Week 5: MMLP vs Pharaohs army MMLP WINS

[Inno]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


@MMLP @Pharaohs Army


Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

Due date: April 24, 2020 MIDNIGHT EST TIME

Topic: This week we have 7 battles so we are doing a 7 deadly sins themed topic this week. You will receive one of the 7 deadly sins. All you have to do is incorporate the sin into your story any way you choose. Think of it as a jumping off point to something broader. Enjoy!

Your topic is : SLOTH

GOODLUCK!

[Pharaohs Army]

check gl

[Pharaohs Army]

“Dost thou love live? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of” – Ben Franklin

Stayed in bed ‘til 9 today. PM.
And it’s not even the weekend.
Didn’t bathe. Or shave. There’s nothin’ I’m seekin’.
There were no friends to drop by. Just got high. And ate pie.
It’s not that I hate life, I just can’t make, time.
Not often I write of this. No wife or kids.
Just live with the parents. I had a dream, but didn’t share it.
Life without merit. A stick without the carrot.
The things to do to make-me-rich, are over-ruled by my lazi-ness.
Do nothing happily, other than apathy.
Sad to see, such a tragedy.
Lazy
Lethargic
Listless
Languid
Lackadaisical
Listlessness.
Sluggishness, idleness
Disinterested.
Hopelessly supine
Woefully disinterested.
Unconcerned
Only perturbed, if I have to do something
Inclined to do nothing!
It’s not that I hate myself.
I just don’t know how to create wealth.
Sloth. Under the weather; on the shelf.
I understand the thrills.
Watching 7 again, with Sommerset & Mills.
Luckily, I don’t abuse pills.
Just stare out, my windowsill.
A-Motivated by the indo smoke.
Whooped
Preoccupied
Introverted
Distant, before distancing!
Not really listening.
"Smackin' a baby, at a christening."

[MMLP]

A Fallen Angel, so help me, God!


In living through bygone times and the land of the giants
World witnessed two icons fight in a clash of the titans.
One, a master of silence who led with his actions
Struck a balance in trying to put an end to the fractions.
Or just letting it happen with the problems progressing.
But in desperate fashion the Other had revolted against him
Clearly holding resentment as the apostles would cast doubt
But now on the offensive, he wasn’t going to back down.
Once roamed in the background as a broken man with jealousy.
Alone is his glass house in the smoky land of treachery
that would coat the glass with heresy til the day he made it to the cusp.
A photographic memory portraying labours of his love.
Once as an angel from above to the devil he’d soon be
His maker claiming to be good and possessing such beauty.
The blessings were truly an invite to the gates,
the lesser of two evils but here, Gods disguised as the saint
be mindful, mistakes are always made for the sake of love.
He’s the one enticing his prey all in the name of the greater good!
dictating the way we would be efficiently patrolled.
His neighbours arranging others to do the bidding he proposed
With his Foes abilities unknown still, he’d note its time to act
Shifting into focus going on a righteous path.
God designed a plan for the one he couldn’t kill in vain.
To drop him from the heights he sat to the underworlds’ remains.
A structure filled with flames in the fiery depths of the abyss.
The blood that spilled in blazes in never ending pits.
Hells the burial for him, in what he thought had ended the war.
Now the questioning begins, fuck this ‘perish the thought!’
When arose the Devil, his ultimate sin, so let’s debate if God became complacent!
From just letting him fall to the brink, was it him being a Sloth... which created Satan?

[Scar]

PA, interesting verse. the structure is ugly as hell but once you start reading, it was smoother than Salma Hayek's hair. the verse is not a conventional story with plot and stuff like that. it was more of a character sketch, diving deep into the mind of the character. in a way i think it worked. it was almost like a power point on what constitute a sloth and by doing so, there was like this sense of despair that followed. i wish it was wrapped more of a traditional narrative format. and i don't understand why certain commas are where they are. one line in particular i thought was somberly dope "Life without merit. A stick without the carrot."

mmlp, this was great. the closer was awesome, but i didn't feel like the meat of the verse reinforced that dope ass concept. Would have been super ill if you focused on god's sloth and the effect it had on the devil. Most of the verse seems to be about the conniving aspect of god. i don't see the correlation with "sloth". What was the sloth characteristics that god was showing? if anything i thought his mind was working in a very complex way the way he manipulated everything, lulz. anyway, i love the flow. it was smooth as hell, no pun intended. Even though i had some issue with the actual topic, i enjoyed this verse from beginning to end. it had me reading without growing restless. im ADD so thats quite a feat lulz.

this was a close match. i like pharaoh meta take on the verse. it was very strong in regards to topic relevance. My only gripe was that it just wasn't creative. It holds a lot of truth, believe me i know, but it doesn't allow for more than a casual read. MMLP gave a bit more in the creativity department although i thought the week's topic didn't really surfaced all that much but i thought his verse was interesting enough to steal the dub.

v/ mmlp

[Candy]

phar:
dope writers voice me your character is really 3d loved it.. the way it unfolded it was hit for hit.. and it just unraveled with emotion very smoothly.. you could def walk in your footsteps on this one.. very clear and captured good enviroment..

mm:
dope story but it wasnt even tale itself it was the direction, pace, structure, emotion that was captured that held this piece together.. the flip at the end did help but yeh as a whole it still held itself togther without the cool ending.. really tight piece..

vote = mmlp

this was a close one but mmlp did take it away with a more pro piece imo.. gl guys

[Bodey]

Phar- lol i liked this. simple, clear-cut to the point. I wished it continued the same way as it started. when the lines went down to single words, it kind of lost my interest. at the same time, it's kind of like a genius at work. because if your topic is sloth, not only are you describing one, but you also kind of started writing like one. plus, it was relatable, so i liked that too.

MMLP- the writing here was good, flowed breezily as well. i read it a couple times because i couldn't really tell that it was even referencing the topic of sloth, despite the ending tying it up in a neat little twist. i found that creative.

i will say though, if Phar had tried a little harder, maybe dug deeper into the details of the character he was speaking from, i think he would've taken this one on the sheer fact that he was closer alongside the topic at hand. MMLP, your writing is good, and i thought that your ability to think a little outside of the box deserves the win here.

v/ MMLP

[Universe]

Pharaohs Army - I mean, you started out okay. "A stick without a carrot" line was cool. But then you went to your one word bars that you do and that style never has really worked for me (just a personal opinion)... Although, as Bodey mentioned, given how it's a SLOTH topic this may be some semi-clever meta shit about how you were too lazy to actually write complete bars lol... But I doubt it. (If you alluded to that concept near the end I would've loved it) Props for the "Se7en' movie reference though.. (was wondering who would do that first). Overall, I would've liked to see more of an effort from you here. In the coming weeks, maybe just take more time before you drop your verse, solidify everything... make it epic. I want to see what a focused PA can do.


MMLP - The age old God vs. the Devil battle... but with a twist. Not your typical MMLP twist though... so this was actually nice to see. I read it expecting some revelation at the end, and I got it... it just wasn't what I was expecting from you... which is perfect and the point of a twist I guess lol. Anyway, I thought your flow was spot on and this read very well... everything seemed tightened up this week. There were a few instances however, where I said "wait... did that even rhyme?" And then I re-read it out loud and I could see how it did... sort of. (Ended the war/perish the thought.... bit of a stretch) In the future, I would just dumb down your word choices so they connect and just add some more multi's etc. About the ending, I gotta say, I loved how you blamed God for being a Sloth, and his laziness created Satan aka his greatest enemy... which basically makes Hinself his own greatest enemy. Satan has become the personification of his regret at being lazy.. He represents God's greatest mistake and it's one that will haunt Him for eternity... Moral of the story; complacency always comes back up to bite us, doesn't it? I wanted something different from you this week Marshall Mathers LP, and I got it, good work.

Vote - MMLP

[brokenhal0]

Pharaohs Army - This is heel work <wrestling flex> ..it painted a picture of sloth of you in a mirror i felt the sloth thank you for that sometimes simple lyrics can incite deeper pictures i feel like you did a good job with that approach.. there is a sort of cringe take on the topic which feels personal to me you didn't try cause well A sloth wont try!
lol good shit i see you

MMLP - Personally i love lyricism over everything
but i feel like you approached the topic in a sterile way
its lyrically and subjectively flawless but it
got this sort of religious softness to it and while lessons are taught and u drop some jewels i feel as if you defined sloth but didn't make me feel and see the definition still excellent mc'erey

Vote - Pharaohs Army

[Diablo]

I feel like an echo chamber here but have to agree with the majority on this one, MMLP has a nice verse chocked full of great content and more technical proficiency over PA’s submission. I especially liked the theme of God and the Devil, it’s a risk given these topics have been approached before but I enjoyed the approach and it’s execution with the twist at the finish as he’s somewhat known to do now. This was a marked improvement on last weeks verse for sure.

Pharoah: I loved your opening line, maybe conceptually you could have fleshed it out more but this was a difficult topic to really make into something unique. It was limiting and I felt it did limit you somewhat also content wise, that said it had its moments for sure. The mid section in particular reminded me of me when I adopt a more broken-down-bar stance to my verses.

Good battle, vote - MMLP