Tabula Rasa

[oats]

This is one of those small steps that begins with a blastoff
It’s a BIC to a matchbox, an iron chin to a glass jaw
My microphone’s a cyclone spinning winds of my past flaws
and my pen’s the hammer that I use to chisel on crack rock

When I say that, I’m not tryna tell you that I’m dope
I mean this shit is like a drug the way I use it to cope
This is the feng shui of blunts, E and shrooms that I wrote
The shame I’m doomed to emote through a musical note

It’s foolishness, so I hit the pad and chisel away
Unveiling the nature of every little mistake
Every sniff that I take, or the kisses I fake
It’s all subliminal rape of my Original Slate

Tabula rasa: it’s more than just refreshing anew
It’s often vile. look within and your reflection’ll bruise
A caustic trial, so if you dare to step in my shoes
And walk a mile - be careful what direction you choose

If you backpedal you’ll end up in the regrets that I settled in
like when I nestled my head up to my neck in the sediment
tryin to hide my mind from the inevitable elephant
that my intellectual level is nothing special or relevant
see Geppetto’s dilemma was incredibly elegant—
to build a nest in a skeleton with his breath to embellish it

moving forward, that’s exactly what I aim to restore
a rebirth out of the weakness and the pain I adorned
the beast has awakened, feel the quake of its insatiable roar
so I’ma let it shed the skin of all the names that I’ve worn

Whether genius or idiot, a conceited degenerate
Plus the weed in his system it must’ve weakened his intellect
But to me it’s ridiculous I’m not speaking to critics
This for the folks who grow their soul and keep their egos illiterate
Yeah people get into it, there’s a sequel to finish
Act 1 has begun we just need you to listen

So farewell to you Mary Janes and Cocaine Lorraines
I’ll put your occupation in flames, this is propane to Keynes
Lyrically I’m a murderous Copernicus at your throat takin aim
This is a solar flare to polar bears, shit won’t stay the same
To all you naysayers prayin that I don’t break the chains
Fuck you, try to tell me that there’s no way to change

My slate’s clean, I make dreams happen with no compliance
and the greatest compliment paid is a vow of broken silence

[gitto138]

Fair play man ya stuck t the topic, dope drop man, enjoyed the flow

[DexLabb]

i liked this man! not what i expected from you and the unexpected is a trail less travelled around here. thought the 'ego illiterate' line could have been alot better if you used a better word coupled to 'soul' that is the opposite of 'illiterate'

really liked the marys janes & cocaine lorraines line that was really dope.

[brokenhal0]

This is a solar flare to polar bears, shit won’t stay the same
To all you naysayers prayin that I don’t break the chains
Fuck you, try to tell me that there’s no way to change

My slate’s clean, I make dreams happen with no compliance
and the greatest compliment paid is a vow of broken silence

ouch thats that loud tho fiyaaaaaaaaaaaa

[H4ZE]

This was dope man. Flow was definitely on point everything was smooth and you had some really dope schemes. The whole thing was fire. In terms of technicality plus the way it was written, your word choice, the way you went at the topic, how you tied every line together and kept the flow smooth, everything about it was nice man. Great work.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
Peace.

[Kin]

and the greatest compliment paid is a vow of broken silence
------.................------------

DAMN!!!!! I was gonna do my normal quotes...but to be real this shit was Packed too full of Bars I woulda posted...very impressed...Flow...Style..Rhymes..Content..Punches ...an Deep shit all Packed into one

Easily one of the best Text Dropz I've seen on here

Salute!

HoLLa

[Certain]

I have to admit that this was not at all what I was expecting upon clicking the subject line. "Tabula Rasa" is a bit overused, with at least a half-dozen TV show episodes stealing the title. But it seemed like an appropriate title for a young man setting off in a new country with a new life, so I figured some personal introspection would be the theme here. I was surprised, pleasantly for the most part, to find you doing something a bit out of your normal set of topics.

You did well here, though I think you do better with a bit more complexity. I liked the readability and rhyme schemes and general fluidity of this, and I think it falls right in place with my Gift of Gab (rapper from Blackalicious) comparison. This was an exceptionally clean verse.

This is one of those small steps that begins with a blastoff
It’s a BIC to a matchbox, an iron chin to a glass jaw
My microphone’s a cyclone spinning winds of my past flaws
and my pen’s the hammer that I use to chisel on crack rock

When I say that, I’m not tryna tell you that I’m dope
I mean this shit is like a drug the way I use it to cope
This is the feng shui of blunts, E and shrooms that I wrote
The shame I’m doomed to emote through a musical note

I wasn't crazy about the second stanza or the closing line of the first. The rap/writing-as-drug is played out at this point.

It’s foolishness, so I hit the pad and chisel away
Unveiling the nature of every little mistake
Every sniff that I take, or the kisses I fake
It’s all subliminal rape of my Original Slate

Tabula rasa: it’s more than just refreshing anew
It’s often vile. look within and your reflection’ll bruise
A caustic trial, so if you dare to step in my shoes
And walk a mile - be careful what direction you choose

Great rhyming here.

If you backpedal you’ll end up in the regrets that I settled in
like when I nestled my head up to my neck in the sediment
tryin to hide my mind from the inevitable elephant
that my intellectual level is nothing special or relevant
see Geppetto’s dilemma was incredibly elegant—
to build a nest in a skeleton with his breath to embellish it

moving forward, that’s exactly what I aim to restore
a rebirth out of the weakness and the pain I adorned
the beast has awakened, feel the quake of its insatiable roar
so I’ma let it shed the skin of all the names that I’ve worn

This was by far the standout section. Everything was going for you, and your explanatory style felt natural and intelligent here.

Whether genius or idiot, a conceited degenerate
Plus the weed in his system it must’ve weakened his intellect
But to me it’s ridiculous I’m not speaking to critics
This for the folks who grow their soul and keep their egos illiterate
Yeah people get into it, there’s a sequel to finish
Act 1 has begun we just need you to listen

The content here went nowhere and felt a bit trite.[/quote]

So farewell to you Mary Janes and Cocaine Lorraines

@Aero.

I’ll put your occupation in flames, this is propane to Keynes
Lyrically I’m a murderous Copernicus at your throat takin aim
This is a solar flare to polar bears, shit won’t stay the same
To all you naysayers prayin that I don’t break the chains
Fuck you, try to tell me that there’s no way to change

You got really harsh here. It was good but didn't fit entirely with the tone of the verse.

My slate’s clean, I make dreams happen with no compliance
and the greatest compliment paid is a vow of broken silence

This was OK as a closer. I think the second line was a bit wordy and overthought.

[Mitch]

"Tabula rasa: it’s more than just refreshing anew
It’s often vile. look within and your reflection’ll bruise
A caustic trial, so if you dare to step in my shoes
And walk a mile - be careful what direction you choose

If you backpedal you’ll end up in the regrets that I settled in
like when I nestled my head up to my neck in the sediment
tryin to hide my mind from the inevitable elephant
that my intellectual level is nothing special or relevant
see Geppetto’s dilemma was incredibly elegant—
to build a nest in a skeleton with his breath to embellish it

moving forward, that’s exactly what I aim to restore
a rebirth out of the weakness and the pain I adorned
the beast has awakened, feel the quake of its insatiable roar
so I’ma let it shed the skin of all the names that I’ve worn

Whether genius or idiot, a conceited degenerate
Plus the weed in his system it must’ve weakened his intellect
But to me it’s ridiculous I’m not speaking to critics
This for the folks who grow their soul and keep their egos illiterate
Yeah people get into it, there’s a sequel to finish
Act 1 has begun we just need you to listen" = amazing.

I actually came across the phrase "tabula rasa" in a novel i'm reading, called The Deptford Trilogy, it was said the phrase meant "a sweet nothing, a pleasant convenience that wasn't that important to anything, something that's useful but largely irrelevant", an interesting title, i'm assuming the "tabula rasa" in this poem is referring to your writing itself.

"A caustic trial, so if you dare to step in my shoes
And walk a mile - be careful what direction you choose

If you backpedal you’ll end up in the regrets that I settled in
like when I nestled my head up to my neck in the sediment
tryin to hide my mind from the inevitable elephant"

the way you carried the walking metaphor with the transition was very impressive.

overall this was clever, something that any serious writer can relate to easily, and very impressive with the rhyme scheme. In particular the rhyme scheme was strongest here:

"Whether genius or idiot, a conceited degenerate
Plus the weed in his system it must’ve weakened his intellect
But to me it’s ridiculous I’m not speaking to critics
This for the folks who grow their soul and keep their egos illiterate
Yeah people get into it, there’s a sequel to finish
Act 1 has begun we just need you to listen"

[UnbornBuddha]

This was a good piece.

My favorite part was:
It’s foolishness, so I hit the pad and chisel away
Unveiling the nature of every little mistake
Every sniff that I take, or the kisses I fake
It’s all subliminal rape of my Original Slate

Although it did seem you spoke more about how your original slate was lost due to the experiences that concealed the pristine potentiality that is Tabula rasa. What I mean is you spoke less of the prenatal- neonate state of Tabula Rasa, and more on the postnatal ways one has veered from this original slate with the regrets, and perversions of it. It would have been nice to see more unraveling of the topic at hand.

The rhyming was nice. A few add ons of grammar, some comas/ periods, would also make the piece flow better in terms of how it reads. But I do comprehend what you are doing. But sometimes a mechanical stopping of some sort makes the flow of the piece even more succint. Hence, making sure it's read by the reader as you had originally directed and intended the composition to be read as you did in your own mind.

[JESODIST]

Multies get me going, You're Good.

[Witty]

Yo this was crazy, I'm too high for a full breakdown but I want you to know that this was crazy.

Enjoyed it more than I've enjoyed a piece in a while, not to say I haven't read dope pieces but I really fucked with the style of this one, I like the schemes you used, what you said was dope and the honesty was appreciated as always, this was fire to me, keep doing you man.

Lines 5 & 6 don't fit tho, that's really the only thing that stood out to me as a negative against this piece.

[oats]

whoa, been off the grid for a bit, thanks for all the feed, everyone. @Mitch Fifth Business is one of my all time favorite novels - for some reason haven't got around to finishing the rest of the trilogy.

[Eŋg]

i think i've come to the realization that you've gradually become one of my top 3 guys to read. i've rubbed shoulders with many talented writers but, due to my own flaws, few inspire me. you're one of those dudes whose ability can.

It’s often vile. look within and your reflection’ll bruise

tryin to hide my mind from the inevitable elephant
that my intellectual level is nothing special or relevant

and then you have humble, painfully self-aware lines like these which are more than refreshing to read.

This for the folks who grow their soul and keep their egos illiterate

i'm beginning to understand this. dope. this improved as it moved along - you warmed up, thought the aggressive stance you adopt for a few lines came a bit out of left-field. the wording was, as is usual, very clean. i agree with Certain about the best section. one thing i would say, and it's less criticism than it is revealing preference, is the way you string together and extend rhymes can, on occasion, create a sort of infantile bop-your-head metronome. the rhyming is still very good, and technically impressive, but i appreciate (and think you could benefit from) some slightly more unorthodox or experimental methods in attempts to diversify. just a thought.

thanks for sharing this.

[Pharaohs Army]

this was great.
if you'd written it two weeks later i would have instantly nominated it for the august hall of fame.
i have a lot of pull here, so for the record i'm retroactively voting it in for July.

but seriously; splendid.
sorry to make this about me, but i'm slowly being humbled by this place.
i'm beginning to question why i've bothered copyrighting some shit which can't hold a candle to pieces like this.

i'm not "slurping"; i'm a heterosexual and this is my feedback.
your verses spoke of drugs. perhaps i need to start using them again, so i can construct replies that are "less weird" than this.

good job.

[Paradigm]

Originally Posted by oats

This is one of those small steps that begins with a blastoff
It’s a BIC to a matchbox, an iron chin to a glass jaw
My microphone’s a cyclone spinning winds of my past flaws
and my pen’s the hammer that I use to chisel on crack rock
dont like the cyclone line everything else here is good especially opener

When I say that, I’m not tryna tell you that I’m dope
I mean this shit is like a drug the way I use it to cope
This is the feng shui of blunts, E and shrooms that I wrote
The shame I’m doomed to emote through a musical note
lol at feng shui this stanza is cool... getting things rolling

It’s foolishness, so I hit the pad and chisel away
Unveiling the nature of every little mistake
Every sniff that I take, or the kisses I fake
It’s all subliminal rape of my Original Slate
dope i like the chisel metaphor... hmmm im not sure what you mean by kisses i fake line can prolly do without that one

Tabula rasa: it’s more than just refreshing anew
It’s often vile. look within and your reflection’ll bruise
A caustic trial, so if you dare to step in my shoes
And walk a mile - be careful what direction you choose
kind of cliche here

If you backpedal you’ll end up in the regrets that I settled in
like when I nestled my head up to my neck in the sediment
trying to hide my mind from the inevitable elephant
that my intellectual level is nothing special or relevant
see Geppetto’s dilemma was incredibly elegant—
to build a nest in a skeleton with his breath to embellish it
nice, last two was dope can prolly write a whole topical on that

moving forward, that’s exactly what I aim to restore
a rebirth out of the weakness and the pain I adorned
the beast has awakened, feel the quake of its insatiable roar
so I’ma let it shed the skin of all the names that I’ve worn
nice here

Whether genius or idiot, a conceited degenerate
Plus the weed in his system it must’ve weakened his intellect
But to me it’s ridiculous I’m not speaking to critics
This for the folks who grow their soul and keep their egos illiterate
Yeah people get into it, there’s a sequel to finish
Act 1 has begun we just need you to listen
last two lines here were kinda lacking first three were good... i think i just wanted more from the last line

So farewell to you Mary Janes and Cocaine Lorraines
I’ll put your occupation in flames, this is propane to Keynes
Lyrically I’m a murderous Copernicus at your throat takin aim
This is a solar flare to polar bears, shit won’t stay the same
To all you naysayers prayin that I don’t break the chains
Fuck you, try to tell me that there’s no way to change
Cool, the solar flare line is dope

My slate’s clean, I make dreams happen with no compliance
and the greatest compliment paid is a vow of broken silence
dope

an absence of preconceived ideas or predetermined goals; a clean slate.
"the team did not have complete freedom and a tabula rasa from which to work"
the human mind, especially at birth, viewed as having no innate ideas.

i like the title i just looked it up lol

i like the overall tone of the piece... i kinda think some of the beginning of stanzas left the end of them weak cuz the format kinda restrained, maybe i was searching for you to say something profound in each of them, i dont know. Some good metaphors I particularly liked that polar bear line haha. Good writing.

RTF if you get the time - http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=87231