabble in those a bit. What made u assume that though

3/4 of your verse against me were those kind of lines lol

[King Karaoke]

Hi...

Yawn @ the he's not black lines...
What happened? You faggots ran out of fresh "he uses the discussion board" lines so you had to make up fake personals?...


Bye...

[StarFaggot]

Haha

[StarFaggot]

LOL @ the white voters voted for Neigh
LOL @ Rawn cannot lose

[Hush]

Originally Posted by Karaoke

Hi...

Yawn @ the he's not black lines...
What happened? You faggots ran out of fresh "he uses the discussion board" lines so you had to make up fake personals?...


Bye...

These dudes pathetic

[King Karaoke]

Hi...

Shit is corny...

Bye...

[Destroyer]

nobody's trying to read 20 line verses nerd
you think people don't vote now?

[Neighbor]

Sick mag

Props @Orc @Patrick

gone @ all the Nick Cage .gifs

[Ghost1]

LOL

Oh no please dont use angles or concepts on.me ....even tho i plan to scrape up every half truth of information littered in disc forum and write ur auto biography as.my verse.

What a fuckin poor sport.

[Neighbor]

You talm 'bout Karablacky?